Fall on Me

by Chloe Walsh

  "Do not open those gates for anyone," he ordered in a stern voice.

  "What if it's someone important…?" I started to protest, but the weight of Kyle's disapproving glare caused me to shut my mouth quickly. A ball of nerves settled in my stomach as I watched him prowl towards me, tension emanating from every pore in his body.

  "I don't give a shit if the pope, the queen of England and the goddamn Easter bunny all swing by. You do not open those gates to anyone. You got it?"

  "I got it," I muttered in a petulant tone, biting down hard on the inside of my cheek in anger. I felt his thumb stroke my cheek and I clenched my eyes shut.

  "Don't be mad at me for needing to keep you safe," he whispered into my ear before brushing my lips with his. "I love you."

  I caved.

  Totally and completely caved.

  Whatever spark of anger I was feeling over his bossiness, and his phone call with my mother, disintegrated the moment he whispered those words. My heart swelled to the point where I was nervous it would burst whenever he told me loved me. I'd waited almost a year to hear him say it and relished every time since. "I love you too," I breathed as I wrapped my arms around his neck and dragged him down to me. Losing his balance, he fell forward causing me to land on the flat of my back on our bed with him resting on his elbows above me.

  "Just do this for me, Lee," he murmured as he pushed my hair back and cupped my face in his hands. "It's not for ever. Just until the trial is over. I need you out of trouble. It keeps my mind at ease."

  "Is there something you're not telling me, Kyle?" I asked softly as I looked up at his face. I worried about his intentions. He was always trying to shelter me and it was hard to know whether there was a serious concern or if he was just being paranoid. "Should I be afraid?"

  "No, I'm just being cautious." Kissing me softly, he rubbed my nose with his before smiling. "You know you could ease my mind in another way if you actually did what you agreed to do…" He kissed me again before pulling back to look at me. "I don't wanna wait anymore, princess."

  "Go to work," I grinned as I stared up at his playful expression. I knew what he was doing and it wasn't going to work. I also knew that we needed to resolve our issues before we stepped foot near a church. "We have an agreement."

  "Yeah, so did we," he purred. "You said yes. Usually after a proposal, people follow it up with a dress and some vows." He kissed me once more before climbing off me. "Maybe even some cake and lingerie…"

  "Really?" I asked in a playful tone. "I had no idea."

  Shaking his head, he grabbed his keys and smiled at me ruefully. "You drive me fucking crazy with your indecisiveness."

  "Just so you know," I said as Kyle opened our bedroom door. "I was never undecided about you."

  He raised his brow as he smirked at me. "Oh yeah?"

  "Yeah." I nodded returning his smile. "You had me at you wanna take a shot with me, sweetheart."

  His face broke out in a huge smile. It was a rare smile. It was an awesome smile. "Well, you sure fooled me." He shook his head in amusement as he opened the door. "Be good, princess."

  ****

  "Come on, sweetie," I said to Hope when I heard the front door slam. Bending down, I picked her up and winced when a sharp stab of pain ricocheted through my back and hips. "Mommy's very unfit, Hope," I groaned as I carried her out of our room and down the stairs. The heat that flared through my joints intensified with every step I took on the stair case. "Maybe we should make a slide for mommy," I mumbled when I reached the bottom step. "Or buy a Zimmer frame." Hope beamed up at me with such an innocent expression that I felt a twinge of remorse for feeling sorry for myself.

  "So, what's our plan of action while daddy's away?" I cooed as I carried her into the lounge and lowered myself onto the couch before sitting Hope on the floor between my legs. The house was eerily quiet without Kyle's larger than life presence. This was the first time he had left us on our own in the new house and I was already having a weak moment, wishing we'd gone with him when he asked. I'd wanted some freedom and Kyle was giving it to me. I should be happy. I shouldn’t feel so…lost.

  "Grow up, Lee. You can do this," I muttered to myself in a bid to calm my flailing nerves. If I couldn’t handle a couple of hours on my own without him, what hope did I have?

