For Love or Country

by Jesse Jordan

  “We'll see what the Comm and Supe say, but after his more or less lying about Ashley, the Board wasn't feeling very merciful. They recommended separation.”

  Cara hums, nodding. “I bet. You never knew Cade Edwards, did you?”

  “I'd seen him around DFL, we're both foreign language majors,” I reply, “but our languages didn't overlap. I'm focusing on French and Russian, while he's in Chinese, and I guess French was his secondary language.”

  “Then you don't really know how he operates. He and I were in the same battalion as Plebes and Yuks. He made a lot of enemies, not that anyone would really say it to his face. He had that year of prior service, and the TACs loved the guy. I mean, look at him. He's a goddamn recruiting poster brought to life, with that build and everything. But... fuck Simon, he's one of those types who have the up front charisma to work his way into your confidence, but I'd heard from people, he'd use what he learned against you. Never directly, but a lot of people who tried to oppose him got hamstrung when their backs were turned. He tried to come after me at one point when he figured out about my.... never mind.”

  I nod, and sit up, sighing. “Either way, it's in the hands above us now. You would have been so proud of Ash, Cara. She sat there and never once blinked. I don't think I had balls that big when I was a first semester Yuk.”

  “Not what I've heard, big boy,” Cara teases, then shakes her head. “Jesus, how do you do it?”

  “What?” I ask. “Talk about my balls so much?”

  “No, you idiot. You realize when I was First Sergeant, the last person I wanted to be buddies with was you? I knew your rep, like I said you tagged Ronnie Mitchell. I've had my fill of players in my life. But now here I am, and you're one of my favorite Firsties in the company. How'd you pull that off?”

  “You can thank Ash for that, I think,” I reply honestly. “She's special like that. Kinda like Tammy is, I bet.”

  Cara looks over, giving me a measured look, then nods slowly. “Maybe. Either way, I'd say you can spend the rest of today not worrying about the Honor Board, but just be a good boyfriend. Hey, mind if I ask you a personal question on that?”

  “Fire for effect, go.”

  “You love her?” Cara asks quietly after a moment. “I mean, are you in love with her?”

  I consider the option carefully. I've never said I've been in love before, to be honest after what my mother did to me I've had a hard time trusting any woman. Until Ashley, sex was just a fun game, a partner based way to blow off a little stress, and I'm damn good at it. But Ashley... she's different. “I... I think I may be. What about you?”

  “Yeah,” Cara says, smiling a little shyly, something I've never seen her do, and it makes her look cute. “We're going to stay down low, but yeah, I do. Who the hell knows if it's going to last. I hope it does, but yeah, I really do.”

  “Congrats. So does that mean you're not going to choke me out if I fuck up, oh great grappler?”

  Cara laughs, and shakes her head. “Nope, no choke outs. Break your arm maybe, but no choke outs. Come on, chill. We're Firsties, we find out our branch in two weeks, and we've got the whole world in the palm of our hands. Enjoy it.”

  Ashley

  When I sat in the stands at Michie Stadium four years ago, I thought that perhaps the Academy had people sit here because they were being efficient. It's a good place to process a lot of people quickly.

  Walking onto the turf now, dressed in my full dress with a white skirt, a new thought comes to me. Perhaps it's a result of my major, I loved doing Art, Philosophy, and Literature, or maybe I'm just feeling a bit... I don't know, prematurely nostalgic. I mean officially, I'm not even graduated just yet, I've still got about two hours to go.

  The line of my fellow classmates in front of me is long, after my Yearling scramble I ended up all the way in the back, I-4, the “I-beam” of the Corps. Or, as some of my more sarcastic company mates called us, “Last To March.”

  The ceremony begins, I'm soon sort of lost in a daze. In what seems like an instant, it's time for the speeches. The Supe, in his last year here before retiring, talks quickly, keeping his comments short and to the point. Then, he turns it over to the Secretary of Defense.

