New Frontier

by Pepper Espinoza

  Once the plan, in all its beautiful, robust simplicity, unraveled in her head, it was all she could do to keep her excitement quelled. She would use the money Kelly left her to buy the ticket, and once in California, she would use the money to either buy a horse or pay the fare to finish the trip in a stagecoach. Or, there was probably a railroad line that ran through California.

  She couldn’t wait. And she felt stupid for waiting so long to begin with. Though, she reasoned, by waiting, I’ve given Kelly enough time to get to where he needs to be. It was a thin justification, but it made her feel better.

  It never occurred to her, not once, what she would do if she reached Los Angeles and Kelly wasn’t there, waiting for her. It never occurred to her that she could be running straight into pain and misery and loss and hardship. The only thing that she could concentrate on, now that the moment had finally arrived, was finding Kelly again. Of course, she would find Kelly again because there were no other options.

  Ida bought her ticket for the first day of spring, departing at 6:00 a.m. sharp. She walked out of the station in a sort of daze, clutching the ticket tightly in her hand. The man behind the counter had asked if she was visiting family members as he handed the precious paper to her and all she could do was nod and mutter, “Something like that.”

  Ticket in hand, clothes and money packed, maps and a vague idea of where to go, a half-formed plan that would never be complete no matter how many sleepless nights she dedicated to it, butterflies and heavy stones in her stomach, weak muscles and fluttering heart, sweaty palms and tangled hair because she was too distracted to remember to brush it, that’s what she had to bring with her on the journey.

  Liam wasn’t oblivious to her. He approached her and started the ball rolling, with a simple question.

  “Where are you going?”

  Ida looked up from her dinner, trying to keep her face passive and composed. “What?”

  “Where are you going?” Liam repeated slowly, laying his fork down and pointedly ignoring his food.

  Ida shrugged casually. “California.”

  Liam blinked. Opened his mouth, tried to form words, and was forced to close it unsuccessfully. Ida decided to watch him flounder, not eager to contribute more to the conversation than absolutely necessary.

  “Why?” he finally asked softly.

  “Because I want to.”

  “Right. Why do you want to?”

  “Liam…” Ida sighed; maybe she did owe him the truth. Maybe in the end the truth was a lot less complicated than any lie she could produce. Maybe it didn’t matter anymore. “I changed while you were gone.”

  “I noticed.”

  Ida stood up. Liam followed suit.

  “I’m going to California because…”

  “No you’re not,” he said, cutting her off, “you’re staying right here.”

  “No, I’m not, Liam. I would sooner die than stay here for one single extra day.”

  Liam gaped. “How can you talk to me like that? I’m your husband.”

  Ida nodded. “You are my husband. And I stood before God and my family and I took certain vows to you, vows that meant something to me…” She raised her eyes and looked at him calmly. “But I broke those vows, Liam. They no longer bind me.”

  “You broke them?”

  “I don’t love you, Liam. Not like I thought I did.”

  “You broke them?” he repeated, as though he didn’t hear her.

  “Don’t get in my way,” she warned softly. “I’m not going to stay here, Liam, and I don’t care what I have to do to get away.”

  Liam reached over the table and grabbed her arm tightly. “What are you talking about?” His face was red with rage and maybe even humiliation.

  Ida shook free from him, surprising him with her strength. “I met…found…saved somebody. He had to go, but I promised I’d find him again, Liam. And I intend to do just that.”

  “Find him in California?”

  “Yes.”

  Liam sunk to his chair, “Just…just tell me. What happened?”

  Ida backed up out of his reach, then offered a brief outline of the events. She found him, grew accustomed to him, grew to trust him, grew to love him. She never revealed his name though, or any distinguishing details.

  “So let me get this straight…you nurse an outlaw, a criminal, back to health, give him your horse, and send him on his way?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you honestly believed he loved you back?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ida…you know, you’re a smart girl. I thought you would know better.”

  “What?”

  “He used you, used your kindness, ate your food, and stole your horse and probably convinced you it was your idea.”

  “No.”

  “Yes. God.” Liam shook his head. “He completely took advantage of you, and you let him. You even slept with him like a common whore…”

  “Liam, you are treading on very thin ice,” she warned.

  “You’ve already fallen in past your head.”

  “You don’t know him, you don’t know anything about him or what happened between us.”

  “I don’t have to know him to know that he’s scum and you fell for it completely. You do realize that if you leave, you’re throwing your life away completely. I won’t have you back, Ida.”

  “I wouldn’t come back.”

  “Right. And what happens when you get to Los Angeles and you find it’s nothing but a little cow town out in the middle of nowhere? What are you going to do when he’s not there? What are you going to do when you have no money, no skills, no husband, no friends, and no family?”

  Ida shrugged. “I’ll do what I did when you abandoned me here without skills, friends, husband, or family. I’ll survive and I’ll do just fine.”

  “Ida, this is insanity. You are totally insane. I should have you locked up.”

  “Lay a hand on me and I’ll harm you, severely.”

  “Why do you want to destroy your life?”

  “This isn’t a life, Liam. Living here, passing time and marking the days, lonely. This isn’t a life.”

