“He...” She picked up a dishtowel lying by the sink and twisted it. “He wasn’t happy with me.”
Compassion melted Jason’s heart. He stepped over to her and covered her hands with his, stilling the nervous movement. “What happened, Marina?”
“He decided I wasn’t what he wanted in a wife, and he realized I would never be able to live up to his expectations.” She looked up and met Jason’s gaze. “I know it may sound odd to you, but I’m happier being alone than I was stuck with him.”
“Did he hurt you?” The need to protect her rose within Jason, an unfamiliar feeling but one he welcomed. His emotions were coming to life after a long hibernation, and he felt a connection to Marina that he had never felt with anyone else. He wanted to take care of her, protect her, share life with her.
“He didn’t beat me,” she said softly, her gaze tied to his. “But he did hurt me in other ways.”
“How?” Jason wished he could cause the man the same pain he saw in Marina’s eyes.
Moisture filmed her eyes, and she blinked as she looked away. “He was never satisfied with me. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him, and he told me as much quite often. According to him, I was barely adequate as a wife and lacking in womanly skills.”
Jason wanted to strangle the man. Instead, he wrapped Marina in his arms and held her close. “Trust me, you are an amazing woman, one any man would be lucky to have. If he couldn’t see that, then I’m glad you divorced him.”
“Actually, he divorced me.” She leaned back and looked into his eyes. “I thought if I tried harder then I could please him, but in the end he wanted someone else. Someone he claimed could satisfy him better than I ever had.”
The hurt and shame in her eyes threatened to destroy Jason. How could anyone treat such a wonderful woman so poorly? He lifted a hand and brushed away a tear trickling down her cheek. “He must be a moron. You are so beautiful and compassionate, so intelligent and determined. Only an idiot wouldn’t be satisfied with you.”
A blush crept into her cheeks. “Jason, I think you misunderstood me. He claimed I couldn’t satisfy him in bed, that my skill as a lover was so pathetic I could barely count as a woman.”
“He’s wrong.” Jason released her and stepped back, spreading his arms. “Look at me. I’m a man, one who is considered as close to perfect as they come. That’s why I’m stuck in this hellhole of a facility. My virility can’t possibly be in question, right?”
“True...” A small furrow marred her smooth forehead, and puzzlement shone in her eyes. She had never looked more adorable.
Jason forced himself to focus on the conversation. “Okay, so we agree that I’m as much of a man, if not more of a man than the idiot who divorced you.”
Marina caught her lower lip in her teeth and nodded.
Jason swallowed his rising desire and reminded himself that this moment was about her, not him. He cupped her cheek in his palm and longed to kiss her. “Then you need to believe me when I say you couldn’t possibly disappoint a man in bed. You are too warm and caring. Look at the way you fought for me to be allowed time with a woman. Anyone else in this facility would have told me to suck it up and deal with being lonely. You cared about me enough to convince Dr. Flanders to let me have one night with you.”
Her tears started falling again. “But there’s a difference between meeting your emotional needs and meeting your sexual needs.”
“Not to me. Not after ten years of sexual contact with nothing but a damned machine.” Jason sucked in a calming breath and forced himself not to think of that torture. “I want you to think about yesterday. Do you remember how quickly I was ready for the collection just from you touching my torso?”
“Yes...”
“That should let you know that you won’t disappoint a man in bed. If you can have that strong an effect on me with such an innocent touch, just imagine the effect you would have if we were in bed together.” He pictured icebergs and cold showers. She was the one who needed to do the imagining, not him.
She sniffled and swiped at her tears. “Do really believe that?”
“I do.” He pulled her close and smiled. “You were in my dreams all night.”
Her eyes widened and her breath quickened. “Were they good dreams?”
“Absolutely magnificent.”
The faint smile that lifted the corners of her mouth was more than he could take. He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers. Fire raced through his veins as she returned the pressure. He held her tighter and ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of her lips. She opened to him without hesitation. Exhilaration threatened to make his heart pound out of his chest. She tasted like heaven, and the way she melted into him let him know his assessment of her ability would be accurate if he ever had her as a lover.
A loud hiss from the stove caused them both to jump, and Marina pulled out of his embrace. “Oh! The macaroni!”
Jason leaned against the counter to steady himself as he watched her turn off the pasta and lift the pan from the stove. The water that had boiled over continued to hiss and steam on the burner. He could sympathize with that water — all heated up and unable to do anything but sit there. Yes, he could skip dinner and take Marina to bed, but she needed more than that. For that matter, so did he. Although he had no doubt the sex would be great, the emotional connection with her did so much more for him than one night of carnal pleasure ever could. He wanted to get to know her, to explore her thoughts and feelings as well as her body. So much of his life had revolved around sexual gratification. He was ready to focus on building a relationship with the woman haunting his dreams.
The big question was whether she wanted to build a relationship with him. She gave every indication she was attracted to him and wanted to get to know him, but was it just another part of the job to her? Or did she truly have an interest in him and feel the same longing to share his life?