  “It is perhaps with a sense of irony, I feel, that the Superintendent, the Commandant, the Dean and myself get to hand out diplomas, deeming you ready to take on the mantle of leadership of the Army,” the Sec Def says, already boring me to tears and he's barely two minutes in. “We, who grew up in a world where the big bad guys were from one place, and rose through the ranks in a world with unchallenged American hegemony, only to see the challenges of the most recent generation, we're supposed to be saying you're ready. For a world with challenges we have never faced, a world where the problems are due to the mistakes of our generation, and we're asking you, the newest group of officers, to clean up our mess.”

  Now this is interesting. I wonder if the Sec Def is going to have a job after this is all over, but at least he's showing personality in his speech.

  “But this is not a challenge the Corps hasn't faced before. Douglas MacArthur, in his famous speech to the Corps, said it better than I ever could. From your ranks come the great captains who hold the nation's destiny in their hands the moment the war tocsin sounds. The Long Gray Line has never failed us. Were you to do so, a million ghosts in olive drab, in brown khaki, in blue and gray, would rise from their white crosses thundering those magic words – Duty – Honor – Country. Look to your left and right, for there you will find the strength to continue and to prevail in the new world upon which you are embarking. Looking out on you now, I am certain that the Long Gray Line is in as sure a set of hands as when MacArthur gave his speech over fifty years ago. Thank you.”

  There's scattered applause at the somber tone of the Sec Def's speech, but soon the cheers and applause start again as the diplomas start to be handed out. When it's I-4's turn, I stand along with my company mates and walk towards the stage, taking my diploma from the Commandant before walking off stage and saluting Captain Preston, I-4's TAC and going back to my seat.

  “GO ASH!” I hear from the stands, and I can't help it, I smile at the voice. Two years since his own walk in Michie, and while we've said it numerous times: when he graduated, when he had to go to flight school, when I missed out on Aviation because of my barely less than perfect eyes and ended up with the Transportation Corps. We’ve said so often that we should take the time to see other people, but we've always circled back to each other. One of us would reach out to the other, an e-mail, a phone call, something... and we'd be back together again.

  As I cross the area by Second Regiment, I see Tammy sitting with her company mates in E-2, and she gives me a thumbs up as well as a laugh. I return the gesture, and return to my seat.

  I barely have a chance to sit down before we're all standing up again, this time to sing the Alma Mater before holding up our hands and swearing an oath to uphold the Constitution, similar but slightly different than the oath I took on R-day. Five minutes later, and we're dismissed, with the familiar flinging of our hats into the air in celebration.

  “Tammy!” I yell, looking for my friend. She's looking for me too, and we hug, clapping each other hard on the backs and congratulating each other. “We did it!”

  “Thanks to you,” Tammy says, setting me down. She's gotten stronger, added pounds of muscle that have taken her from the little waifish girl I knew to a stocky Amazonian figure, but she's still got that same sweet personality that's made us besties. “I heard your cheering section.”

  “Yours is just too disciplined,” I tease, leaving my arm around her shoulder as we look around. “Where are they, anyway? I figured they'd sit together.”

  Tammy tugs on my arm, and I see Simon, grinning as he crosses the turf, and I let go of Tammy to run into his arms. Simon grabs me and swings me around in a circle before setting me down and kissing me hard. We haven't seen each other face to face since Christmas break, and it's good to hold him in
my arms again. “Hey you, I should send you away more often if you're going to greet me like that every time.”

  “If I need to, I'll kiss you like this every day to keep from being sent away,” Simon growls, his hands bumping against the two brass buttons on the back of my uniform that delineate my lower back from my butt. “Damn, forgot how those get in the way.”

  I laugh and kiss him again, smirking. “Why do you think they left them there? The Academy knew men like Simon Lancaster would try to play grab ass with their girlfriends.”

  “Speaking of girlfriends...” Simon says, pointing. I'm nearly moved to tears as Tammy pulls Cara King close and for the first time in the three years that I've known about them, I see them actually kiss. I'm shocked though when Cara gets down on a knee and pulls out a ring box.

  “Tammy… would you give me the honor of being my wife?” Cara asks Tammy, who nods and wipes at her eyes, crying. The happy couple embraces, and I think they're both surprised when they're pounded on the back and congratulated by quite a few of our classmates, I know Tammy was never 'out' her entire time at the Academy.

  Simon, who's been holding me in one arm, gives my shoulder a squeeze. “Now that's just beautiful, don't you think?”

