What Could Be (Everyday Love Book 1)

by Jaycee Weaver

  Before Josh could reach the portable buildings, the turkey clad door burst open and a stream of kids poured forth like a flood through a broken dam. The cacophony of shouts, laughter, and teasing made him laugh to himself. It didn’t feel like that long ago he was in elementary school tossing the football and teasing the younger kids. His eyes scanned the motley crew for Brendan.

  The little boy was right in the heart of the huddled mass of kids, clutching a football and skipping along shouting directives to several kids, even those a few years older. The bigger boys humored Brendan and that warmed Josh’s heart. He knew Brendan’s easy going, energetic attitude endeared him to a lot of the adults in his life, but Josh was proud to witness it having the same effect on other kids.

  “Hey, B-man! You ready to go?” Josh called out.

  Brendan’s head shot up and searched around at the sound of his dad’s familiar voice.

  “Aw, Dad! You’re here early! We were just about to play some football. Can I play for a few minutes, please?!”

  “Sure, bud. I’ll go inside and get your stuff then come out and watch a few minutes, ok?”

  Brendan nodded his acceptance and ran back to the group. The game was quickly underway and Josh turned toward the portable. As he approached the ramp, he crossed paths with an older teenage boy he remembered was named Robert, one of the part-time teachers who worked with Brynn. They gave each other a nod of greeting and Robert strode for the turf field where the kids were engrossed in their informal football game.

  Josh gave the door a firm tug and was greeted with a blast of pleasantly warm air that he quickly acclimated to. There were significantly fewer kids there than usual, especially when he thought about how many were outside. Even though most of the kids were gone for the day by the time he usually made it to pick up Brendan, he’d seen how many students were enrolled in the program on the few occasions he’d picked up Brendan early or they’d had a teacher in-service day in which the kids had no classes but the SAEC offered child care for working parents.

  Brynn appeared from behind a large cabinet door and turned, almost running square into his chest. Not that he minded the contact.

  “Oh my goodness! Josh! I’m so sorry! I really do need to get better about watching where I’m going. I think Brendan’s outside with a bunch of the other kids and Robert. They wanted to play football on the field for a while.”

  Josh laughed at Brynn’s rapid rambling. She looked almost nervous. His mouth curved into a slight smirk. Maybe he was finally breaking through and affecting her like she’d been affecting him for months? He could only hope.

  “Yeah, I saw him. I figured I’d come get his stuff so he could play for a few minutes. I’m in no hurry just yet, so there was no point in making him leave right away. Are you finally feeling better?”

  Brynn

  “Yes, praise God it was a fairly quick bug. I took it easy on Saturday, and had a pretty good time beating my little brother at Clue and Bananagrams. He demanded vindication via video games, which he knows I’m usually terrible at. But…,” she trailed off in a melodic tone and a mischievous glint lit her eyes. “He let me choose Mario Kart and I totally left him in the dust. It was awesome. How was your weekend?”

  “It was fun. Saturday, Brendan and I caught the last Lobo football home game and spent yesterday hanging out with some of the other dads from my men’s group and their kids after church. Arcade games, pizza—a pretty perfect Sunday, actually.”

  Brynn’s smile spread wide and she nodded in agreement.

  “So,” she hesitated, not quite ready for the conversation to end, “you’re off early today. Fun plans?”

  “Oh yeah, Brendan has his parent-teacher conference in a little bit.”

  “Wow, you’re really pulling out all the stops!”

  “You know it. And if that’s not enough excitement, we also get to navigate the airport.”

  “Fuuuuuuuun,” she dragged the word out expressively, holding back a smile. Barely. “Leaving town for Thanksgiving?”

  “Nah, my whole family’s here. My little sister is coming to town tonight and Brendan can never get enough time with his favorite Aunt Jenna.”

  “Aw, that really will be fun. I guess that means he won’t be here tomorrow, then?”

  “Nope, she’s declared she’s taking him to the history museum to explore the dinosaurs and space exhibits and I’m not invited.” He gave a lopsided half grin that soon turned into a furled lip. “Meanwhile, I’ll be at work surfing the internet and hiding from Carly.”

