The Cartel 7--Illuminati--Roundtable of Bosses

by Ashley

  She heard the chatter of girls around her and she tried to drown out the noise. She tried to allow the power of her mind to take her outside these walls. She was so alone. No allies, no family, no friends. Inside, all she had was herself.

  Breeze scrubbed her body as best she could, using her hands as the towel since she couldn’t afford to purchase one. She had the bare necessities, but when the tiny, sample-sized bar disappeared, she cut off the water. An eerie feeling swept over her as she frowned. There was no gossip, no loud singing from the fat lady who always put on a concert during wash time, not even the sound of the other showers running. She reached to pull back the shower curtains but before she could, she was bum rushed. Breeze was pushed against the wall as blows rained down on her. She tried to block the assault, but being cornered didn’t leave her room to defend herself. She curled up in a ball and tried to shield her stomach, to no avail. The kicks to her bulging stomach vibrated through her entire body and fear filled her.

  God please make it stop, she thought. She caught a blurry glimpse of her attacker as she fled away. She was shaking, bleeding, and as she came up on all fours she crawled across the grimy floor. “Help me,” she cried, blood leaking from her mouth. She stood slowly, surprised that her legs would even carry her, but the stabbing pain that shot through Breeze made her double over. She placed a hand on her swollen belly as thunder seemed to strike within her. Something was wrong. It felt like someone was tearing her in half. She drew in a sharp breath as wetness seeped between her thighs. She shuddered as she waited for the feeling to pass, but it only intensified, making her hold her breath to try to ease the sharp discomfort.

  “Agh!” she whispered as she gripped the mold-covered shower wall. She stumbled out of the tiny space, bumping into another inmate. Where had she come from? Where was she when Breeze was being beaten? Confusion and fear caused her words to jumble as she tried to speak. Everything hurt. Her face was swollen, blood was everywhere, and through it all she noticed that her baby wasn’t kicking.

  “Watch yourself,” the girl said as she nudged Breeze hard with one shoulder before rushing out. Inmates had seen it all. It wasn’t uncommon for someone to catch a beatdown when the guards weren’t looking and even though Breeze needed help, the girl wasn’t fazed by the scene. Breeze gripped the sink as she grimaced in excruciation. This isn’t right. Something is wrong. This can’t be happening, she thought as her vision blurred with tears and blood. The feeling was too familiar. She remembered how losing her first child had felt. Every second of that horrible day had been burned into her memory. She stood there, sweat forming on her brow as she tried to manage the pain, fearing the worst. It was happening all over again. No one even batted an eye. The other inmates walked by her as if she were invisible.

  Breeze reached between her legs and when she pulled back a bloody hand her heart dropped. She tried to stand upright, but another jolt of pain caused her to double over. If it weren’t for the sink acting as her crutch, she wouldn’t have been able to remain on her feet.

  The perverted male guards were constantly patrolling the showers. She usually cringed at the thought of them passing through the bathroom when she was in such a vulnerable state. Now she hoped they came. Where were they when she needed them? Where were they when she was getting her baby beaten out of her? She growled as she leaned over the sink, trying to manage the pains that seemed to be coming and going so quickly that she didn’t have time to catch her breath. “Agh, help me,” she whispered to an inmate that waltzed up to use the sink beside her. “Please … I think…” Breeze reached down, as if she were trying to plug the hole that was widening between her legs. She squeezed her thighs tightly. Horror was in her eyes. “I’m losing my baby.”

  The woman looked down at Breeze. “What I look like to you, a doctor?” she snapped. She started to walk away.

  “Please—please help me,” Breeze stammered, grasping the girl’s wrist. She was weak and her legs threatened to give out at any moment and when the girl snatched away she collapsed onto one knee.

  No one wanted to get involved. They were heartlessly ignoring her, seeing her swollen eye and busted lip, no one wanting to get in the middle of whatever beef Breeze had. Each woman that walked into the showers callously walked by her as if she were invisible. The stabbing sensation that filled her was paralyzing. She looked up and saw Rezzie come around the corner.

