Fragile Love

by Mack Black

  "What was that?" I whispered when I got the nerve to speak again.

  "It was a panic attack. My sister used to have them all the time."

  Sister? Bella doesn't have a sister.

  "I think I'm in an alternate reality. I swear you just said your sister had them all the time." I sat up then, looking around me to make sure everything looked normal.

  "I did."

  I met her eyes, and I could tell mine were wild. "You don't have a sister. You're an only child."

  "I used to. We don't talk about her anymore. You didn't know because I never told you," she uttered. "It's difficult for my family to remember."

  I laid back down on her lap, staring at the wall on the opposite side of the room.

  "I'm sorry."

  I understood more than she knew. I had a hard time remembering my mother. She’d died so long ago, and it wasn’t easy to picture the memories. I couldn't remember what she looked like anymore, what she smelled like, the sound of her voice. The harder I tried, the angrier I got.

  I might’ve gotten over what she did and how it affected me, but I hadn't gotten over not being able to remember.

  "Anyways, I used to watch my mother do the same thing to my sister, that's how I knew what to do. Why did you get so worked up, James? I thought you were going to pass out."

  I wished I could tell her the reason: because I thought she was only trying to teach me a lesson, that none of it had been real. But I couldn’t, so I lied. "I don't know,"

  She stroked her fingers through my hair, and it felt so good I closed my eyes, willing myself to stop thinking for once. "Do you still want me to leave?"

  "Yes." I should at least be honest.

  "Okay."

  I sat up, forcing myself to stand and walk away from her. Forcing myself to be strong.

  She didn't say anything else. She just opened the door and walked out.

  I had to fight everything in me to not go after her, to not fix whatever the hell happened between us tonight.

  I took one step forward, and another, and another. Snatching my open beer off the counter, I booked it straight for my room where I locked myself inside for the remainder of the night.

  Like the glutton for punishment I was, I stayed awake all night going over and over it in my head. I couldn’t figure out what had gone wrong, and I couldn’t see how any of it was my fault.

  I was nice to girls and to guys, but that didn’t mean I brought everything on myself. Wasn't the nice guy supposed to finish first? Take the lead? Win the race? How could being nice lead to girls manipulating me? It had to be something inside them that made them do it, not something inside me.

  When my alarm blared, I still hadn't gotten any sleep. I had no clue how I’d ever make it through the day the way my boss barked orders at me.

  I should’ve gone to sleep instead of obsessing over everything. If she was playing me, I’d find out sooner or later. And if she was, that made her no better than the rest of them. I knew one thing, though. If it was true, I’d be crushed. She was the only woman I’d put any real trust into since Charlotte. If she were as fake as the rest of them, it might just kill me.

  I dressed for work sluggishly, my tiredness catching up to me. Bella didn't show up to walk me to work, and I wondered if she’d stayed up all night lost in thoughts of what could’ve gone wrong. I highly doubted it, but I could be wrong about it all.

  By the time I made it to work, I felt like a walking zombie. My boss decided I was too sick to work and sent me home. Truthfully, he was afraid of germs. Major germ-o-phobe. Thankfully I didn't care, as long as I found a bed and soon.

  My legs didn't want to carry me home, so I stopped at a bench, sitting down and telling myself it would only be for a moment. Next thing I knew, someone shook my shoulders. I jumped, my fists raised to attack as I remembered I sat on a bench in the middle of the city. Hopefully I hadn’t been robbed.

  "James, what are you doing out here? Let me take you home please." It was Elise.

  I was so tired I didn't even care. I let her drag me towards my apartment.

  "Is everything okay? You were asleep in the middle of downtown. Are you drunk or something?" She went on and on, asking question after question.

  I wanted to slap her because my head pounded inside my skull. I wanted my bed, not twenty questions.

  "My keys," I said, grasping at my pockets and shoving them at her. "I need my bed."

  "I swear, ever since I broke up with you, somethings been different. It's like some kind of mid-life crisis. You're too young for all that. Live a little."

