Back With Me: A With Me in Seattle Universe Novel (Lady Boss Press Presents: With Me in Seattle Universe)

by K. L. Humphreys

  When it’s time to finally audition, I’m a bag of nerves.

  “Payton, relax, we just want to see what you’ve got, okay?” Luke says softly and I nod, his voice is calming and I start to lose the fear that creeped up inside.

  I go through the scenes that they had us audition for, and it’s exhilarating. I’ve never felt a rush like it before. The more we run through the scenes the more I realize just how much I enjoy doing this.

  “Payton?” Luke calls just as I’m about to leave. I turn at his voice and see that we’re alone. I start to worry, did I mess up somehow? “You did a great job.”

  Relief washes through me, “Thank you.”

  He nods, “I’d take your agent up on his proposal, it’ll be good for you and your career,” he says cryptically with a smile as he turns and leaves.

  When I get outside my cell rings and I glance down and see that it’s Jerald. “Lucky timing,” I tell him as I walk down the street toward the waiting car.

  He laughs, “There’s no such thing.”

  I roll my eyes as I climb into the car. “So, this proposition?” I ask once I’m seated.

  He chuckles, “Smart as always,” he comments. “Remember the conversation we had the other day about how I started my own management company.”

  “Yes,” I say, wondering what the hell he’s getting at.

  “Well I’d like it if you would be my first client.” He sounds nervous, “I’ll be asking Bianca too. But I know that if you’re on board, then she is too. Both of your contracts run out at the end of this month. Its perfect timing.”

  I smile, “Like you even have to ask. I’ll go wherever you go. You’re my agent, Jerald, it doesn’t matter what company you work for.”

  He coughs slightly and I know that he’s close to tears, behind the gruff exterior he’s a big softy. “I’ve got to go, I’ve a call coming in on the other line.” His voice is louder this time, “Seems like you made a good impression. Try and get some sleep on the plane, Payton. You’re going to need the rest.”

  I have my fingers crossed that he’s right, that I did make a good impression on the directors. So much is changing and I’m ready to embrace it all.

  I can’t wait to tell Silas everything.

  Chapter 20

  SEVEN WEEKS LATER

  Payton

  “Are you ready?” Bianca asks, her eyes alight with excitement and love.

  I take a steadying breath, I get to see my baby again and then tomorrow, I get to see Silas and tell him the great news. I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited and nervous at the same time. We’re back in New York, our shoot in Milan wrapped up a day sooner than it should have. I’m home in New York and it feels so good. I’ve missed Silas so much, we speak every day and I can’t wait to be back in his arms.

  “Yes,” I tell her unable to keep the smile off of my face. I just hope when Silas finds out that he’ll be as happy as I am.

  Next month shooting starts on the film Lose Me. I’m excited to start shooting, I was shocked when I got the call to say that I had been casted as the female lead. I looked into purchasing a house in Seattle, I found the perfect one. It’s located close to the beach and I fell in love with it. I offered the asking price and Jerald being Jerald took over everything and managed to get everything sorted out. The house is closed and I get to move in soon.

  Bianca pulls me into a hug, I honestly don’t think that Bianca and I have hugged as much as we have in the past three weeks. “I feel bad that Silas isn’t going to be here,” she whispers.

  I nod, I’ve been feeling awful about not telling him for the last few weeks, but I didn’t want to tell him over the phone. I’d love to have him here, but he’s playing tonight and there’s no way I can do that to him. He’s finally a first team starter and he’s played consecutively for the past six games. I’m so proud of him. I love that I’m his first call once he finishes a game or practice.

  “I know, but tomorrow we fly home and I’m going to surprise him.” I can just imagine his face when I show him the picture. I’m praying his face will light up and he’ll be overjoyed.

  She smiles, “Shall we go?”

  I nod, as butterflies swarm in my stomach. God, why am I so nervous to see my baby? I’m twelve weeks along. I’m dying to see the baby, to see what it looks like. I’m imagining a little girl who has Silas’ amazing green eyes and his gorgeous smile.