  “Why don’t we just start a family? Maybe once you have kids you’ll feel better.”

  Ida stared at him. “I tell you I’m going to leave you for another man, and your solution is to start a family?”

  “You know, I’m really beginning to believe something is very wrong with you. You were always a little different, but I didn’t think you were stupid.”

  “And now I’ve gone and proved you wrong?” Ida shrugged. “Find yourself a smart little girl who wants to have a passel of brats. Then we’ll all be happy.”

  Liam snorted. “Like you care about anybody’s happiness other than your own.”

  “I care about you,” she said softly. “I didn’t want this, Liam. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t seek it out. I tried to stay faithful to you, but what was I staying faithful to? The memory of a promise, that’s all.”

  “So it’s my fault that you can’t keep your legs closed?”

  “Liam, stop it.”

  “What you did was a sin…”

  “Since when do you care about God, Liam? Since when does it matter what counts for a sin around here? Don’t throw that back in my face when I know better.”

  “You’re completely shameless. A disgrace. I wouldn’t want you to stay anyway.”

  “Great, it’s settled.”

  “No, damnit, it’s not settled. You can’t just leave!”

  “Yes, I can. Liam, you don’t seem to understand what I’m trying to tell you. I’m going to California. I’m going to California without you. We’re not married anymore.”

  “Who are you to decree that?”

  “I no longer consider myself your wife.”

  “When do you think you’re leaving?”

  “The day after tomorrow.”

  “Well…if you’re going, then go.”

  “What?”

  “Lea
ve. Right now. Gather what you can, and get out of my house.”

  “Liam…”

  “You want me to help?” He stomped across the cabin and picked up her chest, then marched to the door and chucked it out into the snow. It fell opened and clothes and personal belongings dipped into the mud.

  “I…”

  “I don’t want to hear it. Leave.”

  She didn’t move.

  “Get out!” He shouted furiously. “Get the hell out of my house.”

  Shocked by his outburst, it took Ida a few seconds to move. She finally did when he picked up her basket of knitting and chucked it out the door as well. She tried to ignore him as she gathered her belongings—clothes, money, ticket—with jerky movements. It was there, finally, the end. She bit her lip as a sudden wave of disappointment washed over here. Disappointment, anger, pain, regret, fear, brutal excitement. Tears stung her eyes and she didn’t know why.

  Ida paused at the door and looked back at him. Liam stood in the middle of the room, his nostrils flaring. He didn’t look at her. His hands were clenched at his sides.

  “You owe me money for the horse,” he finally said. “Flash was mine.”

  Ida blindly reached into her saddlebag and pulled out a single dollar, then dropped it on the floor. “That should cover everything I owe you.”

  She waited for him to speak but he didn’t utter another word, didn’t take another step towards her, didn’t acknowledge her again.

  “Goodbye Liam.” She swallowed and waited to see if any more words came. None did. She shut the door softly behind her and turned to face the gathering dark.

  Thirty minutes after Liam kicked her out of the cabin, she had the wagon hitched to Kitten and loaded. The sun had gone down, but she could find her way down the road by the light of the thin moon and stars. She didn’t look back to the cabin once, didn’t turn around to see if Liam was watching her leave. She kept her eyes fixed forward and her mind on the future.

  Ida called Ranger and put him in the wagon. “Stay,” she said firmly. “I don’t need you running off and getting lost tonight.”

  Ranger barked once, spun around, and fell to the bed of the wagon, his nose buried in his paws.

  “Good dog.” Ida crawled onto the wagon’s seat and lifted the reins. “Let’s go, Kitten.”

  The old horse lurched into motion, and Ida made her slow, careful way to the city. To her relief, the horse didn’t mire in the mud, and neither did the wagon wheels. She shivered and pulled her coat tighter. When she finally reached the city limits, she headed directly to Lisa’s house. Ida hadn’t had a chance to even talk to her friend for months, but right now, Lisa was her best option.

  Lisa didn’t ask any questions when she opened the door to Ida’s knock. She looked past her shoulder and noticed the wagon full of luggage and Ranger waiting patiently by the horse, but all Ida did was ask Lisa’s husband, Daniel, to take care of Kitten.

  “Get in out of the cold,” Lisa said, ushering Ida in. “It’s freezing out there.”

  Ida didn’t argue with her. Daniel walked past her and ducked out the door with a nod in her direction. Ida waited until he shut the door behind him before she said anything.

  “I’m going to California,” Ida announced.

  Lisa nodded. “I’ll make some tea…”

  “Can I stay here for a few nights? My train leaves the day after tomorrow.”

  “We have room for a few nights,” Lisa assured her. “Sit down. Daniel will bring your stuff in.”

  Ida sat silently and watched Lisa bustle around the kitchen. She made tea and set a plate of cookies in front of her. “In case you’re hungry.”

  “I’m not very hungry,” Ida said softly. Her stomach was tied in tight knots.

  “You’re going without Liam.”

  “Yes.”

  Lisa sat down across from Ida and took her hand gently. “Can you tell me?”

