Transcending Darkness

by Airicka Phoenix

  Forcing himself not to do something absolutely insane like grab the bastard who had his hands on Juliette and pitch him straight into the pond.

  “Yes, forgive me, but I must find someone.”

  Excusing himself, he headed in the opposite direction of Juliette. He fought to keep his strides slow and even when all he wanted to do was plow through the whole crowd in search of his meddling sister.

  Maraveet stood by a fountain, a flute of champagne in one hand, her clutch in the other. The lights built under the water reflected off her gold gown, making the sequins glitter, which in turn reflected off her skin in shivering sparkles. She glanced up when Killian approached.

  “Why?” he demanded without missing a beat.

  “Sorry?”

  He moved in closer, hoping the short distance would remind him to keep his voice low. “Why did you invite her?”

  Maraveet blinked. “Who?”

  “You know who!” he hissed through his teeth. “Juliette.”

  Maraveet’s face went from surprised to absolutely blank in the second it took for him to blink. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. If she is here, then maybe she bought a ticket like everyone else. It is a public event, after all.”

  He hadn’t considered that. He hadn’t considered ever seeing her again, especially not at a charity event, not with another man.

  “She needs to leave,” he decided, more to himself than Maraveet.

  “All right.” She raised her glass to her red lips and took a sip. “You tell her.”

  Just like that, Maraveet turned on her heels and slinked through the crowd, leaving him alone to figure it out. He glanced over the room, wondering if it was large enough to avoid her. There were certainly enough people and if he just paid attention to where she was the entire night, he could easily keep out of her way.

  That was easier said than done when paying attention meant watching as the ape at her side kept touching her, kept bending low to murmur into her ear. The guy was all over her, giving her food, passing her drinks … asking her to dance.

  He couldn’t do it. Not without committing murder before all those people. No, he needed to leave. Susan could take over, make sure the rest of the night went smoothly. He was a busy man after all and no one expected him to stay and party. He could sneak out the back and no one…

  Juliette tugged away from her companion, said something, and then made a quick escape off the dance floor in the opposite direction. Her strides were hurried, practically a near run as she ducked through the open terrace doors and disappeared into the gardens.

  Don’t! His brain warned sharply, but his feet refused to listen.

  He hurried after her.

  Chapter 34

  This was a bad idea. It was such a bad idea. She should never have come. What had she been thinking? Of course Randy would want to dance and enjoy the evening. Of course he would want to touch and act like all the other couples around them. And why wouldn’t he? No, it was done. She couldn’t do this anymore. It wasn’t fair, not to Randy. She had to end it. There was nothing else for it.

  “Juliette!”

  As though conjured from the very depths of her turmoil, Randy jogged after her. His blond hair caught the light from the row of lamps flagging the cobblestone path and shone like a beckon in the cool evening. His cheeks were pink from the chase and his blue eyes were bright with worry that only made her feel worse.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Juliette exhaled, wishing the floor would just open up and swallow her. “I’m so sorry, Randy. I’m an awful person.”

  He slowed two feet from her and stopped. “What are you talking about? You’re not awful.”

  She nodded. “I am and I can’t … I can’t do this to you anymore. I tried so hard to be the kind of person you deserve and I can’t. I will never be that person because I can’t make myself want you the way I know I should and I tried, I really, really tried so hard to do this, but I can’t…”

  “Whoa, slow down.” He offered her a small, weak chuckle. “What are you talking about?”

  “I love someone else.” She squeezed her eyes shut tight. “It makes me the biggest fool on the planet, because he doesn’t love me back, but I can’t keep seeing you when…”

  “When you love someone else,” he finished for her softly.

  Her eyes opened and she peered at him through a layer of tears. “I’m so sorry.”

  Randy shook his head. “No, I get it. I figured it was something like that, but I thought that if I tried…”

  Her heart tore all over again. “I’m sorry,” she croaked for the hundredth time. “I’m so, so sorry.”

  “No, it’s not your fault.” He offered her a half grin. “We can’t help who we love. It wasn’t like I expected you to fall hopelessly in love with me in two weeks. Doesn’t work that way.”

  It had taken less time for her to fall for Killian, but Randy didn’t need to know that.

  “Randy—”

  “Please don’t say you’re sorry again,” he teased with a chuckle. “It’s okay. It was fun, right?”

  She nodded, because she didn’t know what else to do.

  “Okay then.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Can I at least drive you back home?”

  She shook her head. The last thing she wanted was a painfully awkward drive back.

  “I’ll find my own way. Thank you.”

  With a slow nod, he took a step back. “So, I’ll see you around, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  He turned on his heels and started back the way he’d come. Halfway, he stopped and glanced back.

  “For the record, you’re not the fool. He is.”

  Then he was gone and she was completely alone in the second most beautiful garden she’d ever been in and all she wanted to do was cry. Instead, she tugged her phone out of her clutch and dialed home. Vi answered on the third ring.

  “You can’t already be bored.”

  “I told him,” she blurted. “I told him and he left.”

  “Whoa, what?”

  “Randy.” Breathing hard, Juliette paced further along the path. “I told him about Killian.”

