She Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

by Allana Walker

  He opens the door of the black four by four and I slide in without a word. I have nothing to say. I can’t think straight. All I can think about is my mom and dad. Were they in pain before they passed? Did they die instantly? Then my thoughts turn to Lennon. Oh God, Lennon! What must he have felt? Watching his parents die in front of him, and watching his best friend slip into a coma. What must he be feeling right in this moment? I need to get to him.

  My stomach rolls with the dread of seeing my brother anything but his happy self. Seeing Mom on a cold hard slab, Dad lying next to her. Dead. And Tristan lying on a bed in a coma, not moving.

  “Pull over,” I say quietly. Daniel looks at me curiously. I grip my chest. It feels like there are a thousand tiny men inside, chipping away at my heart. “Pull over, please,” I beg.

  The car pulls over and I lean over the side of the road, bringing up nothing but water. I turn my head slightly when I feel a hand rubbing my back. Daniel holds my hair back and soothes me. I stand up straight and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

  “I’m sorry,” I mutter.

  “No need to apologize, Lillia.” Daniel reaches over to tuck a piece of hair that has escaped my ponytail. “Let’s get you to your family.” He kisses my head, hugging me, comforting me like a friend. Darcy and Daniel have been nothing but welcoming to me. I never thought I would say it, but Darcy has become one of my best friends.

  We pull up to the hospital; the ride here was comfortably silent. I felt Daniel’s worried eyes on me now and again. I chose to ignore it and tried to focus on getting to my family. The car comes to a stop and I see a tearful Avery standing with Aiden, her arms folded across her midsection holding her jacket closed, shielding her from the November chill. Aiden has his arm around her shoulders. I reach for the door to escape the stifling confines of this car.

  “Lillia, call me if you need anything. And don’t worry about work. Take as long as you need.”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “I just need to be with my family right now. I can’t worry about work or anything else. I just need to be with my brothers and best friends.” Exiting the car, I run towards my best friends.

  “Lillia!” Avery cries as she throws her arms around me. “Lillia, I’m so sorry. I wish you didn’t have to come home to this.”

  “Where is Lennon?” I swallow the lump in my throat, looking up to Aiden. “And Tristan?”

  I follow Avery and Aiden numbly to Lennon’s room. As soon as I enter, I run straight for him, crushing myself to him, and cry.

  “I’m fine, Lillia.” He strokes my hair, trying to calm me. “I’m alive.” I lift my head to look into my brother's eyes, placing my hand on the side of his face just to make sure he is alive and I’m not dreaming again. Letting out a shaky breath, I hug him tightly again. So tightly, he gasps in pain.

  “Sorry. I’m sorry.” I push away from him and sit on the edge of his bed. It’s then I see how battered and bruised he is. He has a cut on his head covered with a large piece of gauze, a cut lip, and a broken arm. “You’re lucky to be alive and escape with just a few cuts and a broken bone,” I whisper.

  He looks down and a tear drops onto his hospital gown. “Mom and Dad didn’t make it, Lils. I tried to save them, I really did. I couldn’t get them free. They were stuck, the seatbelts were jammed, and mom’s legs were crushed.” His watery greens look into mine. “There was so much blood. So much blood, Lillia. I just couldn’t free them. Tristan was unconscious in the back, blood dripping down his head and ear. I thought…” He sobs. “I thought he was dead until he groaned. I had no choice but to leave Mom and Dad. I knew they were gone. I helped Tristan out. He was in and out of consciousness. They had to put him in a coma, but I don’t know if he will survive or not. He has to survive, Lils.” He crumbles and cries so hard. It shatters my heart to witness my happy-go-lucky brother break as hard as he is right now.

  “Shh.” I pull him to my chest, tears falling like a waterfall. “You did everything you could. It wasn’t your fault, do you hear me, Lennon? None of this was your fault. It was an accident. A terrible, horrible accident, and you may have saved Tristan’s life because you chose to pull him out. You could have continued to try to save Mom and Dad, but you didn’t. You saved him.” I hold his head in my hands.

