She sees me the minute I step on stage and I legit cover the microphone before looking at her. "You are torturing this song. Start it over and let me help on guitar, and for the love of God, kill the bass on your equipment. Leave the instrumental stuff alone and get to the piano, stay there and trust me."
I don’t wait for her to freak out. Dumb move if she would have because this will be career changing if she heeds my advice. I might not be a lyricist, but I am a musician.
She’s smart though and doesn’t flip before she apologizes to the confused audience.
"Hey guys, sorry I had to stop but it was a much-needed interruption as my guitarist just showed up. Welcome, uh… CD."
Hand to God, I felt my cringe from being called that, but accept it because she was trying to give me as much anonymity she could.
The song starts over once she is at the piano and she began to sing. For now, I sit and watch until I can feel where to enter. My eyes are closed and I feel every vibration, every sound until I hit it.
When she starts the chorus, I lick the string then tap it so it carries keeping it soft and haunting to stay with her R&B vibe. The entire dynamic of the song changes and I know how to follow without smothering the artist.
I keep it mellow, even though I could add more and shred it, but there isn’t a need for solo's or whammy bar squealing, but once the break in the song comes I will shred the fuck out of it.
My thing is not hers, but with a little of my thing, my knowledge and her vibe and voice... holy fucking epic.
I climb the bar on the next verse, keeping it low but matching that bluesy thing she needed and I see her smiling like I made her day.
I am certain I did.
I lay into it, peeling fast and flicking my strings so that the shitty bass she tried adding comes through now, cleaner by the flicks I keep down on the arm of my guitar.
By the end of the song the audience is screaming and she is grinning ear to ear. "Thank you everyone. I am going take a few minutes before the next set."
She stands and I follow her shaking my head in absolute horror. "Never break only three songs in!” I scrub my hands on my beard before readjusting my hat. “They just started cheering you on, now is not the time to break." I look out to the crowd and see the anxiousness of her fans excited for more. "Gotta piss? Hold it. Thirsty? Fucking suck it up. You see fans waiting and anxious for more you stay the fuck out there and deliver. Only leave the stage when you’re off and need to get your shit together."
She nods and flinches at my tone, but hell she will never make it with the dumb ass mistakes she's making. I get that I have made her my project, but she doesn’t know that and probably thinks I’m egotistic.
"Okay... any advice before I go back out? I need to get my next beat up."
"What song?" I ask.
"Nothing compares 2 u."
"Chris Cornell’s version?"
She shakes her head no. "Well actually I don’t know. I only know Sinead O’Conner’s version."
"Guitar or electric?"
"Electric only. I Made it slower and lifted the bass line." She bites her lip when she sees me cringe.
"Drop the bass again and stop lifting it until we fix your track. I will do the rest. The electronic stuff is your sound so keep it, I will follow your beat."
"Wait, you’re coming back out with me?"
"You’re fucked if I don’t Lexington." I had to listen to lectures on my playing, my teachers were brutal and made me want to work until my fingers bled to prove them wrong.
She needs that same passion. She needs to be hungry for it.
She nods and just walks away. I get it, it’s gotta be intimidating. Had Slash or Angus laid into me like that at a solo show when I was twenty-one I would probably have cried, but I would play crying and take it for what it is worth.
Sound fuckin advice.
We played like that for the rest of the night and by her final song, she never touched that bass and it changed the vibe of her show. It boosted her confidence to tear into her singing without fear. She took chances vocally the same way Chad does, mixing it up with a simple inflection.
And I played. Played music I have never played before or ever thought I would. "So?" I ask, because I want her to admit she needs my help.
"You’re amazing Cal, you know that." She shakes her head in wonder and I see her nerves kill the confidence she had on stage. "I can’t create music like that though. I don’t know what would make a song better. I’m a singer and a lyricist. That’s why I sing covers."
