BRUF

by Jessie Cooke

  The look on her face went from offended to wounded, and that guilt he’d been trying to swallow almost choked him. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the exit for the road that would take them to the club. Blair had been planning this party for two months. The place would be packed, and once Bruf hung around long enough for Wolf to acknowledge his presence, he could disappear and no one would be the wiser. Maybe one of the young fighters would hit on Sabrina and distract her from those thoughts written all over her face every time she looked at him.

  Neither of them spoke again, and a few minutes later he parked the van in front of the clubhouse. Sabrina didn’t wait for him to come around and open her door. She jumped out and he could see that look of hurt on her face had turned into one of anger even before she spoke. “What did I do to you?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “What have I done to you to deserve to be treated so shitty? I haven’t seen you in a year and you can’t even pretend to be happy to see me, or make conversation with me? What is your problem?”

  If she only knew. What he was thinking at that moment was how badly he wanted to push her up against that van and kiss her. He didn’t just want to kiss her, though...he wanted so much more, and he was going to have to keep his guard up to keep himself from acting on those thoughts. It was hard thinking about her when she was three thousand miles away. The past ten minutes had convinced him that having her here in Fresno just might kill him. “I don’t have a problem, Sabrina. I’m sorry if it seemed to you like I was being...shitty. This is just who I am.”

  “Bullshit. This is who you pretend to be, so no one will get close to you. This is who you pretend to be to scare me away because my brother told you to leave me alone.” It blew him away how well she read him. He only knew her for a couple of months before she left, and she’d been gone for a year, but it was like she already knew him.

  Still in asshole mode he said, “Someone is awfully full of herself. You assume I want you and I have to pretend that I don’t? Baby...I’ve got women crawling all over me all day long. Until I saw you tonight, I hadn’t even thought about you in over a year.” Every organ in his body was shaking as he watched the anger fall from her face and be replaced by a look of sadness that tore at his heart. Her pretty eyes were swimming with tears and he could tell she was fighting them back with everything she had in her. She started to walk past him, and he suddenly couldn’t do it any longer. She was right...he wanted her, more than he’d ever wanted any woman. He reached out and grabbed her arm. “Sabrina, wait...”

  She turned on him and with her teeth tightly gritted together she said, “Let go of me.”

  “There you are!” The sound of Blair’s voice caused Bruf’s hand to loosen and drop off Sabrina’s arm. He saw her take a breath and then spin around to face her brother’s old lady with a radiant smile.

  “Hey! Is Wolf here yet?”

  “Not yet,” Blair said. “Manson went to pick him up from the gym. They should be back any minute, though. So, get in here, both of you. He’ll drive up and see you and you’ll ruin the surprise.”

  Bruf waited for Sabrina and Blair to go inside and then he followed them in. The great room was crowded already. The girls had put out folding tables and chairs and nearly every chair was full. The stools in front of the bar were all filled as well, and a few of the men stood around the pool tables, drinking and shooting the shit. Despite all of that, and the noise, Bruf’s eyes landed immediately on Sabrina. She was surrounded by a few of his brothers who had met her before she left California, and just the sight of her smiling and laughing with them gave him a shiver of jealousy that was rare. He forced himself to stop looking at her as he stalked up to the bar. “Give me a whiskey, now!” he barked at the prospect.

  “Damn, boy, who pissed in your Cheerios?” He turned to his right to look at Smoke. He supposed he should be impressed. Those were probably the most words he’d spoken all day.

  “You, asshole!”

  Smoke smiled. “Far as I know, the only Cheerios I been pissing in are my own.”

  “Fuck you. You knew I was going to pick up Sabrina. Why didn’t you tell me that?”

  “I guess I didn’t know you’d have a problem with it.”

  Bruf narrowed his eyes at his friend. Suddenly the half-mute was a matchmaker. It fucking pissed him off. “Well, from now on make sure you worry about your own shit and stay outta mine. Or hey, tit for tat...since you got up in mine, I get to ask a question. Why don’t I ever see you with a woman? Are you fucking gay?”

