She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

  “I meant what I said, Lilly.” He looks me square in the eye. He becomes blurry. “We’ll never be over.” Tears drip from my eyes again.

  “Please stay with me.” I blurt out. I need to hear his heartbeat as I fall asleep. “Please, just lay with me.” I get that I’m sending off a hell of a lot of mixed signals, but shit, I can’t help it with him.

  He hesitates but eventually lies next to me. I lay my head on his chest, my ear above his heart, and start to fall into a deeply troubled slumber. Maybe he’s right. Maybe we’ll never be over, but I have to at least try.

  Lillia snores softly on my chest. I look down at her soft features, moving a piece of hair out of the way so I can see her whole face. She looks so peaceful compared to the way she was just a few hours ago. Lifting her arm from around my waist, I slide out and stand before her. She stirs a little, mumbling in her sleep. A smile tugs at my lips when I think of the many times I’ve sat and listened to her speak while she was out of it. It was mainly about some character from a book she had been reading, but her voice soothed me and it felt like we were in a normal relationship just for that moment before she woke up and started saying the previous night was a mistake.

  Leaning down, I hover above her slightly parted lips. “I love you, Lillia. Forever,” I whisper, and place a feather light kiss on her lips.

  Sneaking out of her room, closing the door quietly so not to wake up Lillia or the rest of the house, I make my way to the stairs, my heart heavy with sadness, adding another scar to the ever growing collection I have there. A pair of black shiny shoes stop in front of me. Looking up, I see Luke. I swallow hard at his scrutinizing gaze as he narrows his green eyes on me and looks behind me then back to me. I’m not afraid to admit he scares the shit out of me. He always has scared me. I mean, the guy could probably snap me like a twig. He’s six feet seven and built like one of those celebrity bodyguards. The thing about Luke, he’s quiet, but you mess with his family or anyone he cares about and you better start running or you’ll be eating dirt and being fed through a straw for the rest of your days.

  “How is she?” Luke nods towards Lillia’s room. I swallow hard before answering. “It’s just a question. I don’t need to know the dirty details.” He claps me on the back hard. I hiss. Lillia must have drawn blood when she scratched me.

  “She’s asleep.”

  He nods. I round him to get the hell out of here. “Oh, Tristan?” he calls over his shoulder. “I know my sister, and I love you like a brother. You two belong together. If it’s meant to be, then you will find your path back to each other.”

  Hearing that Luke thinks of me as another brother makes my eyes well up with tears. This family accepted Aiden and me with open arms. Treated us like their own, which makes me feel like an even bigger asshole for the way I treated Lillia all these years. She deserves so much better. Someone who will treat her like the queen she is. One thing I know for sure, she’ll always be the queen of my heart.

  FIVE MONTHS LATER

  It’s been five months since I’ve seen or heard from Lillia. God, my heart aches just thinking about her, which, if I’m honest, is every single day since Lennon and Avery’s wedding. Lennon said she’s doing well. She had an interview for a higher position at her job. He also mentioned that she may have been dating someone but not telling him because of the way she’s been acting lately. I stopped listening at that point. I’m not ready to hear about her moving on.

  “When are you going to stop being a stubborn ass and ask my daughter out?” I’m brought out of my musings by Mrs. Kennedy’s question. For the past five months, she’s been banging on at me to go to Lillia in New York and make her see that I want to be with her.

  “Mrs. Kennedy, she made her feelings clear five months ago.” I look down as we wait on Mr. Kennedy to pull the car around. We’ve just landed after a business meeting with Mr. Kennedy’s company in Montreal. He’s showing Lennon the ropes before he retires in a few months, and Lennon wants me to be head of design when he takes over. My uncle said he’d be happy for me to make the move as he’s thinking of selling up anyway. He said that if I ever need him for anything at all he will help in every way. Dad said he would buy half of Mr. Kennedy’s company from him so Lennon and I would be business partners, and I think he’s still thinking about it.