  We hear a cough from the doorway. “We need you and your brothers to come identify the bodies now,” a tall, older gentleman in a suit says. Luke is behind who I’m guessing is a police officer, his eyes red and puffy from crying. Standing, I walk towards the nurse who’s standing with a wheelchair for Lennon. Taking it, I help Lennon into the chair and wheel him, following the police detective to the morgue.

  “Are you ready?” he asks, before opening the door. I look to my brothers who both nod their heads. My heart feels heavy and my stomach feels like it has a lead weight in it. My throat and the back of my eyes are burning, trying to keep the tears back, trying to be strong for my brothers and for my baby.

  We walk further into the room. I help Lennon stand to look at our parents’ lifeless bodies. I continue to hold his hand, both of us drawing strength from each other. He places his free hand on my mom’s face, moving a piece of bloodied blonde hair from her eye. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I love you.” He bends and kisses her head as a tear falls from my eye.

  “I can’t. I need to get out of here,” Lennon whispers as he looks to the man he looked up to all his life. “Please take me back to my room,” he begs the nurse, who nods. Luke helps him back into his chair and the nurse wheels a broken Lennon back to his room.

  I stare at my mom. She looks so peaceful. Her shoulder length blonde hair is all bloody at the front. There are cuts on her face and there’s a deep cut on her neck. I take her hand in my mine. “She’s so cold already,” I utter quietly. “She’s cold, Luke. We need to get her a blanket. She needs to be warm. She’s a warm person. She doesn’t like the cold.” I can’t be strong anymore. I break, shattering in my big brother's arms. “She should be here, Luke. I can’t do this without her. She should be here. She should be here helping me through this! She needs to be here to meet her grandchild! She should be here, damn it!”

  Luke’s hand pauses on my back when my words sink in. “You’re pregnant?” I swallow and squeeze my eyes closed before I look into my brother's shocked eyes and nod. “Who’s the father?”

  “Tristan.” I look down at my mom’s body once more then back to Luke. His nose flares slightly looking less than pleased with who the father is. “Luke, please don’t be mad. It happened and I’m keeping the baby.”

  “Mad? I’m not mad. I’m just upset that Mom isn’t here to read you the riot act about safe sex then hug the hell out of you for giving her her first grandbaby.” He continues to hug me. “How far along are you?”

  “Almost five months.”

  “Why didn’t you tell any of us?”

  “I was scared, Luke. I can just about look after myself, without throwing another person into the mix.”

  “Lils, you’ve been able to look after yourself for years.” He shakes his head. “But I get it. You still should have told us about the pregnancy. Is this why you refused to come home or made up some lame excuses to stop any of us visiting?”

  I nod, looking at Mom and Dad before me. Guilt consumes me. “I wish I had just had the balls to tell you guys. Maybe Mom and Dad would still be here.”

  “Don’t Lillia. You weren’t to know they were going to die. You would have told them eventually. Maybe even when the kid popped out,” he jokes, causing me to let out a little laugh.

  “Mom would have kicked down my door before then.” My smile fades, looking at the lifeless bodies of my parents once again. “Luke, how am I going to do this? I can’t do it on my own.” I look up to my big brother, my tower of strength.

  “Hey, you’re not alone, Lil. You have Lennon and me. I will help out as much as I can, as will Lennon. Which reminds me, are you ready for him to find out?”

&
nbsp; “No. I’m not prepared for him to hate me.”

  “He’ll be upset. He won’t hate you. He couldn’t even if he tried.”

  After leaning down and kissing my mom’s forehead, then mimicking the same action to my dad, we leave the room.

  “Go get a coffee. You look like you need it.” Luke hands me some cash and sends me to the hospital café.

  Walking through the hospital to the café, I realize I need a coffee and sugar. You shouldn’t be drinking coffee in your condition. So sue me!

  “Lils.” Aiden’s voice penetrates my ears. I turn to see my best friend’s normally flawless face tear-stained, with bags under his eyes. I place my plastic cup down on the table and run to him, throwing my arms around him, and the tears start flowing again.

  “Aiden. I’m so sorry.”

  “I’m sorry too,” he whispers into my hair.

  We separate and take seats at one of the vacant tables. “Any change in Tristan’s condition?” I look down at my coffee, not entirely sure I want to hear what he’s about to say.

