New Frontier

by Pepper Espinoza

  “Shut up, Ranger,” she hissed, but it didn’t have any affect on the excited dog.

  Ida counted to three then threw open the door and aimed the gun. Just as she opened the door, a large body hurled itself toward the open doorway and landed heavily on the ground. In the dark, all Ida could see was that the person looked like a man. She couldn’t make out any distinguishing features.

  Ranger attacked him instantly. It took a few seconds for Ida to realize the dog wasn’t using his teeth.

  “Ida? Ida, get the dog off of me!”

  “Oh…” She set the gun down. “Liam?”

  “You were expecting somebody else?” He groaned and turned over. Ranger licked his face with gusto.

  “No…no, you surprised me is all.” Ida shut and locked the door. “Why are you here so early?”

  “I didn’t plan it this way.” He sat up and groaned again, then half-heartedly pushed Ranger away. “It was clear tonight so I thought I’d come right home from Promontory Point.”

  “Oh.”

  Liam pushed himself to his feet. “Did I scare you?”

  “No, it doesn’t bother me at all when somebody tries to break into my house at four in the morning. Why should that scare me?” She used sarcasm to cover her fear and her disappointment.

  Liam reached for the lamp and lit it before he responded. The flame flared and illuminated his face. Ida had almost forgotten what he looked like. He had a beard and long hair. His face and hands were dirty, and she noticed with surprise that he was missing his pinkie on his left hand. His clothes were tattered and hung off him like rags.

  “I put my horse in the barn. Where’s Flash?”

  “He was stolen.”

  Liam frowned. “I loved that horse. Were you hurt?”

  Ida shook her head. “You look like a mess. Let me get you some clean clothes…”

  He grabbed her arm. “I was hoping I wouldn’t need clothes for awhile.”

  Ida stared at him as the shock gave way and her tired brain began to register—actually register—his presence. Her knees went weak, and she nearly physically staggered under the implications. Her stomach revolted, and she had to swallow hard to force the bread from returning. He stared at her, his eyes dancing with ravenous desire. His grip tightened on her arm, and she knew with sickening certainty that she would not be able to get out of this.

  “Don’t you want to clean up first?” She asked, forcing the words past her numb lips.

  “You are all I’ve been thinking about for months, Ida. Even if there was a blizzard out there, I would have come down here tonight to see you.” He kissed her mouth, his dirty whiskers brushing against and aggravating the sensitive skin around her mouth. “Didn’t you miss me?”

  It was all Ida could do not to push him away violently. Instead, she turned her head slightly and caught her breath. The cabin was rapidly starting to smell like him, and his breath could have knocked a bear down at fifty feet.

  “I missed you,” she said softly, hoping that it sounded sincere. “But I think you should clean up first.”

  “No time to get a bath together,” he muttered and kissed her mouth again.

  Ida broke away. “I’ll…I’ll wash you…” she suggested desperately. “I’ll just need to heat up a bowl of water instead of a whole tub.”

  Liam paused and considered. “I don’t know…”

  “You smell like a cow,” she said bluntly, but with a smile to soften the tone.

  Liam smiled back slightly, though Ida could see that she had hurt him. Well, that wasn’t her problem. He did smell like a cow, and she wasn’t going to tolerate it. She may have to act like the perfect little wife to keep his guard down, but that didn’t mean she’d have to tolerate the stench.

  She took longer than necessary to warm the water as he undressed himself. She saw out of the corner of her eye that he had lost a lot of weight, and his body was hard from the months spent deep in the mines. All in all, he didn’t look horrible, just worn out, tired, and a dirty, filthy mess. Ida didn’t know what to do. It was like a dream. She kept expecting to wake up because this didn’t make any sense. He was there, he was back like he said he would be, and he was happy to see her, and he was acting like he didn’t leave her at all and Kelly had been wrong, wrong, wrong.

