Jason

by Feyna Blackwell

  A latex-covered hand took hold of him, and he jerked away, his heart pounding. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  The attendant took a step back, her eyes wide. “Preparing you. That’s what I’m supposed to do.”

  “Not when I’m doing just fine on my own!” He turned away from her, unable to stand looking at her a moment longer. The feel of her hand on him lingered, and he shuddered. How he hated the attendants and their cold efficiency — or inefficiency in this case. He braced his hands on the side walls of the booth and concentrated on controlling his anger. Certain the attendant was hovering directly behind him, he spoke through clenched teeth. “Don’t touch me again.”

  “A-all right.” The scuff of her foot indicated she moved to the side.

  Jason closed his eyes and drew on the old images he had used before to prepare himself. He refused to think of Marina again and risk the incompetent attendant ruining the sweet memories. Although it took longer than he wanted, he finally grew hard enough to complete his task. Unfortunately, he remained tense, which would make it difficult to keep his patience long enough to finish. If it weren’t for knowing he had to participate in order to spend the night away from this hellish place, he would resist the collection for all he was worth.

  He stepped closer to the unit, ready for it to be over already. As soon as he slid inside, he knew something was wrong. The channel was uncomfortably tight, and the temperature was too cool. Jerking back, he ignored the alarm he had set off by pulling out too early and yanked his robe closed before whirling toward the cowering attendant.

  “What code did you use?”

  “I-I used yours,” she stammered and backed up a step.

  Security guards rushed toward the catwalk as Jason followed her. “No, you didn’t. Nothing about that was set right. What code did you put into the machine?”

  “T958.” Her face paled, and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh no.”

  Jason stopped and stared at her. “Who let you anywhere near the collection units? You obviously haven’t been properly trained.”

  A pair of guards stepped around the tearful attendant and grabbed Jason’s arms. He struggled against their hold, unable to break it.

  “Let me go!”

  The same burly guard who had taken him to Marina’s office spoke. “Not until you calm down and get back in your booth.”

  Jason turned a glare on the man, wishing he could beat him to a pulp. “I’m not participating in the collection. Not after what that idiot has done to me.”

  “I’m sorry,” the new attendant whispered. “It was an accident.”

  “I don’t care what it was! I hate this damned process enough without you making it worse!” Jason spotted Marina approaching, and all of the fight drained out of him. In the course of trying to defend himself against incompetence, he had destroyed his chance to have the one thing he desperately needed to endure his life — time with a woman who cared about him.

  Marina stopped in the middle of the group, her gaze going from Jason to the attendant. “What is going on here?”

  The attendant sniffled. “I entered T958 instead of T985. I’m so sorry.”

  “As you should be.” The coldness in Marina’s voice brought Jason a hint of comfort. “Those codes bring up the personalized settings for each man. Using the wrong one can cause anything from emotional distress to physical pain. Go report to your supervisor. I will be speaking with her later, so make sure you tell her the truth.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” she whispered and left the catwalk.

  Marina turned toward Jason, and he lowered his head. He couldn’t bear to see the sympathy in her eyes. It hurt too much to know he wouldn’t be granted a stay with her because he had tried to escape the torture the attendant put him through.

  “Release him.” Her commanding voice met hesitation from the guards. “I said, release him. Now.”

  They let go of his arms, and Marina dismissed them. Jason ignored their grumbling as they left, knowing their irritation couldn’t compare to what Marina was about to tell him. A lecture for resisting, another for frightening an attendant, and then confirmation that he wouldn’t be spending time with her. Nothing could be worse than that. Why hadn’t he just endured the discomfort and completed the collection?

  “Jason,” Marina said in a gentle tone as she stepped closer, “did those settings hurt you?”

  “Not physically.” He risked his heart and met her compassionate gaze. “I can’t do the collection. Not after that. Not after her.”

  She studied him. “Did she do something other than input the wrong code?”

  “She touched me.” He looked away, struggling to detach himself from his emotions. “I was almost ready, and she took it upon herself to prepare me.”

  “I’m so sorry, Jason.” She laid a hand on his arm. “Come with me. We’ll go get you something to drink and give you a chance to relax.”

  “Then what?” His anger flared to life as he looked at her again. The one woman he had thought cared about him. “I already told you I’m not participating. Not now.”

  “If you don’t participate,” Marina said, lowering her voice, “you won’t be allowed to go to my apartment tonight.”

  He clenched his fists at his sides, his jaw tense. “Please tell me that’s not you talking. Tell me it’s Dr. Flanders or whoever is in charge of that decision.”

  “It’s not me. If I had a choice, I would take you out of here right now.” She rubbed his bicep. “No one should have to endure the torment you obviously feel.”

  As much as he wanted to stay angry, he couldn’t do it. Not at her, anyway. The sincerity in her eyes, the tenderness in her touch, it all indicated she meant every word. That she still cared about him and saw him as a man with feelings.

