Find Me Series (Book 3): Finding Hope

by Trish Marie Dawson

  We wandered around until we found our clothing. Though neither of us were exactly eager to go outside, scavenging food and water for the day was at the top of the list. And lucky for us, we found a box in the upstairs bedroom full of outerwear. After Drake pulled on a heavy ski jacket, he zipped me up in a thickly lined canvas coat with a hood, stood back and then laughed.

  It reached half-way down my thighs, my hands were nowhere to be seen, and with the hood pulled over my head, I had no face.

  “That’s about three sizes too big for you, and yet, somehow, I still want to throw you on the bed and do nasty things to your body,” he teased.

  With a shove, I pushed the hood off my face and let it fall onto my shoulders. “I’m flattered,” I joked. “I feel like the marshmallow puff man, but if it keeps me warm, I don’t really care what I look like.”

  “You look great, like always.” He winked at me, and I resisted the urge to remind him about what I looked like beat up and bloodied. In that moment, I realized Drake and I had shared things – life changing things – that I’d not experienced with any other person. Not even Connor.

  Once we got outside, I pulled the hood back up and over my ears. I loved the snow, and every year I’d go with the kids to the mountains to play in it, but the air back at home wasn’t so harsh that it stung like bee stings everywhere skin just happened to be exposed. As I stood outside the front door, I remembered going to the snow on more than one occasion wearing only jeans and a t-shirt. For the first time since arriving in Northern Arizona, I felt very much like a spoiled Californian.

  “Wow,” I said. The word came out in a puff of hot air.

  “No shit,” Drake said at my side, bouncing up and down.

  “Let’s get this over with…did you see which side of the street Keel started on?”

  We looked up and down the row of homes and noticed more that were finished, or appeared to be, than on the first street we had explored the day before. Each roof was covered with half a foot of fresh white powder, with the exception of one house that had no roof. Jutting out from the top of the wooden structure was a spindly tree that could have once been a weed. It had claimed the house as its own – like a shell. Rather poetic when I thought about all the trees that had been cut down for that very house, no doubt.

  “I didn’t bother watching where he went,” he said.

  “Should we start calling his name, or just pretend he’s not out here somewhere?”

  Drake’s eyebrows lifted and his upper lip twitched. “Really? That’s an option?” he asked.

  “Okay, forget I asked.”

  Walking through snow is exhausting. We made it three houses – all of which were empty – before I was ready for a nap. The freeze had leeched its way into my bones, which made my legs feel about one hundred times heavier than they really were.

  “Hold up…” Drake elbowed my arm and pointed several more houses down the street. “See that?”

  I did. A thin line of smoke was reaching into the air just beyond the bend in the road. “From a fireplace, maybe?”

  “Maybe.”

  We stood facing it, both of us silently questioning what to do. Chances were incredibly high the smoke was coming from a house on the street, lit by Keel himself. Smoke meant fire. And fire meant warmth.

  “It’s probably him,” I sighed.

  “Most definitely.”

  “And it appears he has a fire.”

  “Yep.”

  We kept our eyes on the thin gray line weaving up into the sky, watching as it was swallowed up by the clouds above us.

  “He could have food,” I said. “Hot food…”

  Drake considered that carefully. The snow crunched under his weight as he shifted from one foot to the other, debating our options. There were really only two choices we could make. Keep foraging on our own in the cold or risk investigating the source of the fire, possibly score a hot meal, but then have to deal with Keel.

  “I’m hungry,” he finally said.

  I smiled. “Lead the way.”

  It looked like the other houses, with the exception of the dull glow coming from around the edges of the front bay window. The curtains were drawn tight, making sneaking a glance inside impossible.

  “Go ahead, knock,” Drake said.

  I stepped up onto the stoop and lifted my fist, but at the last minute let it hover in the air an inch away from the door. “What do we do if it’s not him?” I whispered.

  Drake shrugged. “I’m more worried about what we do if it is.”

