She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

“What about Avery? She’s made it clear she’s not interested.”

  I laugh loudly. “You shitting me, Len?” I gape at him with one raised eyebrow. “You can’t seriously believe she doesn’t want you?”

  “If she did, she would have accepted my advances.”

  “What advances, Lennon?” Aiden quizzes. “All we’ve seen you do is proposition her and that she’ll submit then fall into your bed after one flash of your boyish smile.” He shakes his head, standing and walking towards the open plan kitchen to grab three beers and setting out a bottle of wine for the girls.

  “It’s worked for me over the years. She’s clearly not interested.” Lennon puts the control pad on the coffee table and flops back.

  “Lennon, dude, I love you like another brother, but sometimes I wonder how the fuck you ever lost your virginity before me.” Aiden laughs.

  “I love girls more than studying, that’s why.” Lennon chuckles.

  Aiden and I are completely opposite. While I was out with all our friends, or playing a computer game, or practicing throwing a football, he was in his room, studying or reading. He wasn’t a total geek, he just enjoyed his own company until Lillia. When they moved in next door, Aiden and Lillia clicked. They share the same interests. It’s like I should have been Lennon’s twin and those two should be twins. A chuckle escapes me, and Lennon and Aiden look at me quizzically.

  “Was just thinking about when we were in high school and people used to joke about you and Lillia getting one another off while reciting Shakespeare,” I say.

  “I’ve gotten off to worse.” Aiden shrugs, bringing his beer to his lips, not denying that they ever got one another off.

  Lennon narrows his eyes at him. “You and my sister?”

  “I don’t kiss and tell.” The ass smirks. For the first time in my life, I want to kill my brother.

  “So, hold up.” Lennon jumps to his feet and places his hands on his hips in front of us, looking between us. “The pair of you have had sex with my sister?”

  I would find this comical if I wasn’t so pissed at Aiden. Has he had sex with Lillia? Are they together? Is that why Lillia had a distant look on her face when Lennon mentioned that Aiden was fucking her roommate?

  “Tristan?” Aiden’s worried voice cuts through my inner turmoil. I look him in the eye; anxious blue eyes stare back at me. I shake my head clear. The voice is right. She’s single; she can do what she likes. “You okay, man?”

  “Fine.” My voice hoarse, I clear my throat. “I'm fine.” I bring my beer to my lips and drain it. Getting up, I grab another one once I put the empty bottle in the trashcan.

  “You sure?” Lennon asks, crossing his arms over his chest. “You were clutching that bottle so hard I thought it was going to shatter.”

  “I said I’m fine!” I slam the beer bottle down.

  “Who pissed in your Lucky Charms?” Avery jokes. I didn’t hear them come in. Closing my eyes, I sigh before opening them again.

  “Thank fu…” I stop mid-sentence when my eyes land on Lillia standing awkwardly beside Avery. She’s wearing a red lacy number that screams sex, showing off her long tanned legs.

  My pants get tighter the longer I stare at her. Thank the Lord for the breakfast bar in front of me, hiding this huge problem I have. Her face flushes bright red and she looks down.

  “What took you two so long?” I mutter, harsher than I should have, snapping out of my daze.

  “Ah, my dear Tristan. It takes time for this perfection.” Avery walks over to the bar where I’m standing and pours two glasses of wine; one for her and one for Lillia.

  “She was perfect before,” I whisper.

  “What was that?” Lillia asks, draining her glass.

  “I said, let’s go.” I start walking towards the door.

  This is all I need. Lillia coming to the party looking the way she does. No guy will be able to keep his eyes off her. I’ll be on edge all night and act like a creepy stalker, watching her every move, and probably get arrested for kicking some douche’s ass.

  I need to get drunk and forget about these feelings, and forget about her.

  I need to get laid.

  I need Lillia.

  Ever since we left the boys’ apartment, Tristan has been acting strangely. He keeps looking over at me every so often then looking up at the sky, muttering something under his breath, clenching and unclenching his fists, his leg bouncing up and down like he’s bouncing a baby on his knee. A vision flashes through my head of him with a baby and it sends a ball of fire to the pit of my stomach. I feel my body flush at the thought of having Tristan’s babies.