I nod as we walk out the back of the building as I help her carry her gear. But there is only my Jeep in the back. "Where’s your car?"
"I don’t have one. It's cool though, I'll call Uber."
She goes to open her Uber app and I stop her.
"How about we go get some grub and I don’t know, maybe I can help you out a little."
She smiles in some flirty fangirl way that creeps me out a little. "Are you asking me out?"
I laugh, but not with humor. "No, I'm not. I... my thing... it’s complicated." I am not about to pour my heart out to a stranger so I let her figure her own conclusion out.
"So why take me out then?"
I shake my head and can’t stifle my chuckle. "I plan to head to Ihop and talk business. If either of those things are what you consider a date, raise your fuckin’ standards kid."
I open the back latch to my Jeep and a few of Axe's toys fall out. "You got a kid?" She asks as she hands me her guitar, ugh no case and I realize my project is going to be a hell of a cleanup. Starting with taking proper care of her shit.
"Yes. A son." I close the latch and look at her. "Get a guitar case and treat that guitar like your lover not your ex. Feel me?"
She laughs and nods as we get in the Jeep. "So why you wanna help me? Too rich and too bored so you wanna take the poor girl to the top?"
I shrug. "Something like that."
"Sounds Robin Hoodish." She says with a chuckle as I look at her deadpan. "Robin Hood stole from the rich to give to the poor, so I guess that makes you Robin Hood."
"I guess so." I watch her out of the corner of my eye while I drive. She looks back at her guitar, then at me. "I got that guitar out of a dumpster two years ago and fixed it as best I could. I can’t afford a case."
I look at her shocked. "You rebuilt that from the trash?"
She nods as I look at her shocked, a little proud. "You did a hell of a job. I would never have known. I can tune it for you so the sound isn’t choppy."
"Yeah that would be great."
"Did you take lessons or self-taught?" I ask as we pull into Ihop.
"Self-taught. I only play it on a few songs that don’t have piano."
I nod as we wait for the waitress to seat us.
"Can I ask you something CD?" She says and again, I know she says it for my sake, but it makes me sick.
"Only if you never call me that again."
"What? CD?"
I nod, cringing again. "Call me Cal or even Calvin, but not fucking CD."
"Okay Calvin.... why do you hate CD so much?"
"Because it isn’t a name it’s a disk for music. If it was a name then it belongs with some British asshat with blue hair or some shit."
I hate that guy for everything she wants him for. It isn’t fair and it isn’t rational and I don’t give a fuck.
"Sounds personal Calvin."
I darkly chuckle as I scrub my hands on my beard. "You have no fucking idea."
An hour later we sit in the booth drinking coffee and talking business. "So, wait, you want to collaborate on an album with me or Thick as Thieves wants me to collaborate a few songs?"
"Well, that’s where it gets complicated. We are taking some time off for a year or so. Chads wife is about to start her book tour, Noah is moving and at some point, going to get married I am sure. Shame is a new dad and another kid on the way and I have the time, but nothing could be final until I talk to the guys and have t
heir support."
"Do you think they would be okay with it? I mean, it could affect your brand."
I shake my head no as I drink from my coffee. "Most guitarists at my level of skill branch out on projects or guest a spot in a song. It's more that I want their support because my band will always come first. This collaboration will be unlike anything I have ever done, mixing rock with R&B the way I hear it in my head."
"I wish I had that ability. I can write the lyrics and sing but musically, like creating it? I can’t. I can’t hear it in my head, create it and then add the words."
"Don’t let it break your confidence. I can’t write lyrics for shit. I feel that emotion that comes from writing in the composition. Sad, haunting, exciting... I put the emotion into the harmony."
"So, what? You'll write the music and I will write the lyrics?"
"I want to hear some of your stuff before I task you with it, but yeah hopefully."
"You’re kind of arrogant." She says leaning back folding her arms.
