First Comes Marriage

by Sophia Sasson

  She touched her lips, still tingling, and flushed as she remembered the feeling of Jake’s mouth on hers. He squeezed her hand, and she glanced up at him. He feels it, too.

  The rest of the festival was a blur. She looked for Lily but didn’t see her. Meera texted her and got a cryptic reply saying she wasn’t coming. Meera made a note to check on her later. They went back to Mrs. Hayes for more moonshine, and Jake fed her something called funnel cake. They shared a bag of kettle corn and cotton candy. By the time dusk came and the festival was wrapping up, Meera realized that this had been the happiest day of her life. She felt liberated, free from her parents’ smothering plans, unbound from the burdens of their expectations, released from her never-ending to-do lists.

  The next few weeks are mine alone. Why shouldn’t I do what I want and enjoy it while I can?

  She turned to Jake. “Do you still want to go to New York with me?”

  “Two days with you and no one around to gossip about us? Heck yeah!”

  She beamed. She wanted to spend time with him. To get to know him better, to find out what it was about Jake Taylor that made her heart beat faster. Impulsively, she put her arms around him, and he picked her up and twirled her around. She squealed in delight and several onlookers hooted encouragingly.

  Then she remembered why she was going to New York in the first place. She tapped him on the shoulder and asked him to set her down.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “YOU KNOW HOW many pictures I’ve seen of this skyline? To actually be here...” Meera bounced in her seat, not caring how juvenile she must seem. They were crossing over the George Washington Bridge into New York City. Jake was driving, a big smile plastered on his face. There were so many lights, even at this late hour, and his face glowed.

  “I’ve never seen it, either.”

  “How could you not?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know... I’ve never felt the need to leave Hell’s Bells.” He looked pointedly at her. “Until now.”

  She was glad he had come with her. She had originally asked Raj to come to New York for their honeymoon, but he had refused, saying he didn’t like to travel so far. Her parents were the same way, only visiting India to see family, which was why, despite their wealth, she had hardly seen the world. She intended to travel the globe, but for the first time, she wondered how that would be possible. Raj certainly shared her career goals, but could he share her life’s passions?

  She reached out and squeezed Jake’s arm, glad she had had the courage to come with him. “Stick with me, kid, I’ll show you the world.” He laughed at her bad Brooklyn accent.

  “Promise?”

  She winced at the seriousness in his voice. They’d spent the past seven hours in the car talking nonstop. Somehow they managed not to talk about the kiss or her appointment in New York. And yet, that simple word brought reality crashing down on her.

  “I can’t make you any promises, Jake. You know that.”

  He nodded. “You’re right. That was unfair of me.” They were stopped in bumper-to-bumper traffic; the bridge was a sea of red lights. He put the car in Park and reached over to place a hand on her cheek, turning her face so she had to look directly into his eyes.

  “Meera, I know it’s complicated between us. Honestly, I have no idea what it is I want from you or what I can give you, but I’ll tell you this—there’s something between us and I’m not willing to give it up right yet.”

  She nodded, unable to speak. He had voiced exactly what she was thinking—the uncertainty of what the future held, despite the strength of her feelings for him. It wasn’t as if she could give up her entire life’s plans on the fleeting skip of a heartbeat.

  “So how about we just see what happens, do what comes naturally.”

  “How do you do that? I’ve planned every single moment of my life. I know what I’ll be doing ten years from now, and you’re asking me to just...”

  “I’m asking you to throw your clipboard and checklists away for the next three weeks. Blow off some steam!”

  She took a sharp breath. Blow off some steam.

  “Trust me.”

  She took in his sincere smile, felt the warmth of this hand on her cheek and let some tension seep out of her muscles. Her entire body felt light and free, as if it belonged to someone else. Is there something wrong with allowing myself to feel this way for a little while longer? This is my chance to discover life, to live the way I want and not the way I’m expected to.

  She nodded. “Why the heck not.”

  He laughed at her terrible accent—Southern this time.

  “Where else do you want to go?”

  She smiled. “You won’t believe it, but I’ve always wanted to see the Taj Mahal.”

  “Wait, didn’t you say you’ve been to India as an adult?”

  She nodded. “We go every year, but it’s always to see family. We never seem to have time to go sightseeing. It’s supposed to be a beautiful monument.”

  “Wasn’t it built by some love-crazed king?”

  She swatted him playfully. “It was built by Shah Jahan as a monument to his wife, who died in childbirth. It’s the ultimate symbol of love.”

  “I thought you didn’t believe in love.”

  “That’s exactly why I want to see it. It represents the type of love...” She paused. The Taj Mahal symbolized the kind of grand love that didn’t exist anymore. Perhaps in Shah Jahan’s time, such love was possible. “It’s the type of love I’ve never known and therefore can’t imagine.”

  He smiled. “When will you stop surprising me, Meera Malhotra?” It was the first time he had pronounced her name perfectly.

  She giggled. “When you stop pretending to be the stupid redneck you most definitely are not.”

  “Yes, ma’am!” Jake laughed. “What if you could have that Shah Jahan type of love, Meera? Would you let yourself enjoy it?”

