To the Sea (Follow your Bliss)

by Deirdre Riordan Hall

  It was like he spoke a foreign language, but the sound of his voice told her everything she needed to know. She blinked a few times with surprise at her thoughts and at the unfamiliar way he made her feel.

  “Good so far?” Ian pointed toward the front of the board. “That’s the nose.” Then he pointed at the back. “That’s the tail. Underneath are the fins, these are the rails.” He rubbed the long edges of the board. Kira watched his fingers, tanned and deliberate.

  “And you see this here?” He wiggled a little loop that attached to a long bendable plastic rope with a Velcro cuff at the end. “This is the leash. It attaches to your ankle so you don’t lose the board. And down the middle runs the stringer.” He pointed to a faint line incorporated into the pattern that overlaid the Boardroom logo. “The center of the board is the balance point. Too far to the right, you bail. Too far to the left, same. Try to stay strong along the midline. Now, I want you to stand in front of me, over here where it’s flat.”

  Ian went behind her, his strong hands clasping her shoulders. Her mind flashed to his breath on her neck, his lips there, softly. Then, he brushed her shoulders, and suddenly shoved her forward. Kira extended her right leg to break her fall as he deftly grabbed her around the waist from behind. She welcomed his strength through the neoprene, but shock still rocked her.

  “Hey, what’d you do that for?” Kira asked spinning around.

  “Goofyfoot.” Ian’s dimpled grin told her his intentions were harmless.

  “What?” she demanded, but his smile quickly diffused her fuming.

  “Standard procedure, I swear,” he said holding his hands up. “We do that to determine what leg you lead with on the board. If I told you I was going to do it, sometimes without realizing it, people force a leg forward. You ride goofyfoot, which means your left leg gets the leash. There’s nothing goofy about you,” he said still wearing a grin. “And I’m sorry if it startled you.”

  “Actually I’m—” but she didn’t get to finish. A tall blonde with a deep tan strode by in short-shorts and a knit crop sweater. Her outfit alone made Kira shiver.

  “Hey, Ian,” she called. He took his time turning his long body around in the direction of the girl.

  “Oh hi, Vanessa,” he said weakly. Kira studied the waves and how they broke gradually, pouring water into water, wanting to ignore the encounter unfolding behind her. Jealousy swiped at her as she imagined the girl, his girlfriend, his hands running along her shoulders, his lips kissing hers.

  “I hear you had a wicked session this morning,” she called.

  “Yeah.” Ian stepped toward Kira.

  “There’s a party tonight at Tug’s. I hope to see you later,” she said blowing him a kiss.

  Kira looked at Ian to gauge his response.

  “Cool,” he said with a nod, but exasperation knuckled his features. He turned back to Kira. “So where were we?” A deep breath, taking in the vista, settled him instantly.

  “Goofy?” Kira said mock-insulted and dismissing the possible hot mess of a girlfriend, but hot nonetheless.

  “Right. No, nothing goofy about you.”

  “Actually, I can be goofy,” Kira retorted.

  “Really?” Ian said pretending not to believe her, but she worried maybe her Mercedes, designer clothes, and fear of the water hadn’t given him the impression that she was capable of being silly. But when she unpacked the recent days, weeks, and years in her mind, she couldn’t remember the last time she let herself really have fun. This thought sobered her desire to splash Ian or tickle him, anything to show her long-forgotten playful side.

  “The leash,” Ian said picking it up. “You’ll wear this around your ankle after we practice the popup. I want you to lay on the board, then when I say popup, bring your right leg up in front of you, and balance your weight evenly between the front and the back feet. Got it? Here I’ll show you.” With easeful skill, Ian shifted from a completely prone position to the classic surfer stance.

  “You make it look easy,” Kira said, unsure she’d be as graceful or well balanced.

  “Give it a go,” he encouraged. On her first try, Kira tripped over her own leg. Ian caught her before she completely face-planted in the sand.

  “Thanks,” she said. She felt incapable, but by the time her arms started to ache, she got to her knee, and then finally semi-upright.

