Wild Roses

by Hannah Howell

  “Louise, all that does not change the fact that it would be best if Ella was married, if the child had a father,” Joshua said as he split the last of the coffee in the pot between his cup and Louise’s.

  “What Ella needs is a man who loves her. Harrigan has to come to her. Anything else will slowly kill her. Yes, it will be hard for her, but not as hard as living with a man who married her simply to slap a name on his child. Hell, he could even come to resent the child.”

  “So, if we’re not going to force Harrigan to the altar, why did you tell me about this?”

  “Because she either does not suspect it yet or is trying to keep it a secret. I need someone to help me keep her from doing anything that could endanger her life or the child’s. For instance, if she wants to go riding, she gets the old mare that probably wouldn’t bolt even if a cougar popped up in front of it.”

  “I understand,” Joshua said and nodded, then helped Louise clear the dishes from the table. “Sure she ought to be out there yanking weeds?”

  “She’s not working too hard, since she spends a great deal of her time staring off into the distance. And I intend to get her back inside the house before the sun gets too hot. Once I know for sure that she’s with child, or once she tells me she is, we can be more obvious in our concern.”

  “Agreed. Am I to keep this a complete secret?”

  “If you feel you must tell one of the boys in order to keep Ella from doing something dangerous, go ahead and do so. However, I would like to keep this as much a secret as possible. After all, I could be wrong. What I see as signs of a coming child could simply be symptoms of a deep melancholy.” Louise suddenly smiled. “And it would deeply annoy Ella if she discovered that everyone knew her secret before she chose to tell it.” She laughed along with Joshua.

  Ella blinked, wiped the thin sheen of sweat from her face with her hands, and looked around her bedroom. She then looked at Louise, who sat on the edge of the bed, and blushed when she finally met her aunt’s steady, knowing gaze. At Louise’s insistence, she had finally given up the chore of weeding the kitchen gardens only to walk into the oven-heated kitchen and faint. Her aunt had called Joshua to carry her upstairs, and a few snatches of conversation she had overheard as she had wavered in and out of consciousness told her that Louise had just recently shared her suspicions with the young man. Joshua had cheerfully complained about having had only a few hours to savor knowing something the rest of the men did not. It would be amusing if it were not so embarrassing, Ella thought. It was no real secret on the ranch that she had been Harrigan’s lover, but Ella did not see why she must now be put into the position of constantly reminding people of her slip in etiquette.

  “Well, that was a surprising turn of events,” she murmured, still hoping that Louise did not really know, but only suspected, and might still have a few doubts.

  “Was it?” Louise drawled as she handed Ella a cool, damp cloth to wash her face with. “You don’t eat enough.”

  “I eat far too much.”

  “You do too much work around here.”

  “Not that much.”

  “You don’t get enough sleep.”

  “Ah, well, I think I might have to agree with that one for, although I go to bed early and even nap in the middle of the day, whether I want to or not, I still feel tired.”

  “That’s because you are carrying Harrigan Mahoney’s child. The symptoms are clear for any woman to see.”

  Louise’s blunt statement left Ella speechless for a moment. She struggled to think of something to say to deny what they both knew, then wondered why she was bothering. Denials and lies could not hide the truth for very long. It was also a little foolish to keep such knowledge, no matter how embarrassing, from a woman who would willingly and lovingly help her. Despite all that good sense, there was still a part of Ella that did not want to accept what was happening to her. Once she confessed it to Louise, she would have to.

  “They could be symptoms of something else,” Ella said, her tone sounding sullen even to her own ears. “I have been through an exhausting ordeal. Maybe the opium still lingers in my body. Why, I could even have a summer fever.” She inwardly grimaced at the mild look of disgust Louise gave her. “Harrigan and I were lovers for only a short while.”

  “And in that brief time, how often did you make love?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t keep a tally sheet.”

