by Lori Ryan
Go find your passion.
He wasn’t sure where this new life would take him, but he was sure of one thing. He was tired of waiting for his little girl to forgive him. It was time to take back control. He was a father after all.
Stepping with purpose, he made his way into the study and sat down in front of the laptop. Opening the lid, he read through his email again then pressed send. With one swipe of his finger, he’d cut the cord, and hopefully dodged the shit storm Todd Douglas had started.
Jake turned and grabbed the envelope with the return address from the DNA lab. Without thinking he reached over and stuffed the unopened letter into the shredder. He didn’t need test results to know Becca was his. Biological or not, she was his, and he would fight for her, every day.
Grabbing the package from Devlin, he tucked it under his arm and headed toward the garage. He was unsure and scared and a million other things but one emotion was constant—his love for his daughter. She was his passion, and he’d be damned if he spent another moment without her.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jake parked in front of Phoebe and Steven’s home, a row house located in Pacific Heights, an exclusive area of San Francisco. He’d called her thirty minutes before to ensure they’d be home. Now that he was sitting in his car, suddenly his courage waned. What if Becca truly didn’t want to be part of his life?
No. He refused to entertain the thought. He’d faced legislators and lobbyists, all demanding something from him, all insisting he see things their way. He could definitely face his five-year-old daughter. Although the prospect felt more daunting than anything he’d ever done before. Probably because for the first time in his life, his heart was involved.
Mustering all his courage, he reached for the package sitting on his passenger seat and opened the car door. Saying a silent pray, he bounded up the steps to Phoebe and Steven’s home. Before he could knock, Phoebe had the door pulled open.
“Oh, Jake. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Really?” He wasn’t sure why her comment surprised him. He stepped into their home. “May I see her?”
“Of course.” Phoebe nodded to the stairs. “She’s up in her room.”
Jake rushed to the stairs but stopped on the first step, glancing back.
Steven stood in the hallway, glancing up at him. “You here to pick up Jenni?” he asked, his protective father glare in full display.
Jake snuck a peak at Phoebe, her eyes wide with worry before looking back at Steven. “Yes sir,” he paused. “If that’s all right with you and Mrs. Howard.”
Steven glanced over at Phoebe. “Is he a good boy?”
Phoebe smiled, her expression warming Jake’s heart. “He’s the best, Steven.”
Steven nodded once. “Well, all right.” He raised a finger. “But you have her home by ten o’clock or else. I have a shotgun and a shovel and I’m not afraid to use them.”
Jake bit back a laugh. “Will do sir. Will do.”
With one final nod, Steven disappeared down the hallway.
“Thank you,” Phoebe said in relief. “He’s been talking about Jenni a lot more since we’ve been home.”
Dark circles shadowed her blue eyes and a pang of sympathy hit Jake square in the gut. She was so worn out, all he wanted to do was help her. He hoped in taking custody of Becca he would lessen her load, while still making sure she saw as much of her granddaughter as she wanted to.
“Thank you,” he said.
Tears welled in her eyes. “Go.” She shooed him away.
Jake laughed. She sounded so much like his own mother, he couldn’t help but smile.
“No matter what she’s been saying, I know she wants to see you, Jake. Don’t let her chase you off. She’s a tough one, that granddaughter of mine, just like her mother, but you’re the parent here. It’s time to be one.”
He turned to face her, wanting to assure her. “Phoebe, I’ll never take Becca away from you and Steven. Wherever we go, whatever we do, I’d like you to be close. For Becca.” He hesitated, swallowing down his emotions. “And for me.”
She smiled, her eyes brighter now. “I’d like that, Jake.” They stood in silence for a long moment. “Go,” she said again. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”
He nodded, hoping he wouldn’t but the thought that she’d be close if he screwed this up comforted him.
He rushed up the remaining steps, walking down the short hallway toward Becca’s room. He’d been to Phoebe’s house many times, meeting with Becca as they acclimated to one another.
Standing just outside her open doorway, her heard her speaking. It sounded as if she were reading a book to someone.
“You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”
It was Oh the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss. He’d read the book to Becca each night before bedtime. It had been one of his favorites growing up and he’d bought her a copy to keep.
“Although,” Becca said to someone inside, “we’re not guys. I mean, you are Dog, but I’m not. I’m a gal. That’s what my Aunt Sally says. She says we’re gal pals.”
Tears pricked his eyes. His biggest fear was that his daughter had already forgotten him. Her words showed she hadn’t. She hadn’t forgotten about him, or his family.
He leaned his head around the doorway, surprised to see her room had changed. Over her bed was a hooped canopy, the sheer material draping down and surrounding her bed in a gauzy haze. Lights fell from the hoop down along the material then wrapped around each bed post. The room looked eerily similar to another woman he was falling for.
Lina.
It was obvious the woman had made on impact on his daughter’s life. And his.
“Hey, Becca,” he said softly.
Through the gauzy material, he saw her sit up ram-rod straight, tossing the book behind her. “What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice rigid like her body.
“I brought you something.” He held up the package.
