Lost Voices

by Sarah Porter

  The girls were too shocked to cry. They looked around at each other, and at the storm of flames lashing at the windows. Fire licked up under the bathroom door. Dana pulled Jenna over to her and gazed down into her twin's blurry eyes. Maybe it was an effect of the overwhelming heat, but all of them began to see the clouds of dark shimmering that hung around each other's faces.

  "Look at Hilary!” Rachel suddenly gasped. They all saw it. Hilary was wavering, shuddering, barely a girl anymore. And then Dana felt her own body shift, and knew that if she just let go of herself she would dissolve into a pool of brilliant liquid. She could tell from the amazed looks on her friends' faces that they were feeling the same thing. Hilary was just a puddle now, as bright as melted diamonds.

  Dana suddenly knew what they had to do. She grabbed at the pool that was Hilary and found she could drag it along with her. It bounced and gleamed, and in the center of it Hilary’s brown eyes winked like jewels. Hilary’s clothes stayed behind on the floor, and Dana noticed that they were still dry. “The drains!” Dana said, and her voice was strong and almost happy. “Everyone in the showers! And whatever you do, don’t fight it.”

  Two of the younger girls got Jenna’s wrists and pulled her across the tiles. They were just in time, because their legs were starting to melt. Each girl became her own pool of living, shimmering liquid. The last thing to melt was their eyes, so they could watch each other shining and wobbling on the floor, then sliding one by one into the dark holes of the drains before the world vanished into a deep violet darkness. Still, even in the darkness, they were together, racing into something new and unimaginable. The darkness was absolute and fast moving and silky, and it lasted for a very long time.

  9. For Cigarettes

  “Catarina said to get you.” Kayley sounded embarrassed. Bright blue morning glowed through the fissure in the roof of the small cave where Luce had slept the night before. “There’s something freaky going on—I mean, Catarina wants you to help.”

  “With another boat?” Luce didn’t manage to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, and Kayley gave her a strange look. She almost seemed frightened, Luce thought.

  “It’s not that,” Kayley said. She was acting like she didn’t know how to explain. “We wouldn’t ever do two boats that close together, anyway. It’s something way weirder than that. I mean, have you ever heard of more than one metaskaza showing up at a time?” Of course Luce was new and there were lots of things she hadn’t heard of yet, but Kayley was so agitated that she’d forgotten that. “So I mean, how nuts is it that there are fourteen of them? They're all holding on to each other out in the middle of the sea, like just bobbing around, and they won't come back to the cave, and they're so totally freaked out that they'll barely even talk. They just stare at us like we’re the crazy ones.” Kayley gave a nervous laugh, and in spite of herself Luce began to picture the cluster of frightened new mermaids drifting around on the waves. "Catarina thought, since you were just metaskaza, too, maybe you could get them to listen? They aren't even really swimming, and the orcas could get them.”

  Luce was still angry at Catarina, but she realized that this was more important. "Where are they?”

  Kayley looked relieved. "Sort of by the beach where we eat. But they're like half a mile from shore, and they're just drifting farther out. Luce, you've got to come now.”

  As they swam out, Luce was thinking it over. The new mermaids couldn't have come from very far away. For all she knew, some of them might be girls she'd gone to school with in Pittley. She didn't much like the idea of meeting anyone she'd known in her human life again; it would be so painful to be reminded of that time. On the other hand, she couldn't just leave them floating around on the sea.

  When they found them, they'd drifted out past the island where the Coast Guard boat had sunk, and the cliffs were just a gray scrawl against the horizon. The girls were holding one another so tightly that their bodies rose and fell in a kind of raft on top of the waves, and Luce couldn't see the girls in the middle at all. She didn't recognize any of the ones near the edge, though, so she was surprised to feel a pang of some dark emotion she couldn't identify at first. Then she realized what it was: envy. These girls were frantic, bewildered, but they seemed to trust one another so completely; Luce wished desperately that she could trust Catarina that much. It was like they were all sisters. At least two of them really were sisters: there was a pair of dark-skinned twins with full, round mouths who, Luce thought, were every bit as beautiful as Catarina, though one of them looked angry and maybe a little mean. Kayley hung back, and the dark girl watched with obvious hostility as Luce swam over to her. Her sister looked nicer, but she was busy comforting a smaller girl, a weak-looking blonde.