  “It doesn’t matter. It only takes one time. Hell, some women are so fertile they claim it only takes a twinkle in their man’s eyes. But, if you wish to keep it a secret for a while longer, perhaps deny it for a while, that’s your choice. I don’t much see the point of it really, but if it pleases you—”

  “It doesn’t please me. None of this pleases me. It’s all grossly unfair.” Ella sighed, struggling to rein in an anger that had nothing to do with Louise. “You must think I am incredibly stupid and thoughtless.”

  “No.” Louise smiled and patted one of Ella’s tightly clenched hands. “You are young, passionate, and in love.”

  “And, as you so correctly guessed, with child.” Ella slowly sat up and began to tidy her hair. “I am also alone, unwed, and miserable.”

  “If you really want a husband, I could send the boys after Harrigan.”

  “Oh, God, no. Please don’t. Yes, I would love to be married to the fool, but I don’t want him dragged to the altar. The thought of having a child alone and unwed terrifies me. It breaks every rule I was ever taught. However, the thought of marrying Harrigan when he did not choose me himself, willingly, and because he loved me, terrifies me even more.”

  Louise leaned closer and briefly hugged Ella. “I understand completely. We will take care of you and the child. In truth, the child will probably have more love and attention than it knows what to do with.”

  “And what happens when George arrives?” Ella asked quietly, glancing at the little silver train brooch her aunt wore every day. “He is Harrigan’s closest friend.”

  “Nothing will change. I promise you.”

  “He might insist on telling Harrigan and then I would have to deal with a man who only wants to do what is right.”

  “George will say nothing. Don’t look so doubtful. He may be Harrigan’s friend, but he will be my husband. Now, what is of more interest to me is how you feel about this baby.”

  “Right at this moment, if I answer that, I won’t sound much like a mother. A part of me is deeply ashamed of all the harsh thoughts and bad feelings I have, but none of those are really aimed at the child. I don’t want to destroy the child, I just wish it wasn’t there. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will keep this child, love it, and raise it, yet I wish to God it wasn’t on its way. I am angry, and sad, and scared to death.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with any of that.” Louise stood up, took Ella by the hand, and tugged her to her feet. “Now, we’re going down to the kitchen, where you will sit and have some tea and something to eat. And then we’re going to make plans for this child, nice, happy, keep-Ella’shands-busy kind of plans.”

  Ella laughed as she followed Louise to the kitchen. If anyone could make her look forward to the birth of her child with calm, hope, and love, it was Louise. There was one thing she had not told her aunt, but Ella suspected Louise knew that too. Upon her return to Wyoming, Ella had planned to banish Harrigan Mahoney from her mind. It both depressed her and infuriated her that now she would never be able to do that. Each time she looked at her child, she would be reminded of the tall, dark, and very distant Irishman who had fathered it. Ella prayed that somehow, in some small way, her memory would torment Harrigan.

  Harrigan tried to smile as he watched his family celebrate. It had taken over two months since Harold’s death, ten long weeks of constant work, but he had finally brought down the Templetons. People had grown braver once Harold Carson was gone, and the witnesses and information needed to crush the Templetons had been easier to obtain. Although it had galled him to have to pay Eleanor’s
family one copper penny for what they had taken with deceit, Harrigan had taken advantage of the Templetons’ desperate need for money and regained the family business. By combining the hard-wrung savings of everyone in the family, there would be only a small loan from the bank left to repay. He was proud of what he had done, but he did not feel the joy the others did. Harrigan knew who was to blame for that—Ella Carson. No matter how hard he had worked, he had not been able to push her out of his mind or his heart.

  He was abruptly pulled from his thoughts when his father Liam pushed a glass of whiskey into his hand. A quick glance around revealed that everyone else had quietly slipped away, leaving him alone in the parlor with his father. The way Liam was eyeing him as he sprawled next to him on the worn settee made Harrigan nervous. He was not sure he was prepared for a man-to-man talk, or that he wanted to indulge in any confidences. One look into his father’s grey eyes, however, told Harrigan that he would be given no choice.

  “Now, lad, I couldn’t help but notice that you weren’t as gleeful as the rest of us,” Liam said, his voice deep due to the emotion he was still swamped with. “You should be. We are all right proud of what you’ve done. I never thought I’d regain all I had lost.”

