The Nasty Vamp

by Gail Koger

  Uncle Fester’s eyes began to glow an eerie red. “Come to me.”

  Did he think I was stupid or what? “No.”

  He seemed a bit taken aback. “No?”

  “That’s right. No. Now get out of here before Kane decides to show up.”

  He shrugged. “Guess I’ll have to do this the hard way.” My uncle vanished and a few seconds later he was on top of me. He grabbed my left arm in a painfully hot grip.

  “Ouch! You cheated.”

  “Sue me.”

  My right hand curled around the fireplace poker and I whacked him upside the head with it. “Consider yourself sued.”

  Uncle Fester grunted and staggered back a step. “You vicious little brat.”

  “I’ve learned from the best.” I raised the poker like a bat. “Get out and stay the hell away from me.”

  “No.” The poker vanished.

  “Shit!” I dived for the broadsword. A fraction of second before I could grab it, it was gone, too.

  “This isn’t a fairytale and you don’t get to live happily ever after,” my uncle snarled.

  “The hell I don’t.” Scrambling to my feet, I ducked under his outstretched arms, grabbed the bowl of potatoes and hurled it at him. “I found my prince charming and you are not taking him away from me again.”

  My uncle made a spectacular leapt over the table and tackled me. “Why don’t you make like Sleeping Beauty?”

  The world went black.

  McGregor’s mouth closed gently over mine and in my mind I heard, Wake up, sweetling.

  My eyes popped open and my beloved’s face filled my vision. “Ian!” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “What took you so long?”

  He pressed hungry kisses over my face and pointed upwards. “Him.”

  My uncle suddenly fell from the sky. Splat! He hit the slimy water of the castle’s moat. His armor weighing him down, Fester sank like a stone.

  I watched the bubbles rising to the surface for a long moment and sighed. “Think he’s drowning?”

  “Hopefully,” McGregor growled.

  My uncle shot from the water and landed six feet away. Thick mud oozed off his armor and slimy green stuff dripped from his hair. Trying to hack up a lung, Fester raised his sword and gasped, “You murdering bastard, tonight I send you back to hell.”

  Ian raised an incredulous eyebrow and sat me on my feet. “He does have a death wish, doesn’t he?”

  Yeah, he did. My entire family was dysfunctional with a capital D. Stepping in front of McGregor, I glared at my uncle. “I thought you couldn’t break your oath. You know the one where you swore to protect me?”

  Moldy gunk running down his face, Fester pointed Excalibur at McGregor and rasped hoarsely, “I will not allow him to live.”

  “If you kill McGregor, I die, too. Or did you forget that little fact?”

  Uncle Fester lowered his sword. “Morgana was my life.”

  Ian shook his head in disbelief and stroked my shoulders soothingly. “They say love is blind. Morgana was drugging you and stealing your power. Another month and she would have had it all.”

  “You lie!” Uncle Fester charged McGregor slashing at him with Excalibur.

  Shoving me out of the way, Ian leapt high into the air and delivered a powerful side kick to my uncle’s head.

  My moronic uncle staggered back, wiped the blood off his mouth and uttering a fierce battle cry attacked my sweetie again.

  A Claymore appeared in Ian’s hand and he easily countered Fester’s blows.

  Manic hee-haw laughter erupted behind me.

  Oh God, not again. I turned and sure enough there stood McCabe and his demented sorcerer. Don’t you just hate it when guests show up unexpectedly?

  McGregor took one look at them and zapped my uncle with a dazzling gold lightning bolt.

  Uncle Fester flew about twenty feet and landed in a tree.

  Whoa! Color me impressed.

  Crackling black energy sizzled past my right ear. My sweetie thrust me behind him and spun to meet their attack.

  Kane popped in and together, he and McGregor blasted the pint-sized sorcerer with blinding bolts of blue and gold. There was a loud snap, crackle, pop and the little guy hit the outer wall with a loud thud. He crumpled to the ground moaning.

  A predatory smile on his face, father strode towards the badly smoking sorcerer.

  A ball of flames blasted the ground in front of McCabe. He took one look at the dragon circling overhead and vanished.

  I grabbed Excalibur off the ground and yelled, “You cowardly toad! Come back here and fight me like a man.”

  “My fierce little warrior.” Ian wrapped an arm around my waist and his lips closed over mine in a searing open-mouthed kiss. I clung to him as an explosion of bliss rocked my body.

  The ground shuddered as Modred landed beside us.

  McGregor released me reluctantly. “I’ll go fetch the cowardly toad for you.”

  “Aw, you’re so sweet.”

  “Protect her,” Ian commanded and vanished.

