Gnarly

by Mickie B. Ashling

  Ed also ordered and paid for two additional prostheses, one an exact replica of the one Javi had decided on—in case the original broke and needed to be repaired—and another style more suited for swimming. Ed believed in always being prepared. An extra pair of glasses was routine for most people; why not have a spare foot if one could afford it? He knew Javi would chew him out once he caught on, especially about the water-friendly prosthesis, but Ed was willing to take the risk. He still hoped Javi would get over his fear of the ocean and, at the very least, go for a swim. If and when that day came, Ed would be prepared.

  Most of Javi’s mishaps occurred when his confidence overtook common sense. Instead of using the rolling barstool like he’d done in the past and gradually learning the back and forth movements he needed to navigate behind the counter, he insisted on doing without and ended up slipping one night. Fortunately he grabbed the counter to prevent a major fall, but he wrenched his shoulder in the process.

  Ed tried to be patient. Javi was pushing himself to the max without thinking of consequences. It was understandable given his personality, but also maddening. Late at night, or in most cases early in the morning after the bar closed, Ed waited up to help Javi remove and clean the prosthesis and take care of his stump. Tonight his eye was drawn to another fresh bruise, and he reiterated the importance of slowing down.

  “There’s no goddamn race, Javi. Why can’t you be sensible and adjust your speed for a change? You’re hurtling through recovery like your life depends on it. Are you planning on running a marathon, by any chance?”

  “Shut up, Edu. You know I’m the most impatient person in the world. I’m not changing at this late date.”

  “How about doing it for me? I hate seeing your bruises, and you almost broke your damn arm trying to save a fall. You might not be so lucky next time.”

  “Yeah, that was bad. What if I promise to slow down while I’m at work? Will that make you happy?”

  “Yes.”

  “But when I’m walking on the promenade I can speed up?”

  “Once the skin around your stump is a little tougher. Right now it’s as smooth and tender as a baby’s ass.”

  “Speaking of ass,” Javi said, waggling his eyebrows. “When are you going to let me in yours?”

  “Um… not for a while. I’m still coming to terms with all the other changes in my life.”

  “Like what?” Javi asked.

  “Being openly bisexual, in my first polyamorous relationship, gearing up to tell my sons I’m not the same guy who left Chicago at the beginning of August, and last but not least, trying to decide when to go back to the States, although I’d rather stay here forever.”

  Zeroing in on the only thing that was important to him, Javi said, “You really want to stay here forever?”

  “If I could, I would. But at the moment, I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Babe, I have a life back there. Obligations I need to address before I make any kind of permanent move.”

  Javi sneered. “The minute you get on that plane, you’ll forget me again.”

  Disturbed by the unfair, but understandable, prediction, Ed did his best to reassure Javi. “I’m a different man, Javi. I swear to God I won’t forget you or Iker. I’ll be back.”

  “How soon?” Javi asked. “A month? Three? A fucking year?”

  “Stop it!”

  “No. I need to say this,” Javi argued, “and I’ll never bring it up again.”

  “Go ahead.” Ed crossed his arms over his chest. He was almost certain this was about to get ugly.

  Javi scooted closer to the headboard and threw a few pillows behind him for support. He hesitated a second, and then, in a menacing voice Ed had never heard before, he proceeded to ream Ed a new asshole.

  “I’ve never followed the rules or given much thought to people’s opinions with regards to my sexuality or partners. My sport took me to every corner of the world, and I was always happy to share my bed, because that’s what we did back then. We lived for the moment, partied like it was 1999, on the off chance the next corkscrew dragged me under and that would be the end of it. In all those years, and the boatload of men I’ve slept with, no one ever made me feel like I didn’t matter.”

  “Javi—”

  “Hear me out, dammit! You treated me like a whore. Pretended I didn’t exist. If I could have torn your head off the day you walked into my apartment, I would have. But you know what happened. You were there. I have no willpower when it comes to you. And you know what? That’s okay. You helped me climb out of the shithole and for that I’m grateful. Right now I’m happy and hopeful, which sort of makes up for the years you made me miserable. But please don’t make promises you have no intention of keeping. I can’t deal with it. Not now, Edu. Not ever again.”

