Lost Voices

by Sarah Porter

  Luce knew it was true, but she didn’t care. She’d lie a thousand times to protect Catarina if she had to, and she’d lie to protect Jenna, too.

  "I do understand, Cat.” Luce's voice was still passionate, but it was much more controlled now. "Jenna slapped me, but it was an accident. She didn't dishonor us.”

  The new mermaids were stunned, but at least no one contradicted her. Luce's heart was pounding. She'd done something tremendously reckless, but she also knew she'd had to.

  ***

  When Luce had first changed, it hadn't been easy, but she soon realized that adjusting was much harder for some people than it was for her. Some of the new mermaids were overjoyed, glad to be free finally of the paranoid woman who'd made their lives hell, and who almost killed all of them. But others were in shock, weeping uncontrollably and staring around at the cave in dismay. Luce hadn't missed human things like televisions and stuffed animals at all, but some of the new girls were horribly upset to realize that they'd be spending the rest of their lives in the cold sea, living on seaweed and mussels and sleeping on a pebble beach.

  Without even talking about it Luce and Dana became a kind of team; Dana soothed the crying girls, stroking their hair and promising that everything would be okay, and Luce answered questions and explained how it had been for her since her own change. Luce could hardly believe that she'd been human less than a week ago. It felt like she'd been in the water for years.

  Jenna was still sulky and glared over at Dana and Luce sometimes, but she seemed to understand that they'd been lucky to find shelter. Jenna was keeping quiet, and though Luce hadn't known her long, she already realized that it was out of character.

  When no one was near them Dana leaned close and whispered in Luce’s ear. “Thanks. You really stuck your neck out for us, right?”

  “I had to,” Luce whispered back. “I wasn’t kidding; it’s not safe out there. I couldn’t take the chance that something bad would happen to all of you.”

  Dana smiled and twisted one of her long black braids. Her tail flicked up: caramel brown, like her sister’s, except that the shimmer on her scales was ruby and copper colored rather than green-gold. “Jenna will come around,” she said. “You’ll see. It always takes her a while to like new people, but once she likes you she’s a really great friend.”

  Their conversation was interrupted by a loud scream. One of the new mermaids, a twelve-year-old named Violet who was especially upset at not being human anymore, had found a dark, out-of-the-way corner and then hauled herself onto the beach. Now her tail was drying, and she was writhing horribly from the pain, thrashing farther back from the water in her agony. Luce and Dana had to squeeze through a stunned circle of mermaids who were watching Violet shriek and flail at the stones. Luce saw the problem at once. Violet was far enough up the beach that it would be impossible to reach her without her rescuers leaving the water themselves. The pain would be too shocking for the new mermaids, but she and Catarina...

  “Cat!” Luce called, looking wildly around for the blaze of fiery hair. She couldn’t see her anywhere.

  “She left the cave,” Miriam said. “She said it was too noisy in here, with all these metaskazas. I think she’s still kind of mad about you sticking up for them so hard. I don’t know if she totally believed you.” Luce looked at Violet, who was going into convulsions, her tail sending showers of pebbles into the air. They clearly didn't have much time.

  "Miriam,” Luce said, "I know it'll really hurt, but...” Miriam understood at once, and without another word she and Luce threw themselves up onto the beach.

  It was terribly hard to move now that she was out of the water. The stones dug into her stomach as she elbowed her way awkwardly along. Her tail, which was so strong and graceful in the water, became a horrible burden as soon as she was on land. It dragged heavily behind her and wriggled uncontrollably, as if it had its own independent ideas about what Luce should do, and leaving the water absolutely wasn't one of them. Luce could see that Miriam was having trouble, too, and meanwhile Violet kept throwing herself around. Every time another convulsion took hold of Violet she seemed to end up a few inches farther back—and each of those inches was like miles to Luce. Cold wind blew across her back, across her exposed tail.