  The dragon’s deadly talons closed around me and his forked tongue flicked out and slimed my face.

  I smacked his snout. “I’m not dinner and you don’t get to taste me.”

  The beast gave a hissing laugh and slimed me again.

  The word kiss formed in my mind. “Ewww. You crazy lizard, only Ian gets to kiss me.”

  Out of nowhere eerie purple clouds formed over the castle and whips of black lightning suddenly struck Kane. His face was a mask of agony as the deadly bolts crackled wildly around him and a tortured scream broke from him.

  “Fry that little runt,” I commanded.

  With a bellowing roar, Modred launched himself into the air and spat fire at Voorhas.

  The little runt burst into flames. The flames abruptly vanished.

  Tightening my grip on Excalibur I started towards Father. I was going to send that little maggot straight to hell.

  I have no need of your help, daughter. With a gesture Kane stopped the deadly lightning.

  You’re sure?

  Very. A shimmering blue glow surrounded Kane as he turned to face Voorhas.

  “They’ve left you all alone and unprotected,” a raspy voice hissed behind me.

  These idiots were getting on my last nerve. With Excalibur held ready at my side, I turned and met Dominic’s soulless black gaze. “My blood won’t cure you.”

  Weird shadows scurried across the Wizard’s polished silver armor. “But McGregor’s will.”

  “I’m the bait to lure Ian into a trap?”

  “Aye.”

  God I hoped this worked because I would not allow this asshole to harm one hair on McGregor’s head. “Mensura non probavi.”

  Dominic’s armor vanished leaving him butt ass naked. Hmmph. His dick wasn’t that big.

  He gaped at me in stunned surprise. “You can’t have any magic abilities. You’re an Alfred.”

  “I guess you didn’t get the memo.” I swept Excalibur in a graceful salute. “En garde!”

  The Wizard smirked. “I don’t need armor to defeat a pitiful human female.” A tentacle of shimmering green shot from his right hand and a broadsword formed in his hand. He gave a courtly bow. “En garde.”

  “Kill her, lover,” Bambi shouted from the shadows.

  If I survived this night, I was divorcing my family.

  Dominic’s sword flashed out and I barely blocked his blow. His fury played itself out in a series of vicious cuts.

  For what seemed to be an eternity I parried, blocked and parried again. My muscles began to quiver and sweat poured down my face. Fear cramped my stomach.

  “You can’t defeat the Wizard,” Bambi crowed.

  Now she had done gone and pissed me off. “Wanna bet?” I blocked his attempt to disembowel me.

  “Isobel tried fighting me, too,” The Wizard announced, hammering me with his sword. Blow by blow he forced me to retreat. “It took me a month to break her then she begged for my tou
ch. She screamed as I took her over and over again. I want you on your knees begging for mercy.”

  Isobel’s memories flooded my mind and a cold rage swept over me. It was time the bastard paid for what he had done to Isobel and her family. From somewhere deep inside me power flared to life and I unleashed it. I blocked his savage attack, parrying thrust after thrust.

  The Wizard gave a mocking laugh. “You fight well for a female, but do you really think you can defeat me?”

  Lunging forward I slashed Excalibur in deadly downward arc. I missed his penis by a scant inch and sliced his thigh open. His howl of pain was music to my ears.

  My cousin’s scream of horror brought a smile to my face. My smile quickly died at the berserker’s rage filling Dominic’s face. Ah oh.

  “Die bitch!” Dominic’s relentless blade forced me back. It was like being attacked by a razor sharp lethal windmill. My agility was no match for his brutal strength and ferocity with a sword.

  His blade streaked towards my face. With a barely balanced backwards leap, I deflected the sweeping blow and managed to slash his sword arm.

  The Wizard hissed in fury at the blood running down his arm and he came at me again. Our blades met with a clash.

  Above me the wild thunder of wind under dragon wings was followed by a bellowing roar.

  I yelled loudly, “Sic’em Modred.”

  The dragon dove down, seized Dominic in his deadly talons and flew off with him screaming bloody blue murder.

  “That’s cheating,” Bambi howled in outrage and swung at me.

  I blocked the blow with my right arm and delivered a hard left punch to her nose.

  Bambi crumpled to the ground out cold.

  All I needed was for Aunt Tessa to show up and we could have a family reunion. My knees suddenly buckled and I hit the soggy ground. Sucking in shuddering breath, I rested my head against hilt of my sword. I never ever wanted to do that again.

  A cannon-like blast of thunder brought my head up.

  An electrical wall of blue light abruptly snapped across the darkened sky. Frenzied energy sizzled and crackled wildly before it engulfed Voorhas blasting him into a smoking cinder.