  The seriousness in his voice stabbed her heart. As her mother had pointed out, Shah Jahan lived in simpler times. Her mother was full of “young love” stories that ended in divorce because couples couldn’t agree on the basics. Her mother made a good argument for what it took to make a marriage work in the modern world—an understanding of each other’s career goals, shared interests and similar lifestyles. Everything she had with Raj. She knew that even if their janam kundlis hadn’t matched, her mother would have still used this rationalization to lobby for their union.

  “It doesn’t exist, Jake, at least not in our complex world.”

  * * *

  IT WAS ALMOST two in the morning when they pulled into the hotel she had booked. Jake gave the car keys to a valet and took both their bags out of the trunk. Meera walked up to the check-in counter and gave her name.

  The clerk looked at her apologetically. “Ah, Dr. Malhotra, I’m very sorry, but you’re so late coming in that I had to give one of your rooms away. I only have one room left.”

  “What? Where are we going to go this late at night?” Meera stared at the clerk incredulously. She had reserved the rooms just before they left Bellhaven. Most of the city was booked up; she knew there weren’t likely to be other hotels in the area with two rooms available. How could the hotel give away a room that had been reserved a mere seven hours ago?

  “Perhaps you and Mr—” she looked at Jake “—and your friend could share a room?” The clerk raised an eyebrow at Meera as if to say, I’d share a room with this man any day.

  Her parents would never approve. They would throw a fit if they ever found out. Raj would go ballistic. What would she tell him? How would she explain this...in addition to the kiss? Especially because of the kiss. And Jake! Share a room with him?

  “I’ll be a perfect gentleman.” Jake’s breath tickled her ear, and her nerves trembled. It wasn’t his resolve she questioned.


  “Oh, in for a penny, in for a pound.”

  The clerk looked at her in confusion.

  “She means we’ll take it.”

  Meera opened her purse, but Jake handed over his credit card. She shook her head, but he ignored her protests. “I don’t let a woman pay.”

  Meera tensed. She plucked Jake’s credit card off the counter and firmly handed the clerk her own. “This is my trip, Jake, and I’m not your woman.” She cringed at the harshness in her voice.

  Jake’s jaw twitched. Meera lifted her chin. The clerk was eyeing them with open curiosity, Meera’s credit card poised in her hand. Jake closed his mouth, his expression pinched.

  Meera nodded to the clerk, and she ran the card through the machine.

  They took the elevators to their room in silence. Meera tried to make eye contact, but Jake stared stonily at the doors as the elevators rose.

  When Meera opened the door, Jake groaned. “Is this a room or a closet?”

  Meera took in the small room, which contained a single queen bed, a desk and a TV. There was a small bathroom. The window looked out on the brick wall of the building next door, so close you could reach out and touch it. A sharp pain pierced her chest. There wasn’t enough air in here. She took a deep breath to try and calm herself, but it didn’t go in.

  It’s fine. It will be fine. Her breaths were coming faster. Her chest hurt. She dropped her purse. She needed more air. Now!

  Jake’s arms came around her, and he squeezed her against him. The air left her lungs completely, but then she took a breath and it went in, just a little, and her heart slowed. Jake held her as she took several new breaths. She didn’t know how many minutes passed, but when her breathing returned to normal, Jake released her.

  “Where did you go just now?”

  She closed her eyes, “I don’t do well in tiny rooms.” They reminded her too much of the orphanage. She didn’t like the feeling of being trapped, of not having enough room to move about.

  “I’m here, Meera.” His voice was soft. “You have me.”

  She felt tears welling up, and impulsively she turned and put her arms around his neck. He hugged her back, and she let his warmth soothe her. She didn’t care what it meant or didn’t mean. In this moment, she just needed someone to take care of her.

  Eventually, she extracted herself, and they took turns showering. When she came out, she noticed Jake had set up a makeshift bed on the floor. She gave him a grateful smile. “Should I even bother asking if we might take turns?”

  He gave her a look that brooked no argument.

  They settled in for the night; both of them had been up for almost twenty hours. Yet Meera couldn’t sleep. Her mind buzzed with a thousand questions. Despite spending all that time in the car, she still wanted to talk to Jake.

  “Why do I feel like I’ve been sleeping all my life and I’m just now waking up?”

  Meera sat upright in bed. “I know! I can’t explain this energy I have. I should be exhausted.”

  Jake was sitting on the floor grinning. He sat with his back against the window, so she propped herself against the headboard to face him. They chatted about the sightseeing they would do after their respective morning meetings.

  “So what kind of equipment are you buying tomorrow?”

  He shifted. “Actually...I’m seeing my mother.”

  She sat up straighter. Jake was usually so closed off about his mother. “I thought you were out of touch with her.”

  “I was. She sent a letter out of the blue a couple months ago and asked if I’d come see her. She lives right outside the city, and I’ve been thinking about it. Guess I just needed an excuse to drive all the way out here.”

  “Why does she want to see you now?”

  He shrugged. “She didn’t say.” He was making an effort to sound casual, but Meera could hear the angst in his voice. He’d been putting this trip off, unsure of what to do or how to face his mother.