"You’re right, I am arrogant. Most definitely when it comes to music. You need to be a little arrogant too or you will get chewed up in this industry." As bad as I want to help her find her brand, her style I can’t pretend it will be easy. I need her to believe in it, find the hunger for it.
"Answer me this. Are you doing this because it is your hobby or is it more?" Her answer will tell me if it’s worth the chance or to walk away.
"Honestly, I think it’s both. I love to sing and create the beats, but I don’t see me as the MTV music awards winner either. It's a hard dream to reach."
I know where she is coming from, but she needs the fire, the desire to make it happen.
"Can I be frank?" I ask and I have had way too much coffee because my fingers are tapping on the edge of the table and my knee bouncing under it. It's excitement and fear equally. Music inspires my life not the other way around. I eat it, breathe it, live it.
"I thought you were being frank?"
I roll my eyes. "Ha, ha. Funny." I say sarcastically and lean forward. "Every musician fears the day they have to stop and follow a different dream. More fail than win in this industry so you have got to find the hunger for it. Be starved for it, survive by it."
"Okay... but help me build that confidence."
"I can help you find the right sound and you’ll find confidence, but you have to believe it."
"What if I suck at writing?" She bites her lip and it has become the quickest sign that she is terrified.
"Well, I doubt you do. You have these weaknesses in the beat but I can’t see where you want to be. That’s the hunger. The fact you can write them and sing them au Capella tells me you don’t suck, but its where you need to be hungry."
"Do you believe in me Calvin?"
"Without a doubt, I do. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t." I want to tell her that she can sing and it is powerful. Her beats suck but it’s an easy fix. Her look and her sound will take the industry by storm. But I don’t tell her this yet, and wont until I see her bleeding it.
Jenny
I wake up exhausted from yet another argument with Noah where Cal is concerned. He was out with that red head last night and my stress call to Noah told me I deserved it for not owning that I feel the same.
Right now, I needed all the drama to go away so I could focus. Sully booked out four hours today to prep me on some new techniques for dermal and branding. I had some volunteers that were getting free work to allow me to try the techniques on them. Supervised by Sam who would be using volunteers of his own for instruction.
He was a great teacher. He knew what pace I needed and lead me easily. It helped we were friends before I started here and he wanted a stable life for me. There were more and more walk in's coming for my section in the studio and he would convince them to schedule if I wasn’t in there.
I had a feeling at the end of this training he would tell me it was time to leave Skin. Change scared me though and Skin had been my job for over six years, since I turned twenty-one. It is comfortable because I know it.
I came early to have lunch and talk with him on this shit storm with Cal, in hopes of getting some advice on actually leaving Skin for good. It was hard to discuss that with Noah, knowing he was biased to both our sides, plus he hated that I worked at Skin. As I walk in the door of the PIT I could hear the screaming from the entry way, but now I saw the couple fighting and my heart broke. Sully looked at me. "Go wait in my booth Jen, I'll be there in a minute." He says and dismisses me when Deja yelled to me.
"He can be there now Jen. This shit is over and nothing left to be said." She yells, setting him off.
Oh, shit this is uncomfortable. There are customers, and the volunteers. Asa, CD and Noah all had clients on their tables and Otto was due any minute for his first client. This was bad, but I figure Noah would stop it if it got out of hand.
I had wanted to vent about all the shit with Cal, but after seeing this blow up... no I couldn’t.
Everyone in the studio listened while he deals with his ex-wife. Honestly this was the first time I ever saw anyone not be captivated by him- or his presence. Sully was commanding. He had the ability to be both magnanimous and lethal depending on who he dealt with.
He was neither with Deja. I suppose it’s because they suffered a loss of monumental proportions that nobody ever wants to experience. Seeing her in a fit of rage fueled tears and his voice cracking from the shear force for which he yelled was uncomfortable.
We all knew they lost a child, a toddler. We all knew it destroyed their marriage, life and the opportunity to heal or recover. There wasn’t a right or wrong here, it just was.
