Holidays Are Hell

by Kim Harrison

  Unsatisfied with the message, Jill hung up and turned to peer out the front window of the store, stilling when she spotted John Heathcliffe crossing the street headed straight for the front door of her shop.

  Cursing, she whirled away from the counter and hurried out the back door, then started up the alley behind the shops, her mind racing. It seemed John hadn’t just been watching the house. He must have followed her around and learned where she worked when he’d decided he needed a guinea pig.

  “Jill? What on earth are you doing here? I was just heading to my store to try to call you. You aren’t even dressed yet.”

  “Oh, Bev.” Jill swallowed guiltily as the woman hurried up the alley to her. “I—”

  “You can explain while you dress,” Bev interrupted firmly, catching her arm and steering her toward the back door of her salon.

  “You don’t understand,” Jill murmured, glancing nervously up and down the alley, sure John was going to pop up at any moment. “I can’t be in the parade.”

  “The hell you can’t!” Bev snapped. Getting the door unlocked, she dragged her inside the dark shop. “Do you know what I went through to make sure you would be Mrs. Claus? Every unattached female shop owner on this street wanted to play the part to get their hands on Nick.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “No buts,” she said firmly, flipping on the light and pushing her toward the ladies’ room. “Get in there and change.”

  “But—” Jill’s protest died on a sigh as she found herself pushed into the bathroom and the door pulled closed behind her.

  “Dress,” Bev repeated firmly through the door. “The parade starts in five minutes and you will be in it.” Without waiting for further protest, she added, “I have to go back and chase a couple other people down. When you’re ready, leave through the back door and just pull it closed. It locks automatically.”

  When Jill didn’t respond right away, Bev added grimly, “Don’t let me down, Jill. I went to great lengths to see you in this role and I’ll never forgive you if you leave me without a Mrs. Claus.”

  “All right,” she said wearily and heard the soft thud of the shop door closing.

  Biting her lip, Jill opened the door and peered out. She couldn’t be in the parade. The Mrs. Claus costume was a sedate little red dress with faux fur trim, a cute little Santa hat, and red shoes. Unfortunately, there was no mask and she’d be easily recognizable to John should he see her going past on the parade float. That was the last thing she needed. She didn’t think he’d drag her off in front of everyone, but he was crazy. Who knew?

  But she couldn’t let Bev down either. And she really didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity to spend time with Nick either.

  Cursing under her breath, Jill paced to the front of the salon, her gaze moving up the street to her own store. There was no sign of John, but—Jill stiffened as she realized she wasn’t at all sure she’d locked the front door of the store when she’d entered. John could be in there right now searching for her.

  Oh, she couldn’t do this. And she couldn’t not do it. She needed to hide until she could get a hold of Kyle, but where?

  Her gaze landed on one of the magazines in the waiting area of the hair salon. Two dozen of them littered the coffee table. Most of them were hair books, but the rest were all celebrity and women’s magazines that customers could peruse while awaiting their turn in the chair. The one that caught her attention was a Christmas issue of a fashion magazine. It featured a very sexy brunette Mrs. Claus in a short formfitting red velvet number with white fur trim.

  Jill stared at the picture, recalling the day Claire had been zapped by the destabilizer beam and changed into several images from a magazine. If she could do that too…well, the best place to hide was often in plain sight, wasn’t it?

  Grinning, she picked up the magazine and hurried back to the bathroom. Closing the door, she concentrated on the woman on the cover. Claire had told her that she’d simply focused on the image and wished she’d looked like the picture and her body had changed. Jill now tried to do the same thing.

  She stared hard, thinking she wanted to look like it, needed to look like it, had to look like it. But nothing seemed to happen. She didn’t feel any sudden tingle or anything. Tossing the magazine aside with frustration, she sagged back against the wall and glared at herself in the mirror, freezing when she found a stranger glaring back.

  “But I didn’t feel a thing,” she murmured, raising a hand and touching her face, eyes widening with disbelief as the brunette mirrored her actions.