She sat still, her gaze determined. Even through the thin material he could see her expression was unreadable and his heart sank.
If he had to, he would tell her they had to talk, that it was time and he was going to insist on it as the adult. As her father. But he didn’t want to do that.
“It’s from me and Aunt Devlin.” Maybe Devlin’s name would give him an in. The two seemed to have bonded in their short time in Canyon Creek.
“Aunt Devlin already sent me something,” she said.
“Oh really?” Well, at least she wasn’t yelling at him. Yet. Taking a chance, he stepped further into the room. “What did she send you?”
Becca hesitated as if trying to figure out if he was friend or foe.
“She sent me some books.”
Jake glanced at her bed, not surprised to see books spread out everywhere. Stuffed animals were lined up around the bed railing as if listening in rapt attention. He noticed Dog was snuggled in her lap.
“What kind of books?” he asked, stepping closer.
“All kinds,” she said, looking down at her bed.
“Okay if I come in and give you my gift?”
Her head snapped up and she stared at him.
What would he do if she said no? Without waiting, he took a piece of the gauzy material and draped it over her bedpost.
Becca sat in a bright yellow dress, encrusted with sequins and lace. It sparkled from the lights above and clearly wasn’t one of the store bought costume dresses he’d seen online. She was beautiful. Like a princess out of a fairy tale.
“I love your dress,” he said.
She absently rubbed her hand down the front. “Aunt Sally sent it to me.”
Of course she did, he thought.
“She said her daughter made it for me. It’s Belle’s dress. From Beauty and the Beast.”
“Yes, I can see that,” he said.
“Aunt Sally said next time I see her that Mia can do my hair up like Belle, t
oo. Mia is a hair person.”
Jake nodded, never more grateful for his Aunt Sally and his dopey girl cousins.
“Aunt Sally said I can be Belle for Halloween this year since my mommy wasn’t able to make my dress.” Becca’s head fell and she rubbed Dog’s ears.
She had lost her mother. She was losing her grandfather. And now Jake wanted to take her away from the only home she’d ever known. Would she want to be with him?
Becca glanced up, her eyes glazed over. “Aunt Sally said they have a big trick or treat party in Canyon Creek. All the kids get to go around town and get candy and then they all go to her boyfriend’s resort and have hot chocolate.”
“Yeah, we do. It was always fun when I was a kid. Would you like to go this year?”
She stared at him for a long time, her eyes unreadable.
“You don’t want me.” She didn’t break eye contact as she said it.
“That’s not true,” he said, scooting closer.
“That’s what you told your brother. You said you need to let me go.”
Tears welled in her eyes.
“Oh, God, Becca, no. That’s not what I meant at all.” He moved to grasp her but she scurried back against the railing, clutching Dog. He was scaring her. “How long have you had Dog?” he asked, trying to change the subject.
Becca stared down at her stuffed animal and shrugged.
“A long time?” he asked.
She nodded, her head still down.
“I bet you loved him the first time you saw him, huh?”
Her head snapped up and she stared at him.
“You know Dog was made a long time before you ever met him, right?” he said. “Someone stitched him together and stuffed him with cotton.”
She held Dog up, inspecting him.
“And then he went on a truck to the store and the sales people had to unload him and put him on the shelf. Then he sat there for a long time until one day, someone stopped and fell in love with him and bought him.”
Becca’s eyes snapped to his.
“And they loved you so much, they gave Dog to you. And you’ve loved him ever since, right? Even though you didn’t know him always. Even though he wasn’t always with you.”
Becca shrugged.
They sat in silence. He’d pictured this going a lot smoother, like one of Becca’s Walt Disney movies.
She nodded toward his package. “What did you bring me?”
He’d completely forgotten. Maybe his gift would speak to her, tell her all the things he hadn’t been able to. Slowly he slid the book out of its envelope and held it up.
On the soft cover was a photograph of Becca sitting in a field of wildflowers at the lodge. Devlin had taken her camera with them on one of their many outings and had captured the heart of who his daughter was.
“That’s me,” she said, touching the cover.
“There are a lot more of you on the inside. Your mom’s in there, and your grandmother and grandfather, too.”
She stared up at him, wide-eyed. “My mommy is in there?”
He nodded. The idea to write a book for Becca had come to him weeks ago. She loved books, expressed herself through written words, so he thought maybe he could, too. He’d contacted Phoebe and she’d sent several photos of their family to include.
Jake handed Becca the book and she stared down at it, her fingertips tracing over the title.
He’d written words from his heart, knowing she’d probably be able to read them, but dreaming that if she couldn’t, she’d let him read it to her until that time came.
“Always and Forever,” she whispered. She pointed to his name at the bottom. “By Jakey Sumner, inspired by Becca Howard.” Her eyes met his. “Jakey,” she giggled.
He blew out a sigh of relief. Thank God, she was smiling.
“Well, that’s what you call me, right?”
“Yeah,” she said softly. She opened the book slowly and studied the words and the photos. “I can’t read it.” She sounded disappointed and a little peeved.
He hadn’t stuck to her reading level. She would catch up to this book in a year or less, he would guess.
