First Sight

by Danielle Steel

  “I don’t want to work the crowd, Zack,” she pointed out to him. “I’m one of the people who get worked, which is exactly why I don’t go out very often. I’m not interested in showing off or being in the press. I’ve been there, done that. There’s nothing in it for me. I have PR people to get my company in the press. I don’t need to be in it myself. Why? What’s the point? They just say shit about me I don’t like. If you want to work the crowd, as you put it, maybe you should be with someone else. Or pay your own way to St. Bart’s.” She knew the last was a low blow, below the belt, but she had had enough. It made it sound as though she had to make it worth his while to be there, or why bother being with her. She hated everything he had said. It was everything she was not. He had completely missed the point about who she was, and how she lived. Or maybe he hadn’t. Actually, he had gotten some of it fairly accurately, but he had been vicious about the way he threw it at her. She felt as though she’d been slapped, and almost wanted to do the same to him.

  “Look, it was nice of you to bring me,” he said, calming down a little. “I appreciate it. It’s just that this isn’t me. It may be you, but this place feels like a cemetery to me. And the only three people we met that I wanted to talk to, you blew off, and wouldn’t sit down to lunch with them. Did you do that to screw me over, or prove how powerful you are, or did you honestly not figure out what a lunch like that could mean to my career?”

  “What career?” she asked angrily. “You do commercials, and you’re a model. You’re forty-one years old, no matter how good you look. It’s too late, Zack. No one is going to make you a big star.”

  “You don’t know that,” he said, even angrier than he’d been before. He didn’t want to hear the truth from her. In his own eyes, he was still a boy.

  “Yes, I do,” Timmie said firmly. “I know Hollywood a lot better than you do.”

  “Like hell you do,” he said angrily. “You’re so dead and over the hill, you wouldn’t know what they do in Hollywood if it bit you on the ass.”

  “That’s enough,” she said in a shaking tone, and walked back into their room from the lanai. It was half an hour later when he finally wandered in, and by then her bags were packed. He looked startled when he saw what she’d done. She had packed his bags as well. She had already called the desk. They were booked on the red-eye out of Honolulu that night. She wasn’t staying with him after everything he had said, about her, and her way of life, and his reasons for being there. She had finally heard enough. There was no way to pretend now that he was even her friend. He wasn’t. She knew he wasn’t in love with her. But as it turned out, he didn’t even like her. He was using her, which seemed to be his only reason for being with her at all, and he was furious that she hadn’t helped him do it. She realized then that the past six months must have been not only boring, but frustrating for him.

  “What are you doing?” he asked with a look of surprise. He was still wearing his wet bathing suit and a towel. She had left out jeans, a shirt, underwear, and flip-flops for him.

  “We’re leaving tonight,” she said, heading for the bathroom to get dressed.

  “Why?” He looked stunned.

  “Are you kidding? Do you think I’m going to sit here and listen to that kind of shit from you, and stick around? You’ll be back in L.A. tomorrow morning. You can still catch a flight to St. Bart’s.”

  “You know I’m not going to St. Bart’s.” They both knew he couldn’t afford the ticket. He had been mouthing off at her expense. And he had been cruel, and rude. And disrespectful. She had no intention whatsoever of staying there with him. Their relationship had been limited and never a dream come true for either of them, but he had never openly admitted to her before the degree to which he was using her, for connections, exposure, and future work. It was just too blatant for her now. She was done. There were no illusions left about what he was doing with her or why he stuck around.

  “Whether you go to St. Bart’s or not is up to you. I’m going home, and so are you.”

  “Don’t make it such a big deal,” he said, trying to cool her off. He clearly didn’t want to cut the vacation short, but it was too late for that. And there were a lot of things about her he liked. The relationship offered him more than it did her. It always had.

