Tidings of Love
Page 15
His bathroom door clicked open, and he froze.
“It’s just me.” Rebecca said.
He heard her rustling around in the bathroom and wondered what the hell she was up to. He was about to ask when she pulled the shower curtain aside and stood before him, completely naked. His body responded instantly to the sight of her, and she raked her gaze over him, a pleased smile on her face.
“Is this okay?” She asked.
“Yes.” He managed to force the word out.
Rebecca stepped gingerly over the side of the tub, holding his arm for balance, and joined him under the spray. She ran her gaze up and down his body, boldly taking him in. Her eyes met his again, and she pulled his face down to meet hers. She pressed her lips to his, firm and warm, and the world around him disappeared. She opened her mouth to him, prompting him to do the same, and as her kiss grew insistent, he matched her enthusiasm. Ben wrapped his arms around Rebecca and he pulled her close, pressing his skin against hers and reveling in the sensation he had only dreamt about.
“What changed your mind?” He asked.
“I just couldn’t stop thinking about you.” Hearing her words nearly pushed him over the edge right there in the shower. Ben wanted to take his time with Rebecca, savor the moment he had waited years for.
“Not in here, sweetheart.” Ben turned the water off and wrapped Rebecca in a towel. “My room. Now.” He dried himself off as he followed her to his bedroom.
Rebecca lay on his bed, her hair dampening the pillow, and beckoned for him with a curled finger. Ben dropped his towel and stood at the foot of his bed, allowing himself a long, uninterrupted look at her. She was everything he had ever wanted, and tonight she would finally be his. He bent down and laid a trail of kisses from her ankle to her hip, first on one leg and then the other. She laughed nervously when he reached the apex of her thighs, and he moved up a bit to drop kisses on her stomach, his hands exploring her body while he tasted her skin. She ran her fingers through his hair and murmured. Her breathing sped up as he reached her breasts. Ben pushed her thighs apart with his knees and settled himself between her legs, held her breasts in his hands, and smiled at her before lowering his head and guiding her breast to his mouth. He licked along the contours of her breast, long and slow, before pulling her into his mouth.
“Ben,” she whispered. He could hear the smile in her voice, and it set him on fire.
He moved further up her body and trailed hot kisses across her collarbone and up her neck to her ear, where he pulled the lobe into his mouth and nipped gently. Rebecca squirmed beneath him, rising to meet him, but he had waited for this moment too long to rush it. His lips found hers and he claimed her mouth in a deep kiss, imparting everything he had felt for her the last several years. His hands explored her body, slow and languid, as he tried to memorize her.
He pushed himself off of her until they were face to face. His hand slid down her body until he found her welcoming warmth, his eyes never leaving hers. He circled her sensitive center until she rocked up to meet his hand, and he slipped a finger inside.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” He whispered.
“Yes. Now.”
He pulled in a sharp breath as her hand encircled his length and guided him inside her. She arched her back as he entered her, and she pulled his head down so that their foreheads touched. She ran her fingers through his hair and sighed. He looked into Rebecca’s eyes as he moved inside her, and seeing her desire nearly undid him. They kissed, tongues swirling, and their rhythm sped up. Her body stiffened beneath his, and she bit his bottom lip as she climaxed, a low groan escaping her throat. He followed her with his own a moment later, collapsing against her. He was still inside her when he rolled onto his back, taking her with him.
“I’ve waited so long for this, Rebecca, and it’s so much more than I even imagined or hoped it would be. I love you. I think I always have. We’re perfect together,” Ben murmured, pushing her hair aside and laying soft kisses along her neck.
• • •
Rebecca froze, her body stiff on top of Ben’s, and then rolled off of him and pulled the sheet up until it covered her. Wrapped in the sheet, she laid beside him, unmoving and silent. She slid off the bed, taking the sheet with her and edged toward the bedroom door. Ben sat up, covering his lap with a pillow, and her heart sank at the confused look on his face.
