The Greatest Gift

by Rachael Johns

  She blinked at the sight of their table laid out with all their good stuff and the room lit with candles on every available surface. ‘This is beautiful.’

  ‘Thanks.’ He sounded proud as punch. ‘But I think you should see the bathroom before you make your decision.’

  ‘Intriguing,’ she said with a smile.

  He led her up the stairs to the master bedroom, which looked like the set for a seduction scene in a rom-com. The bed was covered in rose petals and he’d obviously bought more candles, because she was sure she didn’t own this many.

  ‘Oh Samuel.’ She turned and kissed him again. ‘Thank you. This is magical.’

  He grinned. ‘You haven’t seen the bath yet.’

  He pushed open the door to the ensuite to reveal the full spa scattered with more rose petals.

  ‘I don’t think I’ve ever had a bath with flowers in it.’

  ‘Then let’s fix that.’ He took her wine glass and placed it down on the vanity. Then he stepped close and started to undress her. ‘We might have to top it up with hot water.’

  As Harper let Samuel take off all her clothes, her body tingled with awareness. Neither of them had made this much effort in a long while. Was this all she’d needed to feel special about herself—a little extra TLC from her man? Or was it the fact that she’d made the decision about donating her eggs that meant she was finally able to relax now?

  She wrapped her arms around his still-clothed body and lowered them to his butt, feeling his hardness press against her core. ‘You coming in with me?’

  ‘The dinner might burn if I do.’

  ‘I don’t care. Come on.’ She yanked open the top buttons of his shirt, then slid her hands onto his hot, bare skin.

  Five seconds later they were both naked and sitting spooned against each other in the bath. Samuel’s hands roved teasingly over her body and Harper let her head fall back against his chest as he took her over the edge. Afterwards, when they were both entirely aroused, she turned around, straddled his lap and a few moments later they came gloriously together in the water.

  ‘The benefits of having a big bath,’ Harper said when she could finally speak again.

  ‘The benefits of having a hot, sexy wife,’ Samuel replied. ‘Now, let’s get out and dry off so I can impress you some more with my culinary skills.’

  He climbed out and held a towel for her as she stepped over the edge of the bath. They dressed in the fluffy white robes they’d bought from an expensive hotel on a weekend away in Melbourne, then went downstairs to eat. Samuel insisted she sit in the dining room with another glass of wine while he plated up in the kitchen. And as she sat there, swishing wine around her glass, she contemplated the conversation she’d planned on having.

  Was now really the right time to tell him? They were having such a lovely evening, celebrating the two of them as a couple, and she didn’t want to ruin that. But then again, maybe this moment, when he was so focused on her, was the perfect opportunity.

  Harper took a large sip of wine, hoping the alcohol would help ease the nerves that were brewing inside her. Why should this be such a big deal anyway? It wasn’t like donating her eggs would affect Samuel’s life at all.

  By the time he returned with two plates of roast beef and vegetables, she’d made the decision.

  ‘This smells delicious. Thank you,’ she said as he went back out into the kitchen to get the gravy.

  ‘Let’s hope it tastes as good as it smells.’ He smiled as he put the fancy gravy boat they’d got as a wedding present on the table.

  ‘I’m sure it will.’ Harper poured gravy over her vegetables—she didn’t like it on meat—and then picked up her knife and fork.

  ‘How was work today?’ Samuel asked as he refilled both their glasses.

  She stared at him as if he’d asked the question in a foreign language. Then she put down her fork, knowing she wouldn’t be able to swallow one bite until she’d done what she’d told Lilia she was going to do. ‘Samuel, there’s something I want to talk to you about.’

  He put down his cutlery and she saw worry enter his eyes. ‘O-kay. I’m all ears.’

  ‘I actually interviewed three people today.’ She paused, letting him digest this difference. ‘Two were a couple; the woman is infertile and they desperately want to have a family. And the third person was a lady who donated her eggs so they could achieve this dream.’