  But he couldn’t stand to be on the collection floor a moment longer with the scents and sounds and memories overwhelming his ability to cope. “Get me out of this room. Even if I have to stay here at the facility tonight, let me leave this room.”

  “Come with me.” She turned around and led him toward the exit.

  3

  Marina settled into the chair across from Jason, her heart breaking for him. He slumped in an upholstered chair, his gaze on the cup of chamomile tea she had placed in his hands a moment ago. She had a feeling that after his experience with the new attendant, he could use something much stronger. But no matter how badly he might need a few shots of whiskey, regulations didn’t permit any of the men to ingest alcohol. Marina had never been sure if that regulation had been created as a health precaution or a safety one, or perhaps a combination of the two. The end result was still the same, and she had to hope that a soothing cup of herbal tea would do enough to help him relax.

  “I can’t do it anymore, Marina,” Jason said softly, raising his gaze to meet hers. “I’ve been struggling for a long time, but after today...I just can’t do it.”

  “I’ll speak with Dr. Flanders and see what I can do.” She wished she could promise him the freedom to leave the facility and never look back, but they both knew she would be lying if she did.

  “Please do that now so I’ll know whether I have to go back to my room and suffer there or if they’ll let me go with you.” His intense gaze held a vulnerability she longed to erase. “If you still want me to go with you.”

  She scooted forward and laid a hand on his robe-covered knee. “I do want you to go with me, but as I’ve said before, the decision isn’t mine to make.”

  “I know.” He sighed and lifted the cup to his lips, taking a sip of the steaming brew. “I just had to make sure you weren’t opening your home to me under duress. That’s not something I ever want you to feel, no matter how much I want to spend time with you.”

  “You can rest assured I feel no duress. I am willingly opening my home to you, if you’re allowed to come with me.” She might not have felt that way when she first heard she would be his female companion for the night, but there was no way she w
ould deny him anything now. Not after the fiasco he had been through and what he would likely have to endure before she could take him away from there.

  He studied her for a moment. “Do you really mean that?”

  “I do.” She rose from her seat. “You stay here and relax as much as you can. I’m going to go talk to Dr. Flanders and the attendants’ supervisor.”

  He nodded but didn’t speak, his focus on his tea once more.

  Marina left the small lounge just outside the collection floor. A guard still stood in the hall, which irritated her a bit, but he could be useful. “Please keep everyone out of this lounge until I return.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” the lanky guard said with a quick salute.

  She headed for her office and hoped she could convince Dr. Flanders to act in Jason’s best interest. Then there was the matter of the new attendant. Whoever had hired her needed to fire her. The young woman obviously wasn’t cut out for working in such a sexually charged environment, and the way she had cowered from Jason’s anger proved she wasn’t the right candidate for a job involving direct contact with the men. An occasional outburst or fight wasn’t unusual when you put so many men together in a single place. And denying them freedom and easy access to women while keeping their sexual urges stoked was a recipe for disaster if they weren’t closely monitored and carefully controlled. It was no place for a woman who couldn’t stand up for herself and take a punch to the jaw if the man wouldn’t back down.

  The collection floor was mostly empty as Marina climbed the stairs to her office. The rest of the men in Jason’s group had completed their daily donation. The next group would arrive in a few minutes, after the collection units had gone through the automatic sterilization process. Now that she was getting to know Jason, Marina realized just how cold and impersonal they had made the whole process for the men — how cold and impersonal the whole facility was. Perhaps it was time to revamp the system and include the men’s emotional needs in their care plan.

  That was a proposal for another day, however. Her only concerns at the moment were making sure the attendant received a new position that wouldn’t endanger her or the men in anyway, and convincing Dr. Flanders to let Jason have his night of female companionship even if he didn’t complete the collection.

  An hour later, the attendant situation had been satisfactorily dealt with, but Dr. Flanders hadn’t been nearly as sympathetic as Marina had hoped. The good doctor apparently didn’t grasp the severity of the situation, and nothing Marina said seemed to make a difference. With a heavy heart, she returned to the lounge and found Jason empty-handed but otherwise looking just he had when she left.

  She sat down across from him, and he looked up at her with such hope that it brought tears to her eyes. “I did everything I could, Jason.”

  He nodded and sighed, the hope vanishing only to be replaced with depressed resignation. “I was pretty sure Dr. Flanders would refuse to let me out of here even for an hour.”

  “Well, she didn’t exactly revoke her permission for you to go home with me, but she did issue a course of action, depending on what you decide to do.” Marina longed to have Dr. Flanders tell Jason to his face what her decision was, just so she could see the effect it had on him firsthand. But she had left Marina to do her dirty work. “If you participate in the collection successfully, she will allow you to go to my apartment.”

  Jason studied her. “And if I refuse?”

  “She will order you into isolation until you agree to participate again.” She leaned forward and grasped his hand. “I’m so sorry, Jason. She’s put you in an impossible situation, but I don’t have the power to do anything about it.”

