Ryan's Love (Sawyer Brothers #1)

by C. A. Harms

  Those things should have been enough to let everyone around him know he was silently suffering, trapped in a world of terror within his mind. But Bailey thought he was just going through some problems readjusting after the horrors he’d witnessed. She thought he’d be able to get through it on his own. Instead, she was the one who found his body. Her entire family fell apart after that, and it was one of the saddest things I’d ever seen.

  “I will, Bailey, I promise.” I pulled her in for a hug.

  The same thoughts had crossed my mind during my time with Ryan yesterday. I wondered if he truly was ready to move forward or if he was only forcing himself to. But after just a short time with him, I knew I wanted to give it a shot. What would trying hurt?

  Chapter Eleven

  Ryan

  Our date last night was good. I hadn’t felt that relaxed and carefree in such a long time. It was a fun evening of talking and laughing; no expectations, just two people getting to know each other.

  But everything shifted the moment I entered the kitchen. Olivia sat at the snack bar with a bowl of cereal in front her that looked as if it hadn’t been touched. She was dressed for school and staring out the back window toward the lake behind our house. I could sense her bad mood.

  “Morning, Liv,” I said as I poured myself a cup of coffee. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Fine.” I could hear the attitude in her voice immediately.

  “Talk to me,” I said as I leaned back against the counter. She didn’t even turn to face me, only offering me a slight shrug of her shoulder. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, I can’t help fix it.”

  “You took her to the lake. I overheard Uncle Jackson when I was on the phone with Gran,” she replied in a clipped tone. “Mom loved that lake, and you took that girl there. I can’t believe you would do that. It was just wrong.”

  I shook my head and let out a steadying breath. “Olivia, there isn’t a place in this town your momma didn’t love. Hell, honey, anyplace I would have gone would have been one your mother and I had been to at one point in time. There’s no way to avoid it.”

  I had thought the talk we had last night would be explanation enough. I thought she understood how I was feeling and accepted my choice to move forward. I guess I was wrong.

  “If you wanna be angry at me, then be angry,” I said. “I can’t bring her back. If I could, I would in a second. But she’s not coming back, and I know she would want us to be happy.”

  “I was perfectly happy before you decided to replace my mother with some random woman.” Her nostrils flared as she glared at me. This wasn’t my Olivia. She was sweet, loving, and generous, a mirror image of the gentle soul her mother once was, not spiteful and rude like this.

  “I would never try to replace your mother.” I took two long strides toward my daughter, bringing myself within inches of her. “If you think I could ever attempt something like that, then you don’t know your father very well at all. Never, and I do mean never, will any woman replace your mother. She was one of a kind.”

  We both stared at one another, breathing deep. This entire conversation was pointless. It was going nowhere fast, and in the end we were both only going to be more miserable. It was time to end it.

  I walked away without another word. I couldn’t speak right then, fearing I might say something I couldn’t take back.

  The ride to school wasn’t much better, considering she stared out the passenger window the entire way, ignoring me. But the kicker was when she rushed out the door and straight into the awaiting arms of Charlie Whitfield. I think I may have growled when she did that. And when the little dumbass looked up to meet my glare, his eyes grew wide.

  Good, my angry look had put the fear of God into his horny adolescent ass. I drove away fighting the urge to drag her back home and lock her in her room for the day. I still had an hour before my shift at the station started, and suddenly a cup of coffee from Amber’s place sounded pretty damn good.

  As the door chimed when I walked into the bakery, Amber looked up from waiting on Mr. and Mrs. Stevenson and smiled when she saw me. Bailey was wiping down a table, and she too looked up as I approached.

  “Good morning, handsome,” Bailey offered, tossing the rag in the sink behind the counter. “What looks good today? Besides Amber.” She grinned brightly, shifting her eyebrows in a suggestive manner that made me smile in return.

  The elderly couple stepped away with their order, and Amber hung her head in embarrassment.

  “You’re right, Bailey, she does look damn good,” I offered in return. Amber looked up and winked at me, clearly hoping to ease the awkwardness Bailey had a way of creating.

  “Good mornin’.” I tipped my head toward Amber. “I’m using the excuse of needing coffee to see you before heading to work.”

  “At least he’s honest,” Bailey hollered back over her shoulder as she walked off toward the doors leading back to the kitchen, leaving me feeling embarrassed at her comment.

  I watched as Amber filled a travel cup with coffee and placed the lid on securely before passing it across the counter. I held out a five dollar bill, and she brushed it away. “No charge. After all, you keep the streets safe. It’s the least I can do for your service.”

  Amber was always so shy and embarrassed easily, but this flirty version of herself was fun. It showed she was warming up a bit.

  “Thank you,” I said, eyeing her closely as I took a seat on the stool at the opposite side of the counter. After a long pause, I spoke again. “So last night was nice, right?”

  She nodded, smiling, then bit the corner of her lip. My eyes immediately shifted in that direction. Thoughts of kissing those lips ran through my mind. Without even thinking twice, I reached out and pulled her lip free of her teeth. Her breath hitched and I smirked. Yeah, she was thinking about it too.

