She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

  She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

  Copyright © 2017 Allana Walker

  Edited by Kyra Lennon

  Cover Design by Designs by Kirsty-Anne Still

  Formatting by Muriel Garcia

  All rights reserved. No alterations of the contents allowed. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means - electronic, mechanical, photographic (photocopying) recording or otherwise - without prior permission in writing from the author.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, organisations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, locale is purely coincidental.

  I’m sitting in my dorm room, trying to get some work done. When I say trying, I mean trying to concentrate on reading a manuscript I’ve been reading for the past three hours. A manuscript that should only have taken me an hour - I’m studying to become an editor. University of California, Berkley, was one of the top five best schools for literature, and my first choice. But, no. My roommate has decided to bring a guy back and they’re going at it like rabbits. She’s screaming like she’s being murdered.

  I throw my highlighter pen down, ready to get up and march through to tell her to shut the hell up, when it goes silent.

  “Thank the Lord for that,” I whisper to myself, and sit down, ready to get this done so I can go out and grab some food with my brother and my best friend.

  I’m halfway through when she starts again.

  “You have got to be kidding me!”

  Storming towards her room, I pound on the door. I can hear shuffling on the other side. I wait impatiently for her to open it. My arms are folded across my chest, hip popped and foot tapping until the door opens and she pokes her head out, her lips pressed into a thin line.

  “What, Lillia?” she snaps. Her eyes bore into me; she’s probably imagining all the ways to kill me. That’s fine with me, because I’m imagining ways to kill her too.

  “Can you keep the noise down? Some of us came to college to get an education for a career, and not just sex education!”

  She rolls her eyes and sighs. “Whatever. You need to get out and get some.”

  “Excuse me?” My head jerks back and I raise an eyebrow at her. “The only thing I need is for you to shut the hell up and let me get some work done, or take your porn show somewhere else!” I turn and leave her with her eyes bugging out of her head and mouth open wide, shocked that I actually stood up for myself. Hell, I’m shocked.

  My heart pounds hard against my chest when I get back to my room. You see, back in high school, I was the nerd that no-one ever invited to parties, but the girl all the guys wanted to get with. The girls in my school were, apparently, jealous of me. Well, according to my twin brother, Lennon. He used to say the girls never invited me to parties because I was more beautiful than them, but that didn’t stop the feelings of being unwanted and lonely when we moved to Boston. I missed my old friends from San Francisco. I hated when Mom and Dad made us move. I didn’t talk to them for about two weeks; I made Lennon tell them whatever I needed them to know. I know, I know. It was childish, but I just wanted to be back in my old room with my friends, talking about boys in our year and gossiping about who had a crush on who. I never had that in Boston, so I threw myself into my studies.

  Slamming my pen down, I groan. “This is useless.” With a heavy sigh, I send a text to my brother to let him know I’m on my way to the diner.

  Finally!!! was all he sent back. He didn’t have any issue making new friends. He tried to involve me in everything he was doing, but I just didn’t click with the crowd he hung out with. Well, I did with one of the guys. That’s another story, for another time.

  Walking into Bob’s Diner, I look around for Lennon then my eyes land on the one person I didn’t think was going to be here. Why? He’s your brother’s best friend, you dummy. My hand becomes clammy, butterflies flutter in my stomach, and they get worse the closer I get.

  Tristan.

  “Ah, so you managed to get your nose out of the books and make time for your brother?” Lennon jokes when he notices me walking towards them.

  “Shut up. I actually came to college for the education, not the partying like you!” I throw him similar words I said to Macey, my roommate, not too long ago. I look around the table and notice someone missing. “Where’s Aiden?” My brow creases, and judging by the look on my brother’s face, he’s obviously happy about him not being here.

  “He’s otherwise engaged.” Lennon smirks.

  “Men.” I sigh, sitting down beside Lennon and opposite the guy who leaves me tingling all over with just a look.

  “What about men?” Lennon asks.