  His whole body shuddered as if remembering a horrific experience.

  A twinge of discomfort settled in Brynn’s gut at the mention of another woman’s name. “Carly? Someone has an adoring fan?” she forced out with a tight-lipped smile, attempting to keep her tone light. Was it hot in here?

  He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and scratched the base of his hairline just above his collar while his body shifted slightly. Josh looked about as comfortable as she felt at the mention of that name. Hmmm. Curious.

  “Yeah, she works in my office. There’s just something very off-putting about her. It feels like she’s a tiger and I’m the mouse she can’t wait to catch and devour. I try to avoid her as often as humanly possible, but she doesn’t make it easy. She’s very…um…hands-on and it drives me crazy, and NOT in a good way.”

  “Sounds like harassment to me,” Brynn announced.

  “It’s funny you say that. I was thinking the exact same thing earlier today,” he said wryly.

  “A lot of people act like sexual harassment is men-on-women only, but it can go both ways. I’ve met several women who are quite predatory. If the attention is unwanted and they’re acting on their impulses anyway, it’s harassment, no matter who’s on the receiving end. Double standards like that make me so mad!” Brynn’s impassioned outburst surprised both of them.

  “It’s inconceivable!” Josh cried out in a pretty good Vizzini impression, which completely threw her off guard and made her laugh out loud.

  “Oh my gosh, that was hilarious! Way to bring the levity back.” Her laughter came out in a few small chuckles and she continued. “Sorry, I find I’m pretty rational most of the time, but some issues really just get me up on a soap box! Social injustices, stereotypes, and double standards are my big triggers if you want to hear me rant.”

  Now it was Josh’s turn to laugh. “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.”

  “Anyway,” she dragged the word out into several syllables to change the subject after realizing the time and her surroundings, “I should let you get Brendan’s things and get out of here! You probably didn’t take a lunch hour since you’re here early, and Brendan is always hungry. I imagine you’re ravenous by now.”

  Josh glanced at the clock and his eyes widened. Those eyes!

  “Wow, I didn’t realize I’ve already been here for half an hour! You’re right, though. I’m starving and Brendan can always eat. Not to mention the conference in five minutes or the fact you’ve got a few kids here who probably need your attention soon,” he added.

  A sudden disappointment settled on Brynn. Though she didn’t examine the feeling too closely, it seemed her subconscious didn’t want Josh to leave just yet. Or maybe it wasn’t just her subconscious. She wasn’t ready to admit that she rather liked Josh and enjoyed these little chit chats. Looked forward to them now, really.

  Well, poop. So much for not admitting it to herself. Now she couldn’t not acknowledge the thought. Okay, okay, she enjoyed every moment of these little mini-conversations with Josh. Mr. Davis her uptight-self corrected. Nope, definitely just Josh. Since she’d never do anything about it, she supposed it wasn’t that big of a deal to acknowledge to herself that she liked him. It wasn’t like she liked him, liked him, right?

  Brynn sat cross legged on her bed that evening with her Bible in her lap. Had it been that long since she’d made the time to sit and actually read it? She’d been spending plenty of time in prayer in r
ecent months, but being diligent in spending formal “quiet time” hadn’t been high on her list of priorities. Had it ever? Probably should be better about that. No. She brushed aside the guilt. God understands and she didn’t want to be some Pharisee going through the motions. Her relationship with the Lord was between Him and her.

  She bent her neck side to side to stretch out the tension before resuming her reading. Or what she’d been attempting to read. Where was her focus today?

  Okay, Lord. I don’t know what’s going on here today, but I can’t focus. I have like a thousand things to study. Oh, and thank you that I don’t have classes this week, by the way.

  I saw Josh today. Well, of course I saw him today. I see him almost every day. But today was different, God. Sometimes I get the feeling that there’s something there—under the surface—and on one hand I feel so excited and curious to discover what it could be, but then on the other I remember Caleb and I’m left so confused.

