Lost Love

by Maryse Dawson

  Closing her eyes, she slowly drifted into a troubled sleep.

  * * *

  Arabella awoke the next morning and went to stretch her limbs, only to immediately freeze, when she felt John still beside her. She stayed stock still and listened to his breathing. It was steady and even. Cautiously, mindful of her sore bottom from last night's spanking, she turned over and stared at him. He was lying on his back, one arm flung over his forehead, the other on top of his chest. The coverlet was pushed down to his waist. Her eyes wandered over him. In slumber, his face had softened, and he looked less ferocious than he did when awake. Her gaze travelled from his face down to his thickly muscled neck and broad shoulders. She had admired him when he was a youth, but now he was a man: thicker set and mature. Altogether more alluring if that was possible. She should hate him for the way he disciplined her, but somehow, she found herself admiring his dominance. It showed strength that perhaps she needed in a man; otherwise, she would ride rough shod over him.

  Her eyes flicked back up, and she caught her breath. He was staring at her. She flushed guiltily and quickly leaned back against her pillow, wincing when her backside touched the sheets again. "Good morning, milord."

  He shifted upwards and leaned over her. His eyes had taken on a deeper hue. She stared at them in fascination. "Good morrow, wife," he said, his eyes fastening on her lips. Unconsciously, her small tongue darted out and moistened them. His gaze met hers, and instinctively, she knew that today she would lose her virginity. He looked as though he was about to devour her. She realised, despite his hostility towards her, she still possessed something he wanted, or so it would seem: her body.

  His mouth settled on hers. Lightly at first, but receiving no resistance, grew firmer, possessively capturing her lips against his. Arabella's body sprang to life, every nerve ending clamouring for his touch. He slipped one hand beneath her head, entangling her long hair between his fingers, the other slid beneath her nightgown. His touch ignited her very being, as he caressed and explored her soft yielding body. She denied him not. In her aroused state, he was Ulric, her beloved, and she welcomed him.

  His hands stroked her breasts. Her nipples tightened on contact, and she drew in a ragged breath. She dare not breathe his name for fear he would stop. She wanted him. That was all she needed to understand. Her hands caressed his back, his shoulders, and his arms. Soft sighs escaped her when he nipped her neck, drawing her body even closer when he placed his hands on her buttocks.

  She felt hardness at her entrance. Before she had time to respond, with one sharp thrust, he broke through her maidenhead. His mouth covered hers, stifling her cries of pain. She clung to him, her whole body urging her to reject him, whilst she adjusted to his size. She had been told her first time would not be easy, so she allowed his kisses to distract her from the pain. Slowly, he began to thrust into her again and again, until the pain diminished, to be replaced by a feeling so sweet she never wanted it to end. She called his name as wave after wave of pleasure washed over her. When John let out a groan and collapsed against her, she knew he had reached his pinnacle. She laid her hands against his back, reveling in the close contact, and buried her face in his neck, breathing in his masculine scent. If only he could love her as she loved him.

  A few moments later, John withdrew from her body and lay down by her side facing her, one hand splayed across her midriff. His breathing was still a little ragged as was hers.

  "I am sorry I hurt thee." He said quietly. "The next time will not be painful."

  He looked at her, his expression guarded. She smiled at him shyly. "It only hurt at the beginning. Afterwards it was wonderful."

  "I am glad for it. As much as we have our differences, I would prefer our child to be born out of pleasure, not pain."

  "Our child?"

  "Aye. I need an heir, and the sooner the better. I hath given thee enough time to adjust to this marriage. From now on, I will come to thy bed every night until thee conceive."

  She felt tears prick her eyes and blinked to keep them at bay. So he was only bedding her for an heir. She had thought maybe it was because he was falling in love with her. How could she have been so naive? He had told her from the beginning how this marriage would be. More fool her for thinking otherwise. She turned her back on him, making his arm fall away, but he placed it back on her hip, trailing his hand along the curve of her waist and upwards to her shoulder. "As part of thy punishment I am locking thee in thy chamber today."

  She turned and stared at him. "A whole day? But what am I to do? I will be bored beyond reason!"

  "Thou should hath thought of that last night."