  Guess Father really didn’t need my help.

  An armored hand jerked Excalibur out of my grip. “It’s time to go.”

  I looked wearily up at Uncle Fester. “For God’s sake give it a rest. The love of your life was a cold-hearted bitch who wanted you dead. Deal with it. You deserve better. I deserve better.”

  “Morgana loved me,” Uncle Fester snapped.

  “Sure she did. She just loved your power more.”

  Uncle Fester grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked it painfully. “That’s a lie.”

  A massive fist slammed into my uncle’s face. His eyes rolled back and he toppled over.

  “Thanks, sweetie.”

  “A few years in Kane’s dungeon should allow Morgana’s spell to wear off. He can use that time to reflect on his treatment of you,” McGregor said, scooping me into arms. “You good with that?”

  I brushed my mouth over his in a light caress. “Hell yes.”

  Ian gestured and my uncle vanished.

  Looping my arms around his neck, I kissed the tip of McGregor’s nose. “If I promise you hot monkey sex, could you put Bambi in with Uncle Fester?”

  He threw his head back and roared with laughter. “It would be my pleasure.”

  Bambi disappeared.

  “Did you catch the cowardly toad?”

  “Aye, he’s in the dungeon, too.”

  Modred flew by with Dominic screaming like a little girl.

  McGregor’s thoughtful gaze surveyed the naked Wizard dangling from the dragon talons and settled on the blood staining Excalibur’s blade and inquired, “Something you want to tell me?”

  “Nope, not a thing.” I claimed his lips in a slow intoxicating kiss.

  My stomach turned inside out and poof.

  Chapter Twelve

  We were sprawled across a massive bed with gold satin pillows. McGregor’s heavy weight pinned me to the mattress and his erection pressed into my stomach. My body did a happy dance until I noticed the anger simmering in his eyes and babbled, “How does a Highland warrior end up with satin pillows?”

  “Isobel.” He stroked the hair off my face and titled my chin up. “If you ever challenge another master vampire to mortal combat, I will put you across my knee and paddle your behind.” His fangs nipped my neck. “Do you understand?”

  “What was I supposed to do? Faint? Scream and run like crazy?”

  “You should have summoned me.”

  “And let McCabe get away again? Not a chance. Besides, I handled Dominic just fine. I don’t have a scratch on me and I wasn’t the one bleeding and screaming like a little girl, now was I?”

  My sweetie looked a bit flustered. “Would you challenge Kane to a sword fight?”

  I glared up at him. “No, I’m not suicidal.”

  “Dominic’s a master swordsman. I would have difficulty defeating him.”

  “Now you’re just being modest. You’d kick his ass.”

  McGregor bared his fangs in a snarl. “You could have been killed.”

  I stroked his face soothingly and planted a kiss on his sinful mouth. “I’m fine.”

  “You take too many risks.”

  “Sometimes,” I admitted and nibbled his lower lip.

  Ian narrowed his eyes at me. “I want your promise.”

  “Okay, I promise never to challenge Dominic to another sword fight.”

  A growl sounded deep in his chest. “Ann.”

  He’d been spending way too much time with Ben. “I promise not to challenge any master vampire to mortal combat. Happy?” My hand stroked the bulge in his pants.

  Ian’s breath hissed out. “You are a wicked woman.”

  “I did promise you some hot monkey sex.”

  “That you did.” His mouth closed over mine, consuming, dominating.

  My cell phone began to ring incessantly. Talk about a mood killer. I pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID. Crap. My aunt was probably still looking for her little princess.

  McGregor plucked the phone out of my hand and hurled it against the far wall.

  “Hey!”

  “Talk to her later. Hot monkey sex now.” Ian’s callused hands stroked, caressed heating my blood until I focused only on the sensation of his touch.

  He made my bones melt. I skimmed my tongue along his throat. “Can you do something about our clothes?”

  Presto! They were gone.

  I teased his nipples with my teeth and tongue, smiling as he shuddered. Who knew seduction could be so much fun?

  My fingers trailed across his groin and circled his penis, stroking it, squeezing the thick length.

  Ian snagged my hands and pinned them over my head. “My turn.” His lips caressed mine, seducing me with hot, sweetly passionate kisses.

  Ripples of white-hot pleasure had me twisting beneath him. He was everywhere, touching my mind, my body until we were welded together. His body moved against mine, hot and aggressive. Pulsing waves of sheer euphoria crashed over me as Ian stroked me with long, hard thrusts. He was my heart. I now had a new home, a new family.