Blue Love

by Mj Fields

  Luke walked in and sat next to her, “Good movie?”

  She smirked at him and winked.

  Ben walked in and handed her and Luke plates, they thanked him. He returned and sat on the other side of her.

  “Good morning Tess, thanks for breakfast, is this venison sausage,” Ben asked.

  Alex walked in and gasped.

  “Nope,” she said and gave him a dirty look.

  “You guys out, cause I can get you a whole freezer full probably within the next few days,” Ben smiled at her and she smacked him in the stomach, he laughed, “Hurt your hand Ross,” he asked and dodged the next one.

  Alex laughed, Luke watched her try not to laugh.

  “You see once the momma gets nailed the baby should immediately get it. It is awful to make that baby walk around the scary woods alone; he is going to starve anyways. Plus that is the best venison, nice and tender,” Ben jumped up just in time.

  They all laughed including Tessa.

  Alex and Ben walked out to the kitchen to put there empty plates in the sink.

  “You sleep okay?” Luke asked.

  “No I feel like garbage,” she admitted.

  He felt her head “You don’t feel warm.”

  “No I feel like I didn’t sleep,” she said and shook her head, “It’s your fault,” she whispered.

  “Sorry baby,” he said and smirked.

  ~

  She slept most of the day. Jade dropped Tessa off at camp before lunch. She plugged in the crock pots so they would be warm for lunch. Alex, Luke, and Ben walked out of the woods first. Ben was all smiles. “Hey Tessa, did you warn Bambi to hide on me today?” She smiled and shook her head yes.

  “Anyone get a deer yet?” she asked.

  “Luke got four doe but they’re kind of small,” Ben said and laughed. Luke smiled and shook his head no. “No but seriously he had three in front of him and didn’t even shoot one.”

  “Okay I am already bored of this deer talk. Lunch is warming up, give it twenty minutes, if you can’t wait there are sandwiches in the cooler. Have fun, Luke can I talk you.” Tessa asked looking at him.

  He smiled as he ran up to her.

  ”Do you like it?” she smirked, “you don’t have to you know.”

  “It is fine, I will try it, who knows after I have done it once I may like it,” he said trying not to smile.

  “Nice Luke, I am working tonight are you still?” Tessa asked.

  “Yes why?” Luke asked.

  “I just wondered,” she bit her lip and grinned.

  “What’s going on Tessa?” Luke asked looking curiously at her.

  “I can’t sleep and I am tired, I just thought maybe, you could, help me out,” Tessa said smirking and grabbing his shirt.

  “Tessa,” he groaned.

  “What?” she said and stomped her foot, “I’m tired and irritable.”

  Luke walked back to camp and yelled in, “Hey Alex, Tessa just reminded me we have to work tonight, I am going to take off okay?” he said not taking his eyes off Tessa.

  “Sure man see you later, we will probably stop up for dinner,” Alex said.

  “Bye Ben, see you later,” Tessa yelled.

  “Bye Ben,” he said mocking her. They both laughed.

  ~

  He drove and she couldn’t keep her hands off of him, they pulled into the farm and she kissed him wildly and put her hand on him, “Tessa,” he whispered.

  An hour later they walked in the house and he ran up and changed and brought laundry down. He threw in a load and walked into the living room, she pushed him down on the couch and went to the bathroom and came out and lay next to him. She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and covered them up and put her back to his chest and wrapped his arms around her and fell asleep within five minutes.

  What the hell was that he wondered? Why had she acted like that, not that he wanted to complain but Tessa didn’t act like that. He watched her as she slept, and after awhile he fell asleep.

  Luke woke up and scooted out from behind her. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. He picked up the junk mail on the counter and threw it in the trash; he saw a bottle buried beneath some papers and pulled it out, it was cinnamon schnapps. Exactly what she tasted like, he had thought it was gum but now he knew differently.

  When she woke up he handed her a couple pain relievers and some water. Tessa looked at him and he was not happy.

  “Feeling better Tessa?” Luke asked crossing his arms in front of himself.

  “Yea a little,” Tessa said softly.

  “What was that all about earlier?” he asked.