She turned from draining the pasta, and he caught the shy smile she sent his way. That look alone was enough to convince him she had feelings for him. No woman could fake emotions that well.
As he watched her stir the cheese sauce into the macaroni, a startling realization hit. For the first time in years, he felt truly happy.
5
No doubt about it — he knew how to kiss a woman.
Marina watched Jason eat the macaroni and cheese, pan-fried chicken, and steamed broccoli she had prepared and couldn’t keep her mind off the way those lips had felt on hers. The way he had taken charge and left her breathless. He had obviously studied how to kiss a woman, but there had been a slight hesitancy that let her know he likely had never practiced the art. It hadn’t taken him long to find his rhythm, however.
He met her gaze across the table in the breakfast nook and smiled. “Haven’t I complimented your cooking enough?”
Heat crept into her cheeks at evidence he had caught her staring. “You’ve complimented me plenty. If you give me very many more, I might start to think they’re insincere.”
Solemnity took the place of amusement in his eyes. “Marina, you can trust me to tell you the truth. I’m not going to lie to you.”
“I know. I was teasing you.” She wasn’t sure why, but she did trust him. Not just to tell her the truth, but she also trusted him not to hurt her. He made her feel safe and cherished, a feeling that grew stronger the more time they spent together.
Jason reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “I just want to be sure you know I’m not like your ex-husband.”
“Believe me, even before you knew he existed, you were nothing like him.” Her eyes stung with unshed tears, and she opened her heart a little more. “You make me feel worthy.”
“Good, because you are.” He lifted her hand and kissed the back, sending heat racing through her veins. Then he released her and continued eating as though he hadn’t just melted her heart.
The conversation over dinner stayed light, mainly centered around different foods and cooki
ng styles. For a man who had spent his entire life in an institution, he was quite knowledgeable. When she questioned him about it, he just claimed to read a lot before falling silent. So often, if the conversation drifted too close to the facility or his life in it, he would either abruptly change the subject or seem to disappear into his thoughts for a few minutes. Marina wished he would talk to her about what bothered him about those conversations, but she had a feeling she already knew more about him than anyone else at the collection center. Pushing him to tell her more felt like an invasion of privacy.
After dinner, Jason insisted on helping her clean up the kitchen. She tried to turn him toward the living room, but he resisted.
“Hey, I’m in charge tonight. Remember?” he said and hooked an arm around her waist, pulling her to his side. “Quit trying to tell me what to do.”
“But you don’t need to help wash the dishes,” Marina said, looking into his eyes. “I can take care of them later or tomorrow.”
He sighed and released her. “You don’t understand. I’m here, in a real home, for the first time in my life. You may think washing dishes is no big deal, but to me, it’s a new experience. Something I may never have another chance to do. And it’s a part of normal life, which you know is something I don’t live.”
“I hadn’t thought about it like that.” She couldn’t imagine living so far outside the norm that even the most mundane chores sounded appealing. As he had pointed out, however, he was in charge. Since her job was to make him happy and see that he got to do whatever he wanted, she would let him help with the dishes. “Well, if you want to help me clean up in here, let’s start by running some dishwater.”
Normally she would just toss everything in the dishwasher and let the machine do all the work, but she wanted to make the experience worthwhile for Jason. He followed her to the sink and watched her plug the drain. Following her directions, he turned on the hot water and added dish soap, appearing enthralled as the sink filled with foamy water. Once they had stacked the dishes in the sink, Marina retrieved a dishrag from the drawer and held it up.
“Do you want to wash them, or shall I?”
He plucked the rag from her hand and turned toward the sink. “I’ll do it, but I may need some direction at first. Remember, I’ve never done this before.”
“It’s easy.” She stepped up beside him and took his hands, guiding them into the water. “First, you pick up a dish. Then you wipe it with the rag until everything is off of it.”
As she guided his hands through the motions of washing a plate, she couldn’t help wondering how it would feel to have his hands on her soapy body. Thoughts of relaxing in a bubble bath while Jason ran a washcloth over her filled her mind.
His hands slowed in the dishwater, and he studied her. “Marina? What are you thinking?”
Heat flooded her face, and she rinsed her hands. “Things I shouldn’t be.”
“Why?”
Why, indeed. She retrieved a dishtowel and dried her hands to give herself a moment to find her composure. When she faced him again, she melted under his gaze. “Let me put it this way. I’ve come to realize that you’re not the only one who’s been feeling lonely.”
“Oh?” He rinsed his hands and took the towel from her. He tossed it on the counter and lightly grasped her shoulders, his thumbs stroking gentle circles just below her collarbones. “You know, just because I’m in charge doesn’t mean you can’t make requests. I want both of us to enjoy this evening.”
“I am enjoying it.” She laid her hand along his jaw and smiled. “A great deal.”
“Good.” He kissed her tenderly, then released her and returned to the sink. “Let’s finish the dishes.”
Marina drew in a shaky breath and followed him. No matter how much she cared about him, she had to remember that a relationship with him wasn’t a possibility. He was still part of the collection program, and she was still infertile. Then there were his emotional issues. Yes, he seemed strong enough right now, but she couldn’t deny what she had witnessed in her own bathroom. She also couldn’t forget the rest of what she had witnessed in the last two days that added to her concern for his mental health.