  Her face set mulishly, and she turned her back on him again. God's bones! He was such a tyrant.

  * * *

  By late morning, Arabella was bored out of her mind. She had tried reading and, after an hour, had given up. Her mind kept wandering to thoughts of their earlier love making. Aye, it had hurt at first, after that, it had been heavenly. John had promised her that next time there would be no pain at all. She kept thinking of his big hands and how they had touched her so intimately. Her breathing grew erratic once more, and she quickly jumped up from the chair and paced the chamber. Her emotions were all over the place. One minute she was angry at being confined to her chamber, the next she was day dreaming about a husband that loved her as much as she loved tripe. She sighed loudly and stomped her foot.

  Suddenly the key in the door turned, and Esme entered the chamber. She was carrying a tray of food. Arabella pursed her lips. "Am I not even allowed down to the hall to eat?"

  Esme shook her head. "Nay, milady. Lord John was most adamant on the matter."

  "Well fie on him!"

  "Milady, 'twill do thee no good to fret so. Take this time to think upon thy actions that made Lord John confine thee so. He is a fair man and must hath had good reason."

  "I do not find him fair." Arabella spat. "He is a knave to keep me thus! I did naught wrong."

  "I beg to differ."

  Arabella jumped when she heard John's deep voice. He strode into the chamber and spoke to the maid. "Leave us!"

  Esme set the tray down on the dresser, her eyes big in her face. "I will return later to collect it." She promptly left the room as she was bid.

  Arabella stared at her husband. Part of her was still angry, the other wondering what her latest outburst would earn her. He folded his arms and walked over to her. "Tell me, milady, hast thou learnt anything from thy spanking yester eve, or do we hath to repeat it?"

  Arabella's heart thumped loudly in her chest. Repeat it? Uh-uh! Her anger quickly disappeared, replaced with contrition. She swallowed hard before answering. "Nay, milord."

  He stared hard at her, and she did her best to look humble. Her bottom was still sore, and the idea of receiving another spanking so soon was unthinkable! For a moment, she thought he was going to carry out his threat, but her face must have convinced him otherwise. Instead, he placed his hand on her chin and raised her face to his. "If thou dost as thee art told today, I will allow thee the freedom of the castle tomorrow. But mark my words, milady. Any sign of disobedience, and thee will be over my knee in a thrice! Dost thou understand?"

  Arabella nodded mutely. His dominance thrilled her, yet at the same time, it irked her. She should detest him for the way he was treating her, but she didn't. More fool her, but she loved him. He dropped his hand away and pulled out a seat in front of the tray of food.

  "Now, milady, sit and eat. I will return at dusk."

  When the door closed behind him, and the key turned in the lock, Arabella's shoulders slumped. Would he ever come to love her and treat her with respect? At the moment, she couldn't see it. Usually time was a healer, but it seemed with John, his emotions had festered over the years. Perhaps, for him, it was too late. Apathetically, she began to chew on a piece of cheese, her thoughts muddled.

  Chapter Five

  Several days passed, and Arabella had resigned herself to captivity within the cas
tle. Fendrel was present practically everywhere she went, and it irked her beyond reason. She had tried to outwit him, on a few occasions, and always failed. He would turn up along another corridor, or appear in a doorway, just when she thought she was free of him. She could see in his eyes a sparkle of triumph, when he caught up with her. Oh, how she'd like to wipe that smug look off his face!

  As luck would have it, the occasion arose that very afternoon. Lord Justin and his wife, Lady Isabel, had come to visit. They lived in the next village and had known John for several years.

  Arabella was introduced to them in the great hall. John placed his hand in the small of her back and pressed her forward. "My wife, Arabella of Arnscroft."

  "I am so pleased to make thy acquaintance, milady," breathed Isabel. Arabella warmed to her immediately. She had kind eyes and a softly spoken voice. She judged her to be only a little older than herself. Lord Justin bowed politely. "Milady. We were delighted to hear that John had finally taken a wife."

  She smiled, not quite knowing what to say. They were clearly oblivious to the true details about their marriage and seemed to think she was there by choice. Poor deluded fools.

