To the Sea (Follow your Bliss)

by Deirdre Riordan Hall

  “Babe?” he said.

  “Worried,” she answered, her forehead creasing.

  “About?”

  “Us.” Ian shook his head and pulled her close as they sat on his back deck enjoying a fire in an outdoor clay chiminea. “Hang on. I know just what you need.”

  He went in the house and returned with a bag of marshmallows, a bar of chocolate, and graham crackers. “S’mores. You just need S'mores.”

  “S’more of you,” Kira said laughing and weaving her arms around him.

  He put a marshmallow on a stick and held it just above the fire, patiently letting it toast. Once assembled, she took a huge gooey bite and then offered him one. He got white marshmallow all over the short brown whiskers of his unshaven face.

  “I think you need to shave,” she said.

  “Saving it for later,” he said licking his lips with a grin. “You don’t like my five o’clock shadow?”

  “I love your five o’clock shadow. It’s just not conducive to eating marshmallow.”

  Then she nibbled his face and brought her lips to his. Then they were in the bedroom, then naked, and all Kira’s thoughts of the future slipped away. Their lovemaking pulled her right into the present, the salty smell of his skin, the smoke from the fire in his hair, the push of his hips against hers, their legs in a tangle. Everything felt perfect.

  Kira carried this serenity with her into the week, and was pleased to get an offer on the house. She immediately called Ian to tell him the good news.

  “I feel free already.”

  “We still have to get your stuff,” he reminded her.

  “I decided to sell it furnished. What was left anyway. Everything was brand new and truly, I don’t want any of it. It’s tainted.”

  “But your clothing, photos, books, and all of that. How about we go next weekend and clean it out. We’ll take both your car and my truck so we only have to go once.”

  Kira had been sleeping peacefully; the sea air and the lapping of the waves outside the window were like a lullaby, not to mention Ian’s melodies on his guitar and quiet singing. She woke, well rested, on the morning of the live interview, the sun shining bright.

  Clanging echoed from the kitchen. Kira discovered Ian had prepared her French toast, fresh fruit, and coffee.

  “I figured we’d mix it up this week. Skip the surfing so there’s no risk of drowning just before you have a big interview,” he said trying to make light of their close call. “How about a twilight surf to celebrate?”

  With the reminder of the interview, Kira slouched in her chair at the table.

  “If I move forward.” In the past, Kira was headstrong, self-assured, and marched right out to get what she wanted, but the months of uncertainty in her life stifled her confidence in the work arena.

  “I’d place my chances with you,” Ian said as Kira dug into her breakfast.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  For Kira’s second interview, Frank and the other two staffers from the first one sat at the table in the conference room. The images of the partners, from the agency in San Francisco, appeared on a large screen in front of them. Kira answered their questions skillfully. She sailed smoothly along, in the flow of business dialog.

  “Tell us about this absence last spring,” said the man in a navy suit and grey tie, his bland face appearing broadly across the screen.

  “It was a period of bereavement,” Kira stuttered stealing a sideways glance at Frank.

  “We’re sorry to hear that, but typically one week is offered, this looks like you took a bit longer.”

  “I telecommuted after the second week.” Slam, she went under.

  “With an extended period. Right. And vacation time shortly after. We need someone with a strong commitment, this just doesn’t reflect that.”

  The words crushed Kira, but then she thought of her future with Ian.

  “If I’m selected I assure you, I will offer one-hundred percent.”

  “Thank you Ms.” The man hesitated. “Is it Annandale or Speranza? I know an Annandale. He’s a lawyer, we went to—”

  Kira’s eyes moistened, and she stopped listening. “Not Annandale. Summer Kira Speranza,” she said, the confidence of her own voice banishing her tears. She wondered if this was what she really wanted to be doing.

  For the rest of the day, the interview replayed in her mind, distracting her on calls and in yoga. She couldn’t shake disappointment and fear about what would become of her and Ian. Then somewhere around backbends, Kira bucked up. She reminded herself it’s business. It’s cutthroat and brutal. There’s no place for sensitivity. She gave herself a pep talk. All the same, Kira doubted she got the job.

