Moore than a Feeling

by Julie A. Richman

  Smiling, she turned her focus back to what her client was saying.

  Seated at the table talking to her client when the doorbell rang, Mia looked toward the stairs to see if Schooner was possibly out of the shower to answer it. When he didn’t appear at the top of the steps, she took her cell to the door. Opening it, she was surprised to see Aiden standing there. Motioning for him to come in, she held up two fingers indicating she’d be off the phone shortly.

  Standing with his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts, Aiden stared out at the ocean crashing against the shore, waiting for Mia to finish up. This was the first time he’d been in the Moore’s house in well over a year. It had been his second home for a long time, a place of comfort and laughter, and now he felt agitated and apprehensive standing in the great room.

  Hanging up the phone, Mia headed to the refrigerator. “Water?” she asked.

  “Yes, please. I’m not drinking the hard stuff with you anymore.” He took the bottle from her. “Oh, by the way, the new bottle of Hennessy arrived this morning.”

  “Oh, good. I’ve already got too many secrets from people. That doesn’t need to be another one. Come sit.”

  He followed, sitting on a chair across from her. “Did Schooner come in on the three o’clock?” Even Aiden knew his schedule after all these years.

  “Yeah, he’s just upstairs showering.”

  “Okay, good, I wanted to talk to the two of you.”

  “I’m sure you do.” Mia gave him a pointed look.

  “Is Holly out on the beach?” After he spoke to Schooner and Mia, he wanted to make sure she was okay.

  “No.” Mia shook her head. “Holly’s out in the Hamptons.”

  “The Hamptons?”

  “A friend of hers is playing this weekend at the EBI, so she went out.”

  “Bun Man?” There was more than a note of derision in Aiden’s voice.

  “Yes, Bun Man.”

  “She went to be with Bun Man.” He was now visibly upset.

  “C’mon Aiden. You know she couldn’t be here. She was petrified of her father seeing her.”

  “Why would Holly be petrified for me to see her?” Schooner was at the top of the stairs, his voice filled with alarm.

  Aiden stood. “That’s why I’m here. I wanted you to hear about it from me.”

  “Hear about what from you?” Schooner’s fuse was fraying quickly.

  Meeting his glare, Aiden didn’t sugarcoat his response. “I hurt Holly this week, Schooner.”

  “You’ve been hurting Holly for well over a year now, so why should this week be any different.” It wasn’t a question.

  “This week was different. This week, I hurt her physically.”

  “What?” Schooner’s tone was sharp and loud as he quickly traversed the space between him and Aiden. Springing up from the couch, Mia interjected herself between the two men.

  Holding out a hand that landed mid-chest on her husband. “Sit down,” she ordered, her voice as authoritative as his. “Holly is okay. Let’s hear what Aiden has to say.”

  “You hit my daughter?” Schooner hissed through clenched teeth.

  “Actually, I choked her.” Aiden looked resigned, ready to receive Schooner’s wrath as if it were some form of penance.

  “You choked her?” His body pressed hard against Mia’s hand and outstretched arm. Schooner was quickly losing control.

  “Hey, hey, hey.” Mia held him back. “Sit down,” she ordered her husband. “Let him talk.”

  Schooner remained standing, looming a couple of inches over the younger man, adrenaline and testosterone stoked to a fevered pitch.

  “Sit.” Mia was not kidding, and at a foot shorter than her husband, was cutting an imposing figure.

  Muttering under his breath, he sat on the couch, leaned back, and crossed both his legs and arms. Looking at Aiden, he spoke one word before entering his dead-calm mode. “Speak.”

  “I figured you might be on the three o’clock ferry, so I wanted to get over here immediately to talk to all of you. I knew you’d be upset.”

  Mia was waiting for a sarcastic “You think?” out of her husband. But Schooner remained silent and motionless, the only visible muscle movement in his entire body resided in his left cheek, where it was thumping like a cinematic drumbeat.