  She knew she couldn’t think about it now. She had to shut off her brain because if she didn’t, it would get her in trouble. Anger, confusion, fear, worry, and an odd sense of relief would be enough to keep her going, and when Liam fell asleep—and he was swaying on his feet now—she would think about this calmly. Work it out. Make sense of it. Nothing had to change, and a part of her always expected this would happen. She would work around it.

  Ida wouldn’t allow Liam to trap her again. Not for a second time. Not ever.

  Ida tried to wash him with a detached, professional air, but he wouldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t just sit passively and let her work like a nurse cleaning a stranger, keeping a respectable distance. He wanted to touch her, rub her, be close to her, and Ida didn’t have the heart to push him away.

  As she worked, he caressed whatever part of her he could reach. He rubbed her arms and face, ran his hands down her back, cupped her breasts. His eyes were lit up, his body tense. As she reacquainted herself with his body and grew accustomed to his touch, she slowly began to remember how it had been before…before the trek out west, before he went on to California, before Utah.

  She had been somewhat of an outcast because she was practically a spinster before she met Liam. It wasn’t always easy to ignore social pressure, even if she didn’t care what the people around her thought most of the time. But that wasn’t why she’d married him. She’d been surprised by his attention, his eagerness to talk to her and see her. She’d known there were prettier, younger girls available. Prettier, younger girls who desperately sought his attention. But he hadn’t wanted them.

  Marrying Liam had, in its own way, meant freedom. She would finally be able to move from her mother’s house and start a family of her own, embrace a new life, start over. Liam had been considerate and charming, and when she talked to him, she felt like he was actually listening. Though she never told him anything important, nothing that moved her heart or lingered in her soul. But it hadn’t mattered what she talked about because he’d showed up every night on her mother’s front porch like clock work, flowers in hand, with a large smile, prepared to listen, prepared to converse.

  Ida acknowledged that loneliness had been a major element in the initial attraction. He’d wanted to touch her, like he was doing now, and he’d wanted to kiss her and he’d wanted to be with her. And she had wanted to be touched and kissed and she’d wanted to be with somebody. Some nights they would sit on the porch, not quite touching, her mother just inside the door, and try to keep their voices steady even when their hearts were pounding and they were sweating and shaking with need.

  The courtship had been a whirlwind, rushed and quick and desperate. She assumed she loved him, why wouldn’t she? He loved her. And he had promised her the world if she could only be patient for him. Now she kneeled in front of him, her heart and body aching, and his body trembling from the rush and euphoria of contact.

  She tried not to, but she couldn’t help comparing him to Kelly. Liam was taller and broader, but Ida wouldn’t say he was necessarily stronger. He had grown lean from the long journey, and Ida had to admit that there was still a basic attraction between them. It was not the heady rush of lust that she felt for Kelly, or even the slow burn of passion that Kelly flamed through her body so expertly, but it was a tug of attraction, of need. She couldn’t deny that, and a part of her didn’t even want to try.

  Liam had been somebody she never expected. And Liam had given her something she never expected. Now he was reaching for her with increased desperation, and his eyes were hungry, burning. She thought of asking him where he had been, why he had taken so long, why he had left her here instead of letting her come with him. She thought of forcing
him to explain himself, but didn’t have the energy to speak. All she could do was wash the dirt and stink of the road off his body and try to bring her own emotions and body under control.

  Kelly’s face hovered in front of her mind’s eye, and the memory of his body lingered beneath her fingertips. There were still signs of him around the cabin. Nothing Liam, or anybody else for that matter, would notice. They were just little things that reminded her of their days together. He always put the fire poker in the wrong spot, and liked to watch her sew, and sit in the chair by the fire and stare at the flames—little memories of him were scattered everywhere.

  But so were memories of Liam, now that she was touching him again. On their wedding night she had been nervous, sick with excitement, shaking with fear, wet, tied up in knots. Their first kiss had been an explosion of pent-up passion and they tumbled into the bed in a red haze. She didn’t even know anything could feel like that, be like that…it felt like she had been in a deep sleep all her life, unable to feel anything at all, and he woke her up.