  “Hey,” Luce said to the angry dark girl. She had such a strong look in her eyes that Luce was sure she was the leader. “Are you from one of the towns near here?” The girl seemed surprised, which Luce had expected. Catarina wouldn’t have thought of asking them anything about their human lives, after all.

  “Henton,” the girl snapped warily. Luce had heard of it. It was inland and bigger than Pittley. Sometimes people from Pittley drove there to go shopping.

  “I was living in Pittley,” Luce told her, trying to stay casual. She couldn’t let herself feel shy or awkward, not when so much was at stake. “I bet there’s more to do in Henton.” Then she couldn’t suppress her curiosity: how had so many girls changed all at once? By looking out of the corner of her eyes, she could just catch glimpses of a fire, but the pictures merged and blurred together as she looked from one girl to the next. “Were all of you living together?” The girl seemed to take it as an insult.

  “We were all in a home,” the girl snapped, obviously expecting Luce to say something mean about it. “For orphans. We don’t have parents.”

  "I don't either,” Luce told her. The girl didn't soften much. "But now I'm living with some other girls. None of us have families anymore. I guess it's like a home. Except we don't have any grownups with us, so nobody tells us what to do...” Except Catarina, of course, but Luce decided to leave that out. The dark girl looked like she'd be attracted by the idea of not being bossed around by anyone. She clearly preferred to be in charge.

  "In a house?” the girl asked, confused. Luce understood. It was so unbelievable to find yourself a mermaid that it could take a while to accept the truth, even when your tail was right there. And unless you really looked, the tails were hidden by the daylight flashing off the water's surface.

  "It's a cave,” Luce admitted. "But the thing is, it's safe. And it's not safe staying out here.” The girl glowered at her. She'd already guessed where this was leading. Luce plunged ahead anyway. "You should come back with me. We'll help you find food, and you can all get some sleep.” They looked tired, Luce thought, and some of the younger ones were whimpering. They were almost all looking at Luce now, even the ones in the middle squirming to see her, but they seemed content to let their leader do the talking. Kayley still watched from a distance, her dark head disappearing sometimes behind the cresting waves.

  The girl shook her head vehemently.

  "That redheaded nutcase was saying the same thing. But we have a plan. We can float really well if we all stay together like this, so we're going to wait for a boat to come. They'll rescue us. We just have to keep calm.”

  Luce thought of telling the girl that they could easily swim to shore on their own in a few minutes if they felt like it, but she decided the girl wasn’t ready to hear it. And it seemed like a bad idea to try explaining that being “rescued” would just kill all of them. She should keep things simple for now. “I’m Luce,” she said. It seemed important to show she knew the girl was in charge, so she added, “Would you introduce me to your friends?”

  The girl hesitated. “I think you should leave us alone. I already told your crazy redhead friend, we don’t need any help.” Then she said something that sent another pang of longing through Luce: “We know how to take care of each other
really well.”

  “You’re lucky,” Luce said sincerely. There was a catch in her voice that attracted the nicer twin’s attention, and she gave Luce a long look, then held out her hand.

  “I’m Dana,” she said. Luce smiled at her and swam over. “What, are you on some kind of crazy swim team or something?” Dana asked. “I noticed that about your friend, too, that she swims incredibly fast.” They really hadn’t accepted the truth, Luce realized. They didn’t want to understand what was happening at all. Even if they saw their own tails, or Luce’s, they’d probably convince themselves it was just a trick of the light. Luce grinned at Dana, trying to be playful.

  “I bet you can beat me,” Luce said. “Want to race?” Dana gave her sister a nervous look. The other twin was pursing her lips in disapproval.

  “I’ve always sucked at sports,” Dana said. “Everything except track. I can barely dog-paddle.” But she was smiling.

  “I’ll tell you a trick,” Luce said. “It’s way faster if you swim underwater. You lose a lot of power if you keep your head out.” Dana looked skeptical, and Luce glanced around and spotted a silver log floating nearby. "How about just to that piece of driftwood and back?”