  “It may not be a big deal to you, but it is to me. You don’t have to pretend you’re madly in love with me, to hang around in my life. But you have to at least like me, and not just use me. And I don’t think you ever did like me. And I’m even less sure now that I like you. Actually, right now I don’t. You had a brat fit when I didn’t take you to Europe, which I didn’t owe you, by the way. We had been dating for exactly four months, and I didn’t owe it to you to drag you through half the fancy hotels in Europe while I worked my ass off. You didn’t call me in Paris when I was sick. And when I called you, you said you were glad I was, that it was what I deserved because I hadn’t taken you along. You saw to it that you were out of town when I got home, just to prove a point. And now you’re pissed off that I brought you to Hawaii and the people here aren’t fancy enough for you, and I’m not helping you work the crowd on the beach. Well, guess what? I’m not going to help you do that. And frankly, I’d rather be home alone. You’re my antidote to loneliness, because I’m too fucking scared and lonely to spend the weekends alone. Well, to hell with it, I’d rather be by myself than be used. So we, my dear, are going home. You can work someone else over next year and have them take you to St. Bart’s. Frankly, I don’t give a damn. We’re leaving the hotel in half an hour.” And with that, she walked into her bathroom and slammed the door.

  There was another one in the suite for him to use. She hadn’t been this angry in a long time, and for once, although it was rare for her, her temper matched her hair. He had just proven everything that Jade said about him. He really was a using little shit, and he had been trying to take advantage of her. She had been aware of the inequities in the relationship all along, and chose to turn a blind eye to them. But in Hawaii he had crammed the obvious down her throat. She might have been more forgiving if she’d been in love with him. But she wasn’t. The relationship was easy and comfortable for both of them, but no more than that. And she wasn’t willing to be used as blatantly as he had just tried to do. It was the end of the road for her.

  The only good news was that all he had really gotten out of her was a Cartier watch and a trip to Hawaii. It was no big deal, except that her feelings were hurt and she felt exploited. That was always the trouble with getting involved with men like Zack. Eventually, they went too far, and he just had. It was always a matter of time before it fell apart.

  She came out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, in jeans, a T-shirt, a denim jacket, and a shawl. She was wearing sandals, and had wet hair. She had just stepped out of the shower. Zack was sitting in a chair brooding, in his Hawaiian shirt and jeans that she had left out for him. He didn’t say a word to her, as he followed her out of the room. He was well aware that he had crossed the line, and didn’t want to make things worse. As they walked toward the lobby, he asked her if she was sure she didn’t want to stay. He didn’t say he was sorry, but it was obvious that he felt uncomfortable and nervous. He had just blown a golden opportunity and four more days in Hawaii, however dull he thought the place was. It was still a free Hawaiian vacation, and she was still Timmie O.

  “I’m absolutely sure I don’t want to stay,” she said as they reached the desk. What he didn’t understand, and probably never would, was that she was not angry as much as hurt. No one, particularly in her position, wanted to feel like a pathetic old cow that was being milked, and apparently that had been his only intention all along. And he was complaining because the milk wasn’t quite sweet or plentiful enough for him, instead of enjoying what he got.

  Timmie checked them out of the hotel, and a cab took them to the airport. They didn’t say a word to each other on the ride there. There was nothing left to say. He had said it all, and so had she. And he knew the
re was no way to backtrack now. The opportunity had been blown. They flew to Honolulu on Aloha Airlines, and had a two-hour layover there. Zack walked away from her and used his cell phone, and she wandered aimlessly through the airport shops, trying to avoid him, and asking herself if she’d been too harsh. She didn’t think she had been. She had hated everything he’d said to her, and even if it had been said in anger, it had an ugly ring of truth to it, and she suspected he had meant everything he had said. He was furious that she hadn’t given him more opportunities to network at her expense than she had. He may not have been her Prince Charming, but he had definitely just exposed himself as Prince Shit. By the time she got back to the gate, she knew she had done the right thing.