  “You told him about Killian?” Vi’s exclamation nearly pierced her eardrums. “Are you crazy? Why would you do that?”

  “Because he asked me to dance and I said yes and we were on the floor and he was holding me and all I could think about was the time I danced with Killian and how I’m wearing the dress he’d given me and—”

  “Juliette, breathe!”

  But it was beyond that, she was passing mildly hysterical straight into the place of no return.

  “And I realized that was how it was always going to be. He’ll ask me something and I’ll say yes because I really don’t want to be alone and I’ll wind up married to him and have a million babies and I’ll keep living every day comparing him to Killian and he’ll fail. He will always fail because I love Killian and I will never love Randy and—”

  The phone disappeared out of her hand before she could finish her meltdown. The absence of it had her spinning on her heels and coming face to face with the very last man she ever expected to see again. Her heart skyrocketed even as her stomach dropped.

  “Killian?”

  Dark eyes locked with hers, sharp and penetrating as he lifted her phone to his ear. She could vaguely hear Vi calling her name on the other end.

  “She’ll call you back.”

  There was a split second pause from her sister, then, “Killian?”

  Without responding, he hung up and stuffed Juliette’s phone into his pocket. She followed the hand with her eyes, struck dumb, except to point and mutter, “You hung up on her,” stupidly.

  “She’ll understand.”

  Unspoken thoughts scattered over in all directions, a spilled basket of thread unwinding and unraveling and tangling across the floor. She knew she needed to say something, but she wasn’t entirely certain she was awake or if he was just another
figment of her imagination.

  Bathed in the soft glow from lights around them, he seemed so surreal, like so many of her dreams. Shadows molded around him as comfortably as his dark suit. His face hung somewhere in between the light and darkness, but the contemplation blazed bright in the unwavering contours of his eyes.

  “What are you doing here?” she blurted at last, when it became apparent that he wasn’t a dream.

  “It’s my charity event,” he answered evenly.

  He didn’t seem at all surprised to see her there, which made her wonder…

  “Did you send Randy the tickets?”

  He shook his head. “No, I wouldn’t.”

  Of course not. Why would he? He didn’t want to see her again so why would he invite her and her boyfriend? The realization sank into her chest like claws burrowing through flesh and bone to close around her heart.

  “I was about to leave,” she said, already skirting around him. “Have a nice evening.”

  “You look beautiful.”

  His quiet compliment stilled her retreat. Her gaze lifted to his and found his closed of all emotion.

  “Thank you.” Her hand tumbled unsteadily down the front of her dress. “I didn’t want it to go to waste and the invitation said formal.”

  “I didn’t mean the dress.”

  Her lungs hitched, driving the fluttering in her stomach crazy. “I should go. Can I have my phone back please?”

  Rather than comply, he closed what little space there was between them. The two steps she would have taken were devoured by only one of his and he was suddenly there, in front of her, tall and impossibly beautiful stealing her oxygen.

  “If you answer something for me first.”

  His proximities wreaking havoc on her, she could only swallow audibly and nod.

  “Did you mean what you said?”

  Her heart jumped in panic. It hadn’t even dawned on her that he might have overheard everything she’d said to Randy or Vi. She hadn’t considered he would even be there. Why would she? What were the odds? But that wasn’t her problem anymore. How much had he heard?

  “What?” she forced out at last.

  “The things you said.” His lashes lowered, shadowing his eyes as he surveyed her parted lips. “Did you mean them?”

  “Did you?” she heard herself ask back. “The things you said in your office, did you mean them?”

  His gaze lifted to hers and latched.

  “I wanted to.”

  His quiet confession splintered through her, denting her resolve.

  “But did you?”

  It took longer for him to answer. His jaw was clenched so tight, she almost feared his teeth would shatter. His eyes blazed with his inner turmoil. Tension vibrated off him to fill the cool air around them.

  “Damn it, Juliette!” he growled at last, his calm mask cracking. “Don’t do this.” Black eyes burned into hers, flashing and crackling with fear, anger, and so much longing it nearly destroyed her. “Don’t ask me that.”

  Heartbroken, she started to draw away from him. “Then it doesn’t matter if I meant what I said, does it?” She broke the connection and turned away. “Goodb—”

  His hand closed over her mouth from behind. “Don’t!” he breathed into her ear. “Don’t say that again. I can’t stand it.” His fingers relaxed and his hand slipped away. But even without him holding her, she could feel the brush of his chest against her back, the whisper of his breath along her skin. He was so close his heat was a warm blanket around her bare shoulders. “Every voice in my head is telling me I should let you go.” It was only the vibration of those words across her back that assured her she hadn’t misheard. It was the kick of his heart against her shoulder blade. “That yes, I meant every word and I should tell you to leave.”

  Juliette struggled to regulate every breath, too afraid the smallest movement might jar him back to his senses.

  “Is that what you want?” She licked her lips. “Do you want me to leave?”

  “Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate.

  The single word shot through her like rusted daggers. Pain and embarrassment heated beneath her cheeks and she began to pull away.

  “Ask me what I need, Juliette.”

  Her heart cracked against her ribs, a helpless boat in an angry storm.

