Find Me Series (Book 3): Finding Hope

by Trish Marie Dawson

  Kris dug around in my dresser, pulling out a Henley shirt, a sports bra, a pair of underwear and my favorite jeans, which had been cleaned since our outing, talking nonstop the entire time. She must have done laundry herself, which was a nice surprise. At least I didn’t have to borrow another pair of her too-tight pants. I took the outfit from her with a smile and dressed myself under the towel, for her benefit and Drake’s disappointment.

  “We managed to get the cover up, but Fern’s thinking we’ve lost about half the crop from the east garden. Thank God for the greenroom, right?”

  I nodded, remembering how big the covered greenhouse on the east of the property was, but I’d only been inside it once, on our initial tour, which meant I couldn’t remember at all which foods were growing inside. After talking about the gardens, Kris moved on to the generators.

  “And the power went out! Someone said the turbines froze in place. It was SO cold when we went to bed last night!” Kris said. “But I guess the genny’s pulled through and kicked in around 4:00am. You should have seen how many layers Jacks had Lily in. Like, you couldn’t even see her little face and her arms stuck out like this…” she paused long enough to stick her arms straight out and wiggled her fingers.

  “You survived intact, then?” Drake laughed. He too was getting dressed, but Kris had been talking with her back to him, so when she turned around and saw him buttoning up a clean pair of jeans, with no shirt on and his towel draped over his neck, she gaped at him.

  “Oh, wow.”

  It was his scars she was staring at. The ones that had been maliciously carved into his chest by the asshole from Los Angeles. Considering she had her own that she was self-conscious about, I was surprised she seemed so curious of Drake’s.

  After clearing my throat, she blinked and looked back at me, the tops of her cheeks turning pink. “So, what did you do the last two days? How is everyone else?” I asked.

  Her blush deepened. “Um, we were good, I guess.”

  I yanked my arms through my shirt sleeves, pushed them up to just below the elbows and raised an eyebrow at her. “You guess?”

  She nodded, handing me a pair of thick white socks.

  “Nothing exciting happened?” I pressed.

  With a quick glance over her shoulder, I could tell there was something Kris wanted to talk about, but not in front of Drake. I gave her a wink, assuming it was boy related, and finished dressing. When my feet were in my shoes again, and Drake was pulling his shirt over his head, Kris squeezed herself into the small bathroom and dressed there. For an awkward moment, Drake leaned against one of the bunk bed frames, while I leaned against mine. We stared at each other till my lips quivered with a smile.

  “That was fun,” he said, just under his breath.

  “The shower?”

  “Hell yeah, the shower. And everything else.”

  I snapped the elastic band on my wrist a few times, hoping to choose my words carefully before speaking. Zoey sat at attention, watching me with interest.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “Will things be weird now? I mean, once we go up there, say hello to everyone and sit down for breakfast like any other day, will things be…different?”

  Drake shrugged. “Only if we make it that way, I guess. Tell you what, how about I act like a grumpy bastard and ignore you until my oatmeal is gone?”

  I laughed. “Deal.”

  * * *

  A good amount of the snow had melted by the time we came upstairs, which left puddles every few feet where the water hadn’t had a change to absorb into the ground yet. But the air was still brisk. The sun was doing its job at melting, but the air was sure to bring another storm soon. With a clean utility jacket on, I shoved my hands in the pockets as the wind picked up, making the chill factor so much higher than my body appreciated. I pulled my jacket up close to my neck and walked with Kris and Winchester the short distance between the lodging building and the community center. Between them, I barely got a word in of my own, so eventually I just closed my mouth and smiled on cue as they talked about the storm that briefly descended upon the Ark and the issues it had caused.

  Around us the pine trees were covered still with fluffy white lumps. It made the green that peeked through seem more alive, more colorful than usual, but they were quiet. No birds called out or flew through the clear sky, either. It was as if they had decided to sleep in for the day. And then I saw why. Standing at the tree line several meters away was an older couple, hand in hand, watching us. I wouldn’t have thought much of them, other than the fact that the woman was wearing a loose summer dress with a shawl draped across her shoulders. The white-haired man wore a pair of khaki shorts and a polo shirt. Decidedly poor attire for the weather.