  Dana glanced at her sister, who was scowling, but then obviously decided she didn't care.

  "I will if you give me a head start,” Dana announced. "I'm not whatever you are, training for the Olympics or something.” Then, to Luce's delight, Dana took her advice and dove.

  When she came up a few seconds later she was at least fifty yards past the hunk of driftwood, looking around in obvious astonishment, and a moment later Luce caught up to her.

  "Isn't that fun?” Luce asked, but Dana seemed more upset than excited.

  "How did I do that?” she asked, staring around. Her enormous dark eyes were wide with worry. "How did I do that? There's something really wrong with me...” Luce hated to upset her more, but she had to start explaining sometime.

  "You're a lot stronger than you used to be,” Luce said gently. "That is, you're a lot stronger as long as you stay in the water. But you can't go on land anymore, because the air will hurt you.” Dana looked terrified. She was staring back and forth between Luce and her distant friends in disbelief, and the other girls had started shouting to them desperately. "Let's swim back. If you hold my hand I can make sure you don't just zoom past them. Okay?” Dana looked at her in alarm, but after a second she took Luce's hand, and the two of them dove together.

  They came up right in front of the angry twin. She was beside herself with rage and anxiety.

  "Don't you ever do that again!” she yelled at Dana. Then she turned to Luce. "You. Get away from my sister right now!”

  Luce eddied back a little, keeping just out of reach in case the girl decided to punch her. “I can’t just leave you here. You could get attacked by orcas.”

  “I told you to get away!” the girl shrieked. Then, because she couldn’t hit Luce without letting go of her friends, she tried to kick her instead.

  Her tail was gorgeous, caramel brown with green and golden iridescence shining on all its scales. It came at Luce like a whip, but Luce was too fast for her. She’d already swirled back out of the way.

  “What was that?” Dana asked. “You saw that, right, Jenna? There was like a huge fish right there!” Jenna’s eyes were round with shock.

  “What did you do to me?” she asked Luce furiously. “And you did something messed up to Dana, too.” Luce just waited out of reach, not saying anything. There was no point in trying to explain anymore. Jenna needed to accept it on her own. Then Jenna did something Luce hadn’t expected. She glanced around, twisted her arms out of her friends’ grasps, and dove. It looked like she was heading straight down, and Luce got ready to go after her if she didn’t reappear soon.

  Then something surged in the water just under Luce. It was the way orcas attacked their prey, coming at them from below and then erupting straight up out of the water with their jaws wide open around their victims. There was no time to escape. Luce’s heart stopped, and she waited to feel the fangs closing in on her.

  Jenna came up hard enough that she knocked Luce clear out of the water, and they landed in a confusion of thrashing tails and wild arms. Jenna was trying to get a lock on Luce's head, and Luce knew she couldn't let her. Kayley was still watching from a distance, and if Jenna managed to inflict any real damage then Kayley would certainly report Jenna for breaking the timahk. And if Jenna was banished the other new mermaids would definitely go with her. They'd all lose their chance at a safe haven. Luce was trying to twist her way free so she could dive out of Jenna's reach. Then Jenna's fist pulled back, and she hit Luce hard in the face. It sent Luce skidding sideways through the water. There was a pause while Jenna and Luce stared at each other. The ache throbbed in Luce's cheek.

  "Jenna, stop!” It was Dana's voice calling.

  "Make me!” Jenna yelled back, and in an instant Dana and Jenna were grappling with each other in a froth of bubbles while the younger girls cried out to them.

  "It's like I keep telling you!” the fragile blond girl screamed. "We've all turned into mermaids! Jenna, why won't you listen to me?”

  Jenna and Dana suddenly stopped fighting, and Luce hung back, ready to dive in case Jenna came at her again.

  "That weird girl is a mermaid, too,” the blonde kept on. Her voice was shrill and exasperated. "She has a tail! We all have tails! I'm not crazy!”

  Dana stared from the blonde to Luce and back again, and Luce leaned back, stretching her body at full length on top of the waves so they couldn't just pretend her tail was a fish in the water with them.