  “I guess I missed you,” Tessa said.

  “Okay now the truth, how did you get to camp?” he asked.

  “Jade dropped me off,” she said.

  “Why didn’t you drive?” he asked with anger in his voice.

  “I wasn’t feeling well?” Tessa said answering with a question in her voice.

  “Why Tessa?” he snapped.

  She looked at him and yelled, “Because I can’t sleep, because you’re trying to push me off on anyone you can, because life fucking sucks Luke, because I can!” she stood up and went to walk away, he grabbed her and pushed her on the couch.

  “What else you got Tessa?” Luke yelled back at her.

  “Fuck you!” she said and stood up he grabbed her and she tried to get away, “Let me go!” she screamed, “Let me go, damn it!” She stopped fighting and started crying “Just let me go.”

  She turned her back to him and his arm was around her waist. He sat down and pulled her on his lap and she sobbed, “I can’t do this anymore you have to let me get through this Luke I love you and it hurts, I can’t do this anymore.”

  Luke held her as she cried and hugged her and kissed her head.

  “I need you to be okay,” he said softly.

  “Well that’s not going to happen, it’s going to get ugly Luke, I promise you that,” Tessa said through breaths.

  “Tessa I need you to be safe,” Luke said.

  “Oh I will be,” she said laughing.

  “I am sorry,” he said.

  “Stop saying that,” Tessa yelled, “I am pretty sure this wasn’t part of some evil plan, it’s my life and right now it fucking sucks!”

  Tessa walked into the bathroom and showered. She walked out in a towel and walked past him up the stairs; she grabbed tight jeans and a button up shirt and put it on. She kept it low enough so that her bra showed. She walked down the stairs and he was pacing back and forth. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge and walked past him into the bathroom and he grabbed the can out of her hand, it was empty. She laughed. He followed her into the bathroom, she put on makeup and did her hair.

  Tessa looked at him and smiled, “Does it look okay? Am I showing enough skin? You know like the bathing suit last night, hey at the bar tonight maybe you could pick out the lucky guy I fuck tonight,” Tessa said and laughed. His eyes were hurt and she looked away, “unless of course you want to fuck me now,” she said as she took her shirt off and unsnapped her bra. He turned around to walk out and she reached around him and grabbed him and squeezed gently, “Come on Luke, don’t turn your back on me, shit in a few months, maybe less I will catch up to your dozen, then will you want me?” she asked. He pushed her hand away and walked out closing the door behind him. “It certainly won’t take four fucking years!”

  She walked out to the kitchen and grabbed the keys. He grabbed them out of her hands.

  “I need to go to work Lucas. I get to sing tonight,” Tessa said smiling.

  Luke took her hand and led her to his SUV, she got in. He jumped in and buckled her seat belt and then his and he pulled out the driveway and started down the road.

  “Wrong way baby,” she laughed. “Look at that we have an hour to kill before we have to be there, maybe you could drop me off at the pizza shop and I can go fuck Pizza Boy. Someone will want me Luke, I have thrown myself
at you and you sure don’t want me. But you go and FUCK her. Sorry I can’t live up to idea of fuckable bitches, but I am going to work on that,” she screamed.

  “Luke where are we going?” she yelled.

  “To see your mother,” he said calmly.

  “Fuck you, I will jump out,” she said unbuckling her seat belt, he quickly pulled over and she tried to open the door.

  Luke slammed it shut and she spit in his face. He wiped his face, she froze. He grabbed her phone and called her mother. She was there in ten minutes. Tessa said nothing to Luke and he said nothing to her.

  “I’m sorry about this Mrs. Ross; I know this is because of me,” Luke said fighting the urge to cry.

  “You and me both Luke,” Maggie said and smiled, “Thank you,” she said and hugged him.

  Maggie got in the car and drove to her place, no words were spoken. Tessa’s grandmother was there with the kids and she looked at Tessa “Have you slept with that boy?” she asked.

  “No Grandma, but I sure did try,” Tessa said and laughed.

  “Shame on you,” she said and slapped her across the face.