  “Tuesday night I was having a rough time and went over to Castaway to drink. I drank way too much, and I was really down, and said some stupid things. Things that led Billy to think I might hurt myself. I’d also mentioned wanting to talk to Holly. He texted Holly at some point to ask if she’d seen me and when she said no, he asked her if she would check on me because he was the only one working and couldn’t leave the bar. I had gone back to my place and passed out. I never heard Holly at my door and she used an extra key. Billy had told her where it was, and she let herself in. I guess I was having a bad dream, I have them a lot, and a thunderstorm kicked up and it was close, and well, I have a really rough time with loud noises these days, and I guess it affects me even when I’m sleeping. Which I didn’t know until the other night. Holly saw me having a rough time and tried to wake me to tell me it was okay. And when she touched me, I grabbed her, and it just integrated into my nightmare. And I almost killed her.” He looked down for the first time and shook his head. “I almost killed her.”

  They all sat in silence for a few minutes processing what had occurred.

  Looking at Schooner, Aiden added, “You’ll be happy to know your daughter kneed me in the balls and the surprise and pain woke me. And I was shocked to find her there and even more horrified by what I had done.”

  Schooner remained silent, stood, and walked to the open kitchen. From the top cabinet, he pulled out a cobalt blue bottle with a gold cap and liberally poured himself a Johnnie Walker Blue Ghost and Rare. He didn’t offer a glass to anyone else. Sitting back down on the couch, he still remained silent as he took a sip of his scotch.

  “Schooner, I don’t even know how to express how sorry I am. I would never intentionally harm Holly.” Schooner just looked at him and Aiden went on, “I saw a new psychiatrist this week. Mia, thank you for helping me get that set up.” He looked toward Mia.

  Slowly turning his head, Schooner glared at his wife.

  “Oh, stop that.” She gave him a disgusted look, then turned back to Aiden. “How did it go?”

  “Really good. He’s very easy to talk to and it was just hours after this had happened, so I just spilled it all.”

  “What did he say? If you don’t mind my asking,” Mia inquired.

  “He said it falls under what they call Disorders of Arousal.”

  “Sorry to hear that,” Mia snickered.

  Schooner just looked at her and took a sip of his scotch.

  “C’mon, lighten up. You know I have the sense of humor of a teenage boy. The term Disorders of Arousal is funny.” She looked at Aiden. “I guess unless it is happening to you.”

  “Yeah, it definitely wasn’t so funny the other night. I told him I was concerned about hurting someone and he felt that the circumstances of what happened just all converged at the right time, and that more likely than not, it would be an isolated incident.”

  “And how do we know that?” Schooner finally spoke.

  “We don’t. Not for sure, anyway. He did say that it is a very rare occurrence and he put me on some meds to help with the sleep terrors.”

  “Rare doesn’t make me feel better.”

  “I know. Believe me, it scares the hell out of me. I’ve wanted Holly to stay away from me because I’m no good to anyone at this point. Just dealing with everyday stuff is a real challenge. This is a lot to take on. And I don’t want her doing that.”

  “What if she wants to do that?” This time it was Mia who spoke.

  “Well, I don’t want it for her. At least, not now. I need to be significantly better before I can even consider being back in her life.”

  “That’s an understatement.” Schooner was not cutting him any slack.<
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  “I know,” Aiden agreed.

  “Excuse me.” Schooner stood and walked out of the room.

  When he was clearly out of earshot, Mia said, “He wants to pull you apart, but he also sees how standup it is for you to be here. It took a lot for you to come today to talk to us face to face. Trust me, he appreciates that. Right now, he’s just concerned for Holly, emotionally and now physically.”

  “I know, and I don’t want this for her. She shouldn’t have this stuff in her life.”

  “Maybe she should. We really don’t know what someone’s life path should be.”

  As Schooner reentered the room, he heard Mia’s last comment and shook his head. “What are you reading these days?” he asked her. “Her life path?” he scoffed and picked up his drink.

  Ignoring him, she asked Aiden, “So, you liked this guy?”

  “Very much. He had some sound strategies for me that I’ve just started trying to use to make it through the days and nights. And he thought it would be beneficial to see him twice a week and I committed to that.”