  I was too dependent on Kyle and that worried the life out of me because…well, because a potent part of my mind was convinced Kyle would change his mind about me–and an even bigger part of my mind wondered why he hadn’t already…He was successful, strong and driven. I was needy, plain and boring. We were arguing all of the time again. Nothing went smoothly for us. We never seemed to get anything right. We had fallen into this relationship head first and eyes closed. He didn’t know much about relationships and I knew even less. His response to fear was to control me. My response was to run…

  That picture of Derek and Cam popped into my mind and I cringed. They were so in love. Their relationship–before it went to hell–had been one of unambiguous equality. Just thinking about how in sync Cam and Derek used to be made the fears and doubts I had about me and Kyle rise to nerve-raking levels. I would never admit it out loud, especially not to Kyle, but in my eyes I could only see one reason for him loving me, and that reason was sitting on the floor, babbling happily. He was so young, had so much on his plate and I was another weight on his shoulders. A burden.

  No, you know he loves you. Stop freaking yourself out.

  But how long would he love me? If we weren’t able to move past the obstacle that was my mother, would Kyle leave me? I knew he was disappointed in me. I saw it in his eyes the other night. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to have anything to do with Tracy…and I was awful at trying to explain my feelings. I loved him. Oh god, I loved him so much, but if he left me…if it became too much from him, where would I be?

  Pulling my phone out of my jeans pocket, I sent Kyle a quick text before sliding off the couch to sit on the floor with Hope.

  Faith.

  I needed to have some faith…

  ****

  Kyle

  "How did it go?" Derek asked me as he opened the front door in his boxers. I'd come straight from my attorney's office to check on him. This trial was hanging over us like a goddamn raincloud. It was a messy ordeal. One I wished we could get the hell away from. I'd be happy if they dumped her ass in a jail cell for the next sixty years. That would suit me just fine. I only wished they took away her letter privileges. She kept fucking writing to me. I received another one this morning. She sent me one a week, but I'd only read the first letter. It came about three weeks after her arrest and the crazy shit she had spurted had been enough to make the blood in my veins turn to ice. I remembered one specific line in the third paragraph.

  'He's going to get her, Kyle. You won't be able to save her this time. It's already happening and you have no idea…'

  Logically I knew Rachel was just trying to mess with my head. She was the only one who held a grudge on Lee, but I still hired a private investigator to ease my nerves. After weeks of digging he'd found nothing. Not one piece of evidence to back up Rachel's claims. Since then I brought all of her letters to Kelsie unopened. I didn't want Lee knowing Rachel was in contact with me and getting any notions. She was insecure enough and I was the one who had made her that way. She didn't need the unnecessary worry, certainly not about where my loyalties laid. I had my heart set on her. I had my whole future banked on her…

  My attorneys had advised me to say nothing to the cops and let her write as many as she wanted. She wasn't sending anything to Lee, so I was able to handle this without her knowing. Rachel was pleading not guilty to all charges–based on the grounds of diminished responsibility– and with every letter she sent me, she was becoming more frantic and closer to confessing.

  I couldn't be more relieved that she'd decided not to plead guilty on the grounds of insanity. It had been a major concern for me. It would have been a fucking crime in itself to abuse t
he system by allowing that woman to use insanity as her excuse. She wasn't insane. She was evil. Mental health wasn't something that should be mocked. It wasn't fair to the people who truly suffered and it wasn't fucking fair to the families of victims who were seeking justice from the judicial system.

  Kelsie was sure Rachel was cracking and it was only a matter of time before it all spilled out. If we could break her down, we might get a full admission out of her and avoid a trial. We were playing dirty, but she'd started it and I was taking her down. I wasn't depending on anyone else to do it for me. As it stood I was sick to my stomach over the fact that she was getting a trial. She fucking did it! Why the hell anyone had to sit in a courtroom and discuss her reasons was beyond me. There was no reason, NONE, that made it okay for her to take away another person's life. It didn't matter that she didn't mean to kill Cam. She fucking meant to kill Lee. That should be enough…

  "Same," I muttered, walking past him to the kitchen. The only good piece of news I'd received today was the text message Lee had sent me this morning.