  Tears ran down Javi’s cheeks and he swiped them away angrily.

  Ed uncrossed his hands and sank down to his knees in front of Javi. “You have every right to be suspicious and assume the worst. I’ve already acknowledged that I was clueless back then. Maybe there was a small part of me that thought it was all a big joke—your summer fling with a straight boy who had no intention of staying. You were a world-renowned cockhound. How could I have known our relationship was different?”

  “It was,” Javi said. “Sadly, I didn’t know it at the time, or I would have said something.”

  “I’m not saying it would have changed anything, but it might have.”

  Javi shrugged. “That’s enough of the past, Edu. Let’s talk about the future.”

  “I’m in love with you,” Ed admitted. “Things are different this time.”

  “What about Iker?”

  “I care about him deeply, but it’s you I love.”

  Javi still looked worried. “Are you capable of making such a radical change in your life? You’ve always done what was expected of you.”

  “I’m working it out in my head, babe. It’s not happening overnight, I know that much, but with a clear goal for the future, I can adjust my work schedule.”

  “What’s reasonable in your line of work?”

  Ed shrugged. “This isn’t final, but I’m hoping to work twelve weeks and then come back here and stay for six. The first thing I have to do is sit down with my sons and tell them what’s going on.”

  “Will they be understanding or judgmental?”

  “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  “They’ll probably ask how you felt about their mother.”

  “Without a doubt,” Ed agreed. “I’ll have to convince them we were genuinely in love.”

  “Which wouldn’t be a lie,” Javi said. “That should ease their pain somewhat.”

  “Perhaps,” Ed said. “They know I’ve been unhappy since Carol’s death, and they’ve asked me several times why I don’t remarry. That’s got to mean my happiness is more important than my partner, right?”

  “I’m not sure they’ll consider me good husband material,” Javi said ruefully.

  “Can you imagine what would happen if we actually made this legal? Heads would explode on both sides of the world.”

  Javi stared at Ed pensively. “All kidding aside, would you even consider it?”

  “What?”

  “Marry me?”

  “Babe… you’re not that kind of guy.”

  “I wasn’t,” Javi admitted. “Doesn’t necessarily mean I can’t be.”

  “Are you saying this because you still don’t believe I’m coming back? Do you think that making this official will guarantee my return?”

  “When you put it that way, it sounds like I’m desperate.”

  “I’m sorry if it sounded shitty, but a marriage proposal from a confirmed bachelor like you is suspicious.”

  Javi glared at him. “My question was purely rhetorical.”

  “Then I’ll give you my rhetorical answer. I’ll think about it.”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine yourself,” Ed huffed back.

  “W
ould you like to think about going to bed?” Javi sniped.

  “Oh brother,” Ed said in exasperation. He got off his knees and climbed into bed. “Do you have any idea how ridiculous we sound?”

  Javi gave in and laughed. “Like we’re twelve?”

  “No kidding,” Ed said, equally appeased. “Come on, babe. We’re way past the bullshit games. Make love to me like the experienced fifty-two-year-old I love and want to spend the rest of my life with.”

  “You really mean it, don’t you?”

  “I do,” Ed said. “Very much. We can make this legal if it’s something we genuinely want in the future, but for the moment, let’s party like it’s 1999.”

  Javi chuckled. “Don’t you mean 2099?”

  “Semantics,” Ed said, burying his face in Javi’s neck. “I’m sure the late, great Prince won’t mind the slight adjustment.”

  Ed wasn’t sure if it was the pseudo–marriage proposal or hearing Javi verbalize the pain he’d endured after their separation, but tonight he planned on proving how much he’d changed. If Javi wanted to have anal sex—and asked politely—the answer would be yes.

  But he didn’t. The emotional evening had taken its toll, and after reaffirming their love with torrid kisses, they lazily sucked each other off and fell asleep shortly after.

