Shadow of Love

by by Dick Claassen

  When they came back, the ranger said, It's likely to get pretty cold tonight. Hope you brought plenty of blankets. He glanced into the side window and chuckled. Looks like you brought the kitchen sink.

  Mary reached down on the floor between the captain's chairs. We did. These are donuts my mother sent with us. Would you like one?

  The ranger smiled. No, thanks. Have a good time this weekend. This will be your last chance for awhile. He waved them through the gate.

  They found a camping space, and began setting the tent up in the dark, the lanterns giving them barely enough light to work by. But they petted and kissed while they worked, and before long the tent was erected. Together they pumped up the air mattress. Jim teased that they should rough it, that they should sleep out on the hard, cold ground, but finally agreed that the mattress probably would be a good idea, providing Mary helped him operate the air pump. He could have done it himself, of course, but he didn't want to. He wanted Mary to help him. He didn't want to do for himself anymore. He had found his partner in life, and he wanted to share everything with her, including the work.

  When they crawled into bed, Jim suddenly realized how truly tired he was. He cuddled against Mary; she was shivering. You're cold, Honey, he said.

  No. Her teeth chattered. I'm not cold. I'm frightened.

  Jim pulled another blanket over them. We'll face this together, Mary.

  He found difficulty in falling asleep. So did Mary. They told each other silly stories and they talked about silly things. Jim was afraid to go to sleep, and he suspected Mary was too.

  Eventually, though, sleep came to Jim. He simply drifted off.

  The next morning they awoke to the chattering of squirrels. Sleepy head, Mary said. Sleepy head, wake up. The day will be gone before we get a chance to enjoy it. He felt Mary's hand on his shoulder, teasing, pushing. Her face came to his ear. I said, wake up, sleepy head, she whispered.

  Jim sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. You're in a great mood this morning.

  I'm always in a great mood. I always wake up happy.

  He touched her face lovingly. That you do, sweet love-that you do. He threw off the covers. Aren't you glad, now, that I insisted we wear our insulated underwear?

  Yes, Mary said. Very glad.

  Let me pull on my pants and then I'll help you if you want me to. Okay?

  Okay. She laid herself back on the air mattress.

  Mary, Jim looked at her feet, you have mud on your feet.

  Uh, do I? She pushed herself to a sitting position and looked at her feet. Hmm, that's odd. I must have gone to bed that way. Hmm.

  You didn't go to bed with muddy feet. You know you didn't. And look at the . . . he peered closely at the ankles of her thermal underwear, these are weeds, Mary. He looked up at her wonderingly. They're weeds. He picked bits of them off her ankles. Look at this. He held them in the palm of his hand and showed her.

  I can't . . . I can't explain this, she stammered. Really, I can't explain it.

  Truly? He looked directly into her eyes.

  She looked away. Truly.

  Jim sighed. Wipe off your feet so I can help you put your braces on.

  ---

  They made breakfast. Jim was determined to enjoy the weekend, even if Mary was keeping the mysteries that still seemed to surround her, from him. He had nothing to go on except what Katherine had told him. It wasn't much.

  They went down to the spillway, the huge facility where the water from the lake spilled through the dam and then flowed down river. The water was high-it was the season of early August rains-and the water plunged from the lakeside and through the dam at a terrifying rate. Jim had heard stories about the spillway; about how the undertow on the downside was so strong that if you fell in, you would be sucked down to the river bed. It was a certain death.

  A hurricane fence was installed along the walkway to prevent onlookers from falling into the boiling water below. Seagulls were circling above the water downstream-circling and occasionally diving to the water's surface, snatching up small fish in their beaks.

  They drove back to the lakeside and bought rides on a sailboat. The captain of the boat was concerned for Mary's safety-the boat was small and would offer little protection if it should capsize, he explained-but Mary was insistent on going. Jim convinced the captain that, should disaster occur, Jim was a good swimmer. Besides, he told the captain, there were so many motored craft on the lake that rescue would be only seconds away.

  When they finished their sailboat ride, much to the captain's relief, they went to a souvenir shop and browsed. Jim bought Mary a crystal pendant. It looked wonderful on her. Mary bought Jim a copper bracelet. She teased that no one would ever see it on him since he seemed to live in his leather jacket.