  You know I’ve been feeling like something’s missing with Caleb for a long time. But I haven’t really felt like I’m supposed to do anything about it one way or the other. We were such good friends in the beginning, and then I know we had both hoped we could be more. Sometimes it feels like we’re clicking and there’s potential for something really good. Other times I question why I’m still in this. Like, why is he my boyfriend again, and not just a friend?

  Gina seems to think there’s something with Josh. I thought she was crazy at first, but now? Lord, you know my heart! What is going on?! He is so much more than just one of my students’ parents. He’s not just a friend I can talk to, though I’ve learned he is that, too. I feel lighter when he’s around, and I catch myself looking forward to when he’s going to show up. I can’t help but see other trucks like his and my belly flips a little when I think it might be him. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I want to know more about him, about who he is. But that’s wrong if I’m committed to Caleb.

  So, Caleb. What am I supposed to do there? He’s such a wonderful man, and he doesn’t deserve someone to be feeling so divided. Or lately, ambivalent…apathetic? I mean, lately, we’ve hardly spoken but for a couple of texts here and there. When he showed up the other day, it threw me for a loop. That’s the guy I thought I could love, not the guy who puts me last. Not that I’m complaining and demanding more of his time, but I get the feeling maybe he’s pulling away because he’s just as confused and divided as I am?

  Brynn let out a huff and released the clump of hair she’d been fisting, smoothing it down and then flopping back on to her pillow with a frustrated groan. She closed the Bible and set it on her bedside table.

  Lord, between everything with school and the confusion about Caleb and maybe Josh, too, I feel like my world is spinning in too many directions. Can you please show me some kind of sign, give me any kind of clue that’ll help me find direction and follow the peace? Sunday, I was pretty sure you were telling me which way to go with school. I’ll move forward with what I think is right and trust you to keep me afloat. I’ll have to trust you for that same peace about Caleb.

  That familiar sense of peace she knew was from God poured over her like a gentle spring rain. She felt her spirit settle, knowing that somehow, she’d have a sign about the guys in her life. After Aiden, she knew she had to place her friendship and potential love life in God’s hands over and over again. She wanted so badly to be healed of those old wounds and have trust that her heart would be safe and yet feel passion again. Chase the peace, my child, she heard within her spirit.

  Chase the peace she would.

  Chapter 23

  “Hey, hon? Would you mind running down to Walmart for a couple things?”

  Brynn had only walked in the door five seconds ago and was overwhelmed by the smell of ginger and molasses. And a hint of something funky. She wrinkled her nose and the opposing smells.

  “Hey! I thought you were going to wait and do all the baking with me tonight and tomorrow?!” Brynn protested, not bothering to answer her mother’s question.

  “Oh, honey, I was only trying a new recipe. These molasses cookies sounded good and I thought maybe they’d make a good treat for grabbing during commercials while the game is on. But, I think something’s terribly wrong with them.” Her mother held up a fat, bloated cookie with a frown.

  Brynn looked at it and cocked her head sideways while studying the delicious smelling but strange looking treat. She took a tentative bite and immediately ran to spit it into the sink.

  “Ugh, mom! What happened to it?! As fat as they are I expected it to be soft and chewy, but it’s a bitter little rock!” Her face twisted in utter repulsion and she tried to brush the taste off her tongue while reaching for a glass of water to swish out to deplorable flavor. Her whole body shuddered.

  Marla looked like she couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry. With a confused look in her eyes, she continued to examine the failed cookie and shook her head in disgust.

  “I have no idea what happened! You’d have thought they’d be soft, but every batch comes out like mini bricks! I roll them thinner and they puff up. I shorten the cooking time, and they’re mush one second and then rocks the next. And the flavor! There’s molasses, ginger, plenty of sugar, they should taste wonderful! Why are they so bland and bitter? I can’t figure out what I did wrong. I give up.”

  She tossed the cookie on to the counter and not a crumb fell off. She laughed dejectedly.

  “Well, maybe Trixie will eat them?” she said with hope. “There’s nothing in the ingredients to hurt her.”