  As she pulled onto Ian’s road, she relaxed in anticipation of his embrace. Just then, her cell phone jingled. Frank’s name appeared on the screen.

  “Sorry kid, you’ve been cut from the pool. We all understood your absence, but the other candidates have been with us right along. Sorry,” he said in a rare moment of sympathy and kindness.

  After she hung up, a familiar black Honda Supra charged past, sending a loose pebble flying at the windshield and splintering the glass. Kira stiffened, and then just as quickly crumbled. With anger and anguish, she wondered why Vanessa had been at Ian’s house.

  When she pulled into the driveway, Kira sat in the Mercedes processing the call, the disappointment, and Vanessa’s presence as she gazed through the cracked glass of the windshield. Her phone rang again.

  “Kira, good news, the buyer is in and we’re moving forward. I’ll fax the papers to you in the morning and we’ll have things wrapped soon. In the meantime we should talk about a new place,” said the real estate agent.

  Unfortunately, her new place would be on the east and not the west coast, she thought dismally.

  “I’ll be in touch tomorrow after I sign and return everything.” After hanging up, Kira muttered, “When it rains it pours.”

  Ian came out of the house smiling widely, and then noticed the windshield. It felt good to come home to him. He was so different from Jeremy or Jamie. He brought excitement, warmth, comfort, and passion all rolled into one. But an old saying scrolled through her mind, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Kira feared she was being a fool for the third time. The idea of Ian cheating on her with Vanessa cut to her heart cruelly, but she just wouldn’t stand for it, no way, she was far too precious.

  “Are you alright? What happened?” Ian asked with concern, appearing at the driver’s side window.

  “Vanessa happened.” Ian raised an eyebrow.

  “What do you mean? She broke your windshield?”

  “You tell me. She barreled down your road, a rock flew at me, and it cracked. Why was she here?”

  “I think she’s dating the guy that lives over there,” he said pointing at a vinyl sided house with a Camaro up on blocks in the driveway and a couple surfboards leaning, neglected, against the shed. Ian opened the door and reached over to unbuckle Kira’s seatbelt. He swiveled her knees so she faced him.

  “I know what you’re thinking. That’s like asking a guy if he wants a grilled steak or a TV dinner.”

  “But you’re a vegetarian.”

  Ian laughed.

  “You know what I mean. I promise myself to you. Only you, always.” He sealed his words with a kiss. “Oh speaking of dinner, it awaits.”

  Over a meal of grilled veggies and rice, Kira told him about the interview and the hailstorm of events that happened as she pulled onto his road.

  “No wonder you were upset. But come on, I’ve got the perfect thing. The tide’s changing and the breeze is offshore. No crazy waves. Have a look,” he said, leading her to the water.

  They suited up and surfed, the setting sun sinking behind the houses and trees as they carved through the waves.

  That night, Kira’s mellow from surfing wore away, leaving her distressed again. “What happens to us?” she asked as if the dark bedroom hid the answer. “After the conversatio
n about commitment at the interview, telecommuting is unlikely to be approved. Frank is one thing, but the others? I just don’t see how it’ll work.”

  “You know how we’ve discussed honesty as the foundation of this relationship? Well, she has a twin called trust. For now, until we know for sure, let’s just trust that everything is going to work out.”

  With that, Kira fell into fitful sleep, but sleep nonetheless.

  Kira avoided Frank the next day, because for the first time since she was a child, she felt helpless and at the mercy of others. She didn’t want to be without Ian, but she didn’t see a solution that would satisfy his bicoastal lifestyle. She hoped that maybe he’d stay, but didn’t want to hold him back.

  She’d left the Mercedes in Ian’s driveway so the repair truck could fix the windshield, and drove Ian’s truck to work, half hoping Frank saw her vehicle, took pity on her, and changed his mind. On her way back, she called Nicole hoping for comforting advice.