  "I'm not saying you're crazy, Rachel. It's just that everything we've been through is making you go temporarily out of your mind.” Jenna said this as if she’d already been repeating it for hours. But it also sounded like she didn’t completely believe it anymore. She was staring at Luce’s long silvery tail, the broad curving fins at the bottom that moved as dexterously as fingers.

  “Can’t you see her?” Rachel screamed. She was starting to cry. “Her top half is a girl, and her bottom half is a fish! That’s totally a mermaid!”

  “It’s true,” Luce said. “You’re not crazy at all, Rachel, I promise. And there are a lot more of us living in a cave near here. If Jenna will just stop freaking out I could take you back there.”

  Jenna let out her breath in a long hiss.

  “Jen?” Dana said. “I think we should go with her. Everyone’s exhausted. We can look for a boat again after we get some sleep. Okay?”

  “How do you psychos think we’re supposed to get there!” Jenna exclaimed. “Like half of us don’t even know how to swim!”

  Luce smiled. Finally they were starting to come to their senses.

  “You can all swim incredibly well, actually,” Luce told her. “Just try it.”

  ***

  Kayley had reached the cave ahead of them, and Catarina was already seething with anger by the time Luce broke through the smooth sheltered water there with fourteen new mermaids behind her.

  “I’m not sure they’re welcome here after all,” Catarina snapped. “At least—which one was it who hit Luce, Kayley?” A sudden, queasy silence fell over the girls floating around Luce.

  "I can't tell them apart,” Kayley said. "One of the black girls. I think the one with more green in her tail? First she like tackled Luce, and then she just went and punched her in the face! Look, Cat. You can totally see it! Luce's cheek is really swollen. That bitch ...”

  "Whichever one is responsible, then,” Catarina announced. "The rest can stay if they feel like it. But the one that broke the timahk has to leave.” Her voice was rasping and utterly cold. Luce couldn't believe how hypocritical Catarina was being.

  "No one hit me,” Luce said. But there was still the bruise on her face; she had to explain it somehow. "Not on purpose, anyway. We were just playing and Jenna—she's not used to her tail yet, and she smacked me by accident.”

  K
ayley was shocked. "You're lying! Luce, how can you lie about that? I was watching the whole time, and she hit you on purpose. Hard. And it wasn't with her tail either, so don't try to say that it was.”

  "You were pretty far away from us, Kayley,” Luce told her softly. She felt bad about lying, but she couldn't stand the thought of the new mermaids lost out in the middle of the sea, exhausted and hungry. They would be such easy prey for orcas or sharks; they might drift on and on until they lost their strength and drowned, or they might try to leave the water. Wasn't every girl there lost enough as it was? "I know you think you saw her hit me, but it's really not true. You just couldn't see what was happening that well.”

  Catarina was looking from Luce to Kayley and back, trying to decide which of them to believe. Meanwhile the new mermaids were starting to recover from their shock.

  “If we’re not wanted here,” Jenna said calmly, “we’ll all leave right now.”

  “You are wanted here!” Luce shot back, and she was surprised by how fierce her voice sounded. Almost as if she thought she was the queen. She glanced at Catarina and tried to keep the intensity out of her tone. “You’re wanted here; it’s just that there’s been a misunderstanding. There’s a rule that no mermaid can ever hurt another,” and here Luce desperately hoped that Jenna would swallow her pride and play along, “and Kayley’s made a mistake. She thinks you broke the rule and hit me deliberately."

  Jenna and Dana looked at each other, both of them understanding at once.

  “Luce,” Catarina hissed. She was using her quietest, deadliest voice. “Luce, do you realize how much is at stake here? If even one mermaid who’s broken the timahk stays with us, the whole tribe is dishonored.” Luce looked straight into Catarina’s level gray eyes, wondering how Catarina could be so shameless when she’d broken the timahk herself, and loving her anyway. Even her hypocrisy had something ferocious in it; it was like a beautiful scar. “It’s not something you can ever lie about. Not even to protect your best friend.” They stared at each other. Catarina’s eyes shone with their stony, moon-aolored light. “You know I love you, Luce. You’re like my little sister. But if it came to that—if I saw you break the timahk—I’d drive you out myself.”