  True. I banged three times on the door and then jumped off the stoop, finding my spot beside Drake. We waited awkwardly next to each other, looking from one window of the house to the others. Two full minutes went by, and Drake had turned to leave when the front door opened widely. My pistol was in my waistband, but it was buried beneath layers of coat and clothing. Not readily accessible, something I realized a bit too late. Keel filled the doorway with his form, and leaned against the frame with a smirk. Though part of me was relieved to see him, I still wanted to unearth my gun.

  “Hey,” I said, unsure of how to greet him.

  “So, I see the lovebirds survived the night.”

  I blinked. “Huh?”

  Keel nodded at the snow around us with a matter-of-fact expression on his narrow face. A muscle above his eyebrow was twitching and I found it rather distracting. “It was obviously cold last night. I wasn’t sure you two would make it.”

  With a hand in the air to silence him, I shook my head, confused. “No, I mean the other part…the other thing you said…what did you mean?”

  He laughed. “Oh. If you’re going to screw, don’t do it by an open window. Isn’t that like Sex 101 or something?”

  His brashness caught both me and Drake off-guard, but then the implications of what he’d seen set in and Drake bounded up the stoop and went straight for Keel’s throat. He was met with Keel’s pistol pointing at his face. The two stood nose to nose, glaring at each other while I pictured Keel’s face standing outside the house, watching Drake and I with our legs wrapped around each other.

  My face flushed, and my stomach lurched violently. I clutched at my midsection where I was certain my innards were preparing a glorious upchucking of whiskey, olives and hazelnut spread.

  Drake spat in his face, “Fucking pervert.”

  “Me?” Keel challenged. “I’m not the one who was getting freaky on the table with the window open for all to see,” he chortled.

  My blush turned into a blanch. Oh. God. He saw that.

  “There’s no one fucking out here!” Drake yelled, shoving on Keel’s chest, despite the pistol that hovered in the air just below his chin.

  “Well, except for me, of course. Unless the show was intentional.” He glanced over Drake’s shoulder at me with a smirk.

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” I said, gripping the front of my coat where the cold air was struggling to gain access.

  Drake gave Keel one more shove and turned away from him, coming up to me and grabbing at my elbow. “Let’s go,” he growled.

  “Go where?” Keel asked. “You have more wood for your fire? That’s how I found you, by the way. From your smoke yesterday. There I was, out in that shit-fuck of a storm, making sure the two of you weren’t frozen solid in some half-finished closet, and all the while you were humping like bunnies, not thinking one damn thing about me. Fine. Go back out there. You won’t last another night in this storm. Plus,” he laughed, “I’ve got coffee and more canned beans than you can count. I’ll easily last a week in this place on my own.”

  I stopped Drake from pulling me away. The sound of warm food and drink made my already cramped stomach shake. “We’ll come in for food and the fire. That’s all,” I snapped.

  Keel shrugged. “I couldn’t care less, though I was getting a little bored.” He ducked back into the entrance, leaving the front door open. “Make up your damned minds because you’re letting the heat out!”

  “Just f
or a little bit, Drake. I don’t care what you do to his face after we eat, but let’s get some coffee in us first, okay?” I gave his arm a steady yank, and he turned to face the house.

  “I’m going to strangle him in his sleep, Riley. And I swear to God, if he looks at you funny, I’m going to put his head through a window.”

  “Don’t worry. If it comes to that, I’ll open the curtains for you.”

  We spent the day sitting on opposite sides of the living room – Keel in his corner with a pile of various books at his feet, Drake and I in our own - with empty cans of beans and vegetables we’d heated in the fire displayed around us like a triggered landmine. Twice I rose to look at the weather outside, seeing nothing but dark clouds and the slowly receding snow cover on the street. There was too much on the ground to risk trying to drive out. No snow plow would come to rescue us if the truck went into a ditch. And since Keel was the one with the keys anyway, we waited. Despite drinking an entire pot of black coffee, Drake and I passed out on one of the couches, a half-empty tin of peanuts propped up between us.