  “That’s great. It sounds like you’re on the right path.” She turned to Schooner, giving him her devil smile. “Oops, I said the ‘p’ word again.”

  “You’re obnoxious.” He finally smiled at his wife.

  “Well, that’s what I came to say. Schooner, Mia, all I can say is that I’m sorry. I really think it was just a freak thing. I would never hurt Holly. But it was bad, and I realize that, and I’m really sorry I hurt her.”

  “So, what do you want, Aiden?” He needed to know.

  “I wanted everything out in the open. I wanted you guys to know.”

  “And what do you want from Holly?” Schooner leaned forward.

  “I want her to stay away so that I’m not her problem.”

  “You know that’s not true, Aiden. What do you really want?” Mia cut to the chase.

  “What I really want is for Holly to wait for me, but I can’t ask her to do that. Because realistically, I may never be whole enough again, and she doesn’t deserve that. And I don’t deserve to waste her time. What I really want is to be happy again. And to make her happy.”

  “That may be the most honest thing you’ve said to me yet,” Mia acknowledged.

  Aiden shrugged, palms up. “I’m trying. I really am.”

  “Good. Stay focused on that.”

  Mia rose when Aiden did, but Schooner remained seated, clearly not getting up to give him a proper goodbye.

  Seeing him to the door, “Nice hickey,” she commented quietly, so that her husband wouldn’t hear.

  Aiden leaned down and whispered, “Don’t let that sweet face fool you. She bites.”

  And with a smile that gave Mia a glimpse of the young man they were all so fond of, he was off.

  Closing the door behind him, she turned to Schooner. “Well, you were pretty tough on him.”

  Schooner shook his head. “Nah. Not really. It’s just man-code stuff. If he needs to work for it, he’ll work harder. That’s the way he’s wired.”

  “Work for your approval and acceptance?” Mia needed clarification.

  “Yes, exactly that. He’ll work even harder to get our relationship back on even keel and to get himself back, too.” He smiled at Mia. “Trust me, I know what I’m doing. And by the way, it was very nice of you to help him find a therapist.” He wasn’t being sarcastic.

  Standing, he pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the french doors to the deck. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to FaceTime with my daughter, see her bruised neck, and have a little chat with her.”

  Hey, I think you should come here and hang out. It was a text from Billy.

  Special reason? Or you just miss me?

  Both

  Billy, you are such a match maker. She knew this was his way of telling her that Aiden was there.

  I like seeing my friends happy

  Well, I’ll be bringing a friend. My friend Jenna is out. Maybe that will make you happy, friend.

  Is she cute? ;-)

  Very

  Then get your asses here now. I’ll keep our friend occupied.

  “Want to meet Aiden?” Holly asked Jenna.

  “Was that him?”

  “No. That was our friend Billy. He bartends at Castaway and he was letting me know a certain someone is there. And I told Billy you were here and you’re cute and he said we should get our asses there now.” Holly laughed.

  “Do I need to change my clothes?” Jenna was in a gauzy white peasant blouse, cut-offs, and flip-flops.

  Holly laughed again. “No. You’re probably overdressed.”

  “This is so the antithesis of the Hamptons. I could seriously get used to this.”

  “Anytime you want,” Holly offered. “I’m just going to let Mia know we’re heading out.” Holly had successfully missed seeing her father, who was already back in Manhattan by the time she and Jenna arrived on Fire Island after their long weekend in the Hamptons. Her dad had called her every day since Aiden had told him of their incident.

  As they were walking into town, Jenna asked, “How will I know which one is Aiden?”

  “He’s tall, with dark hair. Really handsome. And he’s got some pretty nasty scars by his right eye and on his right cheek.”

  “You know your voice changes when you talk about him.” Jenna smiled at her friend.

  “Really?” Holly was surprised to learn that. No one had ever mentioned that before.

  “I can tell you really love him,” Jenna observed.

  She just rolled her eyes to indicate understatement. “This is the place.” Holly took a deep breath as they entered, bracing herself for their first encounter since the choking incident.