  “Oh, my daughter is as stubborn as a mule.” She shakes her head. “Did you know she passed up an opportunity to come with us on this trip? Even when I told her I’d be alone most of the time?” I wonder if Lennon knew. “She came up with some excuse that she didn’t feel up to a long flight and that she had a load of papers to get through.” She turns to me with sadness in her eyes. “I’m worried about her, Tristan. I’m worried she’s working herself silly. Avery said her uncle told her that Lillia has been staying later than normal at the office, and is one of the first to be there in the morning.”

  “Mrs. Kennedy, you know Lillia is the type of person to get stuck in and do what she needs to do. She’s a perfectionist. She probably has a lot on and wants to get it all done perfectly.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Debbie?” She raises a challenging eyebrow.

  “Too many to count.” I let out a little laugh.

  “Well, from now on, call me Debbie, please. Mrs. Kennedy is my mother-in-law. God rest her soul.” She sighs. “You’re probably right about Lillia. I just worry about her. She’s alone in a big city, miles away from those who care about her and love her.”

  “Aid’s there most of the time. Most of his shoots are based in New York. I’m sure if there was anything going on, we’d know about it.” I try to ease her rising concern for her daughter and in truth, my own concern.

  Mr. Kennedy finally brings the car around with Lennon. “I see my wife hasn’t booked you on the next flight to New York then.” He pokes fun at me while putting the bags in the car.

  “No, not yet.” I chuckle a little because it wouldn’t surprise me if she did send me packing on a flight to Lillia.

  “Not yet? So you would have gone if Mom had booked it?” Lennon raises his eyebrow, his green eyes sparkling with amusement. I can’t look at him for too long because all I see is Lillia’s eyes staring back at me.

  “If there’s one thing I’ve learned since meeting you guys it’s that you don’t piss off Kennedy women.”

  “Got that right.” Hank - Mr. Kennedy – scoffs, earning him a slap on the arm from Debbie. “You know I love you, sweetheart.” He leans over and kisses her cheek.

  We’re driving along when Debbie turns to me. “Do you love my daughter, Tristan?” I’m a bit taken aback by this question. I glance at Lennon, who already knows the answer. “I mean really, truly love her. If she was never in your life, would you feel like your world has ended? Being away from her for long periods of time, do you feel like you’re missing a limb and a part of your heart is missing? Answer honestly.”

  “Yes.” I answer without hesitation. “Right now, I feel like my heart is in two places. One half is here and the other half is in New York.”

  A smile breaks out on her face. “That’s what I thought.” She turns back around to face the road.

  “Son, if you love her that much, why in God’s name haven’t you told her?”

  “He did, Dad. In a letter he gave her, before she left after graduation,” Lennon says.

  My head snaps towards him, and I pinch my brows together.

  I don’t get the chance to tell him that that was a private thing between Lillia and me because Mrs. Kennedy screams out, and all I see is bright lights heading towards us.

  Then nothing but darkness. The last thing I hear is Lennon shouting to me to stay awake, that help is on the way. I can’t stay awake any longer. The last thing on my mind is Lillia and the way she used to smile shyly at me. What I wouldn’t give for her to look at me like that again.

  “Lilly,” I whisper. Then silence.

  My cell buzzes, arousing me from a restless sleep. Avery’s name flas
hes across the screen. Glancing over at my bedside clock, I see it’s 3.30 a.m. I frown as I press answer, perplexed at why she’s calling me at this time; she hates early mornings. My stomach drops when I can only think that something bad has happened.

  “Hello.” My voice is scratchy, thick with sleep and tears from the night before. I cried myself to sleep for the thousandth time since Lennon and Avery’s wedding. The night I finally knew and accepted it was over between Tristan and me. The way he lashed out and punched Josh for being my plus one and dancing with him, it was the final nail in the coffin. I know I was to blame and shouldn’t have been goading him, but as far as I knew, he had a girlfriend. I needed to make him jealous and see what he was missing. He didn’t know Josh was gay. I’m still trying to make it up to Josh for the broken nose he received.

  “Lil…Lil…” Avery’s shaky voice comes through the receiver. “He… They…” She hiccups. My best friend is a stuttering mess. My first thought is that something has happened to her parents.