  “No change.” The sadness in his voice makes me look up. His blue eyes swim with tears. He looks like he’s aged in the past few hours. “What am I gonna do, Lils?” His voice breaks. I change from the seat I was sitting in opposite him to the seat beside him and bring his head to my chest.

  “Hey. Hey. He’ll be fine.” I try my best to sound convincing. I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince myself or Aiden. Maybe both. “He has to be okay. Who’s going to make fun of our geeky ways? Or your career path?” I try to joke.

  “He’s in a real bad way, Lillia.” He sniffs.

  I swallow and say something I never thought I would say. “Take me to see him.” Aiden’s eyes snap up to mine. “I need to see him. Talk to him. I need this.”

  “You two didn’t part on the best of terms five months ago, Lillia.”

  “Exactly. If anything were to happen to him…” I begin, my eyes burning with tears threatening to spill just thinking about if he dies. My hand goes to my stomach and I rub it gently.

  “You okay?” Aiden reaches over and takes my hand. He sighs and his shoulders sag. “Sorry, that was a stupid question. Of course you’re not okay. You’ve just lost your parents and almost lost your brother.” He looks at me, unsure whether to say the next thing but continues anyway. “And the love of your life.”

  I take a shuddering breath and stand. “Take me to see him, please.”

  I walk into the room where the only sound is the beeping of the machines keeping Tristan alive. I long to hear him come out with some idiotic remark about Aiden and me being together again with an undertone of jealousy. Seeing him so broken and still causes the gates to break open. I walk towards his bed and sit in the seat beside it, grabbing his hand and kissing it lightly.

  “The doctors say he can still hear and to just continue talking to him,” Aiden says softly. I nod, never taking my eyes off Tristan’s face. “I’ll leave you to talk. I need to go wait on Dad coming.” He leans over Tristan’s body and kisses my head.

  When I hear the door click shut, I let the tears flow freely. “You really know how to get me back into your life, huh?” I laugh a little but it’s short-lived. The severity of the situation crashes down on me like a ton of bricks.

  “Please, Tristan. You have to wake up. I’m sorry for the way I acted the last time we saw each other, and for never returning your phone calls. I should never have made Josh pretend to be my date just to make you jealous.” The tears cascade down my cheeks as I stare at the love of my life’s lifeless body. Despite his flaws, he was always there for me no matter what. He’d drop everything for me just to make sure I was okay. Like when my grandpa died, he missed a key game at school to be with Lennon and me. Then when my mom had a cancer scare, he was there. Yes, he hurt me, completely crushed all hope in the opposite sex, but nothing would hurt me more than the thought of him no longer here in my life. No remarks about what book I was reading that day, or even the annoying way he would just stare at me while I read a book. I let out another little laugh.

  “Remember the time I was reading Harry Potter, you said, ‘Why don’t you wait for the movie?’ I told you you were crazy; the book is always better. Which I still stand by, by the way. To prove it, you can’t just up and walk out as soon as I starting reading aloud so I’m grabbing this opportunity with both hands.” I smile a little. Reaching down into my bag, I pull out my old, falling-to-pieces copy of Harry Potter. I can just hear Tristan now, ‘Buy a new copy. That one’s falling to bits.’ I would just give him a shocked and disgusted look and tell him the book is well-loved. Just like I love him and some of his flaws.

  “Chapter One; The Boy Who Lived…” I begin.

  “The End.” I close the book and look up, hoping to see Tristan’s beautiful blue eyes staring back at me, about to tell me that what I had just read was a load of shit like the movie was. But I don’t. He’s still lying there, unconscious, eyes closed.

  A sob escapes me. “Please, Tristan,” I beg again. “Please, wake up. I love you. I can’t survive if anything happens to you. Please. I need you.” Grabbing his hand, I squeeze it, gently placing my forehead on the back of his hand, and let the tears flow again. “We need you.” I place my hand on my stomach and rub slow circles on my small bump.

  “We?” My head snaps up and I look towards the door to see Aiden and Mr. Hunt staring at me. Aiden crosses his arms over his chest with his eyebrows knitted impossibly close together. “Who’s we?” His eyes narrow on my hand that’s on my stomach.

