Dead Guy Spy

by David Lubar

  Denali’s parents got a ton of business at their dry-cleaning shop. She said they picked up a lot of new customers. People really appreciated that they were open late. Especially on Saturday night. Business was so good, they hired extra workers.

  Mr. Lomux was out for a while on sick leave, so Mookie didn’t have to do any detention. By the time Mr. Lomux came back, I’m sure he’d have forgotten about it. The substitute gym teacher, Mr. Svengal, was great. The high school gym was closed for a week while they cleaned it and tried to get rid of the smell.

  I wasn’t planning to enter any more eating contests. Though I’m sure Mookie would dream up other ways I could make money. He really thought I should try video game competitions. That definitely sounded safer. And I could get in tons of practice at night.

  So, in a lot of ways, it wasn’t a perfect week for me. But it wasn’t all bad. Especially at the end of the week. I went downstairs a bit after sunrise on Sunday morning. Dad was waiting for me, wearing sweatclothes and sneakers. “I was hoping you’d be up early,” he said. “Mind if I join you?”

  “That would be great. You’re not too tired?”

  “You know, I think I had more energy when I used to run. It’s worth a try. And it’s a good chance to spend some time together.”

  We headed out for a run. We talked a little, too. But not too much. It was nice. I think Dad liked it as much as I did.

  “You going to stick with wrestling?” he asked as we headed up the hill toward the park.

  “I think I like this better,” I said.

  “Me, too. So, anything interesting happening in your life?”

  “The usual fifth-grade stuff,” I said.

  “Matters of life and death?” Dad asked, flashing me a grin.

  “Exactly.”

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  FOR A SNEAK PEEK AT

  1

  Stool pigeon

  When the pigeon shot into our classroom, most of the boys shouted, “Whoa!” About half the girls shouted, “Eewwww!”

  Our teacher, Ms. Delambre, shouted, “My goodness!”

  That’s the sort of thing adults say when they’re trying not to use bad words. My friend Mookie and I grinned at each other. His mom says My goodness a lot.

  I didn’t shout anything until the pigeon swooped down from the ceiling and landed on my left shoulder.

  “Hey! Get off!”

  It didn’t.

  I reached up to push it away, but I was afraid I might hurt it. I read somewhere that birds have hollow bones. I knew how that felt. My own bones break pretty easily.

  They weren’t always like that. I was a normal kid until I got splashed with Hurt-Be-Gone and turned into a half-dead zombie by my friend Abigail’s crazy Uncle Zardo. Now, I don’t have a heartbeat. But, much to my surprise, that hasn’t been too big a problem.

  The pigeon turned its head and stared at me.

  I stared back.

  The pigeon blinked.

  I didn’t.

  That’s another thing I don’t need to do. Though I try to remember to make myself blink once in a while so I don’t creep people out.

  The pigeon’s tail twitched. Something wet and white plopped on my shirt, right across my pocket.

  “Great. Thanks a lot,” I told the pigeon.

  I’d just been turned into a living statue. What next? Maybe the pigeon would build a nest in my hair and lay eggs.

  As kids all around me collapsed in laughter, pointed at my shirt, and made bad jokes about pigeon poop, the bird fluttered off my shoulder and swooped back out the window.

  Mookie, who was sitting next to me, laughed so hard he fell off his stool. And he fell so hard, he bounced. I guess he didn’t get hurt, because he kept laughing.

  Only Abigail wasn’t laughing. She turned toward the window, watched the pigeon, and tugged at the ends of her frizzy, dark brown hair. She’s so smart, it’s almost scary. But she never shows off in school.

  “All right, class!” Ms. Delambre said. “That’s quite enough. Settle down. This is science class—not party time.” She walked over to me and pointed at the blotch on my shirt. “Nathan, go wash that off immediately. Pigeon droppings carry all sorts of diseases.”

  I hopped down from my stool and headed for the sink in the back of the room. I could feel two dozen pairs of eyes following me. I wasn’t worried about germs. I was pretty sure I couldn’t get any kind of disease. And even if I did, it couldn’t hurt me. But I still didn’t want that stuff on my shirt. Mom is always telling me to be careful about getting food on my clothes. If she ever sat through a lunch period in the school cafeteria, she’d know how impossible that is.

  I grabbed a paper towel and wiped at the stain. I expected the blob to smear. But it stuck to the paper towel and slid right off my pocket.

  What in the world . . . ?

  I realized it was a piece of plastic. There was something printed on the back side in tiny letters. I looked closer.

  Urgent mission coming. Major operation. Be ready to spring into action. P.M.

  P.M. That had to be Peter Murphy—the spy who’d recruited me to work for the Bureau of Useful Misadventures. BUM looks for kids who mess up in some kind of way that makes them good spies. They also fight to make the world a better place. That’s their mission, though I’m still not sure exactly what it means.