  “That was great. You’re getting the hang of it.”

  “Really? It didn’t feel how you looked.”

  “I have innumerable nautical miles under these feet,” he said laughing. “Take as much time as you need, but eventually it’ll feel as effortless as getting out of bed.”

  “Yeah, that isn’t always that easy,” she said aloud. “I mean, some days.”

  Although Frank Brinkman had done little to enamor himself to her, his declaration of not bringing the troubles at home to work reminded her of the dictum, don’t mix work with pleasure. Spending so much time in her head, recovering, and healing from the recent tragedy and trauma felt like work to her, so she told herself she wouldn’t bring up her personal woes. She didn’t want Ian or anyone else to treat her like some kind of blubbering mutant that would break down in tears, like they did at the office. She didn’t want to share the experience out on the water with her grief.

  Kira tried the popup a few more times. Thanks to the week of yoga, some strength had returned to her and she made it to her feet.

  Ian hooted and called, “Surfer girl.”

  Kira doubted that, yet. She shook her head.

  “About the ocean, I take it you haven’t spent much time in it, but I trust you know how to swim.”

  Kira nodded. She knew how thanks to a high school requirement, but she’d mostly practiced in bodies of water where she could see the bottom and even that required a hefty dose of courage.

  “If you fall off, just wrap your hands around your head like this to protect it from the loose board,” Ian said demonstrating. “I’ll come get you right away, but today we won’t be going in beyond where we can stand.”

  Nonetheless, Kira worried he sensed her trepidation. He took a few steps closer, tilting his head kindly.

  “Nothing to worry about here. No rocks. Just sand. The waves are mellow now and as for the critters, we’ll stay shallow today. So if there’s anything like that, that might freak you out, I’ll push you safely to shore on top of the board and sacrifice myself to the briny deep.” He smiled and mimicked a large creature carrying him away.

  A chuckle snuck out of Kira’s mouth. He had no idea how much his joke meant to her. His assurances and the softly rolling waves calmed her. Ian wrapped the Velcro leash around Kira’s left ankle snuggly, his fingers brushing her skin.

  Stepping into the water, she hesitated as the foam rose up around her feet.

  “I don’t want to pry, but are you sure about this?” Ian asked when she stood, statue-like, ankle deep. She looked back over her shoulder toward the parking lot, then beyond the breaking waves out to the horizon. Kira looked directly at Ian, his warm eyes smoldering in the sun, and a smudge of sunblock that he hadn’t quite rubbed in by his ear. His smile was the kind that made her feel like the center of the universe. Like it was just him, her, and the ocean, no dark nights, no self-doubt, no loneliness. As Kira basked in the light of the sun, she knew with certainty what she wanted to do. One foot in front of the other.

  “I’m sure,” she said. For the first time in a long time, her mind unified with her heart, pleasantly, buoyantly. The shadow of pain and hurt still clung to the edges, but big and bright, front, and center, something warm glowed inside.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Gathering her resolve to move forward, and blocking out the voice in her head that whined that it was too cold, too windy, too everything, Kira said, “Let’s go.”

  Surprisingly, moving into the water wasn’t the freezing shock she’d expected. The wetsuit provided a toasty layer between her and the frigid temperature of the Atlantic. Ian being so close hel
ped too.

  They walked out chest deep with Ian guiding the board over the waves. “Now, to hop on.”

  Hop was not a technical term or a word that accurately described how Kira flailed as she tried to mount the board, which floated on moving water. She thrashed, arms and legs waving wildly, as she tried to lay on it lengthwise on her belly.

  “You are goofy,” Ian said, all dimples, when she emerged from underwater. He didn’t mean it in an insulting way, but she felt like crying nonetheless. Kira had imagined she’d get right up and surf a wave into shore on her first try. Whenever she tried something new, she usually had an easy time, the signature of her status as a capable over-achiever.

  “It just takes practice and patience. And more practice,” Ian said encouragingly. “You’ll get it. Here, I’ll help you up.” He motioned to pick Kira up to lift her onto the board, but she sunk back, despite her desire to feel his warmth again.