  It really was her. She’d shifted. She was the magazine Mrs. Claus. Well, mostly. The fur trim was sticking out from under the collar of her t-shirt. She stared at herself for a moment and then began to laugh even as she began to rip off her clothes. As had happened with Claire, her body had taken on not just the other woman’s features, but the shape and color of her clothes as well. Her own clothes looked bulky on top.

  Removing the last bit of clothing, Jill paused and stared at her new self. She was a brunette with a slim figure that made her smile. But the smile faded to a frown as she realized the costume was clingy and far too sexy for a parade meant for families and children. Concentrating on the hem, she tried to think it a little longer, relief coursing through her when it suddenly lengthened, dropping from mid-thigh to knee length.

  It was still rather formfitting, but would have to do, Jill decided. She had to get moving and now it was safe to. Even if he did see her on the float, John Heathcliffe would never recognize her, she thought with satisfaction.

  Jill hurried from the bathroom and out of the shop, pulling the door closed as ordered. She paused long enough to be sure it had locked as Bev had said it would, and then hurried up the alley to the parking lot at the end of the street.

  There were people everywhere in the parking lot: elves, human reindeer, toy soldiers, snowmen, and people in band uniforms. The elves were made up of a combination of children and little people. Jill was reminded of the presence of several of the dwarves in the parade when someone goosed her and she whirled to find herself staring down at a grinning little man in an elf costume. Only the cigar hanging from his lips ruined the image of one of Santa’s elves.

  “Jay,” she said on an exasperated sigh.

  Whatever indecent proposal he’d been about to offer died on his lips and his eyes widened briefly, but then he grinned and said, “I see my reputation precedes me. Who are you, cutie? And why are you dressed up like Mrs. Claus? That’s Jill’s gig.”

  Jill blinked in surprise. She’d quite forgotten that she didn’t look like herself at the moment until the man had spoken up. Now she forced a smile and said, “Jill was called away. A family emergency. I’m standing in for her.”

  “Hmmm.” Jay didn’t look impressed. “Nick isn’t going to like that.”

  “He won’t?” she asked faintly.

  “Nah. He’s sweet on our Jill. Everyone knows that…except maybe Jill herself,” he added wryly, then tilted his head and asked, “So what’s your name, cutie?”

  “Name?” she echoed blankly, her thoughts on his claim that Nick was sweet on her.

  Jay laughed. “Yeah, you know, what most people call you.”

  Jill flushed. It hadn’t occurred to her that she’d need a name. Her gaze swept around the parade grounds as she searched her mind for a name to offer him. Her eyes landed on one of the painted carolers on the side of the third float. The singer held a sheet of music titled “The First Noel.” Relaxing, Jill offered a smile. “Noelle.”

  “Noelle, huh?” Jay reached up, taking her hand to lead her toward the nearer of the tents set up in the parking lot. “Well, come on, Noelle. Let’s go introduce you to Nick and give him the bad news that Jill backed out on him. He won’t be a happy guy.”

  Chapter 2

  “Yo!” Jay called out as he led Jill into the tent. “Nick, I found your Mrs. Claus, though not the one you were looking for.”

  It was late eno
ugh that mostly everyone had changed and vacated the tent. There were only a couple of people still inside; one of them was Nick already dressed as Santa and pacing, a worried expression on his face. The worry dropped away to be replaced with a warm smile at Jay’s announcement, but that died away to confusion as his gaze landed on Jill.

  “Who are you? Where’s Jill?”

  “Jill had a family emergency,” Jay answered for her. “Noelle here is standing in.”

  “Oh,” Nick said and then asked with concern, “A family emergency? But Jill’s all right, isn’t she?”

  Jill hesitated. In truth she wasn’t all right at all. She’d been zapped by a madman and turned into a shape-shifter that the madman was now hunting, intending to cage up and perform horrible experiments on. There was nothing all right about her at the moment. She couldn’t tell Nick that though, so she forced a smile and nodded. “She’s fine.”

  “Good,” Nick said with a sigh and then glanced to the tent flap as Bev sailed in.