  "First off, I broke up with you, bitch. Second, my life is none of your damn business. Just give me my keys and I'll get home myself."

  Well then. I just called her a bitch. I really did need to get some sleep. James cranky.

  "Like I’d let you do that in this condition. I might’ve acted like a bitch, but I still care about you. We were friends for six years. I don't know what the hell has gotten into you. The old James would never talk like this." She continued to push me down the street, and straight into my apartment building.

  I was too tired to fight anymore. I was almost home free.

  Just a little further.

  By the time she opened my door, I fell inside. I didn't have the energy to even move. Elise bent down, scooping her arms under my arm pits and jerking me up. "Ten more steps and you're in the bed, buddy."

  I forced myself to keep moving, falling into my bed the moment it came into view. I didn't want the covers. I just closed my eyes. Vaguely, my mind recalled Elise taking my shoes off and shoving me towards a pillow, but nothing else stood out.

  When I opened my eyes later, I looked to my left, cursing when I saw Elise fast asleep on my bed beside me.

  What the hell happened to me today? Why the hell is she in my bed? Thank God Bella isn't here to see this.

  A throat cleared, and I jumped, turning to my right.

  "Why is Elise in your bed?" she said, her voice even as she tried to hide the pain in her voice.

  Was the reason for the pain because Elise laid in bed with me and that hurt, or was it because she never wanted to see Elise because of how shitty of a person she was?

  "I'm trying to figure that one out too," I said, turning back and poking Elise.

  "Don't wake her. Just come in the living room and let's talk." She stood, walking out of my bedroom door.

  "Why were you in my room anyways?" I asked, following her.

  She’d already sat down on the couch, her posture rigid as I walked out. I prepared myself for another fight because I had a feeling there would be one as soon as she found her voice.

  "Did you seriously go crawling back to Elise because we had a fight?" Her words came out in a hiss. I took the chair across from her instead of sitting beside her on the couch. Right now, I feared for my safety.

  "I don't know why Elise is here. Last thing I remember is sitting down on a bench on my way home from work."

  She looked disgusted, staring at me as if she couldn't stand the sight of me. "I can't believe you would lie to me about it. I caught you James. I don't understand. You were the one guy I thought would never do this." She didn't even give me a chance to fight it or deny it, she just stormed out.

  I had no idea what was going on, but I was determined to get to the bottom of it, and when I did, there’d be major backlash.

  I marched into my room, shaking Elise. She wouldn’t budge, so I grabbed her feet and yanked her out of the bed. My bed…which she’d crawled into practically naked. What the hell had happened?

  She jumped to her feet as she jerked awake. "What the hell James?" she screeched.

  "Why the fuck are you in my bed?"

  She looked floored, putting her hands up in surrender and backing away from me.

  Smart move.

  "Of course you don't remember. Why would you? You were so wasted." She went on and on, which only made me angrier.

  "I wasn't wasted," I bit out. That
much I was completely sure of.

  "James, I found you asleep and drunk as hell on a park bench downtown. You weren't even making sense."

  "I wasn't drunk Elise. I was half asleep." I remembered it now, her waking me and forcing me to let her walk me home, and none of those memories made me understand why she’d been asleep in my bed.

  I remember laying in my bed alone and closing my eyes.

  "Well you could’ve fooled me. You were talking complete nonsense." She sat down on the edge of my bed, and I hauled her right back up.

  "That still doesn't explain what you were doing in my bed half naked!" I yelled, anger spewing from me like lava from a volcano.

  "Look. I know I hurt you and I feel real guilty about that. I didn't want to be the reason you died too." Her voice rose with panic.

  "How the fuck would I die?"

  "I don't know James! I read in People Magazine once about a drunk guy vomiting in his sleep and choking on it. I had to stay and make sure you didn't do that."

  I took a step forward, pushing her towards the door. "For the last time, I wasn't drunk. You had no right to get into my bed while I was asleep. Get the fuck out right now and don't ever talk to me again."