  As the Saturday afternoon wound down, Jim found it less and less troubling that there were powerful unresolved issues between them. He didn't care about them anymore. He wasn't concerned about the inexplicable mysteries that surrounded Mary. He only knew that he loved her. He loved her more deeply than he thought it possible to love anyone. The mysteries would either reveal themselves, or they wouldn't. It mattered little to him, now, which way it went.

  They barbecued hamburgers and ate slowly, and the heat from the charcoal warmed them. Finally, they went to bed. They talked under the covers for a time, but they were both too tired to initiate love.

  In the night, Jim awoke. Someone was on top of him. Mary, he said. Mary. He put his arms around her and kissed her. This wasn't Mary! This person had full leg control, and it was pushing him into a direction that frightened him! What are you doing? Who are you? Jim fumbled for the lantern, but the person knocked it from his grasp. He struggled, but the being had him pinned to the mattress. Mary, where are you?! Oh, God, help me, Mary!

  Once more Jim grappled with the being, trying to throw it off him, but this person was strong-too strong for Jim to defend himself against. Suddenly the lantern blinked on. The being Jim was struggling against was Mary!

  Chapter Nine

  Are you surprised, Jim? Of course you are. Of course you are surprised. I am not surprised that you are surprised.

  Terrified, Jim stuttered, You're . . . you're not Mary. You can't . . . you can't be Mary.

  Well, I am, and I am not. The body you see is Cassandra, is it not? But it's sooo superior to what Cassandra lives in. Look. The being moved its short legs. Cassandra and I have a pact. I take care of her and she takes care of me. I enable her to do things that ordinary humans cannot do, and I, in turn, share the emotional and intimate relationships she as a human experiences. And now I am going to make passionate human love to you.

  The being that looked like Mary took Jim's arms in its powerful grip and forced him on his back. Through gritted teeth, straining against the unbelievable power of his assailant, Jim said, You can't give me Mary's love. You aren't even a shadow of the love she feels toward me. You are a mere stain. A blot. An evil blot that has no hope of ever experiencing the intimate and loving life as Mary and I know it.

  The being stood up and yanked Jim to his feet. You will not take Cassandra from me, the being blurted. I will not allow it. She is mine. The being began to drag Jim from the tent. Jim didn't want to hurt it because it was obvious to him now that the being was using Mary's body as a vehicle. Any blow he dealt it would surely hurt Mary. He stumbled along as the being dragged him away from the tent and to the van! It opened the driver's door and shoved Jim in, then climbed into the space that Mary ordinarily drove from when she was in her power chair. Only this time there was no power chair. There was only the body of Mary hunched low behind the wheel. Jim had one ray of hope left to him-the keys were in Mary's purse in the tent. If the being left to get them, Jim was going to run.

  But his hope was dashed, now, as the engine started by itself. He wasn't surprised. This being wasn't human. It had powers far beyond Jim's comprehension.

  The headlights came on and he felt the van lurch forward. He sat quietly
while the being chattered at him hatefully. Cassandra and I have been together through many lifetimes. You will not interfere. You are going to die. Do you understand me, Jim? You are going to die. I am going to crush the life from you as if you were a blot, a staaaaaain, it mocked.

  He could hear the roar of water, now. The being was driving him to the spillway! Oh, God, he was going to die! He wrenched open his door and tried to leap out, but the being caught him by his wrist. Nooo, Jimmy. Cassandra and I must be together. While you live, this is not possible. You will die.

  Jim felt like the being was pulling his arm from its socket. He groaned and pulled the door shut.

  Now Jim's heart lurched in his chest as the being pulled the van to the edge of the spillway. The water was roaring like thunder in Jim's ears. There was no moon, and the darkness swallowed him with its invisible jaws. The being dragged Jim out of the van. Jim knew they were close to the fence. Cassandra's mind is terrified for you, Jim, the being said in its sickening sing song voice. How sad for you. But Cassandra will be glad when you are dead. She surely will. Jim felt himself lifted up above the being's head. The being slammed him against the fence. The pain made him nauseous. He felt blood gushing from his lip. He couldn't fight this thing. Again he was lifted up, this time higher. He clutched at the top of the fence, trying to keep himself from going over, but the being pushed until Jim was now clinging to the other side of the fence, the water roaring directly below him, the rooster tails of water shooting up from the surface soaking him. Cassandra is mine, now, Jim, the being said.