  “Yo are you a’ight?” Rezzie asked. “Oh shit, who did this to you?” Rezzie turned to another girl. “Yo go get some fucking help! You don’t see her bleeding over here, bitch?”

  “I didn’t know she was one of us, my bad, Rezzie,” the girl replied as she rushed out.

  “One of us?” Breeze asked.

  “I told you. We look out for our own in here,” Rezzie said. Sanchez rushed in urgently. “Oh shit, she’s going to have that baby right here on the bathroom floor,” Sanchez said. “Sit her down, sit her down.”

  “No—the girl…” Breeze stammered. “She went to get help.”

  “I am the help, ma,” Sanchez replied.

  “What?” Breeze was scared. “I need a doctor.”

  “If we go get a C.O. you will deliver this baby and they will take it from you without ever giving you a chance to hold it. Now I can do this. Rezzie and I will help you. I’ve had two babies, all natural, at home with my abuela. It’s going to hurt like hell, but you can trust me,” Sanchez said.

  “Agh,” Breeze cried. She wanted to protest, but the pain was too overwhelming. She gritted her teeth so hard it felt like they would shatter. She felt pressure everywhere. It felt like every organ in her body was pressing down, threatening to explode out of her.

  “Help me get her up,” Sanchez said. “We’ll take her to the spot.”

  “The spot?” Breeze asked in concern.

  They led her to a door in the back of the shower room. It was normally locked, but Sanchez reached inside her bra and retrieved the key.

  A trail of blood followed them as they struggled to get Breeze inside. Breeze looked around in horror. “I can’t give birth in an empty broom closet with a radio and cigarette butts on the floor,” she objected. “Agh!” she doubled over in pain. “Something feels wrong.”

  “You’re about to pass a baby through your cooch, princess. Ain’t nothing right about it. It’s just contractions and they are coming back to back. I know this ain’t the Four Seasons, but this is happening now,” Sanchez said. “Put some towels down.”

  Rezzie tried to make a comfortable pallet on the concrete floor and they hurriedly laid her down.

  Sanchez opened her legs.

  “I need medicine. It hurts,” Breeze wailed.

  “Just breathe, Diamond,” Rezzie coached.

  This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Breeze was supposed to be with her husband, in a hospital, anxiously awaiting the birth of their baby girl with the best doctors surrounding her. Instead, she was here going through the process like an animal.

  She tensed as Sanchez put her hands in forbidden places.

  “You measure it by fingertips,” Sanchez whispered unsurely to herself.

  “You don’t know?!” Breeze cried.

  “I got you!” Sanchez said. Breeze was terrified and from the uncertain look on Sanchez’s face, Breeze saw that her fear was infectious.

  “Just push,” Sanchez urged. “My abuela told me you push through the pain. The next time you feel your stomach tighten.”

  Rezzie grabbed one of her legs and pulled it back as Breeze wrapped her hands under her knees.

  “Push, Diamond, push.” Rezzie’s voice was in her ear as Breeze mustered everything in her.

  The scream that erupted from her was so loud that Rezzie stuffed a towel in Breeze’s mouth to stifle her.

  “Shh,” Rezzie said.

  “I can’t do this,” Breeze cried.

  Breeze looked through her widened legs right into Sanchez’s eyes.

  “You can. I see the head. All you got to do is push,” San
chez said. Breeze heaved in exhaustion. Sanchez said the words so simply as if she was asking Breeze to do the simplest thing. The task in front of her was daunting. Breeze felt like this baby would never come out of her.

  “I can’t do this,” she cried.

  “You probably haven’t had to work hard a day in your life. You’re going to have to work hard for this. If you want me to call the C.O. I will but you won’t even get to hold your kid after you pop it out. If you want to do it the hard way and prove that you’re not some fucking spoiled little bitch that gets everything handed to her, then you push. You can do this. Now fucking push, Diamond.”

  Breeze placed her chin to her chest and growled fiercely as she pushed. She imagined that it was her mother beside her. She pushed and pushed. With each contraction, she pushed harder until finally the sound of tiny cries rewarded her.

  “Is she okay?” Breeze asked, worried, her voice cracking from the overwhelming triumph she felt. She never thought she could ever be so strong. She didn’t even think that type of strength dwelled inside her. Motherhood had suddenly given her a superpower. “Give her to me.”