  Just after 6:00am, a brisk shaking woke me. I bolted upright when I found Keel’s dark eyes looking into mine. My reaction was to push him back, and I did so with my hands and feet. My jerking beside him woke Drake, who flailed into the dark of the room, reaching for Keel’s shirt.

  “Damn! Is that how you two wake up every day? Christ,” he mumbled, backing out of striking range.

  “What were you doing?” I mumbled back, checking to make sure my shirt was still on and my pants were indeed buttoned.

  “It’s time to go,” he said. With a gesture at the window, he cleared his throat and slung a bag over his shoulder. He’d packed up a few things while we slept. “The clouds moved on, the sky is clear. The snow is melting and I can see the curve of the road again. We’ve got daylight coming, so now is as good a time as any to head back. If we leave now, we can make it to the Ark before night falls again, even if we do run into trouble.”

  “Now? You want to drive back now?” Drake asked through a yawn. “And what if the truck breaks down? We gonna just curl up together and hope to not freeze before tomorrow?”

  Keel adjusted his waistband, which inadvertently lifted his jeans an inch or so. “Truck isn’t going to break down. If you want a ride back, I’m leaving now.” He spun around and kicked something out of his way, opening up the front door with a loud bang.

  Scrambling to find our coats, Drake and I stumbled around the room, lit only by the soft orange embers of the fireplace, and when we did find our jackets, we pulled them on in a hurry, cursing when we tripped over the empty cans from our dinner.

  “Man’s insane. Certifiable,” I said. “Why’s he in such a rush to get back to that place? I mean, I miss my friends too, but Keel doesn’t have any, does he? There’s too much snow on the ground.”

  Drake said something unintelligible and pulled my hood over my face.

  “I mean, he’s stupid, right? The roads are probably covered in ice. How’s he going to drive over that?”

  “Never underestimate the dedication of the stupid, Riley,” Drake said.

  I could have laughed at his comment. In fact, I almost did, but we’d neared the open front door by then and the air slammed into me like an ice wall. I backed up, intent on returning to the warm sofa and my dreamless sleep, but Drake’s hand pushed on my lower back and, with reluctance, I stepped out into the night.

  Keel shifted his bag, and crunched through the snow to the road, following it back around in the direction of his truck. We followed in silence, breathing in shallow gasps to keep the cold morning air from our lungs as best as we could.

  To find the truck nearly free of snow was a surprise, but the fact that it turned over on the second try was even more shocking. As we piled into the cab, shivering and complaining, Keel let the engine idle till the air inside was warm enough to take off our coats, but I kept mine on. The more material I had between my left arm and Keel’s right, the better. Propping myself up against Drake’s shoulder, I stared out the windshield as Keel slowly moved the truck over the snow, pulling onto the road with a little too much speed. Once on the highway, he risked increasing his speed to nearly 50mph, not caring about the drifts on the shoulder, or the possibility of ice under the snow. If we made it back to the Ark, it would be nothing short of a miracle.

  * * *

  She fell asleep almost immediately on Drake’s shoulder, with her right hand tucked between his legs as the truck lurched slowly down the snow-covered road. They’d agreed - it was just sex, nothing more - but the longer he stared down at the pale inside of her wrist, the more he wanted to grab onto it and not let go. It was an irrational impulse, he thought. But it didn’t keep him from looking down at her hand every two seconds. Each time, he was surprised to see it there, but also afraid of what it represented. In her sleep, she moved beside him more than once, and the thought of her waking and smiling up at him stilled his breath. But her eyes stayed closed, keeping the dark blue that pooled inside them hidden. Drake wasn’t the least bit disappointed though. Because for that time in the truck, she was with him, at least as much as she could be with anyone.