  “What do you need?” It was said in barely above a choked whisper.

  “I need to breathe again.” Each word vibrated as though torn from his very soul. They wrapped around her with their thorny edges and cut in deep. “I need to feel what it’s like not to be dying inside.” The tip of his nose grazed the side of her face lightly, barely even a whisper. “I need you.”

  Juliette didn’t stop to let him finish. She spun on her heels and threw herself into his arms, arms that wasted no time gathering her up against his chest. Her ribs cracked, but she didn’t care.

  “I didn’t,” he whispered into her ear. “I didn’t mean a damn word I said that night.”

  “I meant what I said,” she whispered into the side of his neck. “I love you.”

  The arms tightened, crushing and painful. “Jesus, Juliette.” His ragged breath burned into the bare skin of her shoulder. “Jesus, I love you.” He drew back to take her face between his hands. Urgency and desperation blazed bright behind his eyes, brightening them with a deep inner light. “I don’t know how, but I’m going to make this work. I’ll do whatever I have to do to keep you. I swear it.”

  She started to tell him she believed him when they were interrupted by the hurried click of heels on stone. They both glanced up just as Maraveet rounded a row of bushes and clipped into view, a phone clasped to her ear. Her golden gown shimmered beneath the lights. The sequins glittered with every fluid motion. She spotted them and jogged forward.

  “I found them,” she said into the phone. “No, no one’s hurt or naked. Right?” She snickered before turning green eyes on them. “Your sister says a little warning would be nice next time you hang up on her. Also, she’s … hold on.” She paused to listen to whatever Vi was saying on the other end. “Right. Okay, hold on.” Pulling the phone away, she hit speaker and Vi’s voice filled the silence. “All right, go on.”

  “About time! Do you have any idea how hard it was to get the two of you in the same place at the same time? You owe us big. I would like my thank you in hundred dollar bills or a nice Porsche, just an FYI.”

  Juliette exchanged bemused glances with Killian before facing the other woman. “What is this? What did you two do?”

  “What we did?” Maraveet huffed. “We saved our own sanities is what we did.”

  “You two are the biggest babies on the planet,” Vi chimed in. “Someone had to do something.”

  “I don’t understand! How do you two even know each other?” Juliette demanded.

  “We met for coffee,” Maraveet answered as though it were the most normal thing in the world. “We had a few words and decided we had a few things in common.”

  “Yeah, like two totally unreasonable, emo siblings,” vi piped in.

  Juliette sighed. “So the tickets. That was you?” She looked hard at Maraveet.

  “It was me actually.” Vi snickered. “Mar gave them to me, but I was the one who gave them to Randy’s boss and told him Randy had won best employee of the month or some such nonsense. Idiot actually believed me.”

  Juliette shook her head. “But why?”

  “Because Killian has been an absolute nightmare and he wouldn’t do it himself,” Maraveet muttered. “I thought that if he saw you with another man, he might get his act together and do the right thing. Clearly, I was right.”

  “What if it hadn’t worked?” Juliette demanded. “What if it had ended badly?”

  There was a pause, and then simultaneously, both Vi and Maraveet asked, “How?”

  Clearly the notion of things not going their way had never occurred to them, which kind of scared Juliette.

  “Perhaps we should finish this talk at home,” Kill
ian advised, glowering at his sister. “Tell Viola I’ll have someone pick her up and bring her to the manor. I believe it’s time for a family meeting.”

  Without waiting for Vi or Maraveet to say a word, Killian took Juliette’s hand and led her back towards the conservatory. Along the way, he released her and slipped that same hand around her back. His fingers curved at her waist, burning her through the thin material of her dress. That single touch worked along every inch of skin, raising goose bumps and reminding her just how badly she’d missed his hands on her.

  “Killian?”

  He glanced down at her, his face illuminated by the glowing lights pouring over them from the approaching terrace. She waited until they’d climbed the ivory steps to the top before turning to face him.

  “What happens now?” She glanced down at the arm hooked gently, but with a near possessiveness about her waist. “What does this mean? Is this going to be only sex again?”

  “No.” The fingers on the hand not holding her lifted to ghost lightly along the side of her face. “I meant what I said. I will find a way to keep you. It’s selfish and dangerous and it scares the hell out of me, but I can’t let you go again, not unless it’s what you want.”

  “Are you going to keep being the Scarlet Wolf?” she asked.

  Killian paused to consider her question. “I don’t understand.”

  Emotion tightened around her windpipe, making words and breathing impossible, but she forced them out with a strangled gasp.

  “I can’t live in your world,” she choked out. “I can’t run and hide every time the doorbell rings and sneak around to see you in some nondisclosed location for a quickie. I want babies, Killian, and I want to be able to raise them without being afraid something might happen. I want to be with someone I won’t worry about every time he leaves the house. I want normal.”

  He didn’t pull away, but she could feel the air shifting, filling the cracks between them with cool fingers.

  “Babies,” he mused quietly.

  Juliette nodded. “Not tomorrow, but one day, yeah.”

  “I can’t give you babies.” His hands dropped away and she gasped at the loss. “Not because I don’t want to, but I … I can’t.”