“What’s going on?” He was rumpled and handsome, and her heart ached, but this was a mistake. She should have gone home, not indulged herself like this. His words about how long they’d waited, and him imagining and hoping for this just made her realize she had no idea what would happen next. What if she couldn’t live up to his expectations? What if he had second thoughts when he realized she wasn’t so amazing? This intense attraction would likely subside before too long. She could live with these feelings. But if they started something and it didn’t work out, it would get messy. And that mess could end their friendship. She’d learned long ago that nothing was as good as it seemed, and she couldn’t gamble on something that meant so much to her. “Nothing’s going on. I’m fine. I just need to get dressed. I need to get home.”
“Rebecca, don’t.” His voice rumbled through her, and for the briefest moment, she thought about staying. Maybe he could be the exception. But ultimately, her fear was stronger than her attraction to him.
“No, I have to go.”
She rushed out of the bedroom, the sheet trailing behind her, leaving him alone in bed. Moments later, he appeared in the doorway wearing shorts and a t-shirt. She shoved her feet into her shoes as he stood silently, watching her.
“You can’t leave like this.” His tone was even, but his eyes were sharp. Rebecca ran away from her true feelings all the time, she knew it and he did too. Why did she think things would be different with him? If only she had gone home.
“Ben, I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have come on to you like that.” Even as she said the words, she knew they weren’t entirely true. There was something real between them, something amazing, but what if she ruined it? She wanted him, but he was the most important person in her life. She couldn’t risk losing him if their relationship didn’t work out. Once the excitement wore off, he’d be left with the reality that she was ordinary, not perfect, and that the future he’d imagined was better than what she could deliver. “I should have gone home, and I’m sorry that I took things this far. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Then we’ll talk about it. We’ll figure it out together.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Her eyes pleaded with him to drop it, to just let her go without a fight.
“No!” Ben’s eyes flashed with anger. “I’m not just some guy, and what just happened wasn’t a mistake. You wouldn’t have come to me if you didn’t feel something between us too, and you know it.” He grabbed her shoulders. “I’m in love with you, Rebecca. I’m sorry if that frightens you, but there it is. Don’t walk out of here.”
“This was a mistake,” she said, with tears in her eyes.
“Don’t walk away from me. From us. From this.”
“I have to go.” Her bottom lip trembled, and tears welled in her eyes as she turned towards the door.
“Wait,” his voice cracked out, sharp and low. “I meant what I said, and I’m tired of waiting for you to realize that I’m right. I can’t do it anymore. If you walk away now, I don’t want to see you or hear from you until you decide what you want. We can’t just pretend this never happened.”
She stopped, stunned by his words. He continued, his voice low, and his meaning clear. “I mean it. Don’t think you can leave and have everything just go back to normal in the morning. Take your time and think about what you want, because I know what I want. I want you. I want us. I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be. I want you to trust me, to trust us, and to take a chance on something real for once.”
She swallowed against the lump in her throat and whispered. “I don’t know if I can.”
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Ben this angry. Her stomach churned sickly as she made her way to the door without looking back. Rebecca let herself out, and the door closed with a decisive click behind her. On the other side of the door, she heard him curse and slam a fist against the doorframe. With the slam, her heart jumped into her throat, and her hand flew to her lips. She’d ruined everything. The only man who ever meant anything to her was on the other side of the door, and she’d lost him in her attempt to keep him. How had things gone so wrong?
Chapter Five
Three days later, Rebecca sat in Jeff’s office, perched on the edge of the chair, her leg bouncing nervously, as he finished a phone call. His message earlier had simply told her to report to his office immediately, and she couldn’t help but wonder what had gone wrong this time. She wasn’t sure she could take another setback or more bad news. He ended his call, and her throat dried up as she waited to see what he’d say.
“Thanks for coming in, Rebecca. I know you’re probably slammed right now, but I wanted to talk with you before the holiday.”