  Breeze didn’t care that her baby was covered in blood or that the cord was still attached. She received her with open arms and laid her right on her chest. Her heart swelled as Rezzie covered the baby with a towel.

  “She looks a little blue,” Rezzie said.

  “What?” Breeze responded, panicked. “What do you mean?”

  “Yo maybe we need to get a C.O.,” Rezzie urged.

  Breeze noticed that her baby had stopped crying but she thought it was because she had found comfort from being in her mother’s arms.

  “I don’t think she’s breathing,” Rezzie said.

  Sanchez opened the door to the closet. “C.O.! Somebody get help! I’ve got a baby in here!”

  Panic erupted as a guard rushed in moments later. She didn’t hear anything. It was like the world was muffled as the guard took her daughter out of her arms. A woman in a white doctor’s coat rushed inside with a surgical bag. “I have to cut this cord and get the placenta out of you,” she instructed, but Breeze heard nothing. She reached for her baby. As soon as the doctor cut the umbilical cord, Breeze felt the disconnection.

  “Give me my daughter!” Breeze screamed. Paramedics rushed into the room and immediately prepared the infant for transport. “No! Where are you taking her? What’s wrong with her? Is she okay? Is she breathing?” Breeze asked. Her pleas were heartbreaking and as she was lifted onto a stretcher she screamed, “God please!” Breeze looked at the somber looks on the faces of Sanchez and Rezzie, fearing the worst.

  “We have to get her to the infirmary now,” the doctor said.

  “What about my baby?” Breeze slurred. She was feeling light-headed.

  “She’s off to county hospital. I will get you updates as soon as I hear something. I must worry about you right now.”

  “I can’t keep my eyes open,” Breeze said. “I’m…” Before she could finish her sentence Breeze slipped into unconsciousness.

  “She’s crashing! I need to get her to a defibrillator now!” the doctor ordered.

  The guards rolled her down the hall, practically running toward the infirmary as the doctor administered CPR. Breeze had lost so much blood and her blood pressure was so low that the doctor feared it may be too late. She had seen many things but never had two inmates delivered a baby on their own. Not only was Breeze’s life at stake but her daughter’s was as well. The doctor only prayed that she could keep Breeze stable. Health care in the prison system wasn’t equipped for this type of emergency and the doctor hoped that today wouldn’t be the day that a prisoner died on her watch.

  * * *

  When Breeze finally came to she felt like she had been hit by a bus. Her entire body ached and an exhaustion she had never experienced took over her.

  “Relax, just relax,” a woman said.

  Breeze tried to sit up. Her eyes focused on the stitching of the white medical coat the woman wore. The woman was a doctor, but Breeze couldn’t help but wonder what type of doctor would separate a mother from her child. She could feel it in her soul that her daughter was nowhere in this prison. “Where is she? Where is my baby? Is she okay?”

  “She was transferred to County Medical. She was having a hard time breathing and we had to rush her over there so they could help her. She’s fine. She will stay there until Child Services gets her.”

  “What?” Breeze said, baffled. “You can’t just take my baby!”

  “I’m sorry, it was in her best interest to get her to the hospital as soon as possible.” The words didn’t quite connect with the woman’s demeanor. She was cold, careless, as if they were discussing something as simple as the weather. This woman had cut the cord between her and her baby without securing a connection in another form. It was cruelty at its finest.

  “I’m her best interest! I’m her mother! Take me to my daughter! You can’t do this!” Breeze was irate. She was destroyed by the separation. “I didn’t even get the chance to name her. She’s mine. You cannot do this!” Breeze was fighting to get out of the bed.

  “You’ve lost some blood. You need to lie down. Tomorrow you will be taken back to your cell—”

  Breeze pushed the doctor so hard that she stumbled backward into the metal file cabinet. The commotion caused a guard to rush in.

  “No, wait! She’s just upset!” the doctor defended.

  “Where is my daughter?!” Breeze shouted. She was crying and fighting so hard that the guard restrained her as the doctor shot a sedative in her arm.