  ‘Nice thing of her to do,’ Samuel said, picking up his glass and taking a sip. He obviously didn’t see what it had to do with them.

  She nodded. ‘Yes, it is. But the reason I asked them on the show was a personal one.’

  His brow furrowed. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You know how I told you I wanted to do something more meaningful with my life.’

  ‘Yes.’ He sounded wary now.

  ‘Well, a little while ago I stumbled across this advertisement for a couple looking for an egg donor and something clicked inside me. This was something altruistic I could do. I’ve decided I want to donate my eggs to someone, to a couple who can’t have children themselves.’

  ‘Are you insane?’ Samuel didn’t sound angry, just completely blindsided. ‘Why would you want to do something like that?’

  She clenched her jaw, trying not to get annoyed at his derisive tone. ‘I just want to do something good for someone.’

  ‘Do you know anything about what’s involved? You’ll need to give up alcohol. You’ll have to go on drugs.’

  ‘Drugs!’ She felt her patience slipping. ‘You make it sound like I’ll need to develop a crystal meth addiction. I’ve done my research Samuel and yes, there’ll be blood tests and examinations and I’ll need to take medication to stimulate my ovaries, but thousands of women go through this kind of treatment for IVF every year. If it was that dangerous, don’t you think we’d hear more warnings? And pregnant women stop drinking every day.’

  ‘I guess so. But all those tests sound expensive.’

  Money wasn’t a problem—they both had good incomes, paid their mortgage easily and had no other debts. ‘IVF isn’t cheap,’ she admitted, ‘but all my medical expenses will be taken care of by the recipients.’

  ‘Will they pay you for the eggs?’ he asked.

  ‘No. In Australia it’s against the law to be paid for donating eggs, but I’m not doing this for the money. I’m doing it because I want to help someone,’ she added quickly before he could ask her a question she couldn’t quite explain.

  ‘Very noble of you.’ Samuel shook his head slightly as if he couldn’t believe they were having this conversation. ‘Have you thought about the legalities? What happens once the baby is born? Will you be part of its life? What if the child asks where they come from and wants to meet its real mother?’

  His questions surprised her, but no doubt in law school they’d discussed these kinds of issues.

  ‘How will you feel knowing you have a biological child walking around?’ he continued.

  Harper took a deep breath; luckily she’d prepared an answer for everything. ‘There’ll be a contract between myself and the recipient couple. In Australia the majority of egg donation is not anonymous, which means I’ll likely meet the couple I decide to go with and together we’ll discuss what any child born from our arrangement will be told.’

  Both she and her recipients would be required to undertake counselling and she guessed these were some of the things they would work through.

  ‘As for the future, you probably know—’ better to flatter him, ‘—that in New South Wales anyone who donates an egg must go on a register so that any children conceived from the donation can contact them when they are eighteen.’

  ‘And you don’t mind that?’ he asked. ‘A child coming into our lives eighteen years from now? Last I heard, we didn’t want children.’

  ‘And that hasn’t changed, but they won’t be a child by then, will they?’ she retorted. She knew she’d have to be prepared for a child conceived with her eggs to come lookin
g for her one day. But by then, their birth parents would have done the hard work of raising them and she wouldn’t be able to mess them up. Instead she’d be able to sit down and have a grown-up conversation explaining why she’d done what she’d done. In fact, she quite liked the idea of developing a friendship with the child down the track.

  Ignoring this logic, he hit her with another question. ‘You don’t even know if you can have babies. How do you know you aren’t infertile like the couples you want to help?’

  Oh, I know. She’d gotten pregnant easily once before and there was no reason to think she couldn’t again. But she kept that thought to herself—because what would be the point in coming out with that secret after all these years? That episode in her life had nothing to do with this.

  Harper took a quick breath. ‘That’s what the initial testing will be for. Obviously if I’m not a suitable candidate to donate, then I won’t, but I need to do this. I need to find out if I can.’

  He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, suddenly looking a lot older than his thirty-seven years. ‘Maybe you just need a hobby? Another interest outside of work. Why don’t you train for a marathon or something?’