  *I love you, Kyle Carter.*

  I'd sagged in relief when I read it and thanked god she was over the whole mother thing. I'd texted her back a smiley face and couldn’t fucking wait to get home…

  "You fix things with Lee?" Derek asked, stirring me from my thoughts. "I assume that you had something to do with her calling me at twelve-thirty at night. Crying again, Kyle. Upset again."

  "It's sorted," I snapped in annoyance.

  "Hope so," he mumbled. "Girl doesn’t need any more stress in her life."

  "She's fine, Derek," I said in a warning tone as I glared at him.

  "Fine," he answered as he raised his hands in defense. "Only tryna help you out here, dude."

  I stared long and hard at him for a moment and had to force my hands to stay by my sides. He was fading away in front of my eyes and it made me sick to my stomach to have to watch it. Derek had always been a muscular guy. He'd built up his form by slaving away at the gym for years and eating well. Hell, he'd played more sports in high school than I'd known existed and kicked my ass at just about every sport we'd ever played. The only advantage I had was that I could run faster and hit harder. I figured that was down to how we were raised. Derek had decent parents, a stable home life and after school activities growing up. I had myself and my fists.

  I'd been to his hometown of Addyston for winter break of freshman year. I'd seen the photos, awards and trophies draped around his bedroom. The guy was as close to a physical machine you could get. It seemed hard to believe that the lean framed guy standing in front of me was the same Derek...

  Opening the fridge, I started to unload the groceries I'd bought for him. He looked like death warmed up and if he didn't get rid of that wild animal look he was sporting on his face soon, I was going to break in when he was asleep and do it for him. "Here," I muttered as I tossed a packet of disposable razors in his direction. "I can't talk to you when your face looks like an old lady's vagina."

  Catching the packet mid-air, Derek smirked. "How would you know what an old lady's…?"

  "Go shave," I ordered as I handed him the bag of clothes I'd brought over. "Shower and put some clean clothes on. I'll cook something and then we're both gonna sit down and eat a meal."

  "Jesus Christ," he snapped. "Why the fuck can't you just leave me alone and go order Lee around instead? I'm not your problem, Kyle. I want to be on my own."

  "Sorry, dude," I said as I turned on the gas and grabbed a skillet. "I've already reached my piss Lee off quota for today. It's your turn."

  "Pain in my ass," he growled as he retreated with his bags.

  "Don't forget to wash behind your ears, sunshine."

  ****

  Twenty minutes later, Derek returned to the kitchen looking more himself. He still looked like a bag of bones, but at least I could see his face again. "Sit down," I told him as I placed two bowls of mac and cheese on the table.

  "Comfort food," he mused as he slumped in his usual chair, closest to the door. "That cooking class during the summer served you well, man," he muttered as he took a bite of pasta. "Your roux is getting better." He licked his lips and stabbed his food with his fork. I sagged in relief at seeing him eat. Thank god…"A little less flour next time should thin it out."

  "Yeah," I chuckled as I sat in my spot and grabbed a fork. My dish was a poor substitute for Derek's. None of us could cook like him. Seriously, the guy could serve up food worthy of a five star restaurant. "Why didn't you go further with it, Der?"

  "Further with what?" he asked as he hoofed another forkful of food into his mouth.

  "Cooking," I replied. "You're awesome, man. Better than most of the chef's I have on my books."

  He lowered his fork and stared straight ahead for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "The family business is construction." He said it as if that was an answer in itself.

  "So?" I muttered as I pushed my chair back and went in search of a clean glass. "Isn't your brother…what's his name again…Jake?"

  "Jackson," Derek mumbled as he swallowed some food.

  "Yeah, isn't Jackson helping your dad with the business?" Rinsing two glasses, I filled them with water before heading back to the table. "Is construction something you're even interested in? You've never talked much about it."

