Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  Slowly, I rock in and out until we both catch our breath and then I collapse, smashing her beneath me. I know I’m crushing her because her breathing is labored, but she doesn’t say a word, just pets my head and back.

  When I start to feel like I’m probably suffocating her, I go to push up on my elbows. Kat constricts her arms around me before softly requesting, “Not yet.”

  I stay still. If she wants me on top of her and inside her I’ll stay here until morning.

  I start kissing her neck, shoulder, collarbone, jaw and then I take her fat sweet lips. Kat kisses me with passion and want in a way a woman has never kissed me. Her arms and legs are still wrapped around me as her tongue licks and massages mine.

  My dick comes back to life after twenty minutes of making out like it’s our first kiss. Sliding in and out of her pussy slick with my come I make love to a woman for the first time in my life, wanting to never touch another one as long as I live.

  Kat

  I wake up naked, sore, satisfied and unbelievably happy. Nick and I are a tangle of legs and arms as my alarm sounds. I roll away from the warmth of his gorgeous smooth olive skin and turn off the clamorous beeping. Knowing I need to get up and get the boys moving, I flop back in the bed. That was the best sex of my life, bar none.

  I can feel him on every inch of my skin, like he branded me with passion. I’ve never had a man pay such attention to detail, worshipping me. I feel like I’m high right now and last night was an out of body experience.

  I was actually scared of Nick when he got home last night. Terrified. The look on his face combined with his looming presence was enough to make me think I was going to have to fight him. That I would have to use everything the DCA has taught me and then some against Nick. That’s why I was frightened. I care so much about him, the idea that in that moment he would be just like any other enemy was crushing.

  Then I saw it. He was hurt. Hurt that I gave Jason a piece of myself I’ve been holding back from Nick since last month. It honestly wasn’t my goal. Jason was sweet, hot and obviously interested. When Nick turned me down and went into agent mode it wrecked me. It felt like being a hooker at the end of an evening. Nice try but you’d never be good enough for me, that’s how it felt.

  Jason acting like I was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen gave me a much needed boost. I figured he’d be gone before Nick got home and I could ride the high for a few weeks. A few glasses of wine, good conversation and I finally forgot about Nick and the hurt. Not a good thing because Jason was still there when Nick got home and that about started World War Three.

  Maybe it was the push we needed though. We were stuck in a pattern that was sucking the life out of me. Putting on my mask everyday was weighing me down in mind and spirit. I’m good enough at playing happy that no one noticed—other than Nick who I didn’t care if he saw it—I was beginning to crumble.

  Then there’s the op. I’m getting closer and closer with Trish. Well as close as you can be in Stepford. Everything’s still superficial, but we’re spending more time together. We’re both on the winter dance committee at Maybelle High, so we lunch a few times a week together with the rest of the snooty bitches on the committee. I’m getting there. I have to believe that.

  But I’ve been frustrated with the pace and combine that with Nick’s shit last month I haven’t been in a good place. So waking up this morning twisted with his glorious body, aching in the best way possible and feeling happiness beaming from my pores is like waking up from a month long nightmare. Fuck, it feels good.

  I push up on an elbow to climb out of bed when Nick’s giant hand tags my arm and drags me back to him, spooning me tightly from behind.

  “Morning, Sunshine,” he murmurs into my neck, his stubble tickling my skin.

  “Good morning, Nicky,” I purr interlacing our fingers around my waist.

  His dick is rock hard and rubbing against my thigh. So much for getting a head start this morning.

  I rock my hips back into him and a groan thunders from his chest. His hands move up to my breasts while I reach back and stroke him slowly. Nick made me come last night by working my nipples. I have never experienced that. He’s a master of sexual prowess. After months of being used by Marco, I forgot the pleasure possible from sex.

  As he starts to work my nipples, I slowly feed his dick (giant dick) inside me. I’m swollen and sore and I don’t give a shit. I move my hips against him for a few moments before Nick takes over, releasing one nipple and grabbing my hip to anchor me to him as he thrusts powerfully.