  Chapter 21

  DAYS TURNED into weeks, and before they knew it, September was almost over. Ed had postponed his trip home twice, a costly move, but he couldn’t tear himself away from the satisfying union they were creating. Javi’s mobility had rapidly improved, and to everyone’s astonishment—except Ed’s—he jogged regularly on the promenade with Iker as his constant companion. Ed preferred to lounge on his beach chair, reading on his Kindle or watching the surfers. He was confident Iker could handle any of Javi’s emergencies should they arise. Thankfully, there’d been none.

  Sultry summer days were a distant memory. Now twilight came earlier, and jackets and umbrellas became a necessity. Javi’s last two runs had been ruined by rain and wind, and Ed insisted they move his exercising indoors. He paid for three gym memberships and left a credit card on file for the monthly dues. He didn’t want the guys to use finances as a reason to suffer in the miserable cold. Iker’s days as a lifeguard were about to end as well, and he was frantically looking for a backup plan.

  They caught a lucky break on the last weekend of September. That Sunday, Iker persuaded them to watch a game of remonte, a variant of jai alai, played at Galarreta, a fronton on the outskirts of the city. Afterward, they had a late lunch at Saretxo, a country-style restaurant—caserio—located in the nearby hills. They had a four-course meal on the terrace with background music that was typically Basque. The two-man live band played drum and accordion melodies while some of the diners left their tables to dance a few jigs. The entire outing was another peek into Javi and Iker’s heritage, a pleasant learning experience for Ed, and they returned to the city in fine spirits.

  The strengthening bond between them was reflected in their harmonious lovemaking. Iker and Javi switched effortlessly these days, with Ed getting off from his voyeur’s chair. The first time Javi asked Ed to top Iker so he could watch, he balked, but after a shot of vodka and a combined assault of hands and mouths in all the right places, Ed had suited up and rendered Iker boneless and content.

  Tonight Iker had decided to leave them alone. Tomorrow was the official end of swimming season, and lifeguards would no longer be patrolling the area. Ed’s flight back to Chicago via Madrid had been booked for October third, a week away. None of them were happy about his departure, but they understood he’d delayed enough and commitments could no longer be rescheduled. He swore to be back to celebrate New Year’s Eve and the entire month of January in San Sebastián.

  After Ed helped Javi undress and remove and care for his prosthesis, he stripped and got ready for bed. By now, Ed had topped both his men, but he hadn’t allowed either one to even finger-fuck him. It was a personal boundary, his very own No Trespassing Zone he hadn’t come to terms with. That one moment of weakness that had crept up on Ed the night Javi had unloaded his emotional baggage had never come to pass. Perhaps his reluctance stemmed from another drawer in his compartmentalized brain. He was a newly awakened bisexual and easing into his role, getting more comfortable with saying it out loud each day. Soon he’d be facing his sons, and if he couldn’t speak his truth with conviction, how on earth would they understand?

  He rolled over on his side and saw that Javi was still awake and looking right at him.

  “Babe?”

  “What’s the matter, Edu?”

  The silence stretched for a few minutes. Then Javi snaked a hand behind Ed’s neck and drew him in for a kiss. Growing more attuned to Ed with each passing day, Javi often knew what was troubling Ed before he could formulate the question. Tonight, however, he seemed mystified. When their lips parted, Ed said, “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, cariño.”

  “It’s time you fucked me.”

  Javi froze for a second but quickly rebounded. “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve never allowed it because I associated anal sex with gay men. Which is total bullshit. I know women who enjoy anal, so my bogus theory holds no water.”

  “I could have told you that if you’d bothered to ask.”

  Ed sighed. “You can also chalk this up to my tunnel vision. I’ve been hiding from my true nature all this time. Admitting I enjoyed both sexes, at different times, of course, would have ruined my orderly life, and I didn’t want to chance it. That’s probably why I shoved you out of my mind when I left Sanse in 1986. Not so much because you were a player, but because I was terrified. In those days people were either straight or gay. The word bi-curious didn’t even exist. Bisexuals were hardly ever referenced, and if they came up in a conversation, it was with absolute derision. Straight people thought they were deviants, and gays considered them a cowardly, closeted bunch.”