  “You doing good?” Avery whispers in my ear.

  “I think this dress was a bad idea, Av.” I voice my concerns once again as the cab comes to a halt outside Derek’s house. It’s not a house, it’s a mansion. You could fit my parents’ house and Aiden and Tristan’s parents’ house in and still have room. I had a bit of a panic about the dress Avery had chosen for me before we left her apartment. She let me borrow a red lace short dress with black strappy heels, my brown hair down with a natural wave. She made me look totally different. I’m not plain Jane Lillia tonight; I’m sexy vixen Lillia, as Avery put it.

  “Please, Lillia. You look smoking! I would do you.” She smiles. I giggle at her forward ways. This is why I love her; she’s so open and honest about everything. Well, almost everything. I risk a look over at Tristan; he’s staring again. Only he’s not looking at me. He’s looking at someone outside. Turning, I sense a bit of deja vu when I see Jared and Kacey making out. I take a deep breath and release it, and Aiden comes round to our side of the car and opens the door, holding out a hand for me to take.

  “My lady.” He smiles. I roll my eyes and giggle, taking his hand.

  “Why thank you, kind sir.” I mock curtsy.

  “Come on, you two! This isn’t Shakespeare In Love,” Lennon yells over his shoulder.

  He’s walking into the house and the beat of the loud music thumps through my body. People are dancing with red cups full of liquor in hand, some people making out in corners, others playing beer pong. I saw Lennon play this when we first came to college. I can still smell the sick in my car when I had to pick him up. Usually, I drive everyone around, being the sensible one, but tonight? Tonight, I plan on getting drunk.

  We reach the makeshift bar, where Derek is handing out cups of punch to everyone.

  “Lillia!” he shouts, and slings his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him and placing a wet kiss my cheek. “I never thought I would see you at one of my parties!” he slurs, his beer breath hitting my senses.

  “Well, it’s time I got out of those books and live like a normal twenty-year-old!” I force a smile on my face. I would rather be curled up in my room with my fictional people than here. But Lennon’s right. I need to get out and have some fun before stepping out into the big bad world of being an adult. I’ve spent too long pining for something that will never happen; it’s time I start acting my age. “You going to give me one of those drinks or what?”

  A drunken smile graces his face and he hands me a cup which I down in one.

  “Whoa there! Don’t want you puking everywhere.” Derek chuckles as he hands me another cup. Derek is a good-looking guy. Tall, around six feet, I reckon. Hell, everyone’s taller than me. I’m a mere five feet five with heels on. I don’t reach Lennon’s shoulder.

  “Yeah, take it easy, Lil. You’re not used to drinking.” Avery giggles. I nod, agreeing. I don’t want to embarrass them or make myself look like even more of a geek than people already think I am. “Come on. Let’s go dance.”

  As the night wears on, I can feel myself getting drunk, everything becoming blurry. I’m seeing double of everyone and everything. I think it’s time to go home. Standing to go search for my brother, Avery, Aiden, or even Tristan to take me home, I bump into almost everyone I walk past. I should just record myself saying sorry and play it each time I knock into someone.


  I look around for the boys and Avery but they’re nowhere to be seen. I make my way outside; maybe air will help. I sit on the step of the front porch when I hear a voice that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

  “Well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. The library closed tonight, Lillia?”

  “Bite me, Kacey.” Wow, alcohol makes me brave. I stand and try to step around her but she blocks my way. “Kacey, I don’t want trouble.” I sigh, not in the mood for her shit tonight.

  “Oh, look. She does have balls. Not sure they’re as big as your brother’s dick though.” A wide grin spreads across her fake, plumped-up lips as she takes in my shocked expression. My mouth parts slightly and my body goes rigid. No. Lennon wouldn’t.

  I shake my head and my body slumps in disbelief. “You’re lying.”

  “I’m not. You were in the next room with my man.” Her mouth turns into a sneer. Her man? Tristan. “I won’t let you take him from me.”

  “We aren’t anything, Kacey. You’re free to have him if you want.” I swallow the lump in my throat that’s suddenly appeared.

