Moore than a Feeling

by Julie A. Richman

  “Entrapment.” Schooner shook his head. “You probably really don’t want to know and I’m glad he spared you the details.” A look of disgust marred his handsome face.

  Without knowing the specifics of the act that took place, Schooner Moore knew in his gut the tactic CJ used, as it was one she had successfully performed on him shortly before his nineteenth birthday. How could Tom touch Holly after that? He couldn’t. And CJ was banking on that. Yeah, the guy liked women who were too young for him and liked having his ego stroked, but the position CJ put him in was morally untenable, even to him. Saying goodbye to Holly was the only play CJ left him with.

  “Why would Mom do that to me?” Holly searched her father’s eyes.

  “Because she loves you,” muttered Mia.

  Stunned by the comment, Holly turned to Mia. “She loves me so she betrayed me this way?”

  “Your mother and I don’t see eye to eye on very much, and I would not have chosen her tactics, but her heart was absolutely in the right place.” Mia shocked herself at her defense of CJ.

  “Her heart? Mia, clearly you are giving my mother too much credit. You, of all people, know that the woman doesn’t have a heart.” As Holly’s volume rose, her face flushed.

  “She loves you, Holly,” Mia repeated, heart sick for everyone involved and hoping the family fissures didn’t create irreparable cracks.

  Turning to her father, “And I’m the only one who has never been to Africa,” she spat out angrily, on the verge of hysterics as more tears began to flow.

  Caught off guard by both the non sequitur and Holly’s feeling of being left out, Schooner assured his daughter, “If you want to go to Africa, I will put you on a plane tomorrow. I’m sure Sonkwe and Bupe would be thrilled to have an extra pair of hands. If you want to get away from him…”

  “Get away from him? I don’t have to worry about getting away from him. He no longer wants me in his life. Which is becoming a major freaking theme for me. Why do they no longer want me in their lives?” she cried. Looking from Mia to her father, her breath rapid, “Do you think he wants Mom? Do you think he went to the Four Seasons after I left?”

  Clasping his daughter’s hand, Schooner shook his head. “No, Holly, I don’t. I think he said goodbye to you to ensure he would never have to see your mother again in this lifetime.”

  “What’s going on?”

  They all jumped hearing Portia’s voice. So involved had they been in tonight’s psychodrama that not one of them saw or heard her enter the room.

  “Did we wake you, sweetie?” Mia reached out a hand for Po to come sit between her and Schooner.

  Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she smiled, “Holly, you’re home.”

  “I am, Po.”

  “For real?” the little girl asked.

  “For real.”

  Stretching out his arms along the back of the couch, Schooner pulled them all into his sides for a hug. “I’ve got all my girls here.” He smiled.

  They knew he was happiest when he felt he could keep them all safe.

  And for that, they were thankful.

  “Were you serious about Africa?” Mia asked Holly several weeks later, as she set a fragrant cup of oolong tea on the table in front of her.

  “Honestly, I don’t know where that came from,” she admitted. “I would like to go someday. But I would really love to do it with Portia.”

  “Now that would be pretty amazing.” Mia loved the idea of the two sisters visiting Po’s birth land. “Are you coming out to Newport Beach with us for Christmas?”

  Shaking her head, “No. I’m going to stay here in the city. A lot of my friends from Brown will be home and in town.” Holly grimaced, “And I don’t want to be within striking distance of that woman.”

  “I understand, but I do hope you two don’t go for too long without talking. That’s not good either. Has she reached out to you?”

  “She texted. But I didn’t answer.” Holly shrugged.

  “We both have mothers who did not want us with Tom Sheehan.” Mia laughed.

  “We do have a lot in common,” Holly agreed

  “Here’s another thing you and I have in common. Tom came into our lives when we really needed someone, because our hearts were decimated. And he’s handsome, brilliant, amusing and, yes, hot. I know that is weird hearing me say that, but he is, and he was a great person to take us over the hump, so to speak.” Mia laughed. “And that was his reason in our lives. And he did a good job with that.”