  “Okay, everything’s ready to go. We just need you two on the float.” Bev’s expression was pinched and anxious as she entered, but became completely alarmed when her gaze landed on Jill. “Who are you?”

  “This is Noelle, Bev,” Nick answered for her. “Jill had an emergency and asked Noelle to take her place.”

  Bev scowled. “See if I do that girl another favor. After all the trouble I went to—” Pausing, she peered over Noelle with pursed lips. “Well, that costume won’t do. This is a family parade. There are kids out there.”

  Jill glanced at herself. The costume was more suitable for a bachelor party, she supposed.

  “You’ll have to wear this.” Bev moved in front of her to do up the clasp of the red cape she’d just placed on her shoulders.

  Jill ran a hand down the cape’s white fur trim and frowned. “Isn’t this Santa’s?”

  “We have both a heavy one and a lighter one so that we’re covered whether it’s cold or warmer. Its cold today, so old Saint Nick here is wearing the heavier one. You’ll have to make do with the lighter one.” Finished with the clasp, Bev stepped back to peer at her critically. She didn’t look pleased, but said, “It’ll have to do. But you’re going to be cold in that costume. Jill should have given you the one we made. I swear she’s going to hear about this.” Whirling to the tent flap, she snapped, “Come on, you two. The parade is already five minutes late in starting.”

  Jill breathed out a little sigh and silently cursed John Heathcliffe as Nick led her out of the tent.

  The parking lot was still full of people rushing about, but now they were all headed in the same direction, toward the row of floats parked at the edge of the lot. Jill and Nick joined the herd, making their way to the middle float that held the small wooden building with the sign “Santa’s Workshop” on it. It was a shed really, but quite charming with all its decorations and left plenty of room for the big black bag with gift-wrapped boxes falling out, the fake reindeer standing around and Santa’s chair. There were already several people on the float, not one of them taller than four feet. Santa’s elves.

  “Up we go,” Nick urged as they approached the steps that had been wheeled up to the side of the float.

  Murmuring a thank you, Jill scampered up the stairs, her gaze slipping nervously around the parking lot as she went, eyes searching for John. While he shouldn’t be able to recognize her as she was, she couldn’t help fearing that he would.

  “This way, cutie,” Jay said cheerfully, leading her toward Santa’s chair. “You and Nick stand here and smile and wave.”

  “Thanks, Jay,” Jill murmured, following him.

  “No problem.” He grinned widely and then wiggled his eyebrows and said, “So, if you aren’t doing anything later, maybe we could get together and I can show you why us elves are so popular with the ladies.”

  “Scram, Jay,” Nick said firmly, joining them at the chair.

  “Ah, come on, Nick. Don’t be such a spoil sport,” the elf complained. “Why should you get all the babes? Anyway, I thought you were interested in Jill. Don’t take it out on me because she stiffed you today and didn’t show.”

  Jill glanced sharply at Nick, her heart leaping with hope when she saw the blush on his face. It seemed he was interested in her…but then why hadn’t he done anything about it?

  “Ignore him,” Nick suggested. “He’s a rude little bugger, but has a good heart for the most part.”

  “So you aren’t interested in Jill?” she asked, unable to help herself.

  Nick was silent long enough she didn’t think he’d respond, but then he muttered, “Like I said, just ignore him.”

  She was frowning over that when he said, “I don’t know how much Jill explained to you, but the deal is there are boxes of candy canes and treats in the shed. There are two trays. One out here,” he gestured to the large tray overflowing with candy canes and toys on the small table beside the throne, then waved to the “workshop.” “And one inside that the elves are supposed to use to keep the tray loaded. We throw them to the crowd.”

  Jill nodded.

  “There’s also a gas heater in the shed to warm up by if you get too cold, but try to stay on deck as much as possible. The kids want to see Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Okay?”

  His glance at her costume suggested he suspected she’d spend more time in the shed than out of it. Feeling self-conscious and stupid, Jill tugged the cape tighter around her, more to hide than because she felt cold.