  “No, I want to do it,” she said.

  Ian offered an understanding smile. “That’s the spirit.”

  Something passed between them as Kira called upon her confidence. She could tell by his subtle grin, that his esteem for her effort grew.

  After looking ridiculous as she tried to get on the board, sliding off, and repeating the broken bit of choreography until she sweated beneath her suit, she finally managed to get on it. Kira rested her cheek on the surfboard facing Ian. In a moment of vulnerability and triumph she uttered, “I did it.” Then she closed her eyes and cried. A few moments later, she opened them when Ian placed his hand lightly on her upper back.

  Looking right into the heart of her tears he said, “Yes, you did.”

  She couldn’t be sure, as wet as they both were, but it looked like his eyes were moist too.

  Kira floated there for a few more minutes, the water lapping gently at the rails of the board, the end of the long braid she’d done earlier that morning splayed in the water. The receding tide carried away the emotions that threatened to rock her. She felt comfortable with Ian’s presence anchoring her.

  “This is about more than being afraid of the water and surfing, huh?” he said softly.

  Kira nodded.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. The tears had passed and an irrepressible smile pushed at the corners of Kira’s lips.

  “I will be. You?” she asked, actually feeling refreshed and renewed in some way.

  “I am.” He nodded. Then a sharp whistle called their attention. A wetsuit-clad figure stood on the shore waving her arms above her head. Ian pulled the sleeve of his wetsuit back to look at his watch. “Oh, next lesson,” he said absently.

  Kira paddled in, Ian showing her how deep to dig with each stroke. Just before they were within earshot of his next student, he asked, “Will you be back for more?” The peacefully private mood they shared out on the water quickly dissipated as they rejoined the walking and talking world, but Kira wanted to get back in only if to revisit it and try again.

  “Tomorrow, if you’re available.” Kira replied, her cheeks feeling rosy.

  “Let’s do it,” Ian said.

  Once onshore, the student was Vanessa, the same blonde from earlier. She put her hand on Ian’s arm in a familiar way when he approached her with the longboard Kira had used.

  Kira turned away and walked back to the surf shop to peel the wetsuit off and gather her things. As she neared, Jamie languidly leaned in the doorway, wearing his sunglasses.

  “Hey, you. Good sesh?” She deciphered the surfer speak.

  “Got on the board. That’s a start,” she said while awkwardly trying to unzip her wetsuit.

  “Ian had another student, eh?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Kira said trying not to think about Vanessa.

  “Let me help you outta that suit. They’re easy to get on, but no one, not even pros have an easy time getting them off.”

  They worked it loose from her shoulder. Kira got an arm free, and Jamie unpeeled the black material as he stood on his knees drawing it down to her hips. His fingers grazed the side of her chest. An unfamiliar thrill of intimacy rushed through her. It had been a long time, but Jamie’s touch there met her with desire, lust. As he crouched and pulled the suit from around her ankle, she tried to help. A piece of her hair, now loose from its braid, grazed his shoulder. He gazed intensely into her eyes.

  “I forgot a towel,” Kira said, feeling goose bumps on the sunny May morning.

  “I’ll warm you up,” he said, leading her inside. Jamie grabbed a towel off a shelf with the Boardroom logo. “A gift from me to you.” He wrapped it around her shoulders, bringing her in close to him.

  “Thank you,” she said already feeling warmer and suddenly unsteady.

  “How about a coffee to thaw you out?” he asked.

  They passed shelves of t-shirts, hoodies, and flip-flops on their way to the café part of the shop. The cinnamon buns Kira smelled baking earlier cooled on a large platter.

  The girl behind the counter smiled coyly. “Morning Jamie, what can I get for you?”

  “What can you get for us?” he corrected, with a smile motioning to Kira. “I’ll have my uzh. And for Kira,” he swept his hand in her direction.

  She asked herself if this was real. Her own husband hardly noticed her, now two guys, in the same day, remembered her name, acted friendly, flirtatious. No way did they had a bet, there was just no way, she told myself, traumatized by Blain’s scathing words that cut through the moment.