  “Avery, slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s wrong?”

  She lets out a feral cry down the phone then I hear a male voice replace hers. “Avery? Avery?” I shout. I throw the covers off my body and sit on the edge of the bed, shouting for someone to tell me what’s going.

  “Lillia.” I hear Aiden’s shaky voice.

  “Aiden?” I ask, confused as to why he’s with Avery at this time in the morning. Anger bubbles beneath the surface as a bunch of scenarios manifest in my head. “What the hell is going on?”

  Nothing could have prepared me for the words that come out of Aiden’s mouth.

  “There’s been an accident.” He sniffs. “It’s your parents, Lennon, and Tristan.”

  “What about them? What accident? I just spoke to Mom and Lennon a few hours ago. They said they were just boarding their flight from a business trip from Montreal.”

  “They were hit by an oncoming truck that hit a patch of ice and lost control…”

  I stop listening. All I hear is my heart pounding harder and harder. I can’t get my mouth to move and tears fall relentlessly down my cheeks. What if they’re all dead? Lennon, my brother, my best friend. Gone forever. Mom and Dad. Gone. Forever. And Tristan. Oh God, Tristan. The love of my life. The only man I will ever love. Gone. I feel nauseous and run to my bathroom and throw up whatever is in my stomach, which is hardly anything.

  “Lil. Lils? Are you still there?” Aiden’s voice breaks through my internal meltdown.

  “I’m…” I whisper. Clearing my throat, I continue, “I’m here. Are they… are they okay?”

  Closing my eyes, I wait for the worst news I’ve had since my grandpa died. I place my hand on my small baby bump and pray to whoever is listening to make them all be okay.

  “You need to come home quickly.”

  “Aiden, please just tell me.”

  “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I really don’t want to tell you this over the phone. But your parents didn’t make it.” His voice is somber and thick with unshed tears. “Tristan is in a coma and Lennon has a broken arm and a few cuts and bruises.”

  My parents are gone. Dead. My eyes close and my throat burns with tears.

  “I’ll be on the next flight out.” My mind goes into overdrive as I fly around my apartment, throwing things into a suitcase, not caring if it’s folded, ironed or not. I don’t care. I need to be with my family.

  “Text me with the itinerary. I’ll pick you up from the airport.” Aiden sniffs.

  “I will. I love you, Aiden.”

  “Love you too, Lil.”

  After locking the door of my apartment and rushing out of the elevator, I bump into a wall of muscle.

  “Damn, I’m sorry!” I look up to see it’s Daniel, my boss.

  His hands land on my shoulders to steady me. “Where’s the fire?” He smiles down at me but the smile turns into a frown. “You realize it’s before four in the morning, right?”

  A tear spills over the edge of my eyes.

  “Lillia? What’s wrong?”

  “My family have been in an accident.” I manage to speak through the lump in my throat.

  He pulls out his cell and starts barking orders to the person on the other side. Once he hangs up, he grabs my case and marches out of the lobby. I follow behind him on autopilot.

  “Get in, Lillia.” Daniel’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I look at him, confused. “I’ll drive you to the airport. My jet is waiting for you.”

  “Your jet?” My brows draw closer together. “I’ve booked my flight.”

  “Yes, my jet. You'll get to your family quicker if you use my jet. Besides, my niece and wife will go crazy if they find out I didn’t offer, and if there’s one thing I hate, it’s my only niece and my wife being mad at me.”

  I let out a giggle at the thought of Avery and Darcy ganging up on and shouting at this six foot something guy.

  “Now, please get in. My pilot is waiting.”

  Daniel drives me to the airfield where his jet is waiting for me.

  “Thank you, Dan… Mr. Michaels.” I correct myself.

  “We’re not in the office. It’s okay to call me Daniel.” He winks as he helps me out of his four by four. “Just don’t tell anyone I’m this nice. I have an image to maintain.”

  “Your secret is safe with me.” I do something that is completely unprofessional and embarrassing, but I can’t help my actions. I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him tight, catching him off guard. “Thank you.” I sniff.