  Then the pain started in earnest. Luce felt like she was swimming through fire but swimming so slowly that everything except the pain just kept getting farther away from her. Violet couldn't even scream anymore. Now she was panting loudly, her hands reaching out in wild spasms.

  Luce gave a final desperate heave and grasped Violet by the wrist. She looked around for Miriam. Her friend wasn't there, and Luce's tail started to shake and beat at the stones. She couldn't stop it, and then she heard herself screaming.

  "Luce!” The voice was blurry and strange. "Luce! You have to roll! Roll back to the water!”

  All Luce could understand was the pain, though. Roll? The word didn’t make any sense. She was lost in a sea of icy flames.

  “Luce! Let go of her! You have to save yourself. Now roll!”

  Somehow Luce understood this time, and she rolled down the beach with all her strength. But she didn’t let go of Violet, jerking her arm as she went, and Violet’s body lurched in a confused mess until she was lying halfway across Luce’s middle.

  “Just one more time! We’ve almost got you!” Luce let out a long, trembling gasp and threw her tail in a heavy arc toward the sea. The momentum flipped her body over and over, and then dozens of hands seized her and Violet and the salt water lapped across her burning scales.

  Catarina grasped Luce’s face hard in both hands and stared at her. Luce was still swaying from the pain, barely in control of her movements. But oh, the water, the cool, smooth living sea!

  Then, to her amazement, Catarina burst into frantic tears and threw her arms around Luce’s neck.

  “Jen?” Luce barely heard Dana’s voice. “Don’t you dare give that girl a hard time ever again. Why wasn’t it one of us out there saving Violet? She’s our responsibility.”

  Miriam couldn’t stop crying either.

  “Luce?” Miriam whispered. “Luce, I’m so sorry; it just hurt so much. I tried but I couldn’t keep going.” Luce tried to smile at her, then gave up and buried her face in Catarina’s hair.

  “You know you’re a lot more trouble than you’re worth.” Samantha was sniping at the new mermaids. “All I can say is you’d better have some awesome singers to make up for all the problems you’re causing.”

  Dimly Luce was afraid there would be another fight. But nobody besides Samantha seemed to be in the mood for an

  ***

  By evening all the drama was over. None of the new mermaids felt like complaining now that they'd seen Violet come so close to dying, and even Kayley seemed to be getting past her anger at Luce. Some of the girls who had been most upset at changing were starting to discover just how much fun swimming was now, too. It was a beautiful spring evening; the air was fresh and soft, and the sky was a dome of pure gold. The water in front of the beach where they ate was full of laughing, splashing figures. Jenna was practicing her leaps. It was amazing how high she could go. And after a while two baby seals appeared and started playing with them, shyly at first but then coming closer. The younger metaskazas were overjoyed, stroking the seals' sleek fur and spinning in circles with them. For some reason watching them play only made Luce sad; it reminded her of something, but she didn't know what at first. Then the image came into focus: she was a tiny girl, spinning with a dark-haired woman on a lawn...

  Luce grasped for a way to distract herself and realized there was something that she didn't understand. She and Dana were sitting on the sofa-shaped rock twenty yards from shore.

  "Dana?” Luce said. "So when you all changed, you were still in Henton, right?”

  "We were in that group home with crazy Beebee Merkle,” Dana agreed. "She tried to murder us.” Luce was bewildered by this. Henton, after all, was a good distance inland.

&nbs
p; “So when I changed,” Luce said, “I was on a cliff high over the sea. I still don’t know how I survived, but somehow I fell over the edge without it killing me.” Dana looked at her curiously. “But, I mean, the sea was right there. That part is easy to understand. But I can’t see how all of you made it to the water.”

  “Oh, boy, that’s the weirdest part!” Dana agreed. “I’m afraid to try to tell you, even. You’ll think we’re a bunch of loop-de-loops.”

  “I won’t think anything bad,” Luce promised. “I just don’t get it, and I’m trying to figure everything out. I’m still new, too, even if they don’t call me metaskaza anymore.” Not since I helped sink that ship, Luce thought, but she didn’t say it. Dana was so nice that Luce was worried she’d react badly when she learned about that part of being a mermaid.