  Beep. Beep. Beep. What the fuck is that annoying beeping? I swear if Aiden or Lennon have forgotten to switch their alarms off, I’ll shove their clocks up their asses! Beep! Groaning internally, I try to open my eyes and throw the covers off me. I can’t. My limbs and eyes won’t do as I command them. What the fuck is going on? If this is some kind of sick joke, it’s not funny.

  “I wanted to tell you all,” a small, shaky voice says. “I really did.”

  “Well, why didn’t you?” another voice says. This time it’s a male voice. The tone he’s using while talking to this woman, whose voice is familiar, makes me want to punch him in the mouth until he shows her some damn respect.

  “Do you think it was easy for me to keep this to myself?” The woman’s voice quivers. “To keep something as big as this from you, Lennon, my parents, and from Tristan?” The way she says my name causes a pain my chest, like my heart is breaking all over again like it did five months ago.

  “You could have told us. You could have called. Hell, you could have even emailed us to tell us.”

  “Aiden, it’s not that simple and you fucking know it,” she growls at my brother.

  Everything goes quiet then I hear a sniffing sound and a hand in mine cause goosebumps and electricity through my veins.

  “Lillia, I’m sorry.” Lillia? Is Lillia here? Where is here? Fuck, I need to open my eyes. I need to see her. My heart hammers against my chest, beating faster than it ever has before. The beeping gets fast and louder.

  “Tristan? Tristan, come on. Don’t you dare leave me!” I hear Lillia’s desperate voice. Aiden yells for a nurse or doctor to come in to check on me. I blink my eyes twice until the fog clears. I’m met with the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen. They’re shining brightly like the stars in the sky, tears falling freely down her cheeks, and a smile gracing those beautiful lips of hers I crave so much. Lifting my hand, I place it on her cheek and wipe away the tears.

  “Lillia?” I croak. The last thing I remember is Mrs. Kennedy grilling me on when I’m taking my stubborn ass to New York and bringing her baby back. Not her exact words, but you get it. The next thing I saw was bright lights and crashing. I drop my arm; it’s becoming too heavy to keep up.

  “I’m here. I’m here, Tristan,” Lillia cries. Her eyes are red and puffy.

  “Mr. Hunt. I’m Doctor Buxton.” A tall tanned guy about Dad’s age comes into the room. “You’re extremely lucky to have s
urvived the crash you were involved in.” He glances down at my notes. My mind drifts to Lennon, Mr. Kennedy, and Mrs. Kennedy. My eyes snap to look at Lillia who’s looking down, still holding onto my hand. A tear splashes on our joined hands. “If it wasn’t for Mr. Kennedy pulling you out and calling for help, we probably wouldn’t be having this conversation.” A sob escapes Lillia and she lets go of my hand. I turn my gaze back to Doctor Insensitive. “We’d like to keep you in for a few more days and make sure everything is all good then you can go home.” That’s it. He leaves.

  “Lilly?” My voice is scratchy from lack of moisture.

  “I’ll see the nurse about some ice chips or something.” Aiden leaves but not before engulfing me in a bear hug. “Don’t ever do that again. You scared the shit out of me.” He stands up straight, wiping a stray tear from under his eye, and leaves me with Lillia.

  “I’m sorry.” She looks down at our hands.

  “Lils. Look at me.” When she doesn’t, I reach over and move a stray hair that’s fallen from her ponytail. “What’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours?”

  “I have to tell you something.”

  “Lils?” Lennon’s worried voice is just an echo in my ears. My heart crashing against my ribcage drowns out any sound. I was on autopilot walking from Tristan’s room. “Lillia? You’re scaring the shit out of me!”

  “Lils?” Avery’s gentler voice and touch guide me to the chair in the corner of the room. “Lillia? Is it Tristan?”

  Upon hearing his name, my eyes snap up to see two pairs of anxious eyes staring at me. I nod and swallow. I haven’t told them about the baby and I fear they’ll have the same reaction to it as Tristan had.

  “Jesus Christ, Lillia! What about Tristan?” Lennon shouts at me.

  “He doesn’t want it,” I say quietly.

  “Want what? You’re not making any sense!”