  When she made a face at that, he said, ‘Okay then, what about CrossFit? A couple of receptionists at work have just taken it up. It sounds a lot of fun, why don’t you give that a try?’

  She scoffed. ‘I’m not paying to join a fitness cult. And I don’t need a hobby.’

  ‘How about a pet? You mentioned a while back that you might like to get one.’

  ‘But as you reminded me, a pet won’t fit in with our busy lifestyle. And can you imagine what a dog or cat would do to our lovely white couches?’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t need a hobby, I don’t want to do a marathon or join CrossFit or get a pet. I want to help someone have a baby. What’s really your opposition here?’

  Samuel took a sip of wine, obviously thinking carefully about his answer. ‘I just can’t fathom why you would want to. There’s no financial gain. I might be able to understand if you were doing it for your sister or even a friend, but strangers? What’s the point? Why would you want to put yourself through this? Why would you want to put us through it?’

  Harper took a moment to try and find the words that would make him see sense. She loved her husband and she didn’t want this to come between them.

  ‘This isn’t about us, Samuel. It’s about me. This is something I just really need to do. I can’t explain it any more than that, but I’d really like your blessing. In fact I need it.’

  ‘What do you mean “need it”?’ he asked.

  ‘When I find the right couple, both myself and that couple will have to do counselling before we are able to go ahead. And both the counsellor and the clinic will want to know that you, as my husband, are okay with me doing this.’

  ‘Why does my opinion matter?’ He sounded like a petulant child.

  She clenched her jaw, trying not to lose her cool. ‘Because,’ she began, ‘although we don’t have children now, they want to know how you feel about the possibility of any future children being related to the donor child or children.’

  He scowled. ‘There won’t be any children.’

  ‘I know.’ Harper nodded.

  She and Samuel had met outside a courtroom in their mid-twenties—she’d been reporting on a case his firm were defending. Harper had dropped her notebook when she got accidentally caught up with the accused, his family and his lawyers trying to escape the courthouse and avoid the media frenzy. Samuel had been the only one of the group who’d bothered to stop. He’d plucked her notebook from the ground and handed it back to her.

  Their eyes had met, a zing had passed between them and she remembered thinking how she’d never met anyone with such perfect teeth. He was so gorgeous that she’d been tongue-tied, barely able to utter a coherent thanks. But Samuel wasn’t flummoxed at all. After checking she was okay, he said he had to run but did she have a card as he’d love to call her later. Somehow, despite her heart fluttering madly away in her chest in the manner of guileless romance heroines she’d always despised, she retrieved her business card from her purse and gave it to him.

  For two days, she’d barely let go of her mobile long enough to go to the bathroom. She didn’t even know his name, but try as she might she couldn’t get the mystery man out of her head. And then just when she’d given up on ever seeing him again, he’d called. They met for a drink and the chemistry that had flickered between them at the courthouse near on exploded. Neither he nor she were beat-around-the-bush types, so within a few hours of that first drink, they were in bed together. In both their minds it was only ever going to be a one-night stand—a few weeks fling at the absolute most. Harper, far too focused on climbing the career ladder, never meant to fall into a relationship and she certainly never meant to fall in love.

  But they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. One night turned into a week, a week turned into a month and before long they were headed down a track neither of them had planned for.

  ‘I’m going to be blatantly honest with you,’ Samuel had told her late one night when they were lingering in his bed in a post-sex haze. ‘I don’t want to have children.’

  He mistook her shocked silence for distress and went on to explain. ‘I really like you, Harper, but I grew up having to share every damn thing from my clothes to school books to my bedroom, and now I value my freedom, my things and my space.’

  By this time, they’d exchanged their stories of childhood woe—he knew things about her mother she’d never told anyone and she knew he’d grown up with Catholic parents who didn’t believe in contraception even when they couldn’t afford another baby. He hadn’t specifically said it, but she’d have been a fool not to see that his drive to succeed and his desire to buy his own house, wear nice clothes, have quality things, came from a childhood of doing without. As someone who had also missed out on many of these things, she understood.