  Holly smiled. “You’re right. Now I feel like we should thank him. Were you over my father when you and Tom split up.”

  Mia shook her head, sighing as she sorted through words and feelings before speaking. “In my heart, no, that never happened. In my head, mostly. I couldn’t allow myself to think about him because he was years in my past, and probably married with kids, which it turns out, he actually was. But the ghost of him would show up out of the blue and I’d try to shoo him away, always knowing that when I least expected it, he would be invading my thoughts again. I remember the day I graduated from college,” Mia stopped to swallow the lump in her throat. Decades later and just the memory could evoke the sadness, making her eyes sting as they misted. “All I could think was he was in a cap and gown three-thousand miles away and how handsome he must look, and that I wasn’t there with him. It wasn’t us celebrating that moment together and my heart hurt just thinking that. I wanted to see him in his cap and gown that day.” Mia brushed aside a tear and smiled. The emotions were running high tonight. After a moment, she spoke again, “Tom absolutely kept me afloat in those days. And that was exactly what you needed after Aiden.”

  Holly let out a sob. “Why did he leave me, Mia?”

  “Aiden?”

  She clarified by nodding.

  “Holly, I think your initial gut reaction was right on target with him. I think he is afraid he will come back a changed man, and that man won’t be one whom he feels is deserving of you, and he loves you too much to burden you with that.”

  “So, you really think he dumped me because he loves me?”

  “Yeah. I think he did.” Plucking a tissue from the box, Mia handed it to Holly. “I believe he did this in a chivalrous, albeit misguided, way. My gut feeling is that he was fearful that the man who returned would be damaged, and I think being emotionally damaged scared him even more than being physically injured or incapacitated. He didn’t want that for you because he loves you. Personally, I don’t believe any of that crap he said to you.”

  “I don’t think I’m going to get over him. And you are right. As I’m sitting here thinking about what you said before, obviously Tom was a rebound, but he was really interesting and challenging and a lot of fun to be around. He definitely helped me get past hurting so badly. It still hurts, but not like it did at the beginning.”

  It was now a few weeks past that tumultuous Thanksgiving, and Mia was glad to see Holly not obsessing over her break-up with Tom, but seeing the relationship for what it was, her segue to healing her heart and trying to move past Aiden.

  If that was even possible.

  Spring thru Memorial Day Weekend

  LOADING THE LAST DUFFEL and beach bag into the back of the Land Rover, Schooner turned to Mia and Seth. “Are you two going to be able to handle getting all of this onto the ferry?”

  “We’ll be all right. We’ve got the easy end of things for the next few days.” With her devilish grin, she informed him, “You’ve got all the tough stuff, Pretty Boy. Don’t forget Natie has the dentist tomorrow afternoon.” She reminded him for the fifth time.

  “Got it, and Portia has dance on Thursday.” And with a devilish grin of his own, “I’m going to make Yoli take her.”

  “You might want to rethink that.” Seth laughed. “Payback is going to be hell.” Putting out his hand, Mia handed him the car keys, and he got in and started the engine, leaving Schooner and Mia to say goodbye.

  “I’m going to miss you.” She took his face in her
hands as he bent down to kiss her.

  “It’s smoochal, Baby Girl. Call me when you get out to the house. I love you.”

  Heading out of Manhattan, Mia played with the radio. “No kids. I get to listen to Bruce.” She quickly switched the dial to E Street Radio.

  “We should be listening to beach music,” Seth complained, as they drove an uncharacteristically freely moving, half-empty Long Island Expressway.

  “Beach music it is, as we’re setting up the house,” Mia conceded.

  “A rare BBC compromise, hmm. What am I in store for over the next few days?”

  “An empty beach house with just the two of us.” Mia smiled, enjoying seeing trees that were finally green. It had been a long, gray, and emotional winter.

  “Is that supposed to make me feel good?” he snarked. “If it were an empty beach house with just me and Henry, that would make me happy.”

  “So, buy a beach house of your own, freeloader.” She gave it right back to him.

  “Now why would I do that when my BFF already owns one of the best houses on the entire island?”