“Of course,” she managed to say. She held her breath as he flipped through the folders sitting on his desk before pulling one out and pushing it towards her.
“We’ve expected a lot from you since you developed the champagne lollipops, and you’ve really come through. For a while, I wasn’t sure you could top it, but you’ve hit the ball out of the park with the new candy.” Jeff smiled as Rebecca breathed a sigh of relief. “So, I’d like to offer you a promotion. Head of Development.”
“Wow, thank you, sir. I really appreciate it.”
“You earned it.” He handed her the folder. “Here are the offer details. Just look them over, and take everything down to human resources when you’re ready. They’ll take care of you.”
She took the folder and rose, still processing the news. “Thank you again.”
“Hey, we’re lucky to have you. Will I see you at the party tonight?”
Rebecca wasn’t sure she wanted to go to the party anymore, not if she couldn’t go with Ben. Her new position made her more visible, though, and she’d be expected to interact with other departments. “Sure. I’ll see you there.”
Holding the folder close to her chest, she strode down the hallway towards her office, her head spinning with excitement over the promotion. Her good mood fizzled when she realized that she couldn’t run across the building and share her news with Ben. He believed in her when she didn’t believe in herself. She’d been sure she’d fail, and not only had she succeeded, she’d been promoted. Ever since that time in high school when she was so publicly humiliated, she’d been afraid to go after what she wanted. She’d been sure that she’d end up falling short somehow or would be denied if she dared to strive for something. Thankfully, she’d proven herself wrong professionally. Personally, however, her fear of failure had become something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ben had been so angry, so hurt, when she left that surely it was too late for them. Every man had his limits, and she’d trampled all over his.
She stopped in the mailroom and saw the familiar beautiful wrapping paper covering a small package in her mailbox. With trembling hands and a pounding heart, Rebecca unwrapped the gift and gasped when she saw that it was a gorgeous gift edition of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It had to be from Ben. After everything she’d put him through, she wouldn’t have blamed him one bit if he never spoke to her again. Instead, he was still thoughtful and kind, giving her the tiniest kernel of hope that maybe there was still a chance for them. Tonight, at the Christmas party, she’d lay it all out and hope that he’d forgive her. Rebecca was through letting fear stop her from going after what she wanted, finished with holding back just in case things didn’t work out. She wanted Ben, and she might have been stupid enough to let him go once, but she wouldn’t make the mistake again. If he turned her down tonight, then at least she tried.
• • •
Rebecca stood in the doorway of the ballroom rented for the company Christmas party and watched the people inside. Well-dressed men and women in festive, brightly colored cocktail dresses swirled around the room. But everything was grey to Rebecca now that Ben was gone.
Ben. Would he be here tonight? Would he bring a date? Was it too late? Rebecca couldn’t wait to see him again, to beg for forgiveness, and if things went well, to start their lives together. She’d avoided him at work and in their apartment building, too afraid to see him after she’d walked out. It was exhausting, but at least while they were apart she could tell herself that he’d forgive her indecision and still be willing to take a chance on their relationship. Tonight, she’d find out for sure. The thought that he might reject her, that it really was too late, gutted her, but she had to risk it. She’d been wrong to walk away from him that night, to be afraid to face her feelings, and her only hope was that he’d forgive her. She loved Ben, always had. She just never admitted it to herself. It was time to take a chance, to give herself the opportunity to be happy.
Rebecca took a fortifying breath and walked into the ballroom, scanning the crowd for faces from her department. A few girls from her team were chatting by the bar, so she wound her way through the crowd to join them.
“Hey girls, what’s everyone drinking?” She flashed a bright smile and put on a brave face. Nobody knew that her life had crumbled around her stilettos, and Rebecca was more than willing to keep her troubles a secret.
She exchanged greetings with everyone and accepted a sweet, fizzy, holiday-themed cocktail with a clever name that she promptly forgot. She sipped, enjoying the bubbles on her tongue and noting with relief that she could taste plenty of hard alcohol. Rebecca put a hand on Stephanie’s arm. “Mm,” she swallowed her sip. “I have a little something for you.” She produced a wrapped gift.