  Brynn nodded in agreement and called to the overweight dog, who padded up in as much excitement as her ancient legs could muster. She looked up hopefully at the two women and sniffed the air. Marla bent with a treat held out and the old dog began to sniff. She took a tentative lick and then turned.

  “I don’t believe it! Even the dog won’t eat them!” Her laugh was hollow and dejected.

  “Oh, mom, they’re not that bad. Let me try,” Brynn suggested.

  She walked one over to the dog, who gave it a sniff before slurping it from Brynn’s hand. “See? She took it!”

  The old dog promptly dropped the cookie reject to the tile in a pool of slobber and shuffled to her water bowl, slurping loudly.

  “Or maybe not,” she laughed. Brynn took another tentative nibble from the pan her mother had just removed from the oven. She stifled a gag. Crunchy, molasses flavored dirt.

  “Nope, still bad. It’s got to be the recipe. It’s not your fault these are terrible. And they are terrible. Just throw them out!” Brynn tossed the remains of the uneaten brick into the trash and laughed. She felt bad about her mother’s cookie failure, but it was still pretty funny.

  “I just hate wasting perfectly good ingredients like that! I’ll put them in the freezer and maybe I can think of something to do with them later,” Marla insisted.

  She brushed her hands on the old, flour covered and once blue apron she wore and turned back to face Brynn. “Now, about that run to Walmart. If we want to try anything else I need to make sure I have enough extra eggs and butter on hand. I bought those giant bags of flour and sugar from the warehouse, but after my failed experimenting I realized I didn’t buy enough of some other things. Do you mind?” Marla went to retrieve her wallet from the purse on a nearby chair. She removed her debit card and handed it to Brynn.

  “Same PIN as usual?” Brynn asked, her eyebrow raised in a teasing glint.

  “You know it is. And wipe that know-it-all grin off your face, miss college girl. I know I should switch it up, but after almost 30 years you can’t expect your dad and I to memorize a dozen different numbers and passwords.”

  “Okay, okay. Just be careful bagging up those cookies. They might chip the tile if you drop one.”

  “Oh, hush, you twerp!” Marla laughed and snapped a dish towel playfully at Brynn’s behind.

  Brynn dodged the towel and laughed. These antics were a common occurrence in this household, and s
he loved it. She tucked her mom’s debit card and shopping list into her navy and teal chevron wristlet wallet, made sure she had her cell phone, and pulled her keys off the peg in the entryway.

  The week of any holiday was always a zoo at Walmart, and Brynn expected it to be a long trip. She’d decided to drive through a coffee place on the way for a little caramel flavored pick-me-up, so when she got to the store she propped the drink into the corner of the top rack of the cart, held in place from tipping by her wallet. She unfolded the list and pointed her cart in the direction of the personal care section first.

  She’d been browsing through the different body washes and sniffing for a scent she’d like to try when she heard a loud, pained baby squeal. She discreetly pushed her cart to the end of the aisle and had barely rounded the end cap when she realized the poor screeching baby was in the arms of a very handsome, very familiar guy.

  Even with his face down, trying to console the miserably wailing infant, she’d know that wavy, dark hair that half covered his face anywhere. She’d run her fingers through it enough times. She remembered those perfectly formed shoulders and the arms that had held her, the hands that had so gently caressed her.

  The hands that were now sporting a masculine titanium wedding ring and holding a baby.

  Aiden.

  All of the air in Brynn’s lungs whooshed out in a rush. Self-preservation prevailed and she yanked the cart back around to the shampoo aisle before she could be seen.

  Her heart pounded and her breaths came shallow.

  They hadn’t had any contact since the summer he’d wrecked her heart. Of course, he’d tried to find a way to apologize, said he wanted to work things out, but once Brynn’s trust was shredded? How could any self-respecting girl ever again trust a cheater, especially a cheater who knew how closely to her heart she held sex within the confines of marriage? After a month of reading his hollow apology emails and ignoring his calls and texts, she finally told him that if she felt, in the future, that she could have him in her life again, then she’d let him know. Until then, to please stop trying to contact her.