  I glance at my phone, the pregnancy app I downloaded tells me that my baby is the size of a passion fruit. Sometimes I still can’t believe that I’m pregnant. But I’m excited, once I tell Silas, I can’t wait to go shopping. I’m going to spoil our baby rotten.

  I reach for my purse and throw my cell into it. The smile on my face is one that hasn’t left me for the past eight weeks. The world has gone mad trying to figure out why I’m so happy, they’ve guessed correctly, well their partly right when they say that Silas Miller is the man to put the smile on my face. He’s always been the one to make me happy.

  The world doesn’t know that I’m pregnant and it’s the way I intend to keep it. Hell, I haven’t let Silas know yet and until he knows, no one else is going to find out.

  I climb into the taxi as Bianca slides in next to me. That nervous feeling intensifies and I pass it off as excitement in seeing my bean again.

  I’m lying on this bed with the hem of my top tucked under my bra, my stomach on full display as I stare at the screen. I’m in a private clinic here in New York, I like them here. They're sweet and discreet. They cater to the rich and famous. The ultrasound technician is running the wand over my stomach and I stare at the beautiful baby that Silas and I created.

  No longer is it a little bean, but an actual baby. The head is big, God, I can make out the features. I blink back the tears as I stare at my beautiful baby.

  I was so fixated on the screen that I didn’t notice the vibe of the room, neither did Bianca. When the technician left the room, I didn’t think anything off it.

  While the technician is gone, I snap some photos of the screen where my baby is currently on display. I’m so proud and I can’t wait to show Silas and then Dahlia and the kids. The smile is once again firmly on my face as I think about how amazing tomorrow is going to be. I know deep down that Silas is going to be happy. We’re going to be the very best parents to this baby that we can be.

  “Ms Moore, I’m Doctor Lessington,” the tiny woman says as she walks into the room. I give her a smile and turn my attention back to the screen where my baby is. I don’t take much notice as she takes the place of where the technician was and moves the wand over my belly.

  I don’t think I’ve ever been as proud as I am at this moment.

  “I’m sorry, Ms Moore but there’s no heartbeat.”

  I stare at her. What the hell? Why is she saying that? The smile that has been on my face for the best part of two months falls. “Check again!” I demand but deep down I know the truth, there was no whomping sound when either she or the technician waved the wand across my stomach, now that I think about it.

  The silence in the room is deafening, I’m unable to take my eyes off of the screen. There’s no heartbeat, there’s no movement. My beautiful baby is lifeless inside of me. My heart shatters at the realization, but no tears fall. I’m struck immobile as I stare at the screen.

  Bianca’s hand grips mine like a vice and it takes everything I have not to break down right then and there. I’ve no idea what the doctor is saying to me right now, those three words are replying over and over in my head. “There’s no heartbeat.”

  I don’t understand. I thought at twelve weeks everything was supposed to be okay? I mean, everything I’ve heard, expectant parents tell the world from when they’re twelve weeks. How is this even happening?

  “How did this happen? Did I do something wrong?” I’m not even sure that I recognize my own voice right now. Why do I sound so scratchy?

  Dr Lessington shakes her head, “You didn’t do anything wrong, Ms. Moore. Your
baby stopped growing at nine weeks. This happens commonly in the first trimester, usually due to a genetic abnormality that makes the fetus incompatible with life.” She sounds so clinical as though this is something she’s repeatedly told countless mothers.

  Why does no one ever tell you about this? Hmm, if it’s common in the first trimester, why isn’t it known?

  I try to swallow past the lump in my throat where a sob is lodged dying to be let loose but it’s stuck, just as my tears are.

  The doctor tells me that an advice nurse will be with me shortly. Advice nurse? Damn, that’s a joke. Advice about what? My baby is dead, there’s nothing to have advice on.

  When the nurse finally arrives she gives me her condolences. I don’t want them, I just want my baby. I’m numb, I don’t want to be in this clinic any longer. I want to go home, crawl into my bed and cry.