  “All I had lost, you mean,” Harrigan said, a hint of the lingering guilt he felt roughening his voice.

  “Aw, now, we never blamed you for that.” He laughed when Harrigan just cocked one dark brow and stared at him. “Well, at times, when things were hard and anger ruled o’er common sense, we might have, but our hearts weren’t in it. We all felt shamed by the thoughts when the anger had passed.”

  “I just wish I could have gotten your business back without costing us all so much.”

  “It wasn’t that much. Fact is, it was almost as big a theft as the Templetons committed. The man added a lot to my shipping company, improvements I didn’t have the money or the acquaintances to accomplish.” Liam ran a hand through his silver-dappled black hair, then straightened his broad shoulders and looked his eldest son square in the eye. “What I need to know is the why of your grieving, and don’t deny that you are in a black, solemn mood. I can see it clear as a black cat on the snow. I hope it isn’t caused by Eleanor Templeton. She deserves all she has to suffer now. She’s as guilty as her father.”

  “Good God, no, I’m not grieving for Eleanor or feeling one drop of guilt or remorse for the troubles I’ve brought her and her father. As you say, she is as guilty as her father. She was more than happy to help him commit his crimes; she can pay for them. To be completely honest, Da, I never loved the woman, although I tried to. I desired her, for she was beautiful, and I believed she was a lady. Hell, I had some lofty aspirations, and Eleanor Templeton seemed like the perfect wife to help me achieve them.”

  Liam nodded. “Then I won’t be hurting your feelings too much by saying I was glad she was gone before you could wed her. Even if it meant I had to lose the business. I didn’t like her and I didn’t trust her as far as I could spit.”

  “It might have been nice if you had told me that before she robbed us blind,” Harrigan drawled, and smiled faintly when his father chuckled. “Well, I’m glad I’ve been able to put your mind at ease,” he said as he started to stand up.

  “I’m settled in my mind about Eleanor Templeton, but that makes me even more curious about your dark moods.”

  “It’s just exhaustion.”

  “Ha! And I’m Saint Patrick’s saintly mother. Sit.”

  Harrigan sat. “It’s nothing you can mend, Da.”

  “No? Why don’t you just spit it out and I’ll decide. This old man might surprise you.”

  After a moment, Harrigan began to tell his father about Ella. He intended to be circumspect, but soon found himself confiding everything—from how he had treated Ella to the vast confusion of emotion he suffered from. When he was done, he felt exhausted yet oddly relieved. He was still not sure his father could solve any of his problems, but it had felt good to talk to him.

  Liam was silent for several minutes and Harrigan began to get nervous. He had not acquitted himself well with Ella, yet he felt he was too old for a scolding or a lecture. Harrigan also realized that, despite his doubt that anyone could fix the mess he had made, there was still that small boy inside of him that believed Da could fix anything. The longer his father remained silent, the more that childish faith withered. He idly toyed with one of his mother’s prized porcelain ladies on the marble-topped table next to the settee as he waited for his father to concede defeat.

  “Well, son,” Liam finally said, “I fear I just don’t know what to say to you.”

  “Not to worry, Da.” Harrigan smiled a little sadly at his solemn father. “I didn’t think the problems I’ve made for myself could be solved so easily.”

  “Oh, they’re not as complicated as you think. I have plenty to say about that mess. What held me speechless there, a rare thing your Mam will be sad she missed, is that I don’t recall raising you up to be such a cad.”

  “A cad?” Harrigan choked out, blindly holding out his glass as his father poured them each a little more of the whiskey.

  “Did you or did you not seduce the girl and then walk away from her?”

  “It’s not quite that simple. Even if I wanted more, it couldn’t be. I had to stay here and she couldn’t.”

  “Can’t blame the lass for wanting to get as far away from this place as she could. It holds nothing but black memories for her. Not sure the wilds of Wyoming are safe, but she clearly feels secure and happy there. That poor, sweet child will probably never feel safe or comfortable here.”