  Lord Justin slipped his arm around his wife and pulled her to him, gazing lovingly down into her face. "I hope ye two are as happy as we are."

  Arabella felt her face flush, and a twinge of jealousy surge through her. She would love to be as happy as they obviously were, but her marriage was far removed from theirs. John smoothly changed the subject. "Dost thou intend to stay, or art thou travelling onwards?"

  "I would ask thy hospitality for a few days. One of my knights took an arrow to his side this morning—I wondered if thy physician will take a look at him."

  "Of course! How did it happen?" The two men walked off, deep in discussion, leaving Arabella and Isabel alone. Arabella smiled at her. "Would thee like some refreshment?"

  "Aye, I am starving. I hath not eaten since early this morning, and I could eat half a pig!"

  Arabella laughed. "I will call for some food and wine. Come, take a seat with me by the fire."

  Isabel settled herself in one of the big seats and sighed contentedly. "It is so nice to be on firm ground again. That cart seems to get bumpier each time I travel on it. I would far rather ride on a horse."

  "Why dost thou not?"

  "My husband. He insists that we travel together, so he can look after me. Betwixt thee and I, it can get a bit stifling."

  Arabella glanced at Fendrel. Aye, she knew exactly how she felt. "But he loves thee and mayhap just wants to protect thee?"

  Isabel's sighed. "I knowest it to be so, but sometimes, just sometimes, I wouldst like to be on my own. I wouldst love to ride out on my horse again—it has been so long."

  Arabella's eyes darted to Fendrel. Leaning forward, she whispered to her, "Mayhap we can aid one another."

  "How so? Dost thou experience the same with Lord John?"

  "Nay. Our marriage was…arranged and John dost not trust me to stay here, so he makes his guard Fendrel watch over me constantly. I like it not!"

  "Thou dost not seem unhappy. I am sorry; I didst not know thy marriage was so."

  "Does it matter? Is it not our lot in life, as women, to accept what befalls us?"

  "Well, nay, but then 'tis easy for me to say, because I married a man I love. I suppose if thou is given to a man for another reason, then mayhap we do hath to accept it. But I wouldst like it not!"

  "Me neither. This is why I hath tried to escape, but Fendrel watches me constantly."

  "Which one is Fendrel?" Isabel asked, glancing around. Several knights sat around the hall, some playing chess, others quaffing wine and stroking the castle dogs.

  "He stands by the dais."

  Isabel glanced at Fendrel on the other side of the hall, who was casually looking at his nails. "He dost not seem to be watching thee now."

  "Oh, he is. I think he hath eyes in the back of his head!"

  Isabel laughed. "We art a fine pair, are we not?"

  "Aye. Ah, here are the refreshments."

  Esme placed a tray of food and drink on the small table betwixt them. Arabella dismissed her and proceeded to pour a goblet of wine for Isabel, who was helping herself to a small platter of meats.

  "I hath an idea how we can take a ride together," Arabella said quietly, looking at Isabel over her goblet of wine.

  Isabel chewed her bottom lip. "What didst thee hath in mind?"

  "If we can distract Fendrel, we can make our way to the stables, where thee can command a mare each for us."

  "Me?"

  "Aye. The stable hands will only take orders from Lord John, but they will listen to thee, if thy tone is commanding. They certainly will not heed me!"

  Isabel's eyes lit up. "Dare we do such a thing?"

  "Of course. It will give us time to ride out together and hath a break from the confines of the castle. It makes sense."

  Arabella wasn't telling the complete truth. Her intention, once saddled, was to ride like the wind straight back to Arnscroft, but she wouldn't tell Isabel that for fear of her backing out. Nay, she wasn't lying—she just wasn't telling the whole truth.

  "How do we distract Fendrel?" Isabel asked.

  "Go to walk past him and suddenly fall, as though thy ankle hath twisted beneath thee. He will aid thee, and I will escape the other way. By the time he has helped thee up, I will be gone. Then I will meet thee in the stables."

  Her getaway bag was still packed, hidden in her clothing trunk. All she had to do was grab it and run to the stables. Whether she could actually accomplish that before Fendrel found her was another thing.