  “I do,” I say, but before I can say more, Tammy and Cara are there, and I hug them both. Cara's grown her hair out some more, it's got to be hell fitting it all under her uniform cap, but she's prettier than she was as a cadet, not as angry looking all the time. Tammy found her soul mate after all. “Congratulations, guys. Cara, it's been too long, you look good.”

  “Thanks Ashley. And I see you're still dragging this guy around, too. Simon, good to see you,” Cara replies, giving Simon a hug. “How's the flying?”

  “About as good as the missiles,” Simon jokes, commenting on Cara's position in the Air Defense Artillery. “Tell me Tammy, did that have any influence on your decision to go ADA?”

  “Maybe... more than a little,” Tammy says, blushing. “Thankfully, we got lucky and we're going to be assigned to the same post. I mean, it's still Ft. Sill, but it'll be together. And now....”

  “Now you gotta figure out how to book the Chapel on short notice,” I tease, and both of them shake their heads, almost in unison. “Oh?”

  “You're the only two people that we felt comfortable being ourselves with around here,” Tammy explains. “I mean, the timing was a surprise, but Cara and I kinda talked about this before. Four years, and we weren't comfortable being ourselves here. I couldn't go to her Ring Weekend, or 100th Night. And Cara never got to go to anything as my date either. Speaking of which, how's Nate doing?”

  “In Los Angeles, trying out for TV roles,” Cara says, still half hugging Tammy. “I'll tell you about it on the way back down the hill to help you get fully cleared out.”

  The fact that I still have a few duties to do at the Academy makes me sigh melodramatically, and all of us laugh. It's not like I didn't help Simon clear out his stuff when he graduated as well. “Okay... oh hey, there's Dad!”

  Cara and Tammy leave, holding hands, Cara taking Tammy's white cap and sticking it on her head as they leave the field, and I tug Simon over towards where Dad is waiting, right in the end zone near the touchdown bell. “Relax Simon, you've been my boyfriend for three years,” I reassure him, “I've told Dad all about you.”

  “Yeah, and we've never met still,” Simon says, uncharacteristically nervous. “I guess though if we were going to implement our idea, it's kinda necessary.”

  “Kinda,” I agree with a chuckle, then Dad's there, and I run over, hugging him. “Dad!”

  Dad hugs me back, kissing me on the cheek as he does. “Ashley! Oh I'm so proud of you!”

  I hug Dad for another moment then let him set me down, turning as I do. “Dad... I know you know who this is. Simon Lancaster, this is my Dad, Henry Carlyle.”

  Dad offers his hand to Simon, who shakes with him. “It's a pleasure sir. Regrettably long overdue, my fault totally.”

  “Hardly just your fault. I know you'd love to talk, but I suspect Ashley's ready to get out of her uniform, so how about you two go head back to cadet area, clear out her stuff, and we'll meet you at the restaurant for dinner. Go on, Katherine's very excited to meet you too. Just, the memories here are a little intense for her, she's already headed back to the car.”

  Simon nods, and Dad gives me another hug. As he does, he whispers in my ear. “Gavin and Julius are very proud of you right now, I know it. Thank you.”

  Without waiting for a reply, Dad walks away and we leave the stadium. Simon's looking a bit perplexed as he and I walk past Lusk Reservoir, holding hands. “You Dad is... well, he seems like a nice guy.”

  “Dad plays things close to the chest,” I reply, smiling. “Don't sweat it. Really. Put it this way, Dad's probably just as nervous as you are.”

  Simon gives me a questioning look, and I stop, turning and taking his free hand. “Simon, I know that I've told you a few times to go and find another girl. You told me the same, that I needed to find another boyfriend. Yet, we keep coming back to each other. How many times have we 'broken up' without breaking up?”

  “Three, maybe four,” Simon says, thinking. “When I graduated, after my OBC but before flight school started, when you missed Aviation.....”

  “Don't forget Christmas of my Cow year too,” I remind him with a shake of my head, it's the last time I truly got shitfaced. “Remember, I got drunk and melodramatic on leave, calling you up?”

  Simon laughs, remembering. “Yeah, that lasted what, five days?”