Her determination was difficult to hold onto as he washed and rinsed the dishes in her sink. In an attempt to distract herself from how right it felt to be with him in a domestic setting, she grabbed the dishtowel, dried the dishes, and put them away. With the two of them working together, they soon finished cleaning up the kitchen.
Jason took Marina’s hand and led her into the living room. “Can we light the fire?”
“Sure, but it’s a gas log, not a real fire.”
“There are flames, so it counts.” He put his hands on her waist. “Why don’t you change into something more comfortable?”
Her heart leaped into her throat. She could think of a couple of ways to take that request. “What do you have in mind?”
He chuckled and gave her a hug. “Relax. I just thought you might want to change out of your work clothes. Put on whatever you’re comfortable wearing.”
“All right. I’ll go change as soon as I light the fire.”
Jason sat down on the sofa as she retrieved the fireplace remote from the end table drawer. Once she turned on the flames, she headed for her bedroom. She was torn between putting on her regular pajamas and changing into the negligee Dr. Flanders had recommended. As she removed her pantsuit, she remembered what Jason had requested. She would never be comfortable in that negligee.
Dressed in a pair of plaid cotton pants and a coordinating T-shirt, she opened her bedroom door. The living room had darkened noticeably, with only the golden glow from the fireplace providing illumination. Jason stood by the coffee table and smiled as she approached.
“What do you think?”
Assuming he meant the change in lighting, she said, “It’s very romantic.”
“That’s what I thought, too.” He took her hand and led her to the couch. After they sat down, he nestled into the corner and opened his arms. “Come here.”
Her heart raced as she moved closer and snuggled against him. He wrapped an arm around her, cradling her to his side. She laid a hand on his chest, mildly surprised to feel his heart galloping as fast as hers. Perhaps she wasn’t the only nervous one tonight.
“Tell me about your childhood,” he said as he trailed his fingers up and down her arm.
She found it difficult to think cuddled up to him, but she forced herself to do it anyway. “Well, I was born about a year after the end of the Global War. My dad died before I was born. My mom raised me until I was fifteen, and then she died of cancer.”
“So you’re an orphan like me.”
“I guess I am.” She shifted and looked into his face. “The difference is that I had fifteen years with my mother. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything.”
Jason reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “She was a good mother?”
“The best. She let me know every day how much she loved me, and she taught me so much about life and caring about others.” Marina laid her head on his shoulder. “We didn’t have much money and getting the basic necessities was a struggle sometimes. But my mom always found something to smile about, and that made everything okay for me. If she could be happy, I knew we would be all right.”
“What did you do after she died?”
“The government put me in a home for girls. It was far from the warm, loving atmosphere I’d grown up in, but they fed me and clothed me. I became something of a mother figure to the little girls, and the director of the home took notice. She encouraged me to develop those nurturing skills, and when I was eighteen, a government official came and offered me a job working in the collection center nurseries.”
Jason tensed but quickly relaxed. “So, you helped raise boys like me.”
“Briefly. After a few months, they decided my organizational skills would be more useful elsewhere in the facility.” Marina sighed, remembering the tumultuous tim
e in her life when she had been moved from one job to the next, until they finally placed her as an assistant to the woman who oversaw the daily collection.
“You sound disappointed.” Jason gave her a hug. “Did you like working in the nurseries?”
“I loved caring for those babies, but it always made me sad to have to leave them behind with the next shift.” She smiled and looked up at him again. “I wanted to take them home with me and give them the same loving childhood I’d experienced.”
“I’m sure they would have appreciated it.” He kissed her forehead and sighed. “I know I would have liked to have one of the nannies take me home with her and raise me as her son. But they never did. They never seemed to want to keep me. Even then I was like livestock, a creature to be kept healthy and given everything to keep me happy. Except they never did give me the one thing I wanted most.”
“What was that?”
“A family that loved me.”
The sadness in his voice broke her heart. She shifted and wrapped him in a hug. No words seemed adequate to ease his lifelong pain. All she could do was be there for him and hope he could feel how much she cared about him.
After a while Jason spoke, his voice a soft rumble beneath Marina’s cheek. “You would make a wonderful mother.”
Tears stung her eyes as he hit on the painful knowledge she had carried for most of her life. “I can’t have children.”
His arms tightened around her. “Why not?”
“My father was infected with the Great Sickness when my mother got pregnant with me. I was born infertile.”
“Surely with all the advances in medicine—”
She shook her head. “No. There’s nothing they can do for me.”
“I’m so sorry, Marina.” Jason kissed the top of her head. “It appears we’re both prevented from having what we want.”
“It’s the world we live in.”
“I wish we could change it.”
“Me, too.” Marina stared into the flames of the gas log and hoped she could get someone to listen and release Jason from the collection program. Even though she would never see her dream of motherhood come to fruition, maybe she could help his dream of freedom come true.
Jason Page 5