  "James please. I'm sorry. I was just trying to do the right thing. I was trying to make up for what I did to you. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

  Her excuses meant nothing to me. I didn't care. I just wanted her gone. The sooner she left, the sooner I could drown in my misery and forget the day ever happened. So, I shoved her clothes at her and slammed the door right in her face.

  A week had passed since I’d spoken to Bella. It was pure torture. I’d sent a ton of text messages, left even more voicemails, and had started to worry something had happened to her. So, as soon as I got off work, I headed for her house. When I made it there, the lights were on and her car was parked in her driveway.

  I knocked as hard as I could on the door. It opened almost immediately. Bella’s eyes met mine for a split second before she slammed the door in my face.

  I knocked again, louder. "Bella! Open the door!" I screamed. "I'm serious. Open the damn door."

  I wouldn’t leave until she talked to me. I wouldn’t give up that easily, so I stood there and waited until she opened the door again. It looked like she might shut me out a second time, so I placed my palm against the wood and shoved against it to stop her.

  "Can we please just talk?" I asked, dropping my hands to my side as I took a step toward her.

  "What's there to talk about James?"

  "Everything. Us," I said, my tone begging for a chance to explain.

  "There is no us anymore," Bella said, her voice shaky with anger. "In fact, we aren't even friends anymore."

  It felt like a bullet had pierced my heart the moment she said the words. I could deal with losing a relationship. I’d lost a few already…but losing her friendship was something I couldn’t handle.

  I staggered a little, reaching out for the wall to steady me. "Why aren't we friends?"

  "Because you're a liar. The only thing I hate more than asparagus is liars, and you know how much I hate asparagus."

  It was true. She hated that shit with a passion. Once, she’d set some asparagus on fire just to watch it burn. I couldn’t stop laughing since all she’d done was end up cooking it to crispy perfection. It’d made her so mad because she wanted it to burn into ashes.

  Another time, in college, she’d put asparagus in all the vents and curtain rods in a girl’s dorm room. It’d been payback for what that girl had done to me. No one could figure out where the smell was coming from, so the girl had to move out and the dorm officials even called hazmat.

  "Bella, I swear to you I didn't lie." My voice was pleading, and I wanted her to believe me more than anything else in the world.

  "Really? Because I asked Elise. She said you called her the day after our fight and told her to come meet you downtown. She said when she showed up, you were already drunk at ten in the morning, so she took you home. The real icing on the cake is she said you begged her to sleep with you and she did. So, all that talk about not wanting your first time to be a drunken hookup, that was all a lie because who you really wanted to be with was the girl who used you to get a fucking promotion. I guess I wasn't good enough." Tears ran down her cheeks in a steady stream, and it broke my heart.

  I was so shocked I couldn't even speak. I wanted to beat Elise's ass. If only she wasn't a woman.

  That lying bitch.

  Finally, the words came. "I didn't sleep with Elise. I'm still a virgin. I swear. Elise told me she only stayed to make sure I was safe and to try to make up for what she did to me because she felt guilty. I would never, ever sleep with her. I didn't, and you know what? I can prove it." When I moved into the apartment, there’d been some strange things happening, so I installed cameras to find out what was going on. Of course, it’d only been my silly imagination, but I’d never turned them off. In fact, until now, I’d forgotten all about them. If I could find the password to login, I bet I could see the entire day.

  "James save it. Her panties were on your floor. You don't discard your panties on someone's floor unless you're getting freaky." She had completely missed the part about how I could prove it, or maybe she’d chosen to ignore it.

  "Unless you're trying to make something out of nothing. She's just a jealous girl that didn't realize what she had until it was too late. I can't believe you’d believe her over me. It's me, Bella."

  "What would you think if you walked in on me in bed with a half-naked man? Besides, you went a little crazy after you broke up with her. You changed everything about yourself and it's obvious you loved her."

  What would I think? I’d think she was cheating. It was perfectly logical, but I wasn't lying. Plus, I never loved Elise. She was purely a pawn to keep my mind off Bella—even though I’d tried to love her.