  “Oh, I know I can. But there’s one problem.” She steps closer to me, her brown eyes almost black and full of hate towards me. I’m not going to lie, I’m petrified. Suddenly sober,I stand and step back so she doesn’t get any closer. “You. You’re the one thing stopping me from getting what I want, Lillia. Do us all a favor and go back to the library. You’re not welcome here.” She looks me up and down and laughs humorlessly, shaking her head. “You’re just keeping my spot by his side warm. He’ll soon see it’s me he wants.”

  My brows squish together. “What are you talking about? He clearly likes you, Kacey. I’ve seen it in his eyes when he sees you with Jared.” I swallow before saying what I’m about to say. It’s the first time I’ve admitted out loud what Tristan and I really are. “I’m nothing more than someone he calls for a release.”

  “Yeah, that’s right. It stops now!” She pushes past me. Tears burn the backs of my eyes.You’re nothing more than a booty call. He’s used you since you were sixteen. And you’ve let him.

  My stupid heart always overrules my head and I always end up heartbroken. I wipe the tears from my eyes and start walking back to campus.

  I’m barely at the end of the street when I hear my name being called.

  “Lillia.” I turn and see Tristan running towards me. I sigh and continue walking. “Lilly. Wait up.”

  “Go back to the party, Tristan,” I mutter quietly, continuing to walk with my arms folded across my middle. There’s a chill in the mid-September air. I left in such a rush, I forgot my jacket.

  “I’m not letting you walk all the way to campus on your own.”A confused look flashes across his beautiful face. He really is beautiful. I know you wouldn’t normally use that word to describe a guy, but it’s the best one I can use to tell you how amazing Tristan looks. Six feet five, with blond hair I’ve run my fingers through many times before. His narrowed blue eyes look down at me. He has a strong jaw with a couple of days’ worth of stubble, making me wish it was rubbing against my inner thighs. Lips that have explored every inch of my body for the past four years. Lips I long to utter the words, I love you, to me. The body that’s hidden under all those clothes is something out of all the Greek mythology books I’ve read. His hands on my shoulders bring me out of my daze. “Lilly? Are you okay?”

  I shake my head clear of thoughts of me and him in all sorts of positions. I clear my throat. “Fine.” I plaster yet another fake smile on my face and look him in the eye. “I’m fine.”

  “You sure?” He rubs the tops of my arms, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake, sending it straight down between my legs. Don’t let him get to you.

  I nod. “Let’s go back to the party.”

  “Why were you leaving?”

  “I just needed air,” I lie, as we walk through the door.

  He grabs my hand, causing me to shiver. “You sure you’re okay?” His voice is full of concern.

  “Yup. Nothing alcohol won’t fix, I’m sure.” I head towards the games room to the right of the house where a few of my classmates are playing beer pong.

  “Lillia? You game?” Sam from my English class shouts.

  “Let’s do this!”

  I feel warm... too warm. Slowly opening my eyes, I instantly wish I hadn't. The sun burns my eyes. Feeling movement behind me, arms snaking around my waist, I instantly freeze. The last thing I remember from last night after walking back to the party with Tristan was me playing beer pong and drunk Jenga.

  “Morning,” a deep, sexy voice thick with sleep mumbles, while placing feather light kisses on my shoulder towards my neck, sending electric currents through my veins.

  A voice I know. A voice that sends shivers down my spine. My skin pebbles with goosebumps.

  Closing my eyes, I send up a silent prayer to whoever is listening that it's just someone who sounds like him and I haven't gone back there like I always do. I slowly turn in the man's arms with my eyes still closed. I would stand up and run out of here as fast as I could but I'm naked, not a stitch on my body. I open one eye and see him grinning down at me, his blue eyes sparkling with mischief as his hands roam over my stomach down to my hip.

  Groaning, I pull the sheet around me so I can cover myself up when I stand to search for my clothes and get the hell out of here.