  He pulled his hand away and stood. “So I have to decide between torturing myself so I can spend time with someone who is capable of showing they have a heart, and saving myself from torture and getting cut off from all human contact. Is that woman getting some kind of sadistic pleasure out of seeing how much she can make me suffer?”

  “I think she’s allowing fear to control her decisions. She’s thinking more about the sperm needed to repopulate the planet than about the men donating it.” Marina watched him pace. Would contacting the government do any good? Dr. Flanders had made it crystal clear that she had no interest in changing the way the collection center was run, even if it could be beneficial to the men. Unfortunately, no one else could do anything without her approval. If the territorial government got involved, however, Dr. Flanders could be replaced and changes implemented whether she approved of them or not.

  Jason paused and looked toward Marina. “What would you do in my situation?”

  “I don’t know.” She rose and went to him, but he stepped back when she offered a comforting touch. “This is something you’re going to have to decide on your own.”

  “Great.” He walked over to the window and looked out at the courtyard.

  She wanted to help him make the best choice, but only he could figure out what that choice was. As much as she wanted him to choose participating in the collection so she could get him out of there for the night and take him somewhere he could relax, would putting himself through what he called torture really be in his best interest? Then again, his only other option involved cutting himself off from all human contact when he needed emotional care the most.

  After several minutes of silence, Jason slammed his fist into the window frame. “Damn it!”

  He turned around, and Marina could tell his exclamation had to with anger at the situation, not pain from hitting the window frame. She waited for him to say something, sensing this might not be the best time to offer advice or anything else other than her presence. He approached and stopped before her.

  “I’ll do the collection, but I need you with me. I can’t trust the attendants.”

  “All right. We’ll go whenever you’re ready.”

  “I will never be ready to put myself through that hell again, but I need to get out of here, even if only for a night.” Jason caressed her cheek with a single finger. “You’re keeping me sane, Marina.”

  She fought back the threatening tears and smiled. “I’m glad I’m able to do something to help you.”

  “You do more than you realize.” He drew in shuddering breath and turned toward the door. “Let’s get this over with.”

  * * * *

  Jason stepped onto the collection floor and shuddered. If only he could leave this place for good. Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. The men were too closely monitored for one to successfully escape. Even if he made it out of the facility and started running, they would soon catch up to him thanks to the GPS tracker implanted in his back.

  Only Marina’s presence as they crossed to the catwalk kept him from making a futile attempt to escape anyway. She was the only good thing about the facility. Her warmth and compassion gave him hope that he could get through each day and that maybe tomorrow would be better. The fact that she was a beautiful woman didn’t hurt, either. But even she couldn’t give him what he really needed — retirement from the daily milking.

  As they headed for an available collection unit, Jason blocked out the sight and sounds of the men he passed, each focused on completing his task so he could go do whatever he could to keep from becoming too frustrated with the monotony of his life. What would the mysterious Dr. Flanders think if she ever performed firsthand observation of the men’s lives? Surely she would open her eyes to the truth and realize she couldn’t keep men caged for their whole lives and expect them to remain in good mental health. Even the ones who still enjoyed the collection for purely physical reasons hated being trapped in the facility with no hope of ever being free.

  “Here we are,” Marina said as she stopped beside an empty unit.

  Jason stepped past her and entered the booth. “I don’t want to do this.”

  “I know.” The sympathy in her voice tore at his heart and made the coming chore all the more difficult to face.

  As Marina input his code into the machi
ne, he untied his robe and braced his hands on the wall. Closing his eyes, he tried every trick he had learned over the years to bring a quick erection, but to no avail. He remained limp and unable to participate in the collection.

  After a few more minutes with no success, he heard Marina’s soft voice. “Jason? Do you want me to help?”

  “No.” He glanced over his shoulder and nearly broke under the weight of her compassion. Although she would likely do an excellent job of preparing him, he couldn’t face having her touch him right now. It was bad enough having her witness his humiliating experience of being unable to get himself up. He drew in a shaky breath. “Can you wait in your office until I’m finished?”

  “Yes, but I can’t leave you unattended.”

  He closed his eyes against his frustration. “I know. The regulations.”

  “Right.” Marina laid a hand on his back, sending a shudder through him. As good as the physical contact felt, after the day he’d had so far, it also left him feeling sick. She spoke quietly. “If you want me to wait for you in my office, I can call an attendant over to take my place with you.”

  Faced with yet another impossible choice, Jason felt the burning pressure of tears behind his eyes. He couldn’t fight any longer. What strength he had managed to find earlier vanished, along with his willpower. He released a heavy sigh as depression weighed down his body. “Fine. Just make sure it’s an experienced one.”

  He heard her step away, and a moment later two sets of footsteps returned. Jason glanced back to find one of the most efficient attendants on the staff standing with Marina.

  “Dana will only give you help if you ask for it,” Marina said, meeting Jason’s gaze. “Otherwise, she’s under orders to keep her hands off of you, regardless of how long it takes you to prepare.”