  “Who’s that?” I asked no one in particular.

  “Who?” Winchester asked, glancing in the direction I was staring at.

  I lifted my arm to point at the couple, when the man turned around slowly and exposed a dark red hole where the back of his head should have been, pulling the woman with him behind a tree, where they vanished. I froze on the path, gulping down the cool air, blinking at the woods, waiting for the trees to spit the ghosts back out. But that didn’t happen. The pines sucked them in greedily.

  “They’re gone,” I said.

  “What?” Winchester asked.

  “Nothing…nothing…” I chewed on my lip, and began walking beside him again.

  “I’m sorry,” Winchester said, reaching out and touching my arm. “We’ve been going on and on and I haven’t asked you yet how the run went. I hope you found somewhere warm to spend the time.”

  Acutely aware that Drake followed behind us and was within earshot, I nodded. “Yes, we managed to stay warm.”

  “Good!” Win sighed. “We were really worried when you didn’t come back. If you guys hadn’t made it by noon today, they were going to send out a search party.”

  “A search party?” And who would that consist of?”

  He shrugged as if to say he had no idea.

  “Well, it’s a good thing we did make it back.”

  “Yeah, the fear was the storm might have run you guys off the road or something. But we don’t have to worry about that now. Glad you’re here.” He gave my arm a squeeze and hurried ahead of us, looking for someone as he entered the cafeteria that was leaking the fragrant odors of breakfast. Hot cereals, coffee, pancakes and the smell of sweet syrups assaulted my nose all at once, triggering the back of my mouth into a watery mess.

  Once inside, I spotted Winchester standing next to Jacks, waggling his fingers in Lily’s face. The two men laughed about something, then carried on filling their trays from the buffet station. I’d not had a chance yet to ask Jacks if he knew about Winchester, and if he could see how badly the younger man had it for him, and part of me didn’t think it would be appropriate to do so. If Jacks was still the same guy I knew from so many years ago, his sexual orientation surely hadn’t changed all that much, but neither had his ability to pick up on the social cues of others. If he was aware that Winchester had a thing for him, he would milk it to his benefit. The apparent indifference on Jacks’ part didn’t stop Winchester from trying. He hovered on each word Jacks spoke, and fawned after the baby every chance he could get. It was sadly adorable. No doubt someone would get their heart broken, and I didn’t think it would be Jacks.

  Kris said something at my side and waved with a bit more enthusiasm then was necessary. “Cole!” she yelled over the mellow sounds of the early morning risers.

  “Ah, is this what kept you busy the last two days?” I asked.

  She nodded, then skipped off to join him at our table in the corner. “Maybe it’s something in the water,” Keel said behind me.

  I flinched at the sound of his voice and looked up to see him staring down at my chest. Even in two layers, I still felt exposed. “Looking for something?” I quipped.

  “Are you offering?”

  “I’d laugh if I thought you were jok
ing.” I turned to face him and lifted my arms a bit. “Take a good look, Keel, because it’s all you’ll ever get.”

  Though he didn’t answer me, I could feel his eyes trying to strip me as I walked away to join the others at the buffet line. A few people offered greetings as I passed, but I’d forgotten their names, so I only smiled and politely said hello in return.

  I filled my plastic tray with a small bowl of fruit and a large bowl of oatmeal and a cup of what looked like apple juice. A lump of brown sugar had melted on the top of the oatmeal, oozing slowly into a little river down the inside of the bowl. I wondered how much sugar was left out there on the streets and in the stores, and when the taste of it would be just a memory. For some reason, I found it fascinating and stared at my food for several minutes before Drake poked me in the side with his elbow. He sat down at the table with a loud sigh, adjusted the crotch of his jeans and leaned over his tray with a quick wink.