  They checked in at the gate for a full flight, and she was relieved to discover that they had been seated apart in first class. She had no desire whatsoever to sit next to him. They were seated in different rows on separate sides of the plane. And they made no effort to rearrange their seats or trade with anyone. The seating arrangements suited her just fine. She did her best to sleep on the flight, with little success. The man seated next to her fell asleep right after takeoff, and snored loudly for the entire flight. The air conditioning was ice cold. And she was too upset to sleep. She couldn’t see Zack from where she sat, and didn’t see him again until they got off in L.A. He walked over to talk to her, as they waited for their bags. Theirs were among the first ones off, which was something of a relief. At least they didn’t have to stand there awkwardly, waiting for them. It was just after six in the morning, L.A. time.

  “I’m sorry about the way things worked out,” he muttered under his breath, and didn’t meet her eyes, although she was looking squarely at him, wondering who he had been all along. Apparently no one very nice. She had never thought he was a hero, and she had always known he enjoyed the perks she could offer him, but she had never thought his intentions were quite as blatant as they were. He had given her a lot to swallow in Hawaii, and she had decided on the flight home that it was for the best. He had done her a favor showing his hand. It was time anyway, she told herself. The Zacks in her life never lasted more than six months. His time was up. And maybe this was the last Zack she’d have. She didn’t want to do this again. What was the point? It was an utter and total waste of time, and a lot of the time it hadn’t been fun, or even good sex. Maybe it really was better having nothing at all, if not love. She was tired of being with the wrong guy, one she didn’t even care about, and who cared nothing about her. Maybe the era of Zacks had come to an end. She was feeling that that might be the case. Maybe being alone, instead of with the wrong man, wouldn’t be so bad after all. It had taken her eleven years since her divorce to get to this point. She was ready to face life alone at last, without a husband, or a man.

  “I’m sorry too,” she said as she picked up her bag. “Good luck,” she said, and he didn’t answer, as she walked out to the sidewalk to hail a cab. There was one waiting at the curb and she got in. She didn’t turn back to see Zack, nor did she offer him a ride. He had had all he was going to get from her. She gave the driver her address in Bel Air and rode home, free at last.

  Chapter 9

  After sleeping for a few hours, Timmie drove to Malibu on the afternoon of New Year’s Eve. She didn’t call anyone to say she’d come back. She was sure all of her friends had plans by then. And she knew David and Jade both had dates. She didn’t want to be with them. All she wanted now was to be alone. She didn’t even need to lick her wounds. There were none. She felt free and more alive than she had in years. She had no regrets about ending the relationship with Zack. All she felt was freedom and relief, and a sense of her own power. Zack had hit hard, but maybe it was what she needed to hear, she told herself, as she drove out to the beach. He had done her a favor after all, rather than lingering for the next several months, trying to take advantage of her and angry that he couldn’t. She had even been thinking of taking him to the spring ready to wear shows, just to keep the relationship going for a few more months. It would have been incredibly stupid, but she hadn’t wanted a scene like the one before, and she knew what it would take to keep him around, if that was what she wanted. In any case, he had solved that problem in Hawaii. She didn’t have to worry about it anymore. She felt cured of the breed forever, or maybe any man. She could sense that she was about to embark on one of her long spells of celibacy, and she didn’t regret it at all. She was glad she hadn’t stayed with him in Hawaii, and that she’d had the guts to end it and come home.

  She spent New Year’s Eve alone in front of the fire in her living room in Malibu. It was crisp and clear, and she stood on the deck in the darkness and looked at the moon, grateful for her life, and suddenly no longer afraid to be alone. There was something a lot cleaner about it that way, being with men like Zack just dragged her down. She was suddenly convinced she’d be happier alone. For the first time ever she felt totally independent and strong.

  She woke at nine o’clock on New Year’s Day, and went for a long walk on the beach. It was a beautiful winter day, and she spent the rest of the weekend quiet and solitary, enjoying her house in Malibu. She felt surprisingly good, and totally at peace. Predictably, Zack never called, and she didn’t think he would again. She had been through this before. Men like him vanished into thin air when the ride was over. Thank you, bye, it’s been nice, or not so nice, and they were gone. Once in a while, they stayed friends, but not often. Men like Zack were incapable of real friendship with anyone, and surely not with her.