  “If you had ever met Ella Carson, you wouldn’t use the word sweet to describe her,” Harrigan drawled, then sighed, quickly growing serious again. “I never said I didn’t understand why she had to leave. I do understand, completely.”

  “Then explain to me why you’re still here.”

  “I had to get the Templetons, to try to right the wrongs they’ve done, maybe return some of what they had stolen to the rightful owners. We weren’t the only ones they and the Carsons deceived and cheated.”

  “Very noble, but the job’s done now. So why aren’t you telling me that you’re headed out to Wyoming to get that little girl, marry her, and start a family?”

  “My work is here. My family is here,” Harrigan replied, suddenly wondering if he had made his troubles seem far more complicated than they were.

  “You can do your kind of work anywhere, or do some other kind of work. Now that the trains run all over the country, even to places that aren’t states yet, seeing your family is just a matter of scraping together the money for a passage.” Liam patted Harrigan on the shoulder. “Go to her, son. Everything you’ve said tells me that you want her. You stay here and you’ll never be truly happy. Yes, you might find some nice girl and settle down, even have a family, but you’ll be cheating her as well as yourself, because there will always be a piece of you in Wyoming. Most of us have only one great love in our lives. Unless you do everything possible to hold onto it, you can never be fully satisfied with your lot in life. Yes, you could still lose, but unless you’ve done all you can do to win, then you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what you could have done differently.”

  Harrigan stared into his drink, gently swirling the amber liquid around in the glass. “I may have already lost. I haven’t done one thing right since I set eyes on Ella.”

  “Well, you must have done at least one thing right or she would never have bedded down with you.” Liam exchanged a fleeting, very male grin with his son. “Go to her.”

  “You don’t even know her, haven’t even met her.”

  “And I’m sorry for that. I’m also hoping that we’ll be meeting before too long. Distance doesn’t need to make us strangers. But I listened to you talk about her and know you need her, want her, and love her, even if you still hesitate to use such strong words. I also heard of a girl who has spirit, wit, and strength. You’ve got my full-hearted approval
and many good wishes for success.”

  “If I’m going, I’m going far sooner than you might think. George leaves to join Louise in two days.”

  “Ah. A bit abrupt, but that may be best.” Liam stood up and started to leave the parlor. “We’d best go tell your mother and the others. My Mary will be sad you’re leaving, but very pleased that you have found someone.”

  Harrigan stood up and followed his father, but protested, “Da, I haven’t said I’m going yet.”

  “Uh-huh, that’s fine, son. Just be sure to tell us all when the train is leaving so that we can bid you a proper fare-thee-well.”

  After staring at the papers on his desk for the second hour in a row, yet not seeing one word, Harrigan tossed his pencil down on the desk and swirled around in his chair to look at George. That man was quietly clearing out his desk, his usually calm face holding an odd expression, a contradictory combination of sadness and anticipation. Harrigan reconsidered his father’s words of that morning and smiled crookedly.

  “When does the train leave, George?” he asked.

  “I thought you knew. Two days from now, Thursday at nine in the morning.”

  “Do you think there’s a seat left?”

  George slowly turned his seat all the way around until he faced Harrigan squarely. “If you’re thinking of riding with me so that you may attend my wedding to Louise, I thank you kindly, but I do not think it would be wise.”

  “Why not?”

  “It could open a lot of wounds.”

  “Mine or Ella’s?”

  “I am inclined to believe that both of you would suffer.”

  Harrigan smiled at the irritation coloring George’s voice. “I couldn’t resist pinching at you, old friend. Sorry. And yes, I would regret not seeing you marry your Louise and start down that road of blissful marital confrontation.” He held up his hand when George began to protest. “George, if you try to tell me that you will have a calm union with Louise Carson, you will deeply insult me. And disappoint me, for I have always had a deep respect for and faith in your honesty.” He chuckled when George grinned, then grew serious. “I have settled the business with the Templetons and now see that I need more than this business and even more than the closeness of my large family to make me happy.”