  ‘I’ve fallen in love with you,’ he added, ‘but that hasn’t changed my position on children. Besides, hasn’t the world got enough babies? And who would want to bring one into today’s climate anyway? Babies might be cute at first but I think far too many people have children because that’s just what society expects of them and …’

  A tear slipped down her cheek and he stopped midsentence.

  ‘Oh Harper, I’m sorry.’ His face fell and he drew her into his arms. ‘I shouldn’t have let things go on this long. It wasn’t fair to you but it’s just I couldn’t help myself.’

  ‘You love me?’ she asked, sniffing as she looked into his serious brown eyes.

  He nodded, his expression grave as if he were admitting a terrible sin.

  ‘And you don’t want children?’

  He shook his head. ‘Not at all. I came from a big family but I have no desire to emulate that.’

  In response, Harper all but threw herself at him again. She pulled him tight against her body and pressed her lips against his. She couldn’t believe her luck. Here was an unbelievably good-looking man who turned her inside out just by looking at her, a man who was driven, intelligent and kind, but suddenly the most attractive thing about him was the fact that he didn’t want to go forth and multiply.

  ‘I love you too,’ she admitted, tearing her lips from his once again. ‘And I don’t want children either.’

  ‘What? Are you serious?’ Samuel frowned. ‘You’re not just saying that to placate me, because you think that in time you’ll be able to change my mind?’

  ‘Give me a little credit. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt about you in the past few months it’s that you are a man of your word. But so am I. And I’m too much of a career woman to ever want children. Besides, I couldn’t think of anything worse than going through nine months of pregnancy, never mind the eighteen or so years afterwards.’

  He laughed and shook his head. ‘So we’re not breaking up?’

  ‘No way. In fact, we’re moving in together. I d
on’t want to spend another night not in your arms.’

  ‘Did you hear what I said?’ Samuel asked, bringing her back to the present.

  Harper blinked. ‘Sorry, I got lost there for a minute. I was thinking about the day we met.’

  His lips quirked at the edges. ‘That was a good day.’

  ‘It was,’ she agreed.

  ‘Anyway,’ he said. ‘What I was trying to say was that if this is something you really want to do, then I’m not going to try to stop you. Lord knows I may not understand, but if you think you need to do this, then I wish you the best.’

  ‘Really?’ The word came out on a whisper.

  He nodded, a bemused expression on his face.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I promise, aside from one brief session of counselling and your consent, this won’t affect your life at all.’

  ‘Counselling?’ he groaned. ‘You’re damn lucky I love you.’

  Harper laughed and went around the table to give him a hug.

  Chapter Six

  APRIL 2011

  Claire was sitting on the bed stroking her cats, stuffing her face with corn chips and watching a mind-numbing reality TV show when the door to her bedroom burst open and Polly appeared, the most gigantic grin on her face. A smile wasn’t unusual on Polly, but there was something different about this one that made Claire sit up and take notice.

  ‘Have you won the lottery?’ Perhaps she’d ask for a loan so she could get away for a while.

  ‘Better than that.’ Polly bounced over to the bed and thrust her hand out.

  ‘Oh my God!’ Claire shrieked, almost blinded by the sparkly square diamond on her friend’s ring finger and momentarily forgetting her own disillusion. ‘Is that what I think it is?’

  ‘Do you think it’s an engagement ring?’ Polly didn’t give Claire a chance to reply. ‘Because then you’d be right.’ She squealed. ‘Scotty and I are getting married.’

  ‘Wow, that was fast.’ Claire didn’t mean to sound bitter but the mention of Jasper’s cousin sent a cold jab to her heart. She hadn’t spoken to Jasper since she’d fled from his house in the middle of the night, and although she cringed every time she thought about it, he’d refused to get out of her head. She thought about him constantly—always wondering if she’d been too hasty in her decision.