  She stayed at the beach until Sunday morning, and then stopped at St. Cecilia’s for a while, to wish them a happy New Year on the way home. She had lunch with the sisters and the kids, and then went back to Bel Air, where she worked until she went to bed. She was at her office at eight the next morning. Jade was startled when she got in and saw her there. Timmie looked businesslike and busy, and had already made all her morning calls to New York. She smiled as she handed Jade a stack of files. Jade noticed instantly that Timmie looked happy and relaxed.

  “Happy New Year,” Timmie said with a smile.

  “How was Hawaii?” Jade could see something in Timmie’s eyes, but she wasn’t sure what it was. Whatever it was she looked happier than she had in a long time.

  “Short,” Timmie said cryptically in answer to her question. But Jade had gotten the message in the single word.

  “You came home early?” Timmie nodded. “When?”

  “On the thirty-first. In the morning. We took the red-eye from Honolulu the night before.” Timmie didn’t look upset about it. For the first time ever, a relationship had ended, and she was glad.

  “Uh-oh. What happened?” She was almost afraid to ask, but Timmie looked fine. In fact, she hadn’t looked as well in a long time.

  “Apparently, Zack wasn’t getting the networking opportunities with me he thought he needed and deserved. So I gave him the opportunity to move on.” She looked at Jade and smiled. “I’m done. I think he was the last of the breed. I think I’d rather join a convent than do one of those again. I felt like a complete fool when he told me how boring I am. He’s right, I guess. But I’m not about to go to every premiere I get invited to, to please him, or start hanging out in clubs and bars with his sleazy twelve-year-old friends.” Jade grinned as she listened. Whatever else Timmie did from now on, Jade was glad he was gone. He wasn’t worthy of her, and had never been. David stuck his head in the door as they were talking about it, and saw the intent look on Timmie’s face as she told Jade what had happened.

  “What’s up? Something in New York?” Jade shook her head, and Timmie looked at him with a smile.

  “No more Zack. We blew up in Hawaii.”

  “I hope you blew him up and not the reverse,” David said, looking worried, and Timmie laughed.

  “I guess you could say that. He dropped a bomb, and I dropped a bigger one. We had a nice week before that, so it was fine. His time was up anyway,” she said ruefully. “His six-month visa had expired.
”

  “I hope you took away his passport as he left the magic kingdom.” David grinned.

  “Who knows. I guess he’ll find someone else like me who’ll parade him around and give him what he wants. All I felt was stupid when it was over. It was a waste of time,” she said honestly. She was never afraid to admit her mistakes or frailties to them, which was one of the things they both admired about her. Timmie was never afraid to be humble or wrong.

  “Better stupid than sad, or seriously depressed,” David said sensibly, and then glanced at Jade with a look of interest. “How was New Year’s Eve?”

  “Hot,” Jade said as she beamed. She had gone out with the architect again. They had had several dates in the past few weeks, and he had given her a beautiful Gucci bag for Christmas. She had given him a cashmere sweater from Timmie O’s top line. They had both loved their gifts, and things were starting to get hot and heavy with them, which David and Timmie had both warned her was a little too soon, but she seemed happy, and she reported that the architect was too. They had gone skiing over the New Year weekend. And David had had a date with a new girl. So all was well in their world, and at least peaceful in Timmie’s. More than anything, she felt relieved.

  The three of them worked hard for the rest of the day, and for the next week. They had a lot of work to do related to the spring and summer lines. In February they were presenting their collection at the ready to wear shows in New York, and going back to Milan and Paris immediately after. Jade was busy setting up the trip. And this time, they were giving a fancy dinner party at the Plaza Athénée. They couldn’t get off the hook again.

  Jade and Timmie were going over the details for it in early January, and Jade handed her the guest list to see if anyone should be deleted or added. All the local fashion press was on the list, along with several editors from Vogue, major buyers, some important textile people, and a few important clients. And then for no apparent reason, Timmie frowned.