  I crumpled up the paper towel and tossed it in the trash. Urgent mission? Cool. That was exciting, and also a little scary. I was going to get my first real spy assignment from BUM. Nathan Abercrombie, Super Spy. This is the job I was born for. Or died for, I guess.

  I returned to our lab table. Mookie had climbed back onto his stool, but he was still choking down snorts and spitting out chuckles. He sounded like a steam engine that was in danger of exploding—a short, round steam engine with large, square glasses and shaggy light brown hair.

  “It’s not that funny,” I said.

  He shook his head. “It’s more than funny. It’s like mega-funny. No, giga-funny. Wait—what comes after giga?”

  “Tera,” Abigail said.

  “Tera-funny?” Mookie frowned, then said it a couple more times, like he was trying to taste the words. “Nope. Sounds too serious. I’ll stick with giga-funny, ’cause that sounds like giggles. And seeing Nate get splattered really makes me giggle.” He started laughing again.

  Abigail tapped my arm. “I assume the pigeon was delivering a message from BUM.” She and Mookie were the only people who knew about my secret life as a soon-to-be spy. The other kids in school didn’t even know I was a zombie. To them I was just plain old Nathan Abercrombie, the second-skinniest kid in class.

  “Yeah. They have a mission for me. Something big. How’d you know it wasn’t a real bird?”

  “Wing speed and movement,” Abigail said. “Real pigeons don’t fly that way. They don’t crash and burn, either. That one flew smack into the phone pole.” She pointed out the window.

  I leaned toward the window and spotted the smoldering remains of the mechanical bird on the street.

  “Why can’t they just call me on the phone or send an e-mail?” I asked. BUM loved using all sorts of robots and high-tech equipment. It didn’t seem to bother them that most of it blew up or caught on fire.

  Abigail sighed. “Boys and their toys. Even when they grow up, they have to play.”

  “Well, yeah,” I said. “Toys are cool.”

  Mookie stopped laughing and poked my shoulder. He opened his mouth to say something, then lost control again.

  “Just say it,” I told him. I was getting tera-tired of this.

  “Are you exhausted?” he asked.

  “You know I don’t need to sleep.” That was actually the best part about being half-dead—I could stay up all night and play computer games. Or do other things—if I ever figured out something better to do.

  “But you must be really really really exhausted,” he said.

  I didn’t want to ask, but he was my best friend, and I could tell he was dy
ing to do this. “Okay, why do you think I’m exhausted?”

  “Because you look POOPED!”

  He fell off his stool again.

  “Are you finished?” I asked as we headed outside for recess.

  “I’m not sure. I mean, you have to admit it’s pretty funny.”

  “Hilarious,” I said. “But maybe it’s time to drop it.”

  “Drop!” He pointed at my shirt, then started laughing again. “The pigeon already dropped it!”

  He was like that for the rest of the day. All through recess, he kept grabbing the ends of his jacket and stretching his arms out, making wings. “I’m MookieHawk!” he shouted. “Don’t mess with me, or I’ll mess your shirt.” He’d flap his arms a couple times, race over to me, scream PLOP!, and then fall down laughing.

  By the end of recess, he must have fallen about twenty times. But that was okay. Even though he kept kidding me, I was happy the rest of the day, thinking about my first spy mission.

  At least, I was happy until that evening, when Mom hit me with the worst possible news a half-dead zombie kid could hear.

  READER’S GUIDE

  ABOUT THIS GUIDE: The information, activities, and discussion questions that follow are intended to enhance your reading of Dead Guy Spy. Please feel free to adapt these materials to suit your needs and interests.

  WRITING AND RESEARCH ACTIVITIES

  I. Spies Like You?

  A. Nathan’s “zombie” gifts have lined him up for recruitment into the spy world. Imagine you are Dr. Cushing. Write a short report to Mr. Murphy, noting the qualities you observe in Nathan and how they might be applied to spy work. Wearing a lab coat, present your report to friends or classmates.

  B. Go to the library or online to learn about famous spies and espionage campaigns from history, such as Sir Francis Walsingham, Nathan Hale, members of the Duquesne Spy Ring, the Cambridge Spy Ring, “Major Martin” (Operation Mincemeat), or Sir William Samuel Stephenson (“Intrepid”). Based on your report, draw a portrait or scene featuring your chosen spy/group. Mount your drawing on a larger piece of colored paper and fill the margins with facts about your spy’s identity, career, and honors or punishments, if applicable. Combine your project with those of classmates to create a “Wall of Spies” display.

  C. Learn more about the United States Intelligence Community, starting with a visit to http://www.intelligence.gov/1-members.shtml. Make an outline describing the various agencies with intelligence roles. Conclude with a paragraph noting whether you would like to work in intelligence and, if so, with which agency you would most like a job.

  D. Would you make a good spy? What unusual qualities do you have that might help you do your job? Write a letter to BUM explaining why you would make a great recruit. Read your letter aloud to friends or classmates.

  E. Individually or in small groups, create a spy organization. Draw your spy lab on graph paper, labeling equipment, experiment stations and features, and explain how you would get to the lab’s hidden location. Write a mission statement describing your goals and/or responsibilities. Design a logo for your agency.