  “How’s my favorite belly?” Kira asked.

  “Getting bigger.” Nicole laughed.

  “I can’t wait to give you and your baby belly a hug.”

  “Only you though, I had a woman approach me on the subway the other day, she just put her hand on it like I was wearing a sign that said ‘please, put your grubby hands all over my pregnant stomach.’ Nuh uh. Keep off is more like it. Some nerve. But then again, it’s pretty huge. It should have its own postal code. I’ll text a picture.”

  Kira laughed at the image. “I have someone I’d like you to meet, any plans to come north soon?”

  “Work has me swamped. They’re sticking it to the pregnant lady knowing I’m going off the grid pretty soon.”

  “We’ll visit you, maybe in a few weeks?” Kira went on to tell her how serious things had gotten with Ian and the problem she faced with work.

  “Kira, I thought you were a business professional. Creative marketing, advertising, handling the exchange of large sums of money.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Doesn’t that mean you went to college?”

  “Yes.”

  “So you must be somewhat intelligent?”

  “Nicole!” Kira said exasperated.

  “You’re practically a millionaire, Kira. What about Jeremy’s money? Technically, you don’t have to work. Ever. Again.”

  Kira veered into the breakdown lane and abruptly stopped, stunned beyond words. Along with Jeremy’s things, his house and the memories, she’d put the money right out of her mind. She was quiet.

  “Are you there?”

  “I’m questioning my intelligence.”

  Nicole laughed.

  “Laugh away. I forgot about it. Seriously. But I’m still not sure how I feel about it. The money feels dirty to me.”

  “If it helps with your transition to a new life, in my opinion, that is the least Jeremy could do for you. If you never want to work again, camp out on a beach somewhere, and surf for the rest of your life, you could probably get by. Although, you do have expensive taste. The point is, just get over it.” She paused. “I want you to know July, Nate, and I will really miss you if you’re across the country.”

  Kira took a deep breath and maneuvered back onto into traffic, having made her decision. “I expect to return for summers.”

  “The things we do for love.” Nicole sighed. “Especially next summer, there might be wedding bells,” Nicole hinted.

  “Did Nate propose?”

  “I haven’t said no yet.”

  They chatted for a few minutes until Kira pulled off the highway toward the shore.

  Instead of continuing to Ian’s, she stopped in the parking lot by the beach, pulling into her old spot by the wall.

  She watched the waves and a few black figures out in the surf. The sun melted behind her and cast vermillion sparkles into the sea like millions of little jewels. Kira recalled her first time there, how stark she felt, cast adrift in her life. She had no idea that day would lead her right back to exactly where she was meant to be.

  “Thank you,” Kira said to the ocean, the powers-that-be, and to herself for finding strength and a path forward.

  Rumbling onto Ian’s street, Kira recalled the incident with Vanessa and her insecurity. What he said about trusting that everything was going to work out also meant trusting him in their relationship. As if to confirm, Kira spotted the Honda Supra parked in the driveway of the house he’d pointed out. She breathed a sigh of relief and then laughed; if he’d been cheating, she was going to have to sign herself up for a daytime talk show with the hook line, “Woman desires men who betray.” Alternatively, she could just become a contestant on the bachelorette and be done with it. Kira brushed off these thoughts as she breezed into the cottage, aglow. Ian popped out of his study.

  “Good news?” he asked smiling.

  “Yes and no.”

  “I didn’t get the job.” She shrugged. “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

  Ian pulled her into a conciliatory hug and then she pulled away with a big smile.

  His forehead wrinkled in confusion. “You seem happy about that.”

  “Before I tell you the good news, you have to promise you won’t think less of me,” Kira said taking a seat on the couch.

  “Promise. But I already know about lame-o-ex-husband, the hippie parents, and how they caused you to have some control issues, what else haven’t you told me? Do you actually have three heads concealed in all that hair?” He pulled Kira toward him, tickling her.

  She giggled and then spluttered, “I’m sort of a thousandaire.”