  The truth was Jill wasn’t feeling as cold as she knew she should. It was almost at freezing temperature and she should have been shivering in the chill air, but wasn’t. Claire and Kyle hadn’t seemed to suffer from the heat or cold like other people since being zapped though, so she supposed it had something to do with that.

  A shout from the end of the parking lot drew her attention. Bev was at the head of the first float in the parade, waving her arms and gesturing.

  “We’re about to start,” Nick said. “You might want to hang onto this to keep from losing your footing when the float starts moving. You’ll get used to the motion quickly, but the first movement might startle you.”

  Jill moved to his side and took hold of the back of the chair, knowing he was right. Her gaze slid over the float as they waited to move forward, noting that everyone was now on board. There were six elves on their float. Three were children of store owners who’d volunteered to be elves, and the other three were adults, Jay and two of his friends, both little people like himself.

  The float started forward, sending everyone swaying where they stood. Once in motion, however, Jill quickly adjusted and was able to stand unaided.

  “Okay?” Nick asked as she released the chair back she’d been clinging to.

  Jill nodded and offered a smile. “Fine.”

  “Good.” He scooped out a handful of candy canes and whatnot from the tray and passed them to her. “Just smile, wave, and toss treats to the kids.”

  They worked in silence at first, smiling and waving and throwing candy, but Jill found herself repeatedly glancing toward Nick. This wasn’t how she’d expected the day to go. Every time they were together they tended to chat up a storm. She’d rather expected this day to go the same, the two of them laughing and chatting and sharing secret smiles as they tossed the candy and waved, but she wasn’t Jill today, she was Noelle, and Nick didn’t seem interested in talking to her.

  Jill supposed she should be glad. After all, she’d taken on the appearance of a model most men would be drooling over, yet Nick hardly seemed to notice she was there.

  They were perhaps halfway through the parade when Jill began trying to strike up a conversation with Nick. She pointed out a child on the side with reindeer horns on and a glowing red nose, but while Nick smiled faintly, it didn’t lead to anything. She tried again several times, but the man just wasn’t receptive. He was polite enough, but cool in his responses until Jill finally just gave up the flirty attempts and decided to try the direct approach.
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br />   “Would you like to go out for dinner after the parade?” she asked suddenly, and was amazed at herself for having the courage to do so. It seemed being someone else gave her courage she’d never had as herself. Jill had never been the sort to ask men out, she always waited for the man to ask…which was perhaps why she never ended up dating anyone she was really interested in. Now she waited for Nick’s answer, wondering why she’d even asked. She didn’t want to date him as stick-thin model Noelle. She didn’t even want him to like stick-thin model Noelle. She wanted him to like her, Jill, as herself.

  “Look, you seem like a nice woman, Noelle,” Nick said gently. “But Jay was right, I am interested in Jill.”

  She sucked in a breath. He’d just said the one thing guaranteed to make her the happiest girl in the parade, maybe even the town. Here he stood, rejecting a woman with the face and body of an international magazine model for little old Jill. She could have kissed him.

  Her glee lasted for a very brief moment and then it was pushed out of her brain by questions. If he was interested in her why hadn’t he asked her out? Was he just using that as an excuse for him to let Noelle down easy? And if he wasn’t interested in Noelle, or Jill, at least not interested enough to ask her out, maybe…God! Kyle couldn’t be right. Nick wasn’t gay, was he?

  “What?”

  Jill blinked her thoughts away to see that Nick had stopped throwing candy to stare at her. He was frowning under his fake beard as he took in the expressions her thoughts were scribbling across her face and obviously wanted to know what was behind them, she realized. Jill hesitated, but then blurted, “If you’re so interested in Jill, why haven’t you asked her out?”

  She saw his mouth tighten between the white mustache and beard and was sure he was going to tell her to mind her own business, so she quickly blurted, “We’re friends…and I’ve been worried about her. You seem to be stringing her along, eating lunches with her, showing interest but not too much interest, never asking her out…” Jill watched the play of expressions on his face, then impulsively added, “Her brother thinks you’re gay.”