  "I didn't do it Bella. All I've wanted for six years now is to be with you. Why would I ruin that the moment I got you? As far as Elise, I didn't love her. I used her to try to get over you." I didn't know how to fix this. How to make her believe me.

  "I'm still trying to figure that out James. I never thought I'd have to worry about you. If you don't love her, then why did you sleep with her?"

  "I swear to you I didn't—"

  "Save it," she cut in.

  No matter what I said, it wouldn’t change her mind. Not when she was so heated. So instead of trying, I turned and left. Tucking my tail between my legs and accepting defeat happened to be a strong suit of mine. What hurt the most was Bella said nothing. She didn’t try to stop me, either. It made me believe what we’d had was really over.

  When I arrived at my apartment, I threw the door open and fell on the couch, wallowing. Whoever said misery loved company didn’t know what they were talking about because I just wanted to be alone.

  A knock sounded on my door and I jumped up, hoping against hope Bella stood outside my door. When I opened the door, my body deflated when I saw Elise—the one person I never wanted to see again, much less talk to.

  "I told you to never speak to me again. I meant that," I said, attempting to shut the door on her.

  At the last second, she caught it and shoved it back open. "Yeah, well…I gave you time to cool off,” she said, pushing inside.

  For a small girl, her strength amazed me, which spoke volumes because I regularly went to the gym.

  "Why did you tell Bella we slept together?" I spat the question, not even trying to get her out anymore.

  "What? I never said that. I haven't even talked to Bella."

  "So, what? You’re telling me she lied?" I asked, not believing her for a second.

  "No, I'm saying I didn't tell her that."

  Anger spiraled through me and all I could see was the color red. How could she come into my home and lie to my face? How could she think I was that stupid? I’d figured out her scheme before, just like I’d figured it out now.

  "Don't you know that on
e lie could ruin everything? Haven't you learned that lesson by now? I don't know what you're playing at, but I want no part of it. Get out of my apartment or I will have the police escort you out."

  She didn’t say a word as she turned and walked out the door, obviously knowing I wouldn’t listen to anymore of her crap.

  I did get a renewed sense of hope, which got even stronger when I went to my desk and pulled open drawer after drawer, scouring through everything until I found the passcode I’d been looking for. It took no time at all to pull up the cameras and put the password in. I skipped through footage until I found the day Elise brought me home, and I stopped fast-forwarding when I entered my apartment. Several hours of footage awaited me, but I’d watch it all because I was telling the truth. And I’d make Bella watch it too.

  I’d get her back. Through everything, even all the doubts, I knew for certain I loved her. In fact, I was insanely in love with Bella Fiorello.

  Mostly nothing happened on the tapes. I was out cold on the bed and Elise sat in a chair across from my bed, just watching me. Chills crept up my spine.

  Elise had scared me from the moment I’d met her. There was a vibe about her, and after being around her for a while I’d learned to grow accustomed to it. Watching her on the tape brought back those fears full force, though.

  The look in her eyes as she watched me reminded me of a stalker—someone studying their prey before they attacked. Maybe that had been Elise’s plan all along…

  I sat there for at least two hours while nothing happened, and then everything changed. The front door opened, and a few seconds later, Elise peeked out, then ran to the side of my bed, stripped down, and jumped in, pretending to be asleep.

  I’d caught her red handed. She’d heard Bella come in and had deceived her, and me for that matter.

  I rewinded the tape, paused it, and hooked up a flash drive, then copied the footage onto it. I added everything that had happened after Bella had left, too, so she could see the entire exchange between us when I’d woken her.

  I backed the tapes up again, watching for the moment Bella came into the room. She’d sat there for at least thirty minutes when she first entered, staring at me. Even as the tears fell from her cheeks, she didn’t stop staring, like she didn’t know whether to run or confront me. When I woke, I hadn’t given her a choice. At that point, she wouldn’t have been able to get away without me knowing.