I ran back to the seat by his drawing table and tried to look my cool as he stormed in the room. One look at me was a dead giveaway. “In case you missed it, she flipped me the bird after she kicked the front door open.”
Feeling like shit for not attempting to pretend like I didn’t notice, I look at him and give him the realness he deserves. “Sorry, but it was hard not to Sull.” I stay sitting, wishing I could hug him or a pat on the back…something that told him I may not understand, but I feel the pain. “Wanna talk?”
He shakes his head no and I understand. He looks like he is fighting tears and there’s this underlying frustration that is always present in him, but now it is visible and undeniable. My friend was hurting. “Sully…” I don’t know what I think I could say, but I want him to talk to me. The silence is so much worse.
I decide not to say anything and stand to leave. He deserves silence and time to think and honestly, my issues are pointless in comparison.
“Why’d you need to talk to me Jen?” He asks and doesn’t turn around. He is walking around his room looking at the various things needing a touch up… straightening his art… putting his phone on the charger. He is going through the motions as best he can.
“Don’t worry about it.” I brush it off and place my hand on his. “It’s not important.”
I go to leave and he stops me by grabbing the hand I had placed on his. “I know you’re a good mom Jen. Axe is alive and well because you knew what was best for him. Deja and I were selfish and didn’t do what was best for Kace. If that’s what is on your mind, then rest assured I am the bad parent between you and I.”
I couldn’t understand why he was saying it. I wasn’t a good mom… the best intentions excuse is a cop out when it comes to kids. I know I was a selfish asshole and I had to accept it. I couldn’t change my past any more than Sully could. I don’t know what I will say to Axe when or if he asks me one day why he had it so hard in the beginning of his life.
But me complaining about it isn’t fair because I have the chance to explain myself to him and pray he forgives me. He will have the chance to lash out and tell me to fuck off if he wants, but Sully never will. Kace is gone and he will always be seeking answers he will never get.
“Why would you say that Sully?”
He just shakes his head and looks at his machi
ne sitting still on his cart. “We fought that night, Deja and me.” He looks at me and I see dark desperate eyes looking at me. “I left the party pissed off assuming that Deja was staying with Kace. I didn’t know that Deja had left too assuming I had her. I ignored her calls for three hours, but it was too late when I checked my voicemails. Six hours she had been gone before I knew.” He looks at me now, those dark eyes pooled with tears as he reopens this wound. I had no idea if he was telling me for my benefit or his, I just let him talk.
“We threw parties all the time at the shop. Everyone knew Kace because she came to work with Deja and I every day, but there were people there that we didn’t know. The party that Halloween spiraled out of control…” He shakes his head again and I know what he is seeing in his memory is shaking him to his core. “She was gone. Taken…” He looks at me, tears falling. “Her body was never recovered…”
I cover my mouth with my hand shocked that my assumption of how Kace died was not what I thought. I assumed she was sick. I never asked, I just assumed she was taken too soon after fighting for the short life she had. Looking at him now and hearing him, I am heartbroken that he survived every parent’s absolute worst nightmare. “Sully…” I want to tell him it wasn’t his fault, but he is too deep in his pain to believe and so all I do is confirm what I know. “You are so much stronger than you know Sully…”
I hug him then. I needed to hug him and even if he couldn’t feel the connection to me, I felt the connection to him, now more than ever.
“What the fuck dude? Really?” Cal says, his voice drenched in accusation as he stares us both down. “Is it possible for you not to work your dick into every fucking girl I want?”
“Cal!” I snap and oh the mother fucker how dare he? Before I can rip his ass one end up the other, Sully cocks back and swings at Cal, connecting with his jaw and knocking his lights out.
Cal
I wake up on a hard surface, dazed and annoyed at Jenny slapping my face. "Stop fucking hitting me." I say, glaring at Sully.
Fix Me_TAT_A Rocker Romance Page 6