  “I’d like a coffee, just milk please.”

  “And one of these babies,” Jamie said pointing to the gooey plate of giant cinnamon buns.

  He stretched his arms overhead while they waited for the order, revealing the toned line of his waist and abs. She practically drooled and not over the melted glaze drizzle on the cinnamon confection.

  Kira, her body exhausted from being in the waves, welcomed the chair Jamie pulled out at a vacant table. When he joined her, the sleeves of his t-shirt hugging his upper arms and the eager expression on his lips, caused something primal and long dormant or never quite conscious to begin with, to awaken within her.

  “So Kira, what brings you here, this time of year? We usually get the beach babes in the summer months.” He said the words as if they were the most normal thing in the world. Like beach babes were the same as kittens or apples.

  Kira wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t feel the same connection to Jamie as she did to Ian, she felt like she could be herself with the latter. Both were intense. But with Jamie, it was different; there was attraction, but the kind that left her tongue-tied. She wasn’t sure he’d understand her vague explanation.

  “I wanted to try something new, I guess.”

  “You came to the right place. I just got back from Costa Rica. The swell was up so I flew down there for a couple. It was really going off. You have to do it while you can, yanno? You just never know when the waves will be flat or when your number might be up.”

  “Too true.”

  Jamie pulled a chunk off the cinnamon roll. “Delicious. Have a bite.”

  Kira took a length of the coiled roll. He smiled flirtatiously at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he sipped his coffee.

  “You know they say cinnamon is an aphrodisiac.”

  “I wouldn’t know,” Kira said candidly.

  “You’ve got something, there,” he reached over and wiped a crumb off her lip then licked his finger. A hot flame ignited within her. She pressed her lips together in the place he’d just touched, and she felt a deep longing sizzling inside her.

  A couple young surfers approached their table.

  “Hey, bro,” said a thin kid with the hood of his sweatshirt pulled up.

  “Hey dudes, how are ya?” Kira got lost in how he swallowed the letter “r” for how ahhh ya and drew out the letter a.

  His accent was another sexy thing about him. Kira nearly choked on her sip of coffee when the thought tumbled in her mind.

  Jamie fist bumped each of them.
>
  “We’re here to check out the new boards we saw posted on Facebook.”

  “Cool. I’ll be with you in just a sec.” Jamie turned back to Kira.

  “They come in here whenever we get a shipment, goggle the boards, but never buy. I remember doing that when I was a kid, lusting after things I couldn’t have.” Jamie popped the center of the cinnamon roll in his mouth, his eyes full of meaning.

  “That reminds me, I have a board. Ian said the shop buys used ones. Well, not used. He said it’s brand new. I just want to get rid of it.” Kira could almost taste Ian’s name in her mouth. But she suddenly felt self-conscious about her choice of words. She was new to this world and surfers were serious about their boards.

  “I’ll take a look.” He stood to assist the young customers. “Do you have a change of clothes?”

  “Oh yeah, in the back room.”

  “Too bad, you look good in that bikini.” When she walked passed a mirror hanging by a display of sunglasses, her cheeks in the reflection couldn’t have been any redder. They burned and that wasn’t all. He was so bold. No one ever said anything like that to her. Kira’s mind chattered like a schoolgirl with her first crush. What did he mean? What was that look he gave her, a wink? She wasn’t old by any standards, but she didn’t look like Vanessa either.

  Kira ducked into the back room and found her things, realizing she’d didn’t remember underwear. She chuckled about going commando as she quickly pulled on her pants.

  As she slipped the strings of the damp bikini top from around her neck, the door opened and Jamie’s tall figure filled the doorway. Kira covered her chest with her arms, despite the rack of wetsuits shielding her. He approached her with an easy gate and placed his hands lightly on both of her shoulders. He tilted his face down to her. He paused; looking into her eyes as if that was all the permission he needed, and then moved in all the way to her lips, his still sweet from the cinnamon bun.