  But that had just been the beginning, and she knew that now. As good as they had been together, they had never been completely in harmony. As much as she enjoyed being with him, she had never known there could be more. Now she knew—she knew what she was capable of, what she could do and what she could feel and what she wanted—what she’d never get from Liam in this life.

  “I missed you,” he said softly, winding her hair around his fingers.

  She didn’t respond, just smoothed the water off his thighs. She couldn’t say she missed him and she couldn’t say she didn’t, because both would be a lie and both would be the truth. Ida did miss being touched, though. She missed the way a body felt above her, or below her, and inside of her. She missed the contact, physically and emotionally. She missed the way sex smelled. She missed the way skin tasted. She missed falling asleep in somebody’s arms. Her heart and her mind missed Kelly specifically, but her body didn’t care. Her body was hungry and tired and neglected and it only sought comfort and physical love.

  “All clean,” she finally whispered, and demonstrated by inhaling the fragrance from his body with a deep breath. Nothing but soap and the natural musky scent that she was already used to again.

  He grabbed her without hesitation and brought his mouth down on hers. She froze for a moment, uncertain and afraid to continue. Her hands were itching to grab him and hold on, but her heart balked and the heavy weight of guilt began to settle on her shoulders, began to wear her down.

  Liam deepened the kiss until her head was spinning. She couldn’t deny that her body was responding on a very primal, very basic level. She felt very cold and very hot all at once, and the deep chill is what pushed her forward into his embrace and allowed her to open to his kiss.

  There were things Ida learned how to do to cope during the war. There was one strategy that had become like a second nature. She shut her brain off and turned all the power over to her body. Her hands knew the way, her mouth knew what to do, her skin knew how to respond. All she had to do was close her eyes and fall into him and let the energy from his caresses blaze across her flesh.

  He had more than enough energy and passion for both of them. She had none to offer him at all. She responded accordingly, but she didn’t reach for him, didn’t initiate any contact. She let him carry them both to the bed and beyond, and she just focused on the way he touched her and her body’s natural response.

  Liam had his gentle moments, his tender and caring side, and could be overwhelming with his desire. But he didn’t have time to be gentle, not then. There would be time enough later. Ida let him remove the oversized shirt she slept in and allowed him to spread her legs open. He covered her neck and breasts with sloppy kisses as he settled between her legs. She kept her eyes closed.

  Ida had one stunningly clear thought, so loud in her mind that she thought she must have said it out loud. Forgive me. She didn’t know who she was asking forgiveness though. Kelly? He would not be happy if he knew she willingly slept with Liam. Liam? Right or wrong, she cheated on him, fell in love with somebody else, and now was using him for the cold comfort he offered. Herself? God? Ida didn’t know. Everybody, nobody, it didn’t matter. Not that second and not in the long run.

  She held onto Liam tightly and he thrust into her with a grunt of satisfied relief. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against his shoulder, feeling each thrust resonate in her body, echoing her pulse. She saw Kelly move above her, but it was definitely Liam she felt inside of her, and at one point she thought she would be torn in two as her indecision and guilt warred with her body’s strong need.

  It was over before the battle could break her. She came hard, as if in rebellion. Almost immediately, relief washed over her and it felt like she was floating. She had no idea how badly she truly did need it until after it was over and she was sweating and breathing hard and clutching him weakly as he pounded into her with the last of his strength. She kept her mouth firmly shut, biting her tongue, to keep from saying anything damning, but she did offer him a tiny smile when their eyes finally met, and he rolled away from her body.

  Ida turned her back to him and curled into a ball. He put one heavy hand on her hip and draped one leg over hers. She counted to thirty before he started snoring softly. She was exhausted and cold and somehow, inescapably lonely. Her body was still soft and jelly-like, her limbs loose, her muscles relaxed. But it didn’t make up for the way her heart sank and the crushing weight on her body—it was a brief interlude and it worked. For a second, she forgot the insanity in her world and could focus on simple pleasure for the sake of pleasure, but the pleasure had dulled and…

  She just wanted to see his face. Liam obviously believed his journey had finally ended, and now she knew for a fact hers would be beginning shortly.