  “Win told me you guys found a place to hide out from the snow. That’s good to hear,” Jacks said. He was balancing Lily on one leg and spooning in hot cereal with his free hand. He had to struggle to keep her from grabbing at the spoon with each mouthful he took.

  “Yep, we got lucky,” Drake said, struggling to hold back a smile.

  I shoveled in my oatmeal, hoping no one would ask me what we actually did that night. Without even looking at him, I could tell Drake was trying not to laugh.

  “We lost the corn and some berries,” Cole said. “Got up this morning to check under the tents. The frost killed all but the most hardy things.”

  There were grumbles, a few curses and some faraway stares. I looked back at my oatmeal and smeared the remaining brown sugar around. “Winter came early,” I sighed. If the first snow was any sign, it meant a lot more was coming.

  “It’s okay,” Kris said, rubbing Cole’s forearm. “We have plenty in stock to feed everyone, and this means more water, right?”

  That was true. The rain and snow did mean we’d collect more water, but I imagined our menu would be dwindling down over the next few months. Unless supply runs were done more often.

  “Kris is right,” I said. “We’ll be fine. Drake and I will go out on more runs if we need to. There’s still plenty of canned goods out there, you know.”

  Cole nodded with a grimace. “Sure, but even cans have expiration dates.”

  Drake’s knee moved under the table and pressed into my leg, and he hooked his foot around my ankle, but when I glanced over at him, he was shoveling in his food as if oblivious to the fact that we were touching so intimately. “Yeah,” he said, moving his leg further up mine, “I think we’ll make double the runs to keep the storage shelves full. Rather be safe than sorry.”

  “Why do you, of all people, suddenly care about the Ark’s food supply?” Jacks asked, handing a squirming Lily over to Winchester.

  Drake shrugged. “I don’t. But it’s my job now, right? Plus, I’m becoming rather fond of having three solid meals a day and hot showers. Might as well make sure it stays that way as long as I can.”

  “Right,” I said. Jacks rolled his eyes at me before digging around in the baby bag. He produced a bottle and handed it to Winchester.

  “She’s been eating a lot these last few days,” Winchester said, adjusting her in his arms with perfection. The first few times he was around the baby, he seemed uncomfortable and unsure of how to hold her, but he’d obviously gotten more practice the last few weeks. He’d become a pro.

  We listened to her eat, the gentle and soft sucking sounds she made that went with the scratching thump of her nails as she dragged her little fingers along the bottle. And she watched us too. Her eyes looked around at each of us, recognizing us by face, by voice; a few times she stopped sucking so she could smile at her favorite person aside from her dad – Kris.

  Cole found Kris’ obvious connection with the baby endearing, and it was fascinating to watch him observe Kris’ interaction with Lily. Like it was something he wanted one day – a family. But Kris was still too young. Not even eighteen. Even in our makeshift Dystopia, she was still a kid in a lot of ways. I reminded myself that I’d have to pull the boy aside soon to explain that to him.

  “Morning.”

  I looked over Drake’s head to see Ryder standing behind us with his clipboard and in hand. “Hey,” I said.

  “Keel tells me all went well. I mean, aside from the obvious weather issues,” he said. He smiled at me, but it was forced.

  “Aside from Keel being a tremendous ass, sure, it went well.”

  He nodded. “I’ve heard that more than once. Look, I’m sorry to ask this, but it seems like we’ll need another run done before the end of the week. We could use more medical supplies. Our newcomers are using up a lot of our resources.”

  “Really? Why? What’s wrong with them?” I asked, my interest more than piqued. Ryder didn’t look at me, or answer.

  Drake pushed his tray away and swung one leg over the bench seat. I immediately missed the pressure and warmth of his thigh against mine. “Yeah, we were just talking about that, actually. But here’s the thing – we go on our own next time. Keel’s a dick. We don’t trust him. He actually considered leaving us out there. Not that we can’t handle finding our way back, but Riley and I work perfectly fine as a team.”

  Ryder chewed on his lower lip. “Keel knows the area so well by now, I’m not sure that’d be advisable. Plus, he’s the one who has clearance to drive in and out of the compound.”