  “Okay,” Dana said a little edgily. “Okay, you’re not going to believe this. But it was like we all turned into puddles, except we were still alive. I mean, we could still think and everything.” Luce’s eyes went wide. She remembered how strange she’d felt when her own transformation started. It had felt like turning into liquid there on the grass. And maybe that could explain why the fall off the cliff didn’t kill her. “So—okay, you really won’t think this is nuts? The whole place was surrounded by fire, and there were these bars on the windows. We couldn’t get out.” She gave Luce another doubtful look, but then she went ahead and said it. “We escaped through the drains.”

  “Through the drains?” Luce was amazed. “Like, you stayed in one piece even though you were liquid, and you were able to squish down that much?”

  “I mean, I guess so,” Dana said. Now she was smiling; it was kind of funny, actually. “We definitely watched each other go down the drains, though. In these watery blobs. And then it was really dark and, like, we were moving super, super fast. For a really long time, too. And the next thing I knew I was bobbing around in the sea, and Rachel was grabbing my arm. I realized if we all linked arms we'd be safer, and we could help each other float with our heads above water.” Dana gave an odd, rueful smile. "I was, like, surprised and impressed that we could all float so well. And I knew my legs felt wrong, but I didn't want to look. I told myself I was just numb from how cold the water was.”

  Luce grinned. "I didn't believe it at first either.”

  Dana was curious about this. "So how did you find out?”

  Luce suddenly felt embarrassed. She didn't want Dana to hear the story of how she'd sunk that first boat by accident, and her stomach turned over as she realized that someone would definitely tell Dana the whole thing sooner or later.

  Luckily Catarina chose that moment to swim over to them. She had a slightly tense look on her face, though. Luce took advantage of Catarina's arrival to change the subject. She told Catarina what Dana had said about all the metaskazas changing into blobs of liquid and racing to the sea through drains.

  Catarina seemed sad and a little distracted.

  "It can definitely happen like that,” Catarina agreed. "I mean, if the metaskaza—the change—if it comes over you while you're inland, then you need to travel to the sea any way you can: through drains or a river if you're close to one. I don't know what happens if some poor metaskaza is stuck out in a desert!” Catarina seemed to be thinking of something far away, though. Her hair spread out around them, catching the golden sunset light so brilliantly that it looked as if the waves had caught fire. "You don't take your new form until you reach salt water. I came to the sea through a drain myself. So did Miriam.” Luce was surprised; it was the most Catarina had ever said about her past.

  "So, where are you from originally?” Dana asked.

  Of course Dana didn't know yet how touchy Catarina could be about questions. Luce could see Catarina hesitating, and she half expected that Catarina would tell Dana off for being too nosy.

  "Anadyr,” Catarina admitted after a minute. "It's a town in Russia.” That explained Catarina's odd, delicate accent, Luce thought, but the accent was so subtle that Catarina had obviously been speaking English for a very long time.

  Dana was impressed. "Wow. So you actually swam across the Bering Sea? Were you alone? That must have been intense. 'What happened?”

  Luce was already startled to hear Catarina tell them so much, but when Catarina spoke again Luce could hardly believe what she was hearing.

  "Do you think I'm beautiful, Dana?” Catarina asked. Her voice was icy and very formal, and there was still that faraway look in her eyes.

  Luce was relieved to discover that Dana had the sensitivity to take the question seriously.

  "I think you're completely gorgeous.”

  Catarina barely glanced over at Dana, nodded, and then looked off again.

  "Thank you.” Catarina's accent was suddenly thicker; her voice took on an exotic lilt. "Do you think I'm beautiful enough to be worth more than ten cartons of cigarettes? I believe they were Marlboros. Black market. Not so easy to get then. And three bottles of vodka, let’s not forget that...”