  He’s slow and methodical with his movement, paying attention to my pleasure more than his. He’s been worshipping me since last night. I was afraid maybe that was the newness and months of sexual tension, but now I realize it’s just Nick.

  My heart hammers as he increases his speed and begins to pay close attention to my clit. The perfect pressure. The perfect speed. This is nothing like I’ve experienced. Nick knows my body like he’s owned it his entire life and is teaching me a master class.

  As he’s licking and sucking on my neck, I can feel the orgasm building at my toes, a warm tingle of pleasure burning up my body. I arch my neck and he captures my mouth in a searing kiss swallowing my moans of ecstasy when my orgasm quakes through my body. A few more deep thrusts and he crushes his head into my shoulder grunting out his release.

  “Good morning,” he murmurs against my skin, his lips curved in a smile.

  I hear the boys moving around upstairs, getting my brain out of the sex fog. I reluctantly pull away from him, immediately missing his touch. His come is hot and leaking from me…a shower is necessary after three rounds.

  “We’re gonna fill that nursery sooner than later if we’re not careful. My birth control shot just wore off,” I say scooting out of the bed.

  “Huh?” he asks following me into the bathroom.

  “Did you not get the birds and the bees talk?” I snark, starting up both sets of nozzles.

  This double shower is finally making itself useful.

  “Kat.” Nick’s tone carries a warning, causing me to turn and inspect his face. He does not look happy. Fuck.

  “I’m not supposed to be on birth control, Nicky. I got the shot when I wrapped up my last op. I didn’t know I was headed here and jumping into family planning. It was in my medical report. You know the op backwards and forwards…you didn’t know?” My voice shakes at the end.

  Goddammit, I misread him. I thought he knew and was willing to take the risk. Because why wouldn’t an active DCA operative want to get a team member pregnant after knowing her for a few months and fucking her for the first time? I’m an idiot, a classically stupid woman. SHIT!

  “I’ll call into headquarters and have a morning after pill sent here today,” I say blankly before turning away from him and climbing into the shower. Game face on Agent Russell.

  I let the hot water wash away my ignorance and quickly begin scrubbing my hair. I need to get out of this shower before he gets in here. I’m running after I promised I wouldn’t, but old habits die hard.

  I rinse my hair and slather on conditioner before quickly buffing my body clean, removing any remnants of Nick from my skin. As I tip my head back to wash away the suds and conditioner, Nick climbs in. My eyes are closed, but I hear the door and feel his presence.

  “Do you remember the conversation we had when we first got here about what we want from our ideal partners?” Nick asks quietly.

  I bring my head forward and lock my eyes with his deep dark browns, wondering what color his real eyes are.

  “What color are your eyes, Nicky?” I whisper.

  He closes his eyes and drops his chin to his chest dejectedly before turning his back to me. Yeah, maybe this isn’t going to work after all. How can I be with someone I know nothing about? I know the bits and pieces he’s given me, but in truth I know very little. The idiot I’ve become is getting on my damn nerves.

  I shut off my nozzles as Nick spins around to face me. He
lifts his head and staring back at me are the most beautiful sapphire blue eyes I’ve ever seen. My breath catches in my throat behind the lump growing there.

  I move to him, cupping his cheeks in my hands to get a closer look.

  “Beautiful,” I breathe out.

  “These eyes belong to a monster, Kat. A monster that died last December. I’m not hiding from you, but these eyes can’t be in the world anymore,” he explains softly.

  I don’t understand, yet I do. His decade long op must have ended in his supposed death. Eyes like these would make him very easy to identify. I hate that for him. I hate that he seems to hate his eyes as much as his need to hide them.

  “Thank you for showing me,” I say, leaning up onto my tiptoes to press a soft kiss on his cheek.

  “Answer my question now, Sunshine,” he instructs gathering me around the waist.

  “I remember the conversation.”