  She watched as Isabel mulled it over before coming to a decision. "I hath a feeling I may regret this, but part of me dost not care. If Justin finds out, then what can he do?"

  "Indeed!" Arabella felt her buttocks clench when she pictured what John would do to her, but Isabel clearly had no such worry. "So thee will do it?"

  "Aye, it is about time I had a little freedom and fun. I shall finish my wine and this delicious food and then put our plan to action."

  Arabella sniggered. It would be marvellous to ruin Fendrel's day. Oh, if only she could be there to see his face when he found her gone! Ten minutes later, Isabel made her move. She tripped awkwardly right in front of Fendrel and grabbed his arm as she fell to the floor. His attention diverted, Arabella slipped out of the hall in a heartbeat.

  She had never moved so fast. She was in her chamber and gone in the blink of an eye, her getaway bag over her shoulder, her boots in her hand. Rushing down to the stables, she hid just inside the doorway and put on her boots, whilst she waited for Isabel. She didn't have to wait long. Isabel arrived, slightly out of breath, her cheeks flushed with excitement. She immediately spotted Arabella and rushed over. "Fendrel has gone looking for thee. We do not hath much time." She marched over to one of the stable hands and, squaring her shoulders, commanded that he make two mares ready for them. He glanced at Arabella and frowned. She stared back at him, her expression masked. Please, God, he do as he was told.

  Isabel prodded him, "Come on, boy. What is the delay? Do I hath to get thy master down here?"

  He gulped and visibly paled. "Nay, milady."

  He called to another lad, and they readied two Palfrey mares for them. Isabel urged them to hurry, whilst Arabella glanced over her shoulder, fully expecting Fendrel or John to come striding in at any moment.

  The boy shot Isabel a worried look as he handed her the reins. She ignored him, and quickly led her horse out into the bailey, with Arabella following immediately behind. Whilst one boy helped them mount, the other called up to the guards to raise the portcullis. Arabella rode through the gates, her heart in her mouth. Freedom! Finally it was hers!

  * * *

  John and Justin left the wounded knight in the capable hands of the castle's physician, Leon. The wound left by the arrow was sizeable, but Leon assured them he would recover fully. He just needed time for his healing potions to
work their magic.

  "How dost thou find married life, John?" Justin asked as they walked towards the great hall.

  "It hath its challenges, but on the whole, I am satisfied." He chose his words carefully. He didn't want Justin to know the real reason he married Arabella. It would lead to too many questions and details he didn't want to reveal, about his previous life as Ulric. He carefully changed the subject. "Isabel is as beautiful as ever, my friend."

  "Aye. A man could not want for a more obedient and charming wife."

  "Obedient? Thou hast never had occasion to chastise her then?"

  Justin shook his head vehemently. "Nay, John. She is most compliant." He frowned. "Dost thou hath problems with Arabella then?"

  "Sometimes she can be a little wilful, but she soon learns to comply." He envisioned her pert little bottom over his lap and smiled. Aye, she learned all right. Suddenly, Fendrel appeared, marching towards them down the corridor, his face grim. John's heart sank.

  Fendrel reached them. "Milord, Arabella and the lady Isabel hath ridden out of the castle grounds."

  "Ridden!" Justin exclaimed. "Wherefore? Didst anyone accompany them? One of the guards?" Fendrel shook his head, and Justin cursed loudly. "'Tis too dangerous for them to go unchaperoned!"

  Fendrel's jaw tightened. "They told the stable boy that they wished to go out on a ride." He looked at John, his eyes portraying what he really thought.

  John felt a surge of anger rip through him. Conniving little madam. He was not sure how she had done it, but she had somehow used Isabel for her own gain. When she was back in his protection, he would teach her the error of her ways. "We shall hath to fetch them back. Make our horses ready, Fendrel, and choose two guards to accompany us."

  Justin's face showed worry. "I cannot believe Isabel would ride out without telling me."

  "My wife can be very persuasive, Justin. I fear the blame lies at her feet, not thy wife's." He put a comforting hand on his shoulder "Worry not, my friend, we shall hath them safely back within the hour."

  * * *

  Arabella relished the feel of the wind, blowing through her hair, as she raced along beside Isabel. "Is this not wondrous?"