  Luce was amazed to see that Dana’s eyes were brimming with tears. Dana clearly understood more of what Catarina was talking about than Luce did.

  “I think you’re worth much, much more than that, Catarina,” Dana said firmly, and a tear spilled down her cheek. “Whether you’re beautiful or not. You’re worth too much for anybody to ever put a price on you.”

  Catarina couldn’t even look at them anymore. She dove away. Luce and Dana were both silent for a minute, and Dana splashed water on her face.

  “Dana?” Luce was almost afraid to ask. “Dana, I don’t understand. What did all of that mean?” Dana couldn’t answer at first, but when she turned to look at Luce again her huge dark eyes were wide with pity.

  “Oh, Luce.” Dana was quiet again for a minute. “It means Catarina’spa rents sold her. For cigarettes!” Luce was confused.

  “Why? Do you mean as a slave?” Dana gave Luce a long look, and suddenly Luce wasn’t sure she wanted to understand. She felt very young compared to Dana, though Dana was only a year and a half older than her.

  Luce felt something sucking at her fins, and flicked her tail wildly away before she saw what it was: just one of those poor little larvae. It shrank back with a wounded look on its doughy face.

  “Why do you think?” Dana hissed. “Why does somebody buy a beautiful girl?”

  10. Voice Training

  It was an unusually warm spring but often rainy, and they all spent a lot of time lolling around in the cave. They were used to being wet, of course, but fresh water felt different on their skins than salt water did. It was tolerable but somehow slimy and unpleasant. Luce knew it was odd to think of clear water as "dirty,” but that was still the word that occurred to her whenever the rain slid around her face. They all tried to swim underwater as much as possible whenever they went outside.

  Luce slept in the cave with her friends, but during the day she sometimes slipped away to spend time alone in the narrow cave Miriam had showed her. She had a project of her own that she didn't want anyone else to know about, at least not yet. She was determined to learn to control her singing; more than that, to change it. She had a persistent fantasy that, if she could just discover another kind of magic her singing could accomplish, something besides enchanting humans, maybe she could get Catarina excited about it. It wouldn’t be fair, after all, to expect her fellow mermaids to quit singing; the feeling of that music racing through them was simply too magnificent, and Luce knew that no one who’d felt it could ever give it up. Her voice, she thought, was her truest self. But if they could sing in a new way, a different way, then maybe the others wouldn’t want to kill people anymore. Everything else about being a mermaid was so purely wonderful, after all. There was just that one problem. Why shouldn’t she at least try to solve it?

  If she let her voice go where it wanted, it always turned into the same thrilling song, the death song: a single sweet, high note sustained for an impossibly long time, then an endless fall ... But Luce’s son
g had brought Miriam comfort, and because of that Luce decided that her voice couldn’t be completely evil. It was just a matter of understanding it. Luce knew her voice contained enormous power, and she was excited by the prospect that it might be capable of more than luring humans to their deaths. She had to admit to herself, though, that she had no idea what form that other magic might take. There was nothing to do except try experimenting.

  Rain spattered down through the crack in the cave’s roof, so Luce was sitting squeezed against the stony wall, leaning against the rocks with her tail trailing out into the water. She let her voice rise into that high, aching note. But then she held it right there, pinning it like a butterfly and refusing to let it tumble down the scale. She could feel that her voice was angry with her, trying to fight free of her control, and she stopped singing.

  "You're mine,” Luce told her voice sternly. "You're mine, and you're going to do exactly what I tell you!” She let the note rise again.

  This time, instead of tumbling, it soared even higher, fluttered, wheeled around in space. Luce was thrilled. Finally she was singing a new song! And the emotion in the song was different, too. Instead of filling her with soft, warm longing for everything she'd lost, it was full of quick, dizzy magic, a leaping celebration.

  Humans would certainly be enchanted by this song, Luce thought, but she was almost sure it wouldn't make them want to die. It just wasn't that kind of feeling, and Luce laughed out loud. The new song faltered and disappeared.