  “You all think with your dicks.” I reach over and steal a drink of his chocolate milkshake.

  “I’m sure Macey wasn’t complaining about that.” Lennon chuckles, taking back his milkshake. Realization hits and I spit the mouthful of milkshake all over the table, causing Lennon to burst with laughter.

  “Are you kidding me?” I squeak. Tristan hands me a napkin. Our fingers brush and a shiver runs down my spine.

  “No. I didn’t think they would make it up to your dorm before they were naked.” Lennon puts a fry in his mouth.

  “That’s who was making her scream like she was getting murdered?” I feel slightly sick and a little annoyed that he blew me off to go have sex with the campus whore.

  “Please. I don’t want to know about my brother’s sex life,” Tristan mutters.

  Lennon looks at him with a questioning eyebrow. I just know what he’s about to say. “But I have to listen to my sister here?”

  I feel my face flame with embarrassment. We have a history. A lot of history. The guy I told you I had a connection with? Ladies and gentlemen, meet Tristan Hunt. The guy I have feelings for, the man I lost my virginity to, and the man I will never call my own. Why? Because he just sees me as an easy lay. I’m no slut. I don’t sleep around. There’s only one guy I want to sleep with and have slept with, and that’s the man opposite me, staring a hole right through me.

  “Don’t be jealous, Lennon,” I hear my other best friend, Avery, say as she walks over and slides in next to Tristan, who’s still looking at me.

  “Oh, baby. You know I’m not jealous when I have you warming my bed every night.” He winks at her. I roll my eyes to the heavens and shake my head. These two flirt like crazy. I know Avery likes Lennon and that the feelings are one thousand percent mutual. Call it a twin intuition.

  “You wish you had me warming your bed every night. All night and all day.” She puts a fry in her mouth, batting her chocolate brown eyes.

  Avery is beautiful. Her dad is from the Caribbean and her mom is American; they met on vacation. It was only supposed to be a two-week thing but they’ve been married for almost thirty years. Their love story is like the ones I’ve read in books. Boy meets girl, falls in love, they part ways. The boy leaves his life behind to be with the girl who stole his heart at a cocktail bar. I’ve met them a couple of times and they are still very much in love, a bit like my own parents.

  “Yoo-hoo. Earth to Lillia.” Lennon waves his hand in front of my face. I blink and shake my head clear of my thoughts turning to Tristan and me being married and having kids. “I said, you coming to Derek’s party with us tonight?”

  “I don’t know. I have so much coursework to do.” That’s a lie. I don’t. It’s done, except for that damn paper I abandoned to be here, away from Macey’s screams of ecstasy courtesy of my best friend. I look at my brother, who is currently pulling the puppy dog eye
s on me.

  “Come on, Lils. You need to get out more. Meet new people.”

  “I do meet new people.” I sigh playing with a napkin, “Besides, it’s a little late to suggest meeting new people, Lennon. College is almost over.”

  “Real people, Lils. Not the fictional kind.” He rolls his eyes. He just doesn’t get those fictional people are better company than real people. “I know, but please? Do it for your brother.”

  “Yeah, Lil. You never know, maybe you’ll get lucky.” Avery winks at me.

  I jump when I hear a glass hit the table so hard I’m surprised it didn’t smash. We all look at Tristan who looks ready to kill someone. Hope blooms in my heart when I think he’s jealous of another man with his hands all over me, but it’s short-lived.

  “Tristan, don’t start any trouble,” Lennon pleads. I look around and follow Tristan’s eye line, and see another campus whore, Kacey Jones, draped all over the captain of the football team, Jared Walter. I knew they had a thing, but seeing the jealousy Tristan has for her being with another guy makes me have a whole range of emotions. Jealousy, anger, and heartbreak. My eyes fill with tears.I need to get out of here before anyone notices how upset I am.

  “I’m going to get going.” I make to stand when Lennon catches my wrist, stopping me, with concern in his eyes.