  Tessa walked into the extra bedroom and shut the door, she laid down and texted Luke

  -I fucking hate you!...Tessa

  - I know…L

  -No you don’t but you will…Tessa

  -That’s the plan…L

  -Who the fuck do you think you are?...Tessa.

  He did not reply and she passed out.

  ~

  Luke went to work. Alex came out back, “Where is Tessa?”

  “She is at your Mom’s,” Luke said.

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Not sure?” Luke said looking down.

  “Luke, what’s going on?” Alex asked.

  “Alex she was drunk and acting crazy. I know it’s because of the shit I have brought into her life; I didn’t know what else to do. So I tried to take her there, she threatened and tried to jump out of the car. I pulled over and called Maggie. Your Aunt thinks Tessa is sick. You decide whether or not to tell your Dad. I am taking off for a couple days, going to stay with my Dad, and then I need to talk to the Judge and convince him I can stay home. I can’t do this shit to her anymore Alex, I love her and it’s fucking shattering her,” Luke was about ready to break down and Ben walked in.

  “Hey where is Tess?” Ben asked.

  “She didn’t feel well so Luke took her to Mom’s,” Alex said, “I will be out in a minute okay? You sure you can miss school man?”

  “I have only missed two and a half days, if you would text me the assignments, we are in most of the same classes, if you don’t mind,” Luke asked politely.

  “No not at all,” Alex said, “You know this isn’t your fault Luke right?”

  Luke smiled, “Then whose is it?” he asked, “I will be fine, just make sure Tessa is please.”

  ~

  Tessa went home with Jade after church, “You okay Tessa?”

  “Nope, but I will be,” Tessa said, she ran upstairs and Luke’s bed had not been slept in, some of his stuff was gone. She ran downstairs and looked at Jade, “He’s not here.”

  “Tessa he went to visit his father, he is going to stay there for a couple of days. Luke is going to try to talk to the Judge and see if he can go home, he is hurting and more than anything that’s going on he is hurting because he has hurt you.”

  “How do you know this?” Tessa cried.

  “Tommy talked to him last night,” Jade said. “Tessa you need to walk away, this is breaking you,” she said.

  “If he leaves I will fall apart Jade I love him,” she cried.

  “No Tessa you won’t, you’ll be fine,” Jade said soothing her.

  Tessa grabbed her phone and called Luke.

  “Hello,” he answered immediately.

  She hung up.

  “Tessa you do know about caller ID right?” Jade smiled.

  Tessa’s phone rang

  “Hello,” Tessa answered.

  “What’s up Tessa?” Luke asked in a clipped tone.

  She began to cry, “I’m sorry Luke, I am so sorry.”

  “It’s all good Tessa,” Luke said, his voice sounded cold.

  “When will you be back,” she asked.

  “In a couple days,” Luke said using the same tone.

  “I want to see you now,” Tessa said as her voice cracked.

  “Sorry Tessa,” he said quickly.

  “You hate me?” she asked.

  “No, but you told me you hated me, or no fucking hated me, not too long after you spit in my face,” he said and she could tell he was livid.

  “You took me to my mother drunk,” she snapped.

  “You were acting like my mother on a bad night,” he laughed “What did you want me to do? Oh that’s right drop you off to the Pizza Boy so he could fuck you.”

  “You’re being mean,” Tessa said softly.

  “Yep,” Luke said.

  “You’re trying to make me hate you,” she whispered.

  “It’ll happen anyways,” he said.

  “You know I wish I recorded the stuff you said to me when I finally talked to you after two fucking weeks that started this shit again, I was doing fine,” Tessa yelled.

  “I wish you recorded it Tessa because you’re certainly not living up to your end of that conversation, actually you’re acting like a crazy X,” Luke hissed.

  “And you just shattered my already broken heart,” Tessa said trying to keep her voice from cracking.

  He didn’t answer, he was trying to breathe through this, “Anything else Tessa?”

  “Drive safe when you come home… asshole,” she whispered softly.

  He smiled, “Will do, is that it?”

  “No,” she said.

  “Then let’s have it, come on TT let me have it,” Luke breathed out.

  “I Love you,” she said and cried.

  “Damn it Tessa,” Luke said, she heard him take a deep breath and his voice cracked, “Goodbye.”