  “I guess I should get to the station.” I stood up and pushed my stool in before looking back up at her. “What are you doing tomorrow night?”

  “I don’t know, what am I doing?” she teased.

  “Be ready at six.”

  “Are you gonna tell me what your plans are?”

  Shaking my head, I walked around the edge of the counter and brought my body within inches of hers. Placing my free hand on her hip, I looked down at her. “Nope, just wear something you don’t mind getting dirty.” Before I could talk myself out of it, I knelt just enough to bring my lips to hers in a soft kiss.

  A light-headed feeling rushed over me, and I pulled back to rest my forehead against hers. With my eyes still closed, I attempted to slow my racing heart.

  Once more I skimmed my lips across hers, and she whimpered, making me smile. “Wear sneakers, or boots, whichever.”

  “I don’t own any boots,” she confessed in a breathy whisper.

  “Well, looks like we need to get you a pair, then.” I squeezed her hip once more before releasing her and stepping back. She sucked her lower lip in between her teeth as if she was trying to taste me. That acknowledgement shot straight through me and made my knees feel weak.

  I had to get out of there before I went back for more. I walked back around the counter, grabbed my coffee, and backed away. “I’m gonna go,” I told her.

  She placed her hand on the countertop and stared at me with big brown eyes full of longing. “Stay safe,” she murmured.

  “Of course,” I confirmed, winking at her before turning to leave.

  I felt like a teenager again, one that had his sights set on a girl—a woman actually—that consumed my mind and made me need to feel her against me.

  I was like Charlie, I realized, and fuck me running, if he felt even an ounce for Liv of what I felt in this moment, I seriously needed to lock my daughter up and throw away the key.

  Chapter Twelve

  Amber

  “Did that man just kiss you?” Bailey barked from the doorway as soon as Ryan had left. She placed her hand on her hip when I looked back at her.

  I nodded. “Mm-hm
, twice.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the doorframe. “Girl, you are in some serious trouble.”

  I knew she was right, because Ryan had me tied in knots already. I barely knew the man and I couldn’t stop thinking about his cocky and domineering self. When I learned he was a cop, I was intrigued. But then he dropped the bomb about losing his wife and the pain he’d been through because of that. That knowledge only made me want to protect him with everything inside of me and keep him from feeling that kind of pain again. And then he walked in and showed me a sweet and gentle side that just pulled me in a little deeper.

  My mind was racing, and it was yelling at my heart to be careful. Ryan Sawyer could do some damage to a girl if she didn’t keep her head out of the clouds.

  ***

  It was five minutes until four, and I was just about to close up for the day when the bell over the door chimed. I turned around to find a pretty, young girl with brown hair, standing just inside. She looked around as if she were nervous about something.

  “Can I help you?” I asked

  “Are you Amber?”

  Her question surprised me, and I nodded reluctantly. “Yes, I’m Amber.”

  She stared at me, studying my face as she moved her eyes down my body, taking in my full appearance.

  “Is there something I can do for you?” She was making me nervous. I had met a few people in town, but in no way did this young girl look familiar. That was until she took a few steps toward me and I saw that her eyes were an exact replica of his.

  The idea that Ryan’s daughter, Olivia, was standing before me, scoping me out, made my stomach bottom out.

  “I just had to see it for myself,” she whispered. “Try to see what my dad sees. Try to understand.” Her eyes filled with tears, and it broke my heart. I didn’t know her, I had never met her, yet her sadness pulled at something deep inside me.

  “Do you want something to drink or eat?” I offered, and she shook her head. “Do you want to sit down?”

  “No,” she said quickly. “I gotta go.” She rushed out before I could attempt to stop her, not looking back.

  That night I sat up, wondering if getting involved in Ryan’s life was such a good idea. I hated the thought that I was bringing pain to his daughter. She obviously wasn’t ready to accept her father moving on. The poor girl could barely hold herself together for two minutes while talking to me.

  I hated the thought of causing her pain.

  ***

  I hadn’t seen Ryan since yesterday. Since then I had been wondering if I should cancel our date. I went back and forth about it. Should I just step back and allow Olivia the time she still so obviously needed?

  Bailey made sure to add in her two cents, telling me I should talk to Ryan about it. Not knowing what his reaction would be was driving me crazy.

  After letting my attraction for him outweigh all my reservations, I now stood in my living room, asking Bailey how I looked.

  “So you told him you didn’t have boots and then ran out today and bought a pair?” she asked.

  “Yeah, he said sneakers or boots. I figured I’d go for boots.” I shrugged as I looked down at my kickass cowgirl boots. “I love ’em. You should get a pair. I feel so country-girl-ish.”

  The buzzer sounded and echoed up the stairwell, making my heart jump with excitement. Bailey looked at me and then looked toward the stairway before jumping up from the couch and skipping down the stairs. She was sometimes like a child trapped in a grown woman’s body, so fun-loving and silly.

  I chased after her and stopped dead in my tracks when Ryan came in to view. I must have been gaping because Bailey took the opportunity to reach out, place her finger beneath my chin, and push upward to close my mouth.