  His mouth dropped open.

  “So all this fuss about getting the job transfer was because—wait, I know, you like to punish yourself?” he joked.

  “Well no, this was why I didn’t want you to think less of me. I kinda forgot about it.”

  “Don’t check your bank balance much?”

  “It’s in a separate account, but the thing is, it is or was, Jeremy’s money. He left a large sum plus investments, a life insurance policy, then the sale of the condominium and the house. I gave some to Courtney, the woman who was in the accident with him, for their unborn child.”

  “The plot gets thicker. But that was good of you,” Ian said, slowly processing the new info. “So you can use the rest of the money in good conscience, compensation for the damage done to your emotional health, and a ticket to financial freedom.” A smirk spread across his face. “Will you be my sugar mama?” he asked, ready for her retaliation.

  “Ha, wouldn’t you like that,” she said, pulling his hat down over his eyes.

  “How about a new board,” Ian joked.

  “You have like a dozen and you make them!” she said clobbering him as they fell onto the couch.

  “Baker’s dozen would be nice. You can never have too many.”

  “We’ll see. But this doesn’t change the way you think about me does it? Sometimes money in any relationship can make things weird. To be honest, I don’t even know what I think of it.”

  “I trust that you’ll spend smart. If a gold plated toilet or something equally ridiculous is delivered to the doorstep or you want a diamond encrusted grill for your front teeth, we’ll have a chat.” Ian got up and closed the two windows facing the ocean. “It’s starting to get chilly here. Cool nights then cool days. Does this mean we’re heading west?” he asked hopefully.

  “Yes, but not in your rusty old truck.”

  “What’s wrong with my truck?”

  “You need new brakes. And a muffler and windshield wipers.”

  “Whatever you say, babe.” Ian guided Kira into the bedroom. She unbuttoned his shirt. He drew hers up over her head. Their lips met. A familiar Bob Marley song played softly from the speakers in Ian’s study. Upon hearing it, the rolling of the waves in the background and her own two feet rooted to the earth, Kira knew something she’d never known before. Maybe it was because of the last six months of upheaval in her life, maturity, or maybe wisdom came with freedo
m, honesty, and trust, but as they fell into the bed, Kira knew that truly everything was going to be all right.

  Chapter Thirty

  As Kira rode her wave of excitement mixed with relief, much of the month coasted by. When she gave her notice at work, Alice was disappointed to lose her yoga partner. However, as part of the hiring committee, she made sure the candidates were hot, so she had flirting and late nights working with the new hire to look forward to.

  “So when do we leave?” Ian asked when they returned to the cottage after gathering up the last of Kira’s things. He prepared them a romantic candle-lit dinner.

  “Whenever we want,” Kira said pouring them each a glass of wine.

  “Looks like rain for the next week, there’s a tropical storm coming up the coast. If we can outlast the wet and the grey, there might be some good waves behind it. Tempting.” Ian hugged Kira from behind. She smiled at the fact that nothing could subdue a surfer’s quest for waves.

  “I’m wherever you are,” she said. Once she’d gotten out from under the house on Lilac Court and had sorted out her finances, she no longer felt an urgency to leave right away. “There’s just the closing and then I’m free.”

  As the first few rainy days passed, Ian and Kira planned a route west. She had a couple guidebooks and the internet to help direct her to some sights of interest, but left much up to spontaneity. Their first stop was Connecticut to visit Kira’s sister, followed by New York City to see Nicole and Nate, and then they’d head south through the Smoky Mountains, west to the Rockies, and up to Yellowstone before arriving in California.

  Kira reasoned if she was going to be a mermaid and live on the Atlantic and Pacific coasts, she’d better see what was in the middle, and capture some images with her camera while she was at it. Without a job to consume her time, Kira focused on photography, growing eager to play with light and perspective as they traveled west.

  She sat on the couch flipping through a photography magazine when Ian came through the front door, rainwater dripping off him like he’d just come out of the ocean.