  “It won’t put you under, but it will calm you,” the doctor explained. “You need rest.”

  * * *

  Hours passed and although Breeze settled on the outside, inside she was going through turmoil. She laid there through the night, unable to find sleep, as worry and fear filled her.

  Breeze’s tears were endless. Never did she think it would be this hard to let her baby go. She had only held her sweet daughter briefly before they took her away. She got one day in the infirmary and now they were forcing her back to the hellhole that was her cell.

  “Let’s go, Diamond,” the guard said. There was no courtesy, no patience in the man’s tone. It was like she hadn’t even given birth at all. Breeze didn’t move. She simply laid on the hard bed, facing the wall, and closing her eyes tightly as sobs wracked her body. Breeze couldn’t seem to get it together. Filled with confusing emotions, she had hormones all over the place. She couldn’t go back to her cell block like this. She would look like food to the vultures that awaited her.

  “I need a minute,” Breeze choked out.

  “On your feet, Diamond,” the guard persisted.

  “I need a minute! I just had a baby and I’m bleeding! Can I have some fucking privacy to change my pad? Damn!” Breeze was uncharacteristically crass as she sat up reluctantly in the bed. She stared the guard in the eyes. “Are you going to watch me do it?” she challenged.

  The guard backed down. “You’ve got two minutes.”

  He walked out of the room and Breeze hurriedly stood to her feet. She rushed over to the drawers where the doctor’s supplies were located. She couldn’t go back to her cell while they took her baby to the local hospital. A mother was supposed to be with her child. That was the natural order of things. This was cruelty. Breeze just wanted a little more time, she wanted to give a little more love, she needed to smell her baby’s scent even if only for a little while. Breeze pulled at the drawers, growing frustrated as each one failed to open. They were locked and tears welled in her eyes. “Come on,” she whispered. She pulled at the drawer violently until finally the flimsy lock gave. She rifled through the contents so quickly that she barely had time to read. She found a pack of razor blades and her hands shook as she opened them. The guard came back in just as she held it in her hands.

  “Diamond! Drop it now,” the guard yelled. Breeze didn’t hesitate. She quickly placed the blade on her tongue an
d swallowed it. She felt it slice her throat on the way down and she was quickly tackled to the ground. The man pinched the sides of her jaws. “Let me see it. Open your mouth. Where is it?” he yelled.

  Breeze didn’t respond. She simply let her tears fall down her cheeks.

  “You swallowed it?” the guard asked. He placed her in cuffs and sighed in exasperation as he called for help on his walkie-talkie.

  The doctor rushed into the room. “She just had a baby! You can’t handle her that way.”

  “She swallowed a razor blade, doc!” the guard shouted.

  “I’ll call a bus,” the doctor said, springing into action as she picked up the phone. “That blade can cut up every one of her organs if it hits her in the right spots. Be gentle with her. Move her to this gurney.”

  Breeze laid down on the gurney and looked up into the woman’s eyes.

  “Why did you do this?”

  “I just want to be near my baby,” Breeze whispered. The desperation it took to go to such measures was one that only a mother could feel. Breeze knew that if she had slit her wrists they would have just sewn her up. She had to do something drastic, something they couldn’t handle. The doctor looked at her with sympathetic eyes. She gave Breeze’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Breeze saw understanding in her eyes. She could only imagine the things the doctor had seen, nursing some of the most violent women in the country back to health.

  The doctor nodded subtly and whisked her away. Breeze knew they would have to take her to the county hospital to surgically remove the razor blade and that was exactly where she wanted to be.

  She was risking her life. All it took was for the razor blade to touch the wrong organ and she would bleed out within minutes, but she didn’t care. She was desperate and willing to take any measure to get in arm’s reach of her child. Her baby didn’t even have a name yet. The tiny human being didn’t even know who she was yet. They needed time, even if only a little bit, to get to know each other. Breeze needed to be able to whisper into her daughter’s ear and reassure her that she would come for her, even though her baby didn’t understand. She hoped that the nature that connected them, the blood that flowed through them, and the familiar sound of her mother’s heartbeat would be enough for her daughter to remember her.