  The bar had a decent crowd and was well on its way to being packed later in the evening. Billy was down at the far end and a female bartender, whom Holly didn’t know, was covering the section closer to the entrance.

  “We’re going to head down there toward where Billy is.”

  “Billy’s kinda cute,” Jenna screamed into Holly’s ear.

  Making their way through the crowd, Holly and Jenna were stopped several times by guys asking if they could buy them drinks. Politely they declined and kept moving. They were almost down to where Billy was when they were stopped again by two guys who also offered to buy them drinks.

  “We’re good. But thanks,” Holly told one of the guys.

  “I’m sure you’re very good.” He eyed her up and down. “But you’d be even better with a drink in your hand.”

  “Thanks, but we’re meeting some friends.”

  “Have a drink with us first.” He turned to Billy. “Can I get two Rocket Fuels for these lovely ladies.”

  Making eye contact with Billy, Holly shook her head slightly.

  “I think the ladies have already been taken care of.”

  “I don’t think so. I don’t see drinks in their hands.” The guy slapped a twenty on the bar.

  “He said the ladies have been taken care of.” Aiden tossed a twenty of his own on the bar, which Billy scooped up.

  Holly tried to move past the guy, but he closed his hand around her upper arm, which Holly unsuccessfully tried to yank from his grasp.

  “What? You’re too good for me, blondie?” His tone was belligerent.

  “Get your hands off me.” Holly snarled at him, finally freeing her arm from his grasp.

  “Lay a hand on her again and I will beat your brainless pinhead into the bar. You got that?” Holly felt hands cupping her shoulders and Aiden’s unmistakable voice as he moved into position behind her.

  “Shut up, Scarface.” The guy was a bulked-up gym rat ready to do battle.

  But he picked the wrong soldier to go to war with.

  In one swift move, Aiden was out from behind Holly and removed the guy’s beer from his hand and slammed the bottle down onto the bar. “I think you’re done. Time to go.”

  “You can’t tell me to leave.” The guy countered.

 
; “Yeah, I can. And you’re leaving. Now.” Aiden looked at the guy’s friend who had remained silent. “You need to get your buddy out of here before we have a real problem.”

  “Dude, you can’t kick me out.” The guy reached for his beer on the bar.

  “Yeah, he can.” Danny, a long-time Ocean Beach regular was right there, and behind him was his buddy, Carter, and half a dozen more guys who had known Aiden and Holly for a long time.

  “Problem over here?” Carter asked.

  “No problem,” the guy’s friend finally spoke.

  “You were just leaving, weren’t you?” Aiden asked him.

  “Yeah, we don’t want any problems. C’mon, Anthony, let’s get out of here.”

  Aiden stood guard, arms crossed over his chest, watching until the guys were out the door before turning back to Holly, “You okay, Angel? Did he hurt you?”

  “I’m okay. I just seem to be getting manhandled a lot lately.” She tried to smile, but was unnerved at how quickly things escalated. She wondered if she was the only one who heard the timebomb ticking. This was so different than it had been in the past. Managing restaurants and bars, Aiden had always been the epitome of cool and calm, but tonight it felt as if he were hypervigilant.

  “I’ve got a couple of Rocket Fuels here for you two ladies, compliments of the house,” Billy called from behind the bar. “Take your money back,” he said to Aiden, handing him back his twenty. “And I’ll take his,” Billy laughed, throwing the guy’s twenty into the till.

  “Thanks, Billy.” Holly handed Jenna one of the plastic cups. “Welcome to Castaway. It’s usually a pretty chill place. Billy, this is my friend Jenna.”

  “Well, it’s about time you introduced us.” Wiping his hands on a towel hanging from his waist, he extended a hand to Jenna.

  “And Jenna, this is Aiden.” She turned to her ex.

  They acknowledged each other with shakes of their heads, but neither one said a word.

  “So, Jenna, tell me, is this your first time in Ocean Beach?” Billy was very interested in Holly’s new, cute friend.