  “Everything okay?”

  I nod and kiss his cheek. “I need to go get ready for my night out with my brother, right?” I force a smile and glance at Tristan, who is still glaring at Jared, who’s kissing Kacey’s neck.

  A huge smile graces his face. “Yes! The Kennedy siblings are out tonight!” I hear him whoop as I walk away.

  Tears fall as I walk as fast as I can towards my dorm, hoping no-one will stop to say hi and want to have a friendly chat.

  “Lillia, wait up.” Avery runs up behind me, I quickly wipe away the tears before she’s beside me and links her arm in mine. The leaves on the trees have just started to change color and fall to the ground. Fall has always been my favorite season; it’s not too hot and not too cold. It’s the start of the warm duvet days and nights curling up on my lounge chair that my parents bought me, with a cup of hot English tea and a good book. “So. Tristan.” Avery raises her eyebrow.

  “What about him?” I swallow the emotions clogging up my throat.

  “Come on, Lillia. I know you love him. Anyone can see that you do. You’ve cried so many times over him, I’m surprised you have any tears left.”

  I stop walking, causing Avery to turn and look at me. I can see the sympathy pouring out of her eyes. I’m pissed; not at her, but at myself. I’m letting this get to me more than I probably should, and Avery is right. I’ve cried too many tears over him. It’s time to get my big girl panties on and move on. I can’t wait to see this.

  “You know what? You’re right. I’ve cried too many tears over Tristan Hunt. Let’s get ready and have fun!”

  Avery looks down at me, her eyes bugging out of their sockets, and a slow, evil smile creeps across her face.

  “Let’s show Tristan what he’s missing out on,” she says, and pulls me towards her apartment just off campus.

  This should be fun.

  I was too busy staring at the dickwad Jared that I didn’t notice Lillia had left until Avery’s voice snapped me out of murdering the asshole in my head.

  “I’ll go after her.”

  Lennon nods, with a look of worry marring his features. He constantly worries about his sister; hell, I would too. Ever since they moved in next door to me and Aiden when we were kids, she had always been quiet. She never came to any parties unless it was Aiden’s and mine. She and Aiden are tight. They used to study together every night and it used to piss me off like nothing else on Earth. Aiden’s my non-identical twin and Lillia’s best friend. I swear they were joined at the fucking hip in high school; even through the holidays they were always together. I remember Lennon threatening Aiden when he thought the pair of them were together. Little did anyone know at the time that it was me who Lillia was crushing on, and still is. I’m not going to sit here and spout off a load of shit about how I’m using her whenever I want a release, because I don’t. The truth is, I do have some sort of feelings for her. Of course I do; she’s one of my closest friends. A friend with benefits. Do I love her the way she apparently loves me? No. I can’t. It’s not for me to love someone as good as her.

  “Hi, Tristan.” Kacey bites her lip as she walks by our table with Jared. I ignore her, just like I have since freshman year. She’s been flirting constantly, trying to get me into bed whenever we’re in the same room, but I’m just not interested and will never be interested.

  “Right, I’m going home to freshen up and get ready to pick up the girls. You coming?” Lennon stands and drops a few bills on the table to pay for the food and drinks.

  My brows knit together in confusion. “Girls?” I ask, as we begin walking towards our apartment.

  “Yeah. Lil and Avery are coming to Derek’s party tonight.” He tilts his head a little. “Weren’t you listening?”

  “No. I was too busy ripping that prick’s head off and feeding it to his asshole friends.” I clench my hands into fists, rage racing through my veins thinking about that fucker and the last thing he said to me during football practice.

  “You need to keep a lid on your temper around him, Tristan. You’re on thin ice as it is with Coach. We need you both to win the championship in two weeks.”

  “I’ll put a lid on it when he quits being a fucking dick.”

  Lennon sighs and shakes his head, opening the door to our apartment.