  Smoke chuckled and the guy next to him stood up. He was one of Jacob’s teammates, an MMA fighter named Lance that Bruf had met a few times and even sparred with once. He seemed like a really nice guy, but the fucker was huge. He stood about six foot seven and had to weigh close to three hundred pounds. “I don’t know if he’s gay,” Lance said, “but I am. You have any more questions I’d be happy to answer them for you.” He was smiling, but it didn’t make him look any less dangerous. Bruf wasn’t afraid of him, although he knew the big-ass fighter could take him down with one punch. Maybe that’s what he needed tonight. At least if he knocked him out, he’d have an excuse to not stay at this fucking party. Smoke must have been able to read his mind, or at least the look in his eyes because he stood up between them, smiled at Lance and said:

  “Nah, he ain’t got no questions.” Using one hand, Smoke propelled Bruf backwards behind the bar. Bruf knocked Smoke’s hand off his shoulder and walked into the kitchen. Smoke followed him. “What’s up?” Smoke said, once they were alone.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Smoke nodded. “I get that. You might want to keep it in check, though. Boss ain’t going to like you picking a fight with his old lady’s guests.”

  “You sure are chatty tonight.”

  Smoke chuckled. “Sometimes I do get to rambling.”

  Bruf had to laugh at that. Smoke’s rambling was another man’s silent treatment. When he stopped laughing he said, “I’m sorry man. You’re right, I’m just in a pissy mood and I need to pull it the fuck together. I am pissed at you for that little matchmaking move of yours. Seriously, man, stay out of it. I’ve got no feelings for that little girl, okay?”

  Smoke rolled his eyes. “Okay.” He turned to leave and Bruf said:

  “Hey...”

  Smoke turned back toward him. “Yeah?”

  Bruf looked around to make sure they were still alone and then he said, “I don’t know what happened to you...over there...but it’s obviously something you don’t want to, or can’t, talk about. Is that why you don’t have any women?”

  Smoke smiled. “You’re awful concerned about my status. You got a crush on me, Bruf?”

  “Fuck you.”

  Smoke laughed. “I’m just kidding, brother.”

  “Never mind, fuck it.”

  Smoke looked serious then and said, “Yeah, bro, there is a lot of shit that haunts me. I’m not sure I ever want to bring someone else into it. I get my needs taken care of, and I like being a part of this club. I reckon that’s good enough for me. But not everybody is willing to live like that. So, if you got demons holding you back, I suggest you deal with them, before they take over completely, and if you do have feelings for that girl, tell her, before it’s too late.”

  “Wow, that’s the most words I’ve ever heard you say.”

  Smoke flipped him off. “I just don’t see the point in wasting words,” he said.

  Bruf smiled and said, “Well, I’m sorry again for being an asshole. I appreciate you listening to me. And I’m sorry...about the gay stuff.”

  Smoke winked and grinned and said, “I never said you were wrong.” He was laughing as he walked out of the kitchen, and so was Bruf. It was what he loved about being part of the club. His brothers could always find a way to make him feel better. They were his chosen family, and a better one than blood could have ever given him. Determined to get through the night without ruining anyone else’s, or starting a f
ight, he took a deep breath and walked back into the great room, just in time to watch Wolf and Manson walk in the front door. His boss was grinning from ear to ear when everyone yelled surprise, but when his sister stepped out of the crowd and put her arms around the big man’s neck, the first place his dark eyes landed was on the face of his sergeant at arms...and he didn’t look happy.

  6

  “What in the world are you doing here?” Wolf was hugging Sabrina so tight that she had to pull out of his embrace to get enough air to talk. She smiled and said:

  “Blair invited me out for your party. I’ve missed you.”