  Chapter Twenty

  Liam brought the sun with him. As the New Year started, the snow melted and revealed thick, glooping mud. It was unseasonably warm, and Ida took to spending more and more time outside, occupying herself with frivolous chores or long walks through the thinning snow.

  Liam spent most of his time in the cabin. During the morning, when the sun shone directly into the cabin, he wrote letters. Ida didn’t know to whom he was writing, or what he was writing about, and she never cared enough to ask. When he wasn’t working on letters, he used the clear morning light to draw or read. In the afternoon, he mostly slept or went for short rides, exploring the area. During the day, their paths rarely crossed.

  Ida did notice that something was a little off about Liam. Sometimes he said the wrong things, or looked a little confused. Once he went for a ride and didn’t return until long after dark. Ida didn’t say anything to him about it, but she wondered if he felt as restless and impatient as she did.

  The nearly continuous sun brightened her spirits considerably. The nights were still cold and hellishly long, even when she closed her eyes and surrendered her body to Liam in an attempt to grab some fleeting comfort and warmth. It never quite worked, but it didn’t stop her, though Liam’s attention waned as the days passed and they saw less and less of each other.

  The sun also made her feet itch, and every day she looked at the road longingly. It was all she could do to keep from fleeing, but she understood that this could be a brief respite. It could be beautiful weather for weeks, months even, and then the sky could open up with a fierce growl and dump several feet of snow in a single evening. She wouldn’t want to get caught in snowstorm that had been building for months.

  Besides, the road was nothing but mud that swallowed wheels and bogged down horses.

  Her plans continued quietly. She went into town as soon as the road was passable and bought some supplies and a small wagon, which she hid behind the barn. It would be just big enough for her things and to sleep in. And in her spare time, she thought of what she would tell Liam.

  Days and weeks bled together slowly, until she realized with a start that Liam had been home fo
r nearly two months. And it hadn’t snowed once. Early one morning, before he woke up, she snuck out and saddled her horse, a fat, gray mare named Kitten. She put enough food to last her a day in her saddlebag, and then set out down the road.

  Ida wanted to test two things. She wanted to see how far she could get between sunrise and sunset, and how dry the road was. As the old mare plodded through the valley, Ida realized the time was finally upon her. Things didn’t look dead anymore, and despite how early it was, she was beginning to see small signs of Spring. Bright yellow flowers that braved their way to the sun where the snow no longer reached, and small purple blossoms tentatively spread across green patches of earth.

  As Ida understood the time had finally come, fear sunk in her stomach like a stone. She rode back to the cabin slowly. Liam would be waiting. Liam wasn’t a stupid man. Liam would want to know the truth. Liam would sense something was different, something was wrong. Liam would demand an explanation. Liam wouldn’t want to let her go. Liam would force her hand. She knew that Liam would force her to prove that she was deadly serious.

  Or she could just leave, like Kelly left, in the dead of the night. It was the coward’s way out, but all of Ida’s bravery was going towards the trip itself. She didn’t have any courage left over to face Liam. He’d be worried, but she’d leave a note, a letter. Something to explain. Of course, a letter was problematic as well. What could she possibly write? How much information should she give him? Should she include details? The fact of the matter was that he was more adept at traveling than she was, and he could easily track her down and find her before she got far. She wouldn’t have a day’s head start like Kelly.

  * * * *

  Ida was making biscuits one warm morning for breakfast when the answer struck her so hard she thought she would fall to the floor. It was so stupidly obvious that she could hit herself for not thinking of it earlier. It would buy her time. The transcontinental railroad, the very railroad that Liam used to return to Utah, had been completed not even a year before. She knew it would take her all the way to Sacramento. Once in Sacramento, she could travel south to Los Angeles.