  “I'd say a week, tops. You called me on New Year's Eve, but we didn't really say we wanted to give it another go until I got back here from leave. Can I ask you something I've never asked you before, Simon?”

  “Go ahead. I think I know what the question is, though. So I'll ask you instead. Did you ever hook up with a guy during the times we were broken up?” When I shake my head, he nods, half smiling. “That's what I thought. I tried, I went out on.... let's see.... two dates, once during my two months post-grad leave, and another when you got Transpo but before we got back together. Both times women down in Ft. Rucker. But it just wasn't you.”

  I tug on his fingers, any my body yearns for him, it's been a long time since we've been together. “I tried one date. Another male cadet, and it was terrible. Nice guy, he graduated today too, but just... let's face it Simon, we're so into each other that we can't help but be together. It's why I asked you to take a long chunk of leave before you report to South Korea and stay at the house with me. I want to make a real go of this. I... I want to stop fucking around, Simon. Let's really make a go of this, okay?”

  Simon grins, pulling me close. “No fucking around?”

  I laugh and push him in the chest, stepping back. “We'll see about that, stud. For now, let's get back and you can help me clean out the rest of my crap from my room. Then after dinner with the rest of my family, maybe we can talk about making up for some lost time.”

  Simon

  I was worried about Ashley's family at first when I came into the restaurant a Japanese teppanyaki place that I'd never been to but had heard about. But now, ten minutes into our dinner, I'm totally at ease, smiling and laughing along with Henry as he tells an Old Corps story.

  “So anyway, my platoon leader is totally wasted, I don't even want to know how many beers he had at the Firstie Club, and he kicks in the door to my room, flipping on the switch.

  “Of course, the door goes banging off our wardrobe, and my roomie and I are sitting up in a flash, but before we can do anything else my platoon leader yells. 'Hey, Carlyle! Who's this company's favorite Jew?'”

  Katherine and Ashley, who have undoubtedly heard this story before, both laugh lightly, and I have to admit, I try not to choke in surprise on my pre-dinner sake at the outrageousness of the question. Finally, when I can speak without coughing, I ask a question. “Well, what did you say?”

  “What could I say?” Henry says, grinning. “I said
, 'You are, sir!' My platoon leader just nodded and harumphed, first time I ever heard someone actually do that, and said, 'You're goddamned right, and don't you forget it!' before closing our door and going down the hallway. I got up out of bed to turn off the light, when my roommate says, 'Isn't he this company's only Jew?' I didn't really know what to say.”

  I laugh, it's stupid, it's juvenile, but I can tell by his conviction as he says it, Henry Carlyle is totally telling the truth. It's not even the most outlandish thing I've heard of happening in the Corps actually, and I tell him my crazy story. “When I was a Yuk, we had an Old Grad parade, and our TAC told us that some had asked to do a walk around of the barracks. Well, I mean, these were guys who were coming back for their fiftieth reunion, a lot of them had served in Vietnam even, what were we supposed to do, say no?”

  Ashley, who's never heard this story before, leans in, interested. I don't know why I never told her, and she's into it. “Well, what happened?”

  “My company had to clean our rooms of course,” I continue, “and after the Old Grad parade, we went back to our rooms, stayed in full dress over white, which sucked major ass. Anyway, a few old Grads filter through, none coming to our room, and at noon, we close our door to change. My roomie goes to the bathroom, and I was down to my PT shirt and had just pulled on my shorts when there were two knocks on the door, and I popped to attention. 'Enter, sir!'

  “It's not an officer or an NCO, it's an Old Grad, this grizzled old guy who had enough scars that even I felt bad for him. Cheery dude though, and he holds up a finger, shushing me as he closes the door. I understood, the Old Grads were supposed to be escorted by someone, but I wasn't worried. Then, the old guy pulls a knife out of his pocket and flicks it open, and walks over to sink area and opens my side of the medicine cabinet. Thank God I had set it up for inspection, there was barely anything in there. He runs the knife along the corners of my cabinet, and out comes the whole back panel! He reaches in, pulling out a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label. 'Thanks for keeping it safe, my boy,' he says with a wink, slipping the bottle into his jacket pocket. 'A hint for you. Remember these days, they'll never come again.' Then he just walks out, disappearing like a ghost.”