  “Do you still want that?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “All of it? Kat, I remember every word you said and I’m that man. I’m your man through and through. I found another woman, had to give her up almost as soon as I found her and thought that was it for me. You give me more than she did and I never thought that would be possible. I’ve had you as my wife for almost three months and the idea of you being anything else is stomach turning. I get how fast this is, but I know what I want in life and it’s you. Fuck it’s the boys too as insane as that is. I want kids of my own. I want a family to share my life with. This is my last op, Kat. I’ll be takin’ Shane’s job when we wrap this. I can settle down and live a normal life…with you. Can you do that with me?” he asks nervously. I’ve never seen this man nervous in all my days with him.

  He’s asking me to give up ops and ride a desk. I’ll die behind a desk. I don’t know how to live any other way. I love the masks and the change. How can I just leave that behind to be with Nick? Is that really the question?

  No, it’s not. I had sex with him knowing there was a possibility that I would get pregnant and I never even thought to stop it. Living in Maybelle has given me a taste of real, mask-free life. I’m still wearing a mask when I’m engaging in the op, but at night when I’m home with the boys and Nick, I’m me. I haven’t been me in so long I forgot how good it feels, freeing and comforting. Fuck me I like being a Stepford Wife. I like being Nick’s wife. No…I love being Nick’s wife. Because even after everything we’ve been through this last month I’ve fallen in love with the man in front of me with no mask on. He’s given me all of himself from day one and I’ve soaked up every ounce.

  “Is this a lame proposal?” I tease.

  “You’re already my wife, so that seems kinda pointless,” he says seriously.

  “So we jumped from strangers to married and you just wanna keep that as the status quo? I don’t get romantic dates and wooing? The heartfelt proposal after years of learning every detail about each other? The wedding of the century with a dress so poofy I can barely walk down the aisle? The honeymoon in the Seychelles? The year of being newlyweds and fighting to figure out how to make our marriage work, while buying our first home and planning a family? We just jump to the end?”

  “Wooing?” he asks with a smirk.

  “Wooing,” I say sternly.

  “I don’t need to woo you, Sunshine. You’re already mine,” he points out with a brow raised.

  “Okay, what about the rest?” I ask in a huff since he’s avoiding me.

  “Do you want the rest? Do you wanna lose me for a few years while we go back to square one? Wait two years until I’ve earned the honor of asking you to be my wife? The stress and exhaustion of plannin’ a wedding that neither of us have family to involve in? The two days it takes to travel to the Seychelles when we can be buried in each other in any room in the world because all we need is each other? We’ve already learned the lessons of newlyweds so I consider that part squashed. So?” he asks with a cocky smirk on his lips.

  He runs shit. Fucker.

  “Maybe I do,” I state defiantly, offering him a glare.

  “Okay. I’ll ask you out on a date in a year or so when we’re done here. Since you’re still an active field agent, hopefully we’ll get a week before I have to send you on a new op. Then when you get back we’ll see if your schedule allows for a few more dates. Maybe by the time you’re aging out of the program at thirty-seven we’ll have a chance,” he replies blankly.

  I pinch his side as hard as I can and he flinches away, shock spreading across his face.

  “Ow! What the hell?” he grumbles rubbing the spot I’ve just bruised.

  “You. You’re a mindfuck! Fine, I’ll be your wife because all the other options don’t work in reality. Thanks for bein’ so sweet about it all,” I huff and pull away from him.

  He could use some work on his people skills. At least I can fake it.

  Kat

  I stomp into the dressing room to get clothes on quickly because I’m seriously behind schedule now. A simple emerald green cable knit sweater dress and knee high Jimmy Choo black boots are a simple decision. I pull everything on over my bra, thong and stockings before racing to my vanity to do a rush job on my hair and make-up.

  “You know I’m not sweet, but I’m sorry if that was too harsh for you,” Nick states, prowling toward me from his dressing room.