  Ryan chuckled and Bailey laughed. And of course my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

  His jeans enhanced his toned legs and stretched out over his thighs just right. A snug, royal-blue shirt hugged his chest and arms. But the cowboy hat and boots were what made him any girl’s greatest fantasy.

  He traced his lower lip with his tongue as he slowly took me in. I too wore jeans and a T-shirt, but his focus had narrowed in on my feet as a smirk covered his mouth. “I see you found the time to get yourself some boots.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said as I stepped closer.

  He held his hand out toward me and laced our fingers together securely when I took it. “You ready to go riding?”

  “Riding?”

  “Yeah.” He tugged me closer, and my chest bumped against his as he curled a hand behind my back. “Don’t worry, you’re riding with me,” he said just before kissing my temple and pulling me out the door toward his truck.

  I was immediately a nervous wreck. I didn’t know the first thing about riding a horse. Visions of me falling off ran through my mind. I was sure to embarrass myself, no doubt about it.

  “Have fun, kids,” Bailey yelled after us.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ryan

  I couldn’t contain my happiness. Hell, I had forgotten what it was like to hold a woman close. To hold her hand in mine or to bury my face at the base of her neck, just where it meets her shoulder. The comfort of having a woman in my arms was something I thought I’d never have the pleasure of again.

  Amber was different than any other woman I had met over the years. She was so sweet, shy, and compassionate. She was so easy to talk to, and the way she listened to me made me feel like she was hanging on my every word. The way she looked at me also made me feel like I’d hung the moon. It was reassuring to have someone I could share time with, someone that didn’t know me during the darkest part of my life. She gave me the chance to let a little of the old me shine through. I had really missed the old me.

  “Climb up,” I said from behind her as she stood staring up at the horse only a few feet from her with a look of panic on her face. I was more than positive this was the closest this city girl had ever been to one.

  She peered back over her shoulder, and I almost laughed at how overwhelmed she looked.

  “I’m from the city,” she said with wide eyes, emphasizing her loss at what to do. “Ryan, you do understand that we have subways and taxis, right? We do not have horses that are the size of SUVs. I’m going to need a little help if you expect me—” She pointed toward her chest, then spun around to point at the horse. “—to get up on that thing.”

  Now I did chuckle. It was impossible not to. She was damn near panicking at the thought of how she would mount and then ride the horse.

  I stepped up behind her, my chest fitting flush against her back. Gripping her hips, I leaned my head closer and grazed my lips over her ear. Her body relaxed against mine, and she tilted her head to the side, opening up her neck to me.

  As I placed a kiss at the base of her neck, she shuddered in my arms. “You have to put your foot in the stirrups,” I whispered before kissing just below her ear. “I’ll lift as you pull yourself up.”

  She nodded with her eyes closed as her chest moved up and down in small pants.

  “Go on,” I urged.

  I lifted her as she gripped the saddle, and she yelped when I firmly placed her atop Storm, my father’s Oldenburg stallion. Jackson held him steady as I pulled myself up and took my spot behind Amber. Our bodies were so close together I could feel her ragged breaths as she shifted against me with each one.

  Earlier, I’d been worried about bringing her to my parents’ house. I wasn’t sure how they would feel about seeing me with another woman after all this time. When I stopped by last night for dinner, I wanted to make sure it was okay, and their answers shocked me. My mother cried and assured me that moving on was for the best. She then admitted she had worried I would never truly be happy again and that imagining me alone without someone to love me broke her heart.

  My father gave me one of those manly hugs and said he looked forward to meeting the woman who was bringing back his son. His words rang true as I too felt Amber was allo
wing me to feel alive again. She had returned my desire to feel, to love.

  Jackson, on the other hand, just kept commenting on how good-looking the girl that caught my attention was. He made sure to throw in the fact he met her first and had already been inside her apartment. The cocky son of a bitch was so full of himself, he chose to leave out the part about only being there to move furniture. Noah, of course, was more of the silent type, yet his eyes showed he was pleased with my choices.

  “You ready?” I asked Amber while wrapping my arms around her waist and grabbing the reins.

  She nodded, and I looked over one last time to see Jackson grinning from ear to ear.

  I nudged Storm lightly with my heel. He began walking, and Amber gripped my forearms tightly.

  “I gotchya,” I assured her, yet her grip remained solid on my arms. Her uneasiness was amusing and damn cute.

  We trotted up a path my father had created that led to the left of the house and through the tree line. Once we passed the last cluster of trees and overgrown brush, the clearing opened up. Spread out before us was land as far as you could see with one of the lakes on our property off to the left.

  “Wow,” Amber gasped. “It’s so beautiful.”

  “Yeah, it is,” I agreed. “This place has always been one of my favorites. This ranch has been in my family for so long. My father’s father grew up here.”

  Storm took a few steps to the right, and I removed a hand from the reins and placed it on Amber’s thigh. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled.

  “Jackson is more involved in the ranch side of things,” I told her. “He chose to follow in my dad’s footsteps. He trains the horses that are brought in and boarded here and teaches riding lessons. Dad still won’t completely let go of the control of the ranch, but one day I think he’ll step back, and then Noah and I will most likely pitch in more. Right now, though, he and Jackson have this place handled.”