  We’ve had this apartment since freshman year. My father bought it for us to live in for the four years we’re here. I asked Lennon to move in because we had the room and he didn’t want to live on campus with all the rules they have over there. Aiden asked Lillia to move in too, but she declined the offer. She said she wasn’t going to be live-in cook, maid, and referee between Aiden and me. Lennon called her out on her bullshit excuses and embarrassed her in front of her parents and other brother, Luke. He said, and I quote, “It’s so you’re not tempted by Tristan’s manliness and don’t jump his bones every chance you get. You wouldn’t get any studying done.”The poor girl was so embarrassed you could have poured batter on her face and made a pancake she was that red. She didn’t speak to him for two days after that and wouldn’t look me in the eye.

  I’m not an idiot. I know she finds me attractive, and we’ve had our fair share of moments together. And then some. Spending the night with Lillia tonight while other guys ogle her is going to be hard. Whenever I see a guy merely looking at her, I want to go over and rip his eyeballs out of his sockets, get a baseball bat, and hit them so far away from Lillia that he will never lay his eyes on her again.

  Lillia Kennedy. That girl doesn’t know what she does to me. She’s the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and she just doesn’t see it. You’re not good enough for her. She deserves better. You’ll only hurt her. I flop back on my bed, scrub my face with both hands, and let out a groan. The voice is right. I’ve hurt her before. I’ve lied to her and I’m not prepared to see the same look in her eyes I saw that day. I just thank God Lennon or Luke don’t know because I would be lying here unable to move my limbs. I would be in a bed, eating through a straw, or dead.

  Sitting up, I head to get a shower before we have to leave again. Derek Aitken’s parties are always crazy; his parents are never home so we have free rein of the whole house. I stop at my dresser and look at the picture sitting there. Aiden, me, Lennon, and Lillia at their sixteenth birthday party. Their dad threw them a pool party and invited the whole school, it seemed. Lillia hated the whole thing; it was written all over her face that she didn’t want a party, but being the amazing sister and person she is, she endured it for her brother’s sake.

  A knock at the door pulls me from my memory. Walking to the front door, I’m trying to get rid of this raging boner I’m now sporting thanks to that trip dow
n memory lane. I’m met with a sight I never thought I would see at my apartment.

  “Hi, Tristan.”

  “What do you want, Kacey?” She tries to step into the apartment but I stop her. There’s no way she’s coming in here.

  “Come on, Tristan. You know what I want.” She bats her fake-ass eyelashes, thinking she looks sexy. “I want you. You want me. You can’t deny it.”

  “I don’t know where all this is coming from, but I don’t want you. Have never wanted you. Will never want you. Now, please leave.”

  “We could be so good together, Tristan.” She places her hand on my chest, stepping closer, our bodies touching. A slow smile appears on her face. “See, I turn you on,” she says quietly, her hand traveling southward.

  I stop her before she reaches my junk. “I was watching porn before you arrived.”

  “Whatever you say, Tristan. I’ll see you tonight.” She steps back, blows me a kiss, and walks away.

  “What did the she-devil want?” Aiden asks, walking past me to enter the apartment.

  “Me.” I sigh, closing the door. “So, how’s Macey?”

  A smirk slowly rises on his lips. “Quit those thoughts before you start sporting some wood in your pants. That’s something I never want to witness again!” I shiver at the memory of walking into his room without knocking when we were teenagers; something I have never done again, I might add. “You’re just jealous your geeky brother is getting some and you’re not.”

  “Whatever. I’m going to get a shower.” I leave him laughing his head off.

  “Change of plan. The girls are coming here first,” Lennon says, looking down at his phone as I walk into the living area. He’s playing a computer game with Aiden. “I thought we’d have a few drinks here first then head over to Derek’s.”

  “Cool. I really hope Kacey isn’t there tonight.” I groan.

  “Why? I would jump at the chance to fuck her,” Lennon mutters.

  “What about Avery?” Aiden questions before I do.