  “It’s okay. Come on. Let’s go.” He peels me off him, looking down at me with a small sympathetic smile. I follow him and he introduces me to the pilot, co-pilot, and air stewardess.

  He follows me onto the plane and sits beside me.

  I look at him, confused as to why he’s sitting beside me and not driving back home.

  “Um… don’t you have an important meeting tomorrow?”

  “I do, but it can get rescheduled.” A tear falls. My eyes are like someone has forgotten to switch the faucet off and it just keeps dripping. Daniel reaches over and takes my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “The wellbeing of my staff and my niece's sister-in-law is more important than some meeting.”

  I stare at him, my mouth slightly open, shocked and in awe of this man, my boss, for taking the time to make sure I arrive home safely. He might only be doing it because of Avery, but right now, I’ll take the comfort until I can get home to my brothers and Tristan. “But what about Darcy? You can’t reschedule your baby’s birth.” She’s due to pop any day now. Another tear slips down my cheek.

  “I’ve messaged Darcy. She told me to look after you, Lillia. Please, just let me get you there. I don’t want Darcy to be pissed at me because I left you to get home all on your own.”

  I nod, hoping and praying he won’t miss his baby’s birth because of me. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.

  My mind drifts to Tristan. Aiden said he was in a coma. I don’t know what I’ll do if he dies and doesn’t know he’s about to be a father. It would kill me. The guilt of not telling him sooner, the sadness of losing the only man that holds my heart and will always own my body and soul. The more I think about my life without Tristan, the more annoyed I become with myself. Why have I let something that happened years ago affect what could have been the best relationship I could have ever had? It’s not as if I’ve ever tried to get over him. Cain from security has asked me multiple times to go with him for dinner, but I’ve always said no. Not because I don’t want to or he isn’t my type, because he is. He’s tall, with dirty blond hair and blue eyes. If I didn’t know Tristan and Aiden as well as I do, I would have said they had another brother; he looks like so much like them. I just felt, deep down, like I was cheating on Tristan somehow.

  Checking my watch, I see it’s only been ten minutes since we took flight. Daniel is tapping away on his computer. It makes me wonder if he ever sleeps. He must sense me staring at him because his head snaps away fr
om his computer to look into my eyes. He offers me a small sympathetic smile and turns back to what he was doing.

  I recheck my watch, wishing I could make the plane go faster so I can get to my family. I need to get to them now. I wish I had never left Boston and relocated to New York, and to be honest, it wasn’t getting the job that made the final decision, it was the fact that I couldn’t stand being in the same town as Tristan. I didn’t want to run the risk of bumping into him with a girl on his arm when it should have been me, and seeing him smiling down at me with his beautiful smile.

  My stomach bottoms out and nausea hits me when I think of never seeing his smile again. What if I never see that look on his face when he sees me again? The sparkle of mischief that he has when stares at me, like he’s thinking of ways to get me into bed with him. The way I’d always fall for it. His words come back to me, just like they have for the past five months. We’ll never be over.

  “Lillia.” Daniel’s voice brings me to the here and now. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep? It will make the time go faster.” Nodding my head, I close my eyes, lean my head on his shoulder, and try to find some solace in sleep.

  “Lillia,” a masculine voice whispers. I feel a hand stroke my cheek.

  It was a dream. It was all a bad dream. “Lillia,” the voice quietly says again. I’m going to wake up to see Tristan looking at me and wanting sex. I’m going to have a bitch fit about it not happening again. We’ll be back in college and I will give in to my feelings for him. He’s alive.

  Opening my eyes, I see brown eyes, not the blue orbs I wished for, looking down at me. Lowering my head, I break eye contact and place my hand on my stomach, squeezing my eyes closed. I wish it was all a bad dream. My chest tightens when everything comes back to me. My parents are gone and Tristan is in a coma. My breath hitches and a sob escapes my lips.

  “We’re about to land. You need to put your seatbelt on.”

  Once we land, a car is waiting on us. “I’ll drop you at the hospital. Avery will be waiting out front. I’ll go visit my brother while I’m here,” Daniel says.