  Ida shook her head, unable to speak around the sudden tears clogging her throat. She knew she could trust Lisa, she didn’t have to keep it all locked away. She could explain everything, from the very start. From before she even met Liam. And Lisa would listen and understand, but Ida wasn’t interested in speaking. Instead, she sipped at her tea delicately until it cooled.

  Ida didn’t speak again for the rest of the night, except a muttered “thank you” when Lisa showed her the bed. Thankfully, Lisa didn’t push, just gave her the space and time she needed to gather her thoughts and put everything into perspective again. The next morning, she finally found her voice again.

  “I’m sorry, Lisa, about last night.”

  Lisa looked up from the dough she was kneading. “It’s okay…”

  “No, I was really rude. I shouldn’t have…but there’s just so much. There was too much to explain last night.”

  “I understand,” Lisa said gently. “Are you hungry?”

  “No, but I’d like some coffee.”

  “What time does your train leave tomorrow morning?”

  “Six.”

  “Do you want Daniel to drive you up?”

  Ida shook her head. “That’s not necessary, I can do it myself.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. In fact, I might just leave for Ogden today and stay at the hotel tonight.”

  “You don’t have to do that. You can stay here.”

  “No, I don’t want to impose on you anymore.”

  “It’s not an imposition…”

  “I need to leave,” Ida blurted. “I need to get out of here, out of this valley, away from everybody. I didn’t want to be here and now I just want to go and it feels like I’ll be trapped here forever.”

  “You won’t be trapped here forever,” Lisa assured her, rather helplessly.

  “It’s kind of scary, though…”

  “Going to California?”

  “I don’t know where he is, Lisa. Anything could have happened. Liam said I could be trapped there by myself, without anything, without friends, and maybe he’s right. But I can’t just not go…”

  Lisa’s lips compressed into a thin line. “Ida…” She walked over to the door and looked out. Daniel was in the barnyard, playing with Ranger. She shut the door softly and turned to face her friend again. “You won’t be friendless.”

  “What?”

  “A woman named Olivia Maclay lives in Los Angeles. She works as a midwife, and she’s been trained by the Indians in that area in medicine. She lives by herself, but ask anybody there, they’ll know who she is.” As Lisa spoke, she wrote a note on a scrap of paper and folded it. “Give this to her.”

  “How do you know her?”

  Lisa shrugged. “A few years ago, she passed through Salt Lake on her way to California. She spent the winter here and we got to know each other. We’ve kept up a correspondence since then. If you want, I can send her a telegraph to let her know you’re coming. She can meet you at the train station.”

  “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

  Lisa shook her head. “It is necessary. I don’t want you to be wandering all over California by yourself.” Lisa smiled. “I’ll worry about you too much.”

  “You don’t need to worry about me.”

  “That doesn’t mean I won’t. You are one of the best people I’ve ever met, Ida. I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody like you. I owe you a lot…”

  Ida shook her head. “No, you don’t owe me anything.”

  “Take my word for it.” She pressed the scrap of paper into Ida’s hand. “Olivia had shoulder length dark blonde hair, the last time I saw her. She’s a little bit taller than you, and she’ll probably be meeting you by herself.”

  “You don’t think I’m insane?”

  Lisa shook her head, “Not at all. Some of us…well…some of us have dreams in California. If you can find yours, then you should.”

  Ida stood up and hugged Lisa tightly. “Come and visit me when I’m settled, I’ll let you know.”

  Lisa sniffed. “You better
…”

  “Thanks for…everything.”

  “Take care of yourself, okay? Be careful and safe and smart…”

  “I’m always careful.”

  Lisa lifted an eyebrow. “If you say so.”

  “I’m…I’m going to go now. It should take a half a day just to get to Ogden, if the road is bad.”

  “Here, let me get you…” Lisa walked into the kitchen and put some biscuits and bread into a towel, and then wrapped it for her. “Lunch, at least.”

  Ida accepted the bundle with a smile. “Thank you. If Liam shows up…”

  “I won’t tell him anything,” Lisa promised.

  With good wishes and warm food, Ida began the next leg of her journey.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ida spent the entire trip staring out the window. She watched the sun rise over the Rockies and set behind the Sierras. The conductor assured her that by the time the sun rose again, they would be in California, just a short hour from Sacramento. He also promised to help her secure a ticket to Barstow, and from there, Los Angeles.

  It was all so simple that Ida didn’t dare believe it was really happening. A part of her suspected that she was dreaming, or back in Utah, lost in a painful fantasy. But the steady rocking of the train was real enough, and as the day declined into evening, it lulled her to sleep. When she woke up, they were in Sacramento, prepared to disembark.

  True to his word, the conductor handed her a ticket as she walked off the train. “It’s leaving tonight, Ma’am. Got the last one.”

  “Thank you, so much. How much do I owe you?”

  He waved his hand. “Nothing.”

  “Really, I can’t just accept…”

  “Please, take it.”

  “Thank you, Mr…”

  “Price. James Price.”

  “How long have you been in California, Mr. Price?”

  “Just a year now, and please, call me James.”

  “Well, James, thank you again. This really means a lot to me.”