  Wolf, like Bruf, wasn’t used to being in touch with his emotions. But at least her brother was better at it than the man she couldn’t get out of her head. “I missed you too, kid.” She saw him look over at Blair and cock an eyebrow. His pretty old lady just smiled and then said:

  “Food’s ready when everyone else is. The girls have it all set up out back.” Wolf put his arm around Sabrina and steered her toward the back door. The rest of the crowd followed them. There was a patio out back and it had been transformed into a party place with umbrella tables, lights, and two big tables of food. There was a big birthday cake on one table, and when Wolf let go of her and put his arms around his lady, Sabrina went over to look at it. The icing was dark chocolate and a lighter, milk chocolate icing had been used to design a wolf. He was sitting on a Harley and of course, he had a Westside Skulls vest on. It was adorable.

  “Looks just like him, huh?” Sabrina turned toward the voice. He was someone she didn’t recognize, a tall guy with a lot of tattooed muscle. He wasn’t wearing a kutte so she assumed he was one of the fighters.

  She smiled. “It does. Sometimes I wonder what he does under a full moon.”

  The guy laughed and then held out his hand and said, “I’m Martin. ‘Mauling Martin.’”

  “Nice to meet you, ‘Mauling Martin.’ I’m Sabrina.”

  “Oh, the sister.”

  She chuckled. “Yes. You’ve heard of me?”

  “Just in passing,” he said. “I sat in on a meeting with Jacob and Wolf a few weeks ago and Jacob was asking how you were doing. Wolf said you were going to nursing school and getting married. He was all puffed up,” the guy said with a wink. “I could tell he was really proud of you – congratulations.”

  Married. School. Proud. Those words made her chest hurt, and for some reason, she immediately searched the crowd for Bruf. She couldn’t find him and right away began to imagine he’d already hooked up with one of the girls and taken her upstairs. That made her stomach hurt. Maybe coming here was a bad idea after all. There was someone she needed to talk to. The young fighter had reminded her that there were things in her life she herself should be proud of...and more appreciative of as well.

  “Thanks,” she said. “Will you excuse me?”

  “Sure.” She made her way through the crowd, smiling at Wolf as she passed by. When he was distracted once again, she slipped in through the door and took out her phone. There were still quite a few people in the great room, so she had to find a quiet corner to turn it on and press in Devin’s number.

  “Hey!” He answered on the first ring. “Thanks for letting me know you landed safely.” That sarcastic tone made the hair rise on the back of her neck.

  “I’m sorry. I should have called sooner...”

  “You think? And then you turned your phone off. I’ve been trying to reach you all afternoon. Why would you turn your phone off?”

  “It died and took me a while to find my charger in my luggage,” she lied.

  He snorted like he didn’t believe her and then said, “What’s all that noise? Are you in a bar?”

  “No. I’m at the clubhouse, at Wolf’s party.”

  “Hmm...was he happy to see you?”

  “Yes, I think so. We haven’t had a chance to talk yet...”

  “So, you haven’t told him your carrying my sister’s baby?”

  Technically, it wasn’t Melanie’s baby...not yet. It had Sabrina’s DNA...and she knew she shouldn’t be thinking of it like that. “Not yet,” she told Devin. “I’ll probably save that for tomorrow. It’s a little bit of a deep conversation for a birthday party.”

  “Is your ex-boyfriend there?”

  “Devin, please...he was never my boyfriend. I wish Melanie had never shared with you what I told her.”

  “I’m glad she did, since you didn’t.”

  “Have you told me about every woman you’ve ever had feelings for?”

  “Do you still have feelings for him, Sabrina?”

  “Oh Jesus, I barely even know this guy, Devin. It was a chemistry thing. I told Melanie that.”

  “I think the way she described it was that you said it was the most powerful feeling you’ve ever had...”

  “It was way before I met you, Devin, and where is this coming from anyways? You’re not usually the jealous type.”

  “My fiancé doesn’t usually fly three thousand miles and refuse to let me go with her.”

  She sighed. It was almost a growl. “We have spent nearly every day of the past year together when you’re not working. I don’t see anything wrong with needing some time for myself.”

  “So, this was about getting away from me.”