  Drake swallowed the remainder of his food and stretched an arm behind his head. “Then give us our own map. Cross out the places you’ve been; we can do the rest. And we’ll need a car, of course. As for your guards at the gate, just tell them we can come and go. Seems easy enough to me.”

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to speak to the others in charge and see what they think.” Ryder looked nervous, as if we were asking him to cut off a finger, not hand over the keys to one of the Ark’s few running cars. There were many out on the freeways to choose from, so it wasn’t about the vehicles themselves. It was something else that made him uneasy.

  “Look, you just said you need more help. We’re willing to do that, but not with Keel. He’s a deal-breaker. We have every intention of returning - our group is here, right?” Drake put his hands up and Ryder nodded his head.

  “I understand,” he replied. “Let me see what I can do.” He turned and went back the way he came, pausing to talk to a few people sitting at a table where the youngest of the group was in their 50’s. I found myself wondering if I would make it to their age. Probably not.

  After Drake left, I hurried through the rest of my breakfast and excused myself from the group, who didn’t seem too eager to get back outside into the cool morning air themselves.

  I found him crouched outside the community doors, petting Zoey. “I thought you took off,” I laughed nervously.

  “Nah,” he said, straightening. “Least, not yet.”

  “So…volunteering to do runs without Keel…I’m not sure if that’s a self-preservation thing on your end, or a sneaky way of getting alone time for us.”

  He laughed and made a move to touch my face, then thought better of it. He forced his hands into his pockets instead. “I bet you’re dying to know,” he teased. When his eyes moved down my neck to my chest, then lower, before settling somewhere below my waist, I chewed on my tongue to keep from blushing.

  “You’re insatiable.”

  “It’s a rather new development I’m more than willing to explore,” he said, taking a step closer.

  My smile broke, and he took that as an invitation. Closer he moved, until our faces were but an inch apart and I sucked my breath in, holding it. Then the doors opened and Winchester and Jacks exited the building in the middle of a loud discussion about the efficiency of solar energy. Drake and I stepped back, clearing room for the pair to pass by, and as they did, Winchester sent a wink in my direction. I gave Lily a wave and tried not to think too hard about the sm
ile she sent my way. I watched the dark swirl of her short hair fluff up in the breeze and swallowed hard.

  “Cute kid,” Drake said, moving close beside me once more.

  “Yep.” I didn’t want to talk about kids. I’d rather talk about anything other than kids.

  “See you later?” he asked, stepping off the porch.

  “Wait. Where are you off to?”

  He gave Zoey a final scratch behind the ears. “That Cole kid asked me to do farm inventory or some crap like that. I almost said no, but I don’t think he’s got many volunteers. Aside from Kris, of course. Figured I’d keep an eye on those two for a few hours.”

  “Okay, thanks,” I said. “I’ll find something to do. Have fun.” With a wave, he sauntered off in the direction of the north garden, beneath which was the storage room. When he was out of view, I sighed and stared at the buildings around me, wondering about the stories hidden behind the few faces I saw. Most people were solemn, lost in their own little worlds. A few walked together, happy to have someone to talk to, or happy for a way to distract themselves from their past. Like it was something easy to do. Just flip an on and off switch. Sure.

  Ryder snuck up beside me while I was people-watching. He was ridiculously good at popping up unexpectedly and making me jump. “Funny how we can just start over after losing everything and everyone, isn’t it?” he said.

  “I wouldn’t exactly call it funny. Depressing. A necessity – but funny – no.”

  “Yes, very true. That’s a much better way to say it. My apologies. So, were you married?” he asked.

  I finally looked at him. With a quick once over of his young and eager-to-please face, I shrugged. “No.”

  I had been married, but I didn’t think that was what he was asking me. He wanted to know if I’d had a husband that had died in my arms the year before. Ironically, mine was the last face my ex actually did see before he died, but I wasn’t about to tell Ryder that.

  “Yeah, me neither. Didn’t have a girlfriend either…none of that. Not even a dog or a cat. Was just me.”