  "Is the hotel business something you're interested in?" he countered as he took the glass from me, his eyes boring into mine.

  "Fair point," I mumbled, feeling a little burned. The hotel business was definitely not something I was interested in. It was something I was in. I didn't have a choice…

  "Look, Kyle," Derek said wearily. "Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do." He stood up and moved to the fridge. "What I did for a living was never going to be what I was–who I was. It was just a means to have a good life…"

  "And now?" I asked as I watched him open a can of beer and chug it back.

  Derek sighed heavily. "And now…." He stopped speaking. His eyes flickered to the floor and I watched as he flinched and scrunched his eyes shut. "There's no now. There's only then. Now is full of regrets."

  "Derek." I shook my head and made to stand up, but he held his hand out to ward me off.

  "No," he whispered as he backed out of the kitchen. "Just…just go away, Kyle. Please."

  I dropped my head in my hands as I listened to sound of his footsteps retreating down the hallway and then the sound of the front door slamming.

  What the hell was I going to do with him?

  How could you help someone who not only didn't want your help, but they didn't want to help themselves?

  Standing slowly, I grabbed the hoover and set about cleaning the dump that once upon a time had been my house.

  ****

  Lee

  I was closing out Hope's bedroom door, after putting her down for the night, when I heard the sound of a car engine revving outside. I made my way down the stairs cautiously, freezing on the bottom step when the front door opened inwards.

  "I'm so fucking sorry I'm late, princess," Kyle grumbled as he stalked into the hallway, his hair drenched from rain. Dropping his messenger bag on the floor, he proceeded to strip off his jacket and tie. "I know I said I'd only be a couple of hours, but I stopped by to see Derek, and he…and time got away from me." I watched him undo the top two buttons of his shirt as he prowled towards me with a look of hunger in his eyes. "I missed you," he purred, coming close enough to wrap his hands around my waist, and even though I was standing on the step above him, my forehead barely reached his nose.

  "I missed you too," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his neck tightly. "I made dinner," I added as I breathed in the faded scent of his aftershave. His neck was wet from the droplets of water that were trickling from his hair. "It's probably still warm."

  "I know what I'm hungry for," he said in a gruff tone as his hands dropped to cup my butt. "And it's not on a plate in the kitchen."

  "I'm not a piece of meat, you know," I jok
ed, feeling right for the first time since he left this morning. He was home. All was good again. The nervous butterflies were caged again. Blocking out all my earlier doubts and fears, I allowed myself to bask in his comforting presence–in the palpable heat that was burning in his eyes and melting my heart.

  Kyle smirked and shrugged his shoulders before dipping his face to my neck. "On the contrary, princess, you're my favorite cut, taste and flavor." I felt the wet heat of his tongue against my skin and my legs weakened.

  "Seriously?" I breathed as I sagged against him. "Dirty talk revolving around a meat product?"

  "What can I say," he teased as he hoisted me into his arms and began climbing the stairs, eyes dark and full of sensual promises. "I'm a red blooded male in the prime of my youth."

  ****

  "I've always wanted to ask you something," I confessed as I rested my head against Kyle's chest. "But I've been too afraid."

  I felt his finger tip my chin up to meet his face. "You can ask me whatever the hell you like, princess," he said in a gruff tone as he brushed his thumb over my cheekbone. "You know this."

  "Okay," I said. "But it's not an accusatory question. It's more curiosity than anything. So don't get mad, okay?"

  "Okay…"

  "The night I miscarried," I whispered, pausing to gauge his reaction. Apart from the skin around his eyes tightening, his face remained impassive. "Where did you sleep?"

  My question must have surprised Kyle because his eyes widened, his forehead creased. Gently rolling me off his chest, Kyle sat up and rubbed his forehead with his hand. "Lee…"

  "I'm not angry, Kyle," I quickly told him as I sat up. "I just want to know. You told me you went to Rachel's and had words with her. But you didn't arrive to the hospital until the next day. Where did you go?"