  “How old were you when she left?”

  He took a sharp breath. “About twelve.”

  Her eyes found his, silently letting him know she was there for him. A comfortable silence blanketed the room.

  “I remember her clearly. Beautiful long blond hair, sparkling blue eyes... She had a really nice smile and she made the best apple pies. I remember her sitting on the front porch, reading books all day. I heard her begging my father to take her to see a movie in town or to save up to go to Europe.” He smiled wistfully. “She was always bugging him to take her shopping in New York.”

  Meera felt her arms and legs go numb. His tone was light but the pain behind his words tore through her. What was so wrong with wanting to see the world?

  She longed to reach out and touch him, but she didn’t want to break the moment. She needed to see the ghosts he held in his heart.

  “One day, she just up and left. She said she’d fallen in love with someone else and she wanted a divorce. She left a note, but I don’t even remember her saying goodbye to me. It’s like we didn’t exist anymore and she couldn’t wait to start her new life by leaving us behind. I heard my dad tell Mrs. Hayes that she sent divorce papers and asked for nothing, not even visitation rights. We hadn’t heard from her at all until she sent me this letter.” He pulled out a well-creased paper from his pocket.

  “So you haven’t talked to her since you were a child?”

  He shook his head, and Meera shuddered. She couldn’t imagine not being able to talk to her parents; they were her whole life. Even now, she texted or talked to her parents every day. Meera remembered what it was like before she had a mom and dad, when she spent every day wondering why her biological parents would discard her like trash, why she was so unlovable. Staying connected to her parents staved off the self-doubt that plagued her. She could see the same insecurities had haunted him all his adult life, too.

  She wished she could reach out and hug the little boy whose mother had abandoned him.

  “I don’t remember my biological parents,” she said. “My earliest memories are of the matron at the orphanage. She told me I wasn’t worth anything and that’s why my parents left me. But they must have loved me at one time. Pitaji—my father—always says that whatever made them drop me off on a stranger’s doorstep and never look back...it was something beyond me, an obstacle that my presence couldn’t conquer.”

  Jake nodded, but his gaze was a thousand miles away. She recognized the look; he was processing things he’d never allowed himself to think about. “She and Dad were high school sweethearts. They married when they were just eighteen. Dad’s always been content with just the ranch. I’ve always been happy there, too. He doesn’t talk much about it, but I think my mom wanted more out of life, and he didn’t want to leave.”

  “Why not?”

  “What?”

  “If your father loved her so much, why wouldn’t he give up the ranch for her?”

  His eyes cut to her. “The ranch isn’t just some place, Meera. It’s a part of who we are, both my father and I. We work the land to provide for our families...”

  Her mother’s words came back to her. Unlike the movies, love doesn’t conquer all. You must be practical and be with someone who understands the life you want.

  “But if it’s ripping your family apart, why hold on to it?”

  He frowned. “You don’t get it. Can someone convince you to eat a bloody red steak tomorrow? No, because that’s who you are. Being a rancher is who I am—it’s who my dad was. If he’d given up ranching, he wouldn’t be the man my mother married. He’d be some puppet she created.”

  She didn’t know why it mattered. Why was she so interested in finding out whether there was a solution, some compromise his parents hadn’t thought about. Something that would prove her own mother wrong.

  “There wasn’t a middle g
round?”

  He shook his head. “She wanted to see the world. When you’re a rancher, you can’t just take off for weeks or months. Animals need to be fed and cared for every day, and my dad had horses. They require a lot of work. I think she felt suffocated with us, like we’d taken her choices away.”

  Meera went cold. This time the silence stretched between them.

  “I wouldn’t want you to make the same mistake.”

  And there it was. The elephant in the room that was sitting on top of her. The one that choked the breath out of her.

  “It’s not the same situation, Jake.”

  “Isn’t it? Do you feel like you’re in control of your life? Like you’re making your own decisions? Why don’t you want a love like Shah Jahan had for his wife? Why are you willing to settle for something less?”

  She picked up the bottle that was sitting on the nightstand and took a long swallow of water.

  “If your father had taken your mother to travel the world, would she have stayed?”

  He shrugged. “That wasn’t the point. She needed to accept who he was.”

  “And he needed to respect what she wanted out of life. These are exactly the modern-day dilemmas that couples face. My marriage to Raj is strategic—we’ve already worked out the issues that make most couples incompatible.”

  “Are you physically compatible? Do you kiss him like you kissed me?”

  Something painful stabbed at her chest. She burrowed under the blankets.

  “It’s been a long night, Jake. I’m going to sleep.”

  She was just drifting off when her phone buzzed. She sighed and reached across the nightstand to check her texts. Her mother hadn’t yet figured out the time difference.

  Let me know how the appointment goes.

  The appointment! That’s what she was here for, and it would serve her well to remember it.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  MEERA HEARD JAKE tossing and turning most of the night. A little past dawn, she gave up on sleep and went to the bathroom. She showered, dressed and put on the dress she had picked for the appointment, a turquoise sheath with long, butterfly-style sleeves and a boat neck.