  “Wow! That's nice.” He chuckles. “I gave you the time of your life five times last night, rocking your world again and again. You were screaming so loudly, I’m sure our neighbors must have thought I was performing an exorcism.” I cringe at his description of the events of last night; events I have no memory of. For all I know, he could be making it all up.

  Shaking off the images he’s just put into my head, I go about searching for my clothes. “No offense, but I was really, really wishing it wasn't you.” Liar. I sigh, looking around the room for my clothes. I find my panties hanging on the back of his computer chair. Shimmying them on along with my bra that was not far from my panties, I let the sheet fall at my feet and spot my dress - well, Avery’s dress. Slipping it on, I’m about to walk out of the door when his voice stops me.

  “And why is that?”

  My hand stills on the door handle. I look over my shoulder and see that he’s staring right at my now covered ass, smiling like the freaking Cheshire Cat.

  Turning slowly, I straighten up, raising a questioning eyebrow, and look at him like he has two heads. “Really? You’re seriously asking me that?” I scoff, shaking my head. How can he stand there in all his glory and ask me why I would wish it was someone other than him?

  “You weren’t complaining last night when I was pounding into you from behind.” I feel my face heat with a mix of embarrassment and anger, annoyed at myself for coming back here, to him. His smile falters when he sees my eyes fill with exasperation. Grabbing the first thing that comes to my hand, I throw it.

  “Lilly, come on.” He sighs but catches the remote which nearly hits his dick. Pity it didn’t. I could have kissed it better. Shut up! I chastise myself for thinking of anything but murdering him.

  “Don't Lilly me!” I snap, pulling the door open wide. I’m about to walk out when he mutters something.

  Is he really trying to talk me down? He knows what he did four years ago, and why this can never happen again. Yet it always comes down to this. Me falling into bed with Tristan Hunt.

  “Again, you weren’t complaining last night,” he repeats, making his way across the room to me, naked as the day he was born. The temperature rises about twenty degrees. My eyes roam from his dirty blond hair, his plump lips, chiseled jaw, down his toned body to his semi-erect dick. My heart starts thumping quicker than normal, my mouth dries, and the hair on my arms stands on end.

  “Lillia,” he says, sliding his hand into my hair and placing the other hand on my hip. A gasp escapes me when he pulls me closer, leaning in for a kiss.

  “I have to go.” I swallow, moving my
head away before his mouth connects with mine. It can't happen, not again.

  Walking as fast as I can down towards the living area to search for my purse, I pick up my shoes on the way.

  “Oh, the walk of shame again, Lillia?” Lennon laughs from his position on the sofa where he has likely been channel surfing instead of studying. Sometimes I wonder if we’re even related. He would rather go out and party every night than study, whereas I would love nothing more than to curl up in my room and get lost in a good book. “Looking for this?” He pulls me out of my musings. He has my cell in his hand.

  “Fuck off!” I snap, snatching it from him, still looking around for my damn purse. He frowns at my attitude. I never swear, least of all at him.

  “I was kidding.” He bends down to pick up my purse that was on the table and hands it to me.

  “Well, keep it shut!” I storm out of the apartment, slamming the door for dramatic effect.

  I know I shouldn’t take it out on Lennon, but he has no idea what his idiot of a best friend did to me all those years ago. If he did, I’m sure Tristan would have a few bruises on his handsome face. No. Stop thinking about him like that!

  How the hell did I get into this fucked up situation?

  The door slams so hard, the picture I have on my dresser falls off and smashes. I just don’t get her. One minute she’s all over me, begging me to take her back to my place and fuck her into next week. Yes, sweet and innocent Lillia Kennedy said those exact words. The next, she’s shouting and regretting what we did. I don’t know why it still surprises me that she acts like this afterward; it’s been the same way for the past few years. It’s just recently gotten worse.

  I sigh and run my hand through my hair. Taking some shorts from my drawer and putting them on, I head into the kitchen to grab a dustpan and brush to clean up the glass from the frame.

  “So, you and my sister. Again?” Lennon says, with a mouth full of Cheerios. He’s leaning against the worktop, his legs crossed at the ankles.

  “Why do you look so happy? You drank a hell of a lot more than me.” I search the cupboards for the damn dustpan and brush.