  Jim couldn't hang on. He knew he couldn't hang on. As his grip left him, he cried, I love you, Mary! The numbness of fear shut down his brain and he felt himself falling slowly toward the water.

  Suddenly, a bright light burst from the sky! A figure appeared within the light! It was a human figure! And in the cradled arms of the figure, Jim was caught from the middle of the air and rescued from certain death. He felt himself rise up in the light and soar above the fence, then lightly touch down on the safe side. He lay, dazed. He heard a voice. Jim, I am the spirit of Mary's father. I love her. I love you.

  Her father? Jim asked, dazed. Her father . . . ? Mary, Jim sobbed. I have to find Mary.

  I'm here, Jim. I'm all right. I'm here. Father? her voice choked.

  A being of light appeared before them. The being was so bright, it lit the waters below.

  Oh, Daddy! Mary began to cry. Jim took her in his arms. It's all right, now, Mary. Your father is here. It's all right.

  Mary, I am your father's spirit, the being of light said kindly. I was your father in this lifetime you now live. The troublesome spirit that has followed you through so many lifetimes will not visit you again. I will make sure of this. I will guard both you and Jim to the end of your days. Jim, my only regret is that I did not know you in this lifetime.

  I regret it, too, sir Jim said.

  Love each other. Be good to one another. Let there be no more mysteries between you. At that, the being vanished.

  Jimmy, Jimmy, what have I done to you? Jim felt Mary touch his face. What in God's name have I done to you?

  Shhh, shhhh. It's all right. I'm all right. We've got to get back to the tent. We can't be caught out here when day breaks. A soft light lit the van. I think your father is helping us. He carried Mary to it and put her in the driver's side. This is going to be difficult for you, Mary, but I can't drive this van. And . . . we don't have . . . He stared in the glow of the yellow courtesy lights. The keys were hanging in the ignition! Good-bye, Sweetie Pie, a soft voice said. Mary began to cry. Father? Oh, Daddy.

  ---

  They packed up the next morning. They spoke little; they simply wanted to go home. When they were ready, Mary backed her chair into the lift, and it smoothly raised her and her power chair into the van. She started the engine and slowly drove down the path and out of the campground. Now she turned and looked at Jim.

  Talk to me, Mary.

  Yes, it's time I talk to you. She paused, then began, Many lifetimes ago, when my name was Cassandra, and when people were ignorant, superstitious, and fearful, I was born with a serious birth defect.

  How can you remember your previous lifetimes?

  Izlank made sure I remembered. That was the troublesome spirit's name-Izlank. During this particular lifetime I was tolerated as a child, although abused. But when I became an adult, the people in the community drove me out. They said I was the way I was because I was evil.

  My God, Jim breathed. My God.

  Don't feel bad for me, Jim. You and every other developing soul has had the same kinds of experiences in previous lives. It's just that most of us don't remember them.

  What did you do when you were driven out of the community?

  I almost starved to death in the wild. I couldn't hunt for myself because I couldn't walk. And since I couldn't walk, I was an easy target for predatory animals.

  Wolves, Jim muttered, unbelieving at what Mary was telling him.

  In the vernacular, yeah-wolves, and animals like wolves. Mary sighed. That's when I met Izlank. One night, as I was lying under some brush to keep me warm, and hopefully to hide myself as well, a pack of animals came to me and began sniffing me. I knew I was dead. The memory of the experience is so strong that I will die with it in my brain.

  What happened to you? Jim whispered.

  One of the animals took my arm in its teeth. I remember looking at the sky. There was a half moon. I thought, just let me die quickly. Please, just let me die quickly. Suddenly, I felt an incredible physical strength well up within me. I had no idea where this feeling came from, but the strength that surged through me gave me the guts to throw the animal off me. I killed every animal that approached me that night with my bare hands. The next morning when I awoke, the animals were lying around me, dead. I don't know if they were wolves or wild dogs. I don't know what kinds of animals were prevalent in that time period. But I remember getting up and walking away! She looked at Jim now. I was walking, Jim. Can you imagine how that made me feel?