  “You’ve got a point.” She smiled. “And we’ll have more room than ever with Zac and Lily down in Baltimore and Holly coming out just for weekends. She’s doing a full load of summer classes up at Columbia.”

  “She certainly is getting as far away from the NYU campus as she can this summer without leaving Manhattan island,” observed Seth, as he exited the Long Island Expressway, heading south on the Sagtikos Parkway.

  “I think her goal this summer is to not get her heart broken again and to avoid her East Coast exes.”

  As Seth exited on Merrick Road, Mia cracked the window, letting in the cool, spring air. “I cannot wait to see the ocean and wake up to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.”

  “You and me both, sista.”

  “Thank you for helping me do this, Princess. Seriously. I really appreciate it.” They were unpacking the kids’ summer clothes and putting them away.

  “Are you up to tackling the kitchen next?”

  “No. I think we should go drink.” Mia smiled at him. “I am never without kids. This may be my only adult vacation all year.”

  “Should we uncork a bottle? I saw some Silver Oak in the wine rack.”

  Mia shook her head. “Maybe later when we’re hanging out on the deck. Let’s go into town. Why don’t we go to Castaway. I am dying for baked clams and a grilled romaine salad.”

  “And a Rocket Fuel?” Seth taunted Mia with the Fire Island specialty drink.

  “Oh God, I’m going to be shitfaced. I haven’t had anything with that much alcohol in it for a very long time.”

  “I’m buying.”

  “In that case, let me go grab a sweatshirt and my wallet.”

  As they walked into town, Mia took deep breaths. “That air. There’s nothing like it.”

  “Yeah, well that air hates your hair. You already look like a Chia pet and we’re not even there yet.”

  “Ah, who gives a shit. I’m going to be drunk in a few minutes.”

  “This really is your happy place,” Seth conceded. “You don’t even care how frizzed out your hair is.”

  “Not like I’m trying to find a man.”

  Opening the door to the restaurant for Mia, “You’re already with the best man this side of Cherry Grove.”

  “Schooner really is, isn’t he?” Mia pretended not to understand Seth.

  “No, BBC. Not Pretty Boy. Moi. I’m the best man this side of Cherry Grove.”

  “If you say so.” She smiled sweetly at him.

  “Bitch. Buy your own drink.” He laughed as they entered the rustic restaurant.

  “Hey, you two. Welcome back!” Maddie yelled from behind the bar. “Are you back for the season.”

  “Not yet. We just came out ahead of everyone to get the house ready,” Mia explained.

  “Grab a seat anywhere,” she motioned toward several empty tables. Coming out from behind the bar, she dried her hands on the towel hanging off her apron. “How’s that handsome husband of yours? And the little ones?”

  “Everyone’s great.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, but he is just so much fun to look at,” she admitted, blushing slightly.

  “Please don’t tell him that,” Mia begged.

  “Deal.” Maddie winked. “How’s Holly doing? Is she okay?”

  “Yeah, just buried in school work.”

  “I’m sure she took the news real hard. Even though they’re not together anymore. It’s still gotta be rough.”

  With a glance across the booth at Seth, the look in his eyes telegraphed the same fright Mia could feel deep in the pit of her stomach. As her abdominal muscles started to knot, she braced herself for news she didn’t want to hear. Please God, please let him be alive.

  Maddie’s dark eyes misted. “You haven’t heard, have you?”

  Mia felt the searing pain stab at her chest as her heart skipped a beat. Shaking her head, the lump lodged at the base of her throat began to block her airway.

  “Aiden was wounded overseas.”

  “Is he alive?” The air rushed out of Mia.

  “Yeah, he was in the hospital overseas and then in and out of VA hospitals, including the one up in Northport a couple of times. But he’s out now.” Maddie nodded reassuringly.

  “What happened?”

  “Not sure of the details, but I know he’s had some surgeries to remove a lot of shrapnel, and,” she lowered her voice to a whisper, “I understand he’s lost an eye or his eyesight or something.”