  The nurse gives me all the information that I’ll need. Too much information. As the amniotic sac had continued to grow inside of me. I wasn't a candidate for the medication that I could take at home, so I could either wait for my body to naturally expel the fetus or schedule a procedure.

  Fuck, I shouldn’t be doing this, this shouldn’t be happening. How can I make this decision? How on earth did this day go from being one of the best in my life to the absolute worst?

  Eventually, I come to the decision to schedule the procedure. It’s scheduled in for a few days from now.

  I don’t remember leaving the clinic or arriving back into our apartment. Everything is a blur. My heart is shattering into a million pieces and I know that it’ll never be whole. Once I’m in the apartment I walk into my bedroom and curl up in my bed. It’s as though I’m on autopilot.

  Finally, the heartbreak pours out of me. The tears come thick and fast as the sobs wrack through my body. I feel the heat of Bianca’s body behind me as she pulls me into her chest and slowly rocks me.

  What did I do wrong? Why couldn’t I keep my baby? The sobs wrack through my body harder.

  Oh God, how am I going to tell Silas? I know that he would have been happy that I was pregnant, but how is he going to take it that I lost the baby? My body shakes at the mere thought of having Silas hurting as much as I do right now? Maybe it would be best if I didn’t tell him.

  I wasn’t able to save our baby, he’s going to hate me. I hate me. Why couldn’t I protect her? She should have been safe inside of me.

  I’m never going to hold her. Never get to smell that baby smell. I’ll never be able to see her smile, to see if her eyes are the same as her fathers. I’ll never get to hear her voice.

  My body bows as I cry out, the pain at never getting to know my baby is almost too much to take.

  The best thing for me to do is to distance myself from Silas. I can’t hurt him anymore than I already have. I’m the reason his baby isn’t alive.

  I can’t wrap my head around why this happened, what did I do wrong?

  The tears don’t dry up even when I fall into a restless sleep. My dreams are filled with a little girl who calls me mommy.

  Chapter 21

  TWO WEEKS LATER

  Silas

  I’m standing in the locker room and as usual my thoughts go to the woman I love. Two weeks, she should have been here two weeks ago. She's busy, she tells me but things the past few weeks haven’t been right, she’s distant again and I can sense that she’s pulling away. I feel as though I'm losing her all over again.

  Every picture I've seen of her in the past couple of weeks has my gut clenching. She's lost weight, her face is drawn, pale, and worst of all she looks as though she's breaking. Every conversation I have with her she tells me she's okay, that she's tired. I call bullshit. There's more to this than her being tired. I'm trying to give her the space she needs but at the same time I need to find out what's going on with her. I'm not going to let her slip through my fingers again.

  Even Dahlia is worried about her, the pictures that have been online have us all worrying. My girl has always been slender, but now she’s all skin and bones. I’m angry that I can’t be with her, she’s obviously going through some shit but she’s not telling either of us what it is. My mind is running with scenarios. Is she having second thoughts about us?

  Will slaps my back as we move through the tunnel toward the field. He gives me a nod of his head, one that I return. Tonight we give it our all, just as every other game. I push all thoughts of Payton from my mind. Forcing myself to focus.

  Tonight we’re playing San Diego, we’re on the best run the team has been on in a while. Will Montgomery is a powerhouse of a quarterback and the rest of the fucking world is jealous that he’s on our team. The man is not only a role model but a fucking hero to kids and men alike. Being able to play alongside him is something that only comes around once in a lifetime. He pushes everyone to be the best player they can be. He’s made me a better player.

  The roar of the crowd as we step out onto the field sends goosebumps throughout my body. The crowd is unbelievable, hands down the best fans in the world. They support us through it all. Seeing supporters wearing a jersey that has your name and number on it makes all the hard work worth it.

  As soon as the game starts I’m all business. I put my all into each and every game and I’m rewarded. I’m a team starter and not even in my wildest dreams did I think I’d get here this early on in my career but I did and I’m making sure that there’re no regrets. I’m proving to everyone why the coach has me on the team and why Seattle Football picked me as their number one pick.