  The world was different in every way. He was aware of that. Those left were going to do what they could to survive. He’d done it. So had Riley, and so had Keel, he didn’t doubt. Drake glanced over at the man behind the wheel only a handful of times. It took little work on behalf of Drake’s imagination to picture what Keel was thinking when he looked at Riley. Once he caught Keel staring at her legs, and had it been the old world, he’d have punched the man in the face, even if it meant flipping their vehicle off the road. But they were all now connected so intimately, that even if you hated the person sitting two feet away from you, it didn’t change the fact that the same person might be responsible for keeping you alive in the near future. It was an ironic example of picking one’s battles. Staking any sort of claim on Riley would only make Keel more interested; Drake could tell it in his dark eyes. He was waiting for a confrontation.

  Drake shot the man another quick glance, considering how much of a threat Keel might be. To him and to Riley. She was tough, Drake would give her that, but even though she worked hard to hide it, Riley had a big heart. One that might get her into deadly situations if she wasn’t careful guarding it.

  Keel stared ahead, oblivious to Drake’s thoughts, moving his line of sight from the left to the right side of the road. The exposed asphalt was slick, and several times the truck fishtailed just enough for Drake to notice, but not enough to wake Riley. He couldn’t sleep. Not like that. So he kept his eyes on the slender wrist tucked between his thighs for most of the trek. Wondering what it would be like to walk hand in hand with its owner. He almost didn’t notice when they drove past the bunker, and when he looked up to find them on the partially snowed-in dirt road that led to the main buildings, he realized he only had maybe five more minutes of Riley’s body leaning into his.

  Not caring what Keel thought, Drake reached down and took Riley’s limp hand in his, holding it close to his chest.

  Lovingly? Perhaps.

  Possessively? Hell. Yes.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  N ever had a warm shower felt so good. I stood under one of the six faucets of the large bathroom with my head hung low, my eyes closed, my hands pressed against the wall, enjoying the feel of the heat as it spread through my tense neck and shoulders. Drake showered on my right, lost in his version of a heat-related daze. Keel had gone off on his own once we had arrived and parked, taking our bags with him to the supply room. Once in the depository, they would be sifted through by other Ark members when daylight officially came. Our ‘jobs’ were officially over for the day.

  When the heat began to sting and the steam became pleasantly overwhelming, I straightened and used a bar of soap to lather up my skin, breathing in the fresh scent and slick feel of my clean body. Even after gaining weight, my hip bones still protruded out from my waist like tiny shelves, and
my collarbones were more visible than I enjoyed. When I finished, Drake still stood with his head under the water, so I pushed the button that turned off my shower and moved up behind him with the soap. He jumped when my hands glided up and down his back, but relaxed as I continued cleaning him. His muscles, taut and toned, flexed every time my fingers moved, like he was struggling to relax under my touch, but he didn’t ask me to stop. I ran my hands around his wide shoulders, his arms, his front, lathering up his chest, down his abdomen and his hips. With my front pressed against his back, I kissed the space between his shoulder blades and let my hands wander lower, finding his erection willing and waiting for attention.

  Suddenly eager to please him, I began lowering myself to my knees when he spun around and gripped my arms so firmly I cried out. With a yank, I was back on my feet and pushed against the wall, my legs parted wide and braced around his midsection before I could object, not that I wanted to, and he thrust into me while biting down on the soft flesh of my shoulder. Shower water dripped off his chin, his ears, and his hair with each plunge, and I held onto him, using my heels against his tight backside to pull him deeper inside with every hard push. The force knocked most of the breath from my body but I asked for more, begged for it, even. If I moaned, he moved faster, if I cried out, he bit down on me harder, heightening the sensations to an almost unbearable level.

  Drake knew what he wanted, and he took everything I was willing to give.

  * * *

  “You’re back!” Kris squealed, clumsily climbing down from the top bunk of her bed. Though Drake and I entered the room in only towels, she didn’t seem to care. She hugged me, gave him a once over and then hugged me again. Zoey whimpered at my feet until I sat on my bed so she could climb into my lap. Several sloppy kisses later, she jumped back to the floor and approached Drake with her tail between her legs.

  “Hey girl,” he said, letting her sniff his hand. After he scratched behind her ear, she flopped down at his feet and waited for a tummy rub.