  II. Brittle Bones and Other Problems

  with Being Undead

  A. Finding a cure for his brittle bones is a key reason Nathan considers working with BUM. In the character of Nathan, make a list of the challenges of living with brittle bones. Are there any advantages? If so, list and describe them.

  B. In chapter 5, Nathan mentions that reading about Edgar Allan Poe makes him feel as though his own life is sort of normal. Read a short story by Poe and research his life. Write a short essay describing Poe’s contributions to mystery and suspense literature. Or, with classmates or friends, divide into groups to debate whether Poe’s life was better or worse than Nathan’s.

  C. Imagine that you, like Nathan, do not have to sleep, eat, and/or breathe. Write a short (3–5 page) story in which this characteristic proves to be a great benefit or a great liability for you.

  D. As a local reporter, write a newspaper or website article describing the nauseating events that took place at the high school wrestling demonstration. Then, with classmates or friends, role-play a conversation between Nathan, Abigail, and Mookie in which they react to the report’s misinformation and joke about what really happened.

  III. Friends and Fighters

  A. Abigail and Mookie both have qualities that make them great friends to Nathan. Write a paragraph describing Abigail’s qualities as a friend, then another describing Mookie’s friendship traits. Write a final paragraph describing whether you are an Abigail-type or a Mookie-type of friend and why.

  B. Throughout the novel, Nathan and his classmates engage in bouts of fake wrestling. Go to the library or online to learn more about scholastic wrestling at such sites as the National Federation of State High School Association’s wrestling page (http://www.nfhs.org/Activity2.aspx?id-2782). Record a “radio broadcast” describing a fake wrestling match. Or, use animation software or stop-motion animation techniques to create a short cartoon about a fake wrestling tournament.

  C. The novel is peppered with Internet dialogues between Staker Slaymaster (Nathan) and Peter Plowshare. Go to the library or online to learn about the expression “swords into plowshares.” Write an essay describing what clues this expression may offer as to whether Nathan should consider the people of the BUM agency enemies or friends.

  QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. As the novel begins, how do Nathan and his friends Abigail and Mookie realize that someone is spying on Nathan? What concerns does this realization cause each of these characters? What would you worry about if you felt you were being spied upon?

  2. List and describe the workings of funny gadgets employed by BUM, such as the “squirrel-cam.” How do these gadgets affect your impressions of the agency? If you could invent an unusual spy device, what would you create and why?

  3. In chapter 5, Mookie says, “I never thought hanging out with a dead guy could get you killed.” Chapter 7’s title, “A Sock in the Face,” has an amusing double meaning. What other wordplays and puns does the author use in the course of the story? What, in your opinion, is the funniest chapter in the novel?

  4. How is Nathan partly responsible for Mr. Lomux’s new plan to turn the class into star wrestlers? Why is Nathan better able to endure Mr. Lomax’s “toughening up” exercises than the other kids? How does he help the class solve the problem of being made to wrestle one another?

  5. In chapter 8, Nathan describes Mr. Lomux as “a loser who suddenly got a taste of victory.” How does this make him dangerous? Do other characters in the novel fit this description and, if so, how does it affect their attitudes or behavior? Is it always bad for losers to get a “taste of victory”?

  6. What role does the Internet play in the novel? Would you have advised Nathan to continue to play Vampyre Stalker? Why or why not? What restrictions or considerations are part of your own Internet use? Are such limits important?

  7. Mr. Murphy subjects Nathan to some tests that seem a lot like tricks. How would you have reacted to these tests? Do you think Nathan’s assessment of Dr. Cushing is correct? How might you suggest Mr. Murphy test Nathan’s loyalty? What might you suggest Nathan do to try to get to the truth about BUM?

  8. How does Mookie propose Nathan get the money they need for Abigail to create a bone-strengthening machine? Is this plan successful? What unexpected problem does it cause? How does Abigail explain the scientific situation?

  9. In chapter 13, Ms. Otranto asks her students to consider: “What does it mean to make a sacrifice for someone else?” How would you answer this question? How might this question be of use to Nathan as he considers becoming a spy?

  10. In the introduction to Dead Guy Spy, Nathan comments that he “used to think secret agents were these awesome guys who drove fast cars, wore expensive clothes, and practiced deadly karate. Now I know better.” What has Nathan learned? Has his experience changed the way you imagine secret agents or your thoughts about how
to decide when to trust an individual or organization? Explain your answer.

  11. At the end of the novel, Nathan finds a new connection with his dad through running. How did being a zombie actually help lead him to this connection? Have you ever been surprised by the way an interest or activity has helped you form a new relationship with a parent, friend, or other member of your community? What are some good things about making connections through shared interests?

  12. At the end of the story, what is your opinion of BUM? What do you think is the main reason Nathan decides to join up with BUM? If you were asked, would you work with the agency? Why or why not?