  Yes, he said. I can well imagine.

  Izlank soon came to me in my dreams. He introduced himself and said he would always watch over me. But it didn't take too many lifetimes to realize that Izlank was an immature spirit. I knew I was in trouble by allowing him to give me powers I wouldn't ordinarily have, but I justified his part in my life by convincing myself that life was hard. I justified his existence in every lifetime we shared. I needed him. In many ways I was as immature as he. Now she looked away from the road and directly at Jim. The magic act . . . ?

  He did it.

  Right, he did it all. Your instruction manual . . . ?

  Jim chuckled. If Secure Insurance only knew.

  When you came into my life he was angry. The night that I ended up behind the barbecue pit at the campground . . . ?

  Don't tell me. I think I see the picture now. He possessed your body and wanted to feel what you feel. By the way, is this spirit a he, or an it?

  Izlank took on any gender it wished. Spirits aren't male or female. Only the human body and its physiology dictates the gender.

  Hmm, interesting. Well, when it animated your body, it was trying very hard to make love to me, but when I threw it off, and your body along with it, it escaped and left you behind the barbecue pit. Did you remember what had happened?

  Not at first. It always would take me a day or two to put everything together. That first night at the campground, when I saw that strange flash of light in the sky . . . ?

  Izlank?

  Yeah. He was announcing his arrival. I was terrified.

  But you accepted him in other lives.

  I didn't have you in other lives, Jim.

  Are you saying I'm that special? I don't think so.

  Mary laughed. No, I had many wonderful partners in previous lives, but Izlank always managed to come between us. I'm so sorry I deceived you, but can you see now why I couldn't tell you?

  I would have thought you wer
e crazy.

  Exactly. It came to a harrowing end, didn't it?

  Yeah. But we have your father on our side, now.

  Mary patted Jim's arm. You and my father have set me free, Jim.

  ---

  The wedding was beautiful, and Mary was a stunningly beautiful bride. When the minister asked, 'Who gives this woman away in holy matrimony,' Katherine stood up proudly and said, Her father and I. Mary choked back tears.

  When the wedding was over, and when it was time for Mary and Jim to leave on their honeymoon, Jim smiled at himself for having the brains to give Mary a most original wedding present. I have something for you, he said.

  What? Show me, she said excitedly. Mary's eyes were bright with happiness.

  He led her out into the street. There sat a '57 Chevy, black, with chrome mufflers.

  Where is it? she asked. What are you giving me?

  Jim pointed. It's there. There's your wedding gift. Do you like it?

  Mary's eyes suddenly went wide. I . . . I love it, Jim! I love it! Come on! Drive me away!

  Nope, nope. He shook his head. It's not my car. It's your car. You're driving.

  But I need . . .

  Done, he interrupted. He felt the eyes of his mother and of Katherine on his back. They predicted that Mary would love the car. They were right. Mothers were always right. He opened the driver's side door.

  The controls! They're cross linked so I can drive it! She kissed him hard. A cheer from the wedding guests who were now gathered on the curb went up.

  Don't thank me for that. Thank Matt-Mr. Mechanic. He did all this for you. Jim glanced at Matt who was standing nearby.

  Matthew, Mary said, come here.

  He went to her and she kissed him. Thank you, Matthew. You and my banjo man are two very conniving people.

  I know, he said. That's why you love us so much.

  Mary pushed herself out of her manual chair. She folded it up and put it behind the front seat. Then she lowered herself into the car seat, her wedding dress spilling to the floor and filling the cabin with billows of satin and netting. Jim waved to the guests and made an expression as if he was terrified of Mary's driving. Then he got in the car and closed the door. Mary kissed him again and started the engine. She jammed the accelerator lever and Jim's head snapped back as the tires squealed against the road. Mary smiled at him in that way that filled Jim with the love she had for him. He looked down the road. Then he looked at Mary. Drive on, high priestess, drive on, he said.