“Oh, you’re my Secret Santa? Thank you so much. I have loved all of my gifts.” Stephanie gave Rebecca a light hug, and then opened her gift. “Ooh, thanks! I can’t wait to watch!” Rebecca was sure that Stephanie would like the DVD of her celebrity crush’s latest romantic comedy.
“You’re welcome; I hope you’ll enjoy it.”
“Have you found out who yours is?”
“My Secret Santa? No, but I’m pretty sure I know who it is.” Nobody else would’ve been able to choose such perfect gifts for her, and the fact that he went to so much trouble made her even more certain that she was making the right choice. If only she knew that he would be here tonight, that there was the chance that it could still work out.
A shoulder nudged against hers, and she whipped around, coming face to face with Richard Morgan.
“Excuse me, Miss Sinclair. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Richard’s easy smile revealed a beautiful set of straight white teeth and a dimple in his cheek.
“Oh, no, it’s fine. I’m fine. I mean, hello, Merry Christmas, sir.” She stammered, warmth flooding her cheeks. When she recovered from her flub, she realized that there was nothing, no jolt of excitement, no buzzing attraction. Nothing. Ben had taken up residence in her heart and there wasn’t room for anyone else.
An indescribably beautiful woman approached and kissed Richard on the cheek. Rebecca dropped her gaze and sipped her drink. The woman laid an elegant hand on Richard’s lapel, and the sparkles from her engagement ring threatened to blind Rebecca. She was distracted only long enough to miss the woman’s equally elegant baby bump for a moment. Why had she wasted any time on this silly crush? It was so obvious now that it was embarrassing. Everything she could ever want in a man had been right in front of her all along, but instead of taking it, she distracted herself with stupid fantasies. She was finished with that, and it w
as time to take a leap of faith—if Ben would still have her, of course. She wished the couple happy holidays and left the bar in search of her best friend.
As she wove between the rapidly filling dinner tables, her attention was caught by a figure in her peripheral vision, and without even focusing, she knew it was Ben. His brown hair was neat, probably freshly cut, and his silvery grey tie matched her dress nicely, as if they’d planned it. Her heart swelled when he turned his head and their eyes met.
She missed him. She needed him.
She didn’t deserve him, but hopefully that didn’t mean she couldn’t have him.
Before she could chicken out, Rebecca was on her feet and walking to Ben’s table. He sat up straight in his chair while she approached, but he didn’t rise.
“Hey.” His voice was husky, rough, and his eyes were wary.
“Hey. I didn’t know if—” she paused, swallowing against the lump forming in her throat, “if you would be here tonight.” She choked the last part out and clasped her hands together to still the shaking.
He took a sip from his wine glass. “Couldn’t resist those truffles,” he said dryly.
Awkwardly, Rebecca shifted, suddenly consciously aware of the hush that had fallen over his table. Six legal eagles were staring at them with avid interest.
“Can we talk? Somewhere private?”
Ben looked at her for a long moment, and then finally stood up with a curt nod to Rebecca’s relief. He was obviously still angry, but at least, he was willing to listen. She led him through the ballroom, weaving in and out of the crowd, until they made it out to the lobby. Rebecca headed for a relatively quiet corner, sinking down on a plush velvet sofa and Ben sat down beside her, leaving several careful inches between them. A pianist played softly on the other side of the reception area, couples came in from the cold, shaking snow off of their coats, and party guests filtered in and out of the ballrooms. Laughter, music, and chatter filled the air, but all Rebecca could hear was her heartbeat. Ben’s serious face and stoic silence had Rebecca’s nerves jumping. He was waiting for an answer, and it was her turn to face her fears. He’d laid everything out to her and was still willing to hear her out after she’d been unable to take a chance on him. Ben deserved better, and she was finally ready to give it to him.