“I can read it to you if you want.”
“Did you really write it?” she asked.
He nodded.
Her gaze went from him to the book and back to him again. “Okay,” she handed the book back and scooted over on the bed, making room for him.
Jake had seen many gestures of kindness in his life, but none had hit him as hard as his own daughter moving, making room for him in her bed, and hopefully in her life.
He kicked off his shoes and moved toward her, but Becca stopped him. “Close the curtain,” she said, nodding toward the material surrounding them.
“Okay.” He reached out and untucked the veil, allowing it to fall, encapsulating them in a shrine of sorts. He crawled toward her, nestling beside her, his legs extending almost to the other end of her bed.
“You’re tall,” she said, staring up at him.
“You should have seen my dad,” he laughed.
“Was he taller?”
“Oh yeah, really tall.”
“Do you miss him?” she asked.
“Every day,” he said quietly, his throating seeming to close. “Every day.”
Becca nodded. “I miss my mommy, too.”
“We’ve both lost our parents,” Jake said. “It sucks.”
“Aunt Sally said me and you are peas in a pod.”
“It’s you and I,” he corrected.
She wrinkled her nose.
“Sorry,” he said, smiling.
“What did Aunt Sally mean, peas in a pod?”
“It means that we’re a lot alike.”
She sat quietly, contemplating his words, as she often did. “What does pod mean?”
“Well,” he shifted and settled in, “it can be the outside of a bean or like a container that holds something inside. Kind of like your canopy here. It’s holding me and you together.”
“Like peas?” she smiled.
“Like peas,” he nodded, returning her expression.
“Peas in a pod,” she said quietly. Her wide eyes met his. “Read.”
“Oh, yeah.” He’d totally forgotten about the book. He cleared his throat. “Always and Forever,” he started, “by Jakey Sumner, inspired by Becca Howard.”
He looked down at her, finding her brows furrowed. “What?”
“If you’re my dad will I have the same name as you?”
His heart stopped. Was she considering letting him into her life, to become her father? Finally?
“Only if you want to,” he said. “I’ll change your birth certificate so it will say I’m your father, but you don’t have to change your name if you don’t want to. It might be something you want to do when you’re older.” He didn’t say, or not at all. He didn’t have the heart.
She stared off, again as if contemplating this.
Knowing it was best not to push her, he cleared his throat and opened the book.
“To my daughter, Becca,” he read. “My always and forever.”
She bit her lip and squeezed Dog tight. Taking her cue, he wrapped an arm around Becca and pulled her close. “Turn the page,” he said.
She did.
It was a picture of Jake and Becca, her on his back as he pretended to be a bucking bronco.
She laughed.
“You weren’t mine from the start,” he read, “I know that much is true. But even from that first day, I’ve always been with you.”
She turned to look at him. “Your rhyming sucks.”
Jake couldn’t help the bark of laughter in response. “Hey, it’s my first book. Go easy on me.”
He nodded to the book when she gave him a small smile and she turned the page.
There were two photos. On one side was Jenni snuggled up on the couch, holding Becca as a newborn. Jenni kissed the forehead of her sleeping daughter. Their daughter. On the opposing page was Steven, pushing Becca
in a swing, her legs tossed about, both their smiles wide.
He continued reading. “I wasn’t there to say hello, on the day that you were born.” He sat silently as Becca studied the picture of her mother.
“That’s me,” she whispered.
“Yeah, that’s you.” He reached his free hand up and stroked her head. “Turn the page,” he said.
This photo was of Becca and Max, sprawled out on the floor of his and Devlin’s home. Becca had forced them to watch Beauty and the Beast for the hundredth time. Becca sat on top of Max’s back, her elbows on his shoulders, her hands propped under her chin as they stared at the television intently. His pose matched hers.
“Or watch Walt Disney movies, while snacking on popcorn.”
She giggled and it filled him with joy, and hope, and love. Without being told she turned the next page.
This was a picture of Jake on his back, holding Becca up in the air with his feet. Her arms were spread wide like she was an airplane, her knees bent up. The majestic range of Canyon Creek Mountain filled the background.
“But even then, I felt you,” he read, “deep inside my heart. My love for you grew stronger, even though we were apart.”
She glanced up at him in what looked like disbelief.
“Turn,” he said.
Across this page was a picture that Becca had drawn of her and her mom. They’d been coloring one day and he’d asked her to draw her favorite day. It was her and her mother at the beach. He’d kept the picture and had it printed in the book.
“Like the ocean deep and wide, and the waters oh so blue,” he went on. “My love for you kept growing, every day, just like you.” He snuggled her close.
She turned to the next page, a smile spreading wide. It was her and his mom, in the kitchen cooking.
“I know you didn’t see me then,” he read, “but I was right there all along. Waiting until the day we met, my love for you grew strong.”
Becca glanced up at him. “We were making spaghetti sauce that day,” she said.
“I remember.”
She turned the page and they both stared down at the picture of Old Settler’s Park. The creek flowed just beyond the sloping terrain with the mountain rising high beyond.