  “Have you seen him?” Seth asked, looking from Maddie to Mia, his mouth hanging open.

  “No, but I know he was out like two weeks ago. Billy saw him.” She turned to the bar to catch Billy’s attention. “Billy, come over here a sec,” she yelled across the room.

  “Hey, Billy, make us two Rocket Fuels first,” Seth called out to him.

  “Good idea, I think we’re going to need them,” Mia said to her friend. Looking back at Maddie, “I’m just glad he is alive. Holly is going to be devastated.”

  “Hey, guys, good to see you.” Billy arrived with two tall glasses, filled with frozen white help me cope with this news Rocket Fuels.

  “I was just telling them about Aiden.”

  “Yeah, poor guy,” Billy commiserated.

  “What happened? Is he okay?”

  “Yeah, I mean he’s been through some bad shit. One side of his face is pretty messed up. They’ve been doing reconstructive surgery on him so that they could fit him with a fake eye. I think his arm on that side was pretty scarred up, too, but he was wearing long sleeves, so I don’t know for sure. But that’s what I heard.”

  Mia tried to process what Billy was telling her. The memory of Johann Baer making prosthetic eyes at the clinic in Zambia flooded her thoughts. “How was he? Did he seem okay?” Mia patted her hand over her heart.

  “Yeah, he was just kinda like himself, you know. A little on the quiet side for Aiden. He still had the patch on his eye, so he kinda looked badass. And he’s bulked up, I think they had him working out a lot in the hospital. You know, doing therapy on his body and stuff. Considering everything, he did seem okay, Mia. He was a little distant, but I know I’d be fuckin’ bitter if it were me.”

  Seth pushed Mia’s drink toward her. Pulling out the straw, she picked up the glass and took a healthy swig.

  “Holly didn’t know?” Billy asked. “I know they broke up and all, but I figured she mighta heard, you know.”

  “She has no clue. She is going to be devastated for him. Do you know if he’s coming back? Is he going to be out here this summer?”

  “I dunno, he didn’t say.” Billy shook his head. “We talked about my new boat. I got a racing boat and I showed it to him and that was about it. Excuse me. Customers.” He gestured to the couple walking in and left to greet them.

  “What can I get you to eat?” Maddie asked.

  “I don’t think I can
eat after that news. But you might want to go ahead and get us another round of these.”

  “I’ll give you a few minutes to finish those and then I’ll bring you round two.”

  “Thanks, Maddie,” Seth called after her as she headed back to the bar.

  “Oh my God, Seth.” She just stared at him for a moment. “Poor Aiden. My heart is just breaking for him.” Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head. “Imagine the scars we can’t see.”

  “I was just thinking that. He didn’t want Holly to have to go through this with him if it happened.”

  “Yeah, I know that is what he was fearing. How are we going to tell her, Seth?” Mia put her head in her hands

  “I don’t know.” He shook his head.

  “I just feel like I keep slamming into brick walls no matter which direction I turn.” Holly’s bottom lip quivered. It had been two weeks since Mia had shared with her the news on Aiden. “His old cell number isn’t his anymore and his parents haven’t returned any of my messages.”

  Schooner winced hearing that neither Aiden nor his parents had acknowledged Holly’s attempts to find out how he was doing, and just to let him know that she was thinking about him. “C’mere.” He motioned for Holly to join him on the couch. Pulling her to him, she put her head on his shoulder.

  “Oh, Dad, I just want to know he’s okay.”

  “Next weekend is Memorial Day. Maybe he’ll come out to Fire Island for the weekend. He has a lot of friends out there, I’m sure he’ll be invited to several barbeques. And maybe the folks over at Maguire’s know something or have a newer phone number for him.”

  Recognizing the pain in his daughter’s eyes, he hurt for her, knowing firsthand the heartache of losing the one who is the star of all your hopes and dreams. This guy wasn’t just a break-up. This was the soul crusher, where you don’t know your heart is walking a tightrope, until you are careening to the cement fifty feet below and shatter. Wishing he could somehow make this better for her, and knowing there wasn’t anything he could do, frustrated him.