  I watch him stride confidently in the mirror. His black slacks unbuttoned and his barely blue pinstriped shirt open and floating out from his perfectly sculpted torso. Fuck, he’s hot.

  He stops a few feet back and talks to me through the mirror while buttoning his shirt, his fake brown eyes holding mine.

  “If you wanna slow down and go back to what we were, that’s up to you. I won’t push you if this is too much, even if it’s what I want. But please don’t get a morning after pill. Enough lives have been lost at both our hands…I can’t bear the idea of us doing that to something that could turn into a life. It’s too much for me. We may be able to get you the pill or maybe another shot, but it’s iffy. The op is set up for infertility and if we move in that direction you can’t have any birth control in your system. I can’t take the risk of condoms bein’ in the house with the boys here or if anyone ever gets in the house to check us out…it’s a bad idea.”

  “Mindfuck,” I mumble as I finish my mascara before turning to face him.

  “So you wanna go back to our sexless marriage?” I ask with my brow raised.

  “No,” he states emphatically.

  “And you don’t care if you just got me pregnant?”

  “No,” he responds immediately his eyes and nostrils flaring.

  “And if I’m not pregnant, you realize that I will be sooner rather than later if we don’t use some form of birth control?”

  “Yes. Though my best friend used some weird form of birth control where you time your sex with all kinds of stuff like your body temperature, ovulation and other shit. I could ask her about it,” he says with a shrug.

  “The woman you lost?” I ask softly.

  “I didn’t lose Shanny. She’s still my best friend and always will be. But not bein’ with her got me you and I’m good with that trade.”

  “See, you can be sweet,” I say walking to him and wrapping my arms around his neck, enjoying my heels bringing me closer to his height. “Did her weird birth control work?”

  “She’s pregnant with twins and has a five-month old,” he says through a chuckle.

  “Jesus Christ! Are you sure you didn’t misunderstand what she was doin’? Maybe she was tryin’ some super fertility regimen.”

  “It’s a long story. I think she got knocked up with the twins before starting the birth control thing.”

  “Well, you can ask her if you want, but I’m skeptical. Even still, there’s a good chance I’ll end up knocked up like your friend. You sure you’re good with that?”

  “Yes,” he mumbles before pressing his lips to mine in a chaste reassuring kiss. He pulls back an inch and asks, �
�Are you?”

  “It would change everything for me. There’s no way I could go out into the field and leave a baby behind. But I’m not cut out for a desk so I don’t know what I’d do without the field. That said I want to be a mother so badly that I’d give up everything to have it. So yes, I’m good with whatever happens, but I’ll probably have multiple freak outs.”

  “You’re a good housewife. I like you bein’ my housewife. You could retire after this op. I know this is a lot so don’t make any decisions now, but give it some thought,” he encourages gently.

  “’Kay,” I respond as I hear pounding on our bedroom door.

  I hurry away from Nick and unlock our door to find four teenage boys looking at me like I’ve grown two heads.

  “I told you she isn’t sick,” Sawyer admonishes the group.

  “Well, we haven’t seen her and we need to leave. She’s never up here when we get downstairs and she always makes us breakfast,” Dane points out.

  “I’m sorry boys,” I say embarrassed that I’ve left them on their own. Cole and Jake have a game tonight too. I’m a horrible mother and these boys aren’t even mine (yes they are).

  “It’s okay, Aunt Kay,” Jake soothes, reading my mood. “We made some instant oatmeal, even put blueberries in it.”

  “Good for you four,” Nick says coming up behind me smelling like heaven, musky and spicy.

  “They’re fifteen, Sunshine. They can feed themselves breakfast,” he chides, pushing me from behind with his warm hand in the small of my back.

  “You guys make up?” Dane asks as we all descend the stairs.

  “What?” I ask horrified at the idea that they heard us fighting.

  “There’s a beer bottle shattered in the family room and a stain on the wall where it hit,” he says with a dark tone in his voice. I’m guessing that’s not the first time he’s found a house in that state. I am a total fuck up!