  Will and I work closely together, it’s one of the reasons we bonded so quickly. We’ve managed to form a partnership that’s untenable. We both know what the other is going to do. Training is tough but when we put our practice on the field it pays off.

  I’m exhausted after the game, but elated. We won, it was a hard fought game, but we came out victors, adding another win to our tally.

  Seattle - 34

  San Diego - 24

  “Yo, Miller. Are we partying tonight?” Tate asks while we’re in the locker room. My eyes instantly search for Cas and I see the worry etched on his face.

  Tonight Tate started his first game for Seattle Football, he’d been good for the past three months. He quit the boozing, quit the women, and focused hard on getting to where he wanted to be in the team.

  Hearing him ask if we’re partying pisses me off. I know he wants to celebrate, but to do the one thing that has been his downfall in recent times is a disaster waiting to happen.

  Right now, all I want to do is call Payton and see if she’ll talk to me.

  “We’re all going out for some drinks,” Clarke says. He plays alongside Cas on the offensive line. Clarke’s the left tackle while Cas is the center. “Time to unwind.”

  I sigh, knowing that I’m not going to be able to slip away and head on home. I’ll fire off a text to Payton telling her that I’ll call her a little later tonight.

  When I’m dressed, I toss my shit into my duffle bag, and my phone buzzes causing my body tighten. It’s from Payton. These days, I’m not sure what I’m going to get in response. Most of the time it’s one worded answers.

  Payton: You played great tonight. I miss you.

  Fuck, seven words. God. My heart fucking soars.

  Me: I miss you too, baby. Are you okay?

  I need her to be okay. The thought of her not is tearing me apart.

  Payton: I’m okay, I love you, Si. I’m sorry, I’ve been distant. Call me in the morning?

  For the first time in fucking weeks, I feel lighter. This is like the old Payton. I’m not giving up though, I’m determined to find out what’s happened. What made her pull back from me.

  Me: I love you too, baby. Don’t ever forget that.

  Payton: I won’t. I don’t deserve you.

  It’s bullshit like that, that has me wondering what the hell is going through my girl’s head. Where in the hell has she got that fucking idea.

  Me: Trust me, baby, I’m the one that do
esn’t deserve you.

  The sooner she gets home the fucking better. I’ll be able to set her straight. This time apart isn’t doing anything to help either of us.

  Payton: Enjoy tonight, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you. X

  Me: Night, baby. X

  A hand clamps down on my back, “Everything okay?”

  Inhaling a deep breath, I take just a moment to compose myself before turning toward Will. When I do, I notice that everyone else has already made their way out of the locker room. “Yeah.”

  He raises his brow, “Your girl?”

  I nod, “Something’s going on with her and she’s not talking to me about it.”

  His eyes widen in shock, “Damn, man, I’m sorry.”

  I shrug it off as though it’s no big deal. “She’ll be home soon.” I hope. I actually have no fucking idea when she’ll be home.

  My body tightens when Will frowns, his next words piss me off. “She’s in town, she arrived two days ago, you didn't know?”

  No, I fucking didn’t. What the hell is going on?

  “Shit, I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head, “Nothing for you to apologize for. She seemed better tonight.”

  He gives me a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Hopefully things work out.”

  Yeah, I’m going to find out why she’s hiding from me. I thought we had figured this shit out already. “I need a fucking drink.”

  He claps his hand on my shoulder, “Yeah, you do.”

  Tomorrow I’ll figure out what’s going on. I’m not going to make the same mistake again.

  Chapter 22

  Payton

  The cool air wraps around me whipping my hair behind me, the sound of the ocean lapping at the beach is soothing to me. The darkness has set over Seattle, yet the lights from the city illuminate the sky. This is the only place where I feel peace. Being close to the ocean has always made me feel settled. I thought moving into this house after losing the baby would be hard, but it’s my solitude right now.