  “Jade I can’t do this,” she cried handing the phone to Jade. Jade hung up the phone.

  ~

  Luke walked into the bathroom and knelt down and breathed deeply, this is what it feels like he thought, what he had done to so many different girls, this tearing pain that would not go away. This is what it felt like sober and it sucked.

  ~

  Tessa fell asleep before the guys came home. She woke up screaming at 2:30 and Ben came in. “Tessa wake up sweetheart,” he picked her up and rocked her, she hugged him and kissed him, “I’m sorry,” she repeated over and over again. He started to sing to her and she relaxed. He put her down and she began to cry. “Please don’t go she need’s you,” Kendall said, he sat her up and laid her head on his chest and he played with her hair and sang to her until he fell asleep.

  Ben woke up in the morning and looked at her and smiled.

  “Hey Tessa” he said, “Good morning.”

  She jumped up, “Hello,” she said, “I’m sorry.”

  “From what I understand it comes with the territory,” Ben smiled.

  “Did I, I mean can you tell me what happened?” she asked.

  He told her what she did and said, and that he had sang to her.

  “What did you sing?” she asked curious.

  “Small Town, a Pearl Jam song,” Ben said and laughed a cute confused laugh.

  “I love that song,” Tessa smiled.

  “Well maybe we need to try music at night,” Ben suggested, “Maybe we you could start that when I leave, I kind of like kissing you,” he said and smiled.

  “Kind of?” Tessa asked.

  “By the end of the week I hope to know what it’s like when you’re awake,” Ben said.

  “You know you’re hot right?” Tessa said and covered her mouth quickly.

  He blushed; “I guess if you say so.”

  “You know I am a train wreck right?” she asked.

  “So you keep telling me,” Ben smiled “We ca
n fix that. What time do you have to go to school?” he asked.

  “Eight why?” she asked.

  “It’s seven fifteen,” Ben said and laughed.

  “Where is Alex?” she said as she ran out the door and he followed her down the stairs.

  “I assume in the woods, get ready I will take you there,” Ben laughed.

  Tessa showered and got dressed, she quickly put on some make up and brushed her teeth. Tessa was drying her hair when Ben walked in. She smiled and flipped her hair over to dry the back. Ben sat on the floor and fed her fruit, she laughed.

  When she was done drying her hair she flipped her hair and went to put it in a ponytail. “Are you crazy,” he said looking at her “Leave it down Tess, it’s gorgeous,” he said and ran his hand through it. Ben took her hand and grabbed the bagel and water bottle off the counter, “Let’s get you to school.”

  He opened the door for her and shut it behind her. Ben jumped in and drove down the road. He told her to eat the bagel and she did. He pulled in the school and jumped out and opened the door for her and hugged her.

  “Whore,” Sadi said as she walked by.

  “Good at it,” Tessa yelled to her disgusted.

  “Really?” Ben said laughing.

  “No not really, actually Ben you should know I have kissed two guys and well now three, although I don’t remember your kiss. I have never had sex,” she said, “So no I am not a whore, but if that’s what she needs to think then I will let her.”

  “What’s her name?” Ben asked and she told him. “Hey Sadi,” he yelled “Check this out!”

  Ben pulled Tessa into him and pulled her hair gently back and kissed her. Slow soft kisses, his lips tasted like mint, and he was a damn good kisser, he didn’t stop either, he kissed her until she felt dizzy. She kissed him back gently. He moaned and lightly grabbed her face and pulled away.

  “Nice Tess,” he said. Ben pulled her back to him and kissed her again “Do you have to go to school or can you stay home and do that with me all day?” he asked breathlessly.

  “Ben, that was…,” she smiled, “I have to go to school.”

  “When are you done?” he asked.

  Tessa told him and he said he would pick her up.

  ~

  She walked into school as she sent Luke a message

  -kissed the boy while I woke screaming last night, you weren’t there. Kissed the boy when he dropped me off at school today, you weren’t there. Probably tonight when I scream I will be thinking of you and do more than kiss the boy. That should make you very happy. And maybe by then I won’t hurt each time I kiss the boy because I am missing you.