  “And now?” Javi asked gently.

  “My eyes have been pried open by you and Iker. Society in general is more accepting, and there’s no need to be afraid,” Ed said. “You mean the world to me, and I’m not going to let old fears derail me this time. I want to connect in the most fundamental way possible. Whenever I top you or Iker, it feels so right. I need to show you how much I love you, and I think this will prove I want our relationship to endure. Things will be different this time, Javi. I swear it on my children’s lives.”

  “Cariño, I would love to fuck you, but I want to be sure this is what you want.”

  “More than anything in the world.”

  Javi covered his face and neck with gentle kisses, reminding Ed with murmured endearments how deeply he was cherished. He spent a good amount of time on Ed’s cock, turning him needy and compliant before pushing Ed’s legs up against his chest so he was completely exposed.

  Ed felt feverish, concurrently ashamed and aroused, and when Javi’s tongue flickered against his clenched hole, he gasped and clutched the bedsheets on either side of him. Javi continued to work him, taking his time, slowly alternating fingers and tongue to get past the tight ring with the least amount of discomfort.

  “Oh God,” Ed moaned and wiggled his ass wantonly. “I had no idea this felt so good.”

  Javi chuckled and raised himself onto his knees, grabbed a condom and lube, and suited up. He rested his cockhead against Ed’s hole and pushed in the tip as gently as possible.

  Ed gasped and tensed up like he’d been shocked with a Taser.

  “Relax, Edu,” Javi said, bending over for a kiss. He licked his way into Ed’s mouth and sucked on his tongue until Ed’s sphincter muscles relaxed and he could push in a little more.

  “Shit….”

  “Are you okay, cariño?”

  “Does this get better?” Ed asked.

  “Much better,” Javi said gruffly.

  “Show me, for God’s sake.”


  “Exhale,” Javi ordered and sank in a little deeper when Ed complied.

  Miraculously the pain subsided as Ed’s body adjusted to the penetration.

  “You good?” Javi asked.

  “Yes,” Ed breathed. “Let’s get to the fun part.”

  Javi grinned and set about finding the tiny nub inside of Ed that made the pain worthwhile. A growl he’d never heard before roared out of his mouth as Javi’s cock nudged his prostate for the first time. His own cock throbbed, smashed between their joined bodies, precum oozing out of his slit.

  “Faster,” Ed demanded. He knew he probably sounded crazy, after his initial reluctance, but he wanted this so badly.

  Javi pulled almost all the way out and slid his cock deep to the base in one stroke, causing both of them to moan loudly. He leaned down and kissed Ed again, and as he broke the kiss, he turned him over and raised his hips so Ed was on all fours in front of him. In this position, Javi was able to control the pace, taking his time to ensure maximum pleasure. Ed heard himself begging for more, and every time Javi’s cock grazed his prostate, Ed cursed his stupidity. Why on earth had he waited so long to do this? Javi must have sensed the change, and he picked up the rhythm, sliding in just a little deeper as Ed urged him on. There was no holding Javi back after that and he fucked Ed like it was his last day on earth, slamming into him in long, deep thrusts.

  Ed didn’t know if he came before or after Javi, he just knew he was spewing his load all over the sheets as Javi shuddered and gasped behind him.

  Javi dropped limply on top of Ed, and all he could hear was their combined heartbeats. Finally Ed heard Javi ask in a strangled whisper, “Did you come?”

  “Are you kidding? The sheets are soaked.”

  Javi sighed. “Good?”

  “Incredible.”

  “Gonna let me do it again sometime?”

  “Absolutely,” Ed said. There was no way he was ever passing on that again. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to do it with Iker, who was longer and thicker than Javi, but eventually he’d cave. The pain would be totally worth it if he could experience something similar.