  “I’m not doing this, Devin...there is no reason for you to be acting this way...”

  “You said his name, Sabrina.” His tone changed. It was suddenly flat and he was almost whispering.

  “Excuse me? I said his name?”

  “Yes. You didn’t even realize it, did you? I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse.”

  “I’m still not sure what you’re talking about, Devin.”

  “Remember that fundraiser for Children’s Hospital that we went to a few months ago, and you had too much to drink?”

  Sabrina remembered it for a lot of reasons. She had gone the day before, with Melanie and Scott, for her first appointment with the fertility doctor. The doctor had given her a list of things she wouldn’t be able to do after the following Monday when she had her first insemination. Drinking alcohol was out. No caffeine. No drugs, not that drugs were an issue...the one that bothered her the most, though, was no sex with her fiancé without using a condom. It made sense that they didn’t want her and Devin getting pregnant while she was trying to make a baby for his sister. But she supposed what upset her about it was that Devin so readily agreed to it. Of course, it wasn’t like they had sex all that often, and when they did, he was so tired or in a hurry that there wasn’t a lot to it. Sabrina felt disappointed a lot of the time and she knew his wearing a condom wasn’t going to help.

  That night, she had really cut loose. She drank everything in sight, all night long, and ended up talking way too much and embarrassing her fiancé by rubbing all over him on the dance floor. Alcohol made her horny and she was too drunk to realize that she was being inappropriate. Apparently, they’d had to leave early, and she’d tried attacking him again in the car. Devin finally gave in when they got home. and to the best of her recollection through her hazy alcohol-induced fog, she woke up the next morning remembering it as the best sex they’d ever had. She remembered being surprised that Devin was still angry with her and giving her the silent treatment the next day. Now that she thought about it, he’d been distant and cold to her the rest of that entire week. She’d been so preoccupied and overwhelmed with her doctor appointments, though, that she hadn’t given it much thought.

  “Yes, I remember that night,” she said, at last.

  “But you don’t remember screaming out his name, do you? You cried out another man’s name when you came and then as you fell asleep you kept going on and on about how it was the best you ever had. And you wonder why I’m a little bit worried?”

  “Oh my God!” She didn’t remember that, at all. “Devin, I was so drunk...”

  “You know what they say, Sabrina? When you drink, you’re not a different person. You’re the same person only without the mask
s, or any inhibitions. You were thinking about him, while we were making love. Do you have any idea how much that hurt me?”

  “No...I mean, I can imagine and I feel horrible. But God, Devin, I would have never hurt you like that if I’d been in my right mind. I’m sorry.”

  “I know that you would have never done it sober. But that almost made it worse, like there was something you were hiding. It took me a few days to convince myself that bringing it up wouldn’t do any good, and you probably didn’t even realize what you’d done. I told myself to let it go and move on. You’re my fiancée and you’re carrying my sister’s child...and the man who was on your mind was three thousand miles away. I was doing okay with that...and then suddenly you just had to make this trip. You just had to see the brother that you don’t even know...”

  “Wait! Devin, I’m sorry I hurt you, truly. But this trip, it was all about seeing my brother. And you’re right, I barely know him. But I want to know him. I grew up without my father, without siblings, with a mother who had to work all the time. I was lonely, all the time. I have the chance now to have a part of my father in my life, someone that knew him. I have the chance to have a relationship with my sibling like the one you have with your sister. Don’t you understand how badly I might want that?”

  “I would, if I could shake the feeling that Wolf is only a part of why you just had to go out there before our wedding.”

  “Our wedding is eight months away. It’s already been a year since I saw my brother. I didn’t want to go almost another whole year. I can’t live with you not trusting me, Devin. I would never cheat on you.”

  “Maybe not...at least physically.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “What if I had to think of someone else to get off when I was with you?”

  “Oh my God! It happened once, and when I was drunk. You’re blowing it out of proportion...”

  “Sabrina, how many times have you had an orgasm in the time we’ve been together?”