Burn with me

by Rachael Tonks

  She rubs her hands together before walking off with excitement. Racing out to the car, I grab our things and eagerly return to see no sign of Amber. I call out her name, but there is no answer. My heart starts to pound as my anxiety rises. I call her name again and this time I hear a response coming from the main bedroom. Making my way over, I push open the door. My heart easing up a little at the sight of her laying on the huge four poster bed. Her arms rest under her head and her smile is wide when she sees me at the door. I gulp down the emotion that builds, not only inside where my heart beats at its hardest, but on the outside, too. Looking at her laying on the bed, she is the picture of perfection. I’d give anything to grab my pencils and capture this moment. She seems happy and I know I did that. I put that smile on her face.

  “Well don’t just stand there gaping.” Her smile turns to a grin as she taps the bed beside her. I walk around the mattress, dropping down. Lying on my side, I hold up my head with my hand, my other resting over her.

  “Thank you,” she says simply. “I love it.”

  “I can tell,” I reply. “I’ve never seen you smile so much.” I pull her against me, holding her as close as our bodies will allow.

  “We should totally move here,” she blurts out, her eyes wide and full of excitement. Not wanting to burst her bubble, I shake my head.

  “No?” she says loudly. “You wouldn’t love it here?”

  “Sure. One day. But right now it’s not possible.”

  She nods and sighs a little.

  “Let’s just enjoy it for now,” I say, leaning in to kiss her. Our lips meet and the tingles are already there. The hair on my neck stands on end as her hands work into my hair. As we deepen the kiss and my cock stirs, knowing exactly where I want this to go. I need to feel her again. I can’t get enough of the way she makes me feel when we’re together. After what happened to me, what I did, I never thought I could be intimate with a woman and enjoy it. To leave behind the thoughts of what happened. But that’s exactly what happens when I’m with Amber. Everything I ever did, everything that happened to me becomes nothing more than a distant memory.

  I caress my fingers down her arm, coming to rest on her lower back. I draw the figure eight, over and over. She laughs against my lips, her body wiggling against mine, driving me crazy.

  “Stooooppp.” She giggles and that small laugh fills up my once empty heart. I rest my hand on her hip bone, leaning my head toward hers. Our breaths mingle as one. I move my nose against hers, touching it lightly with the tip.

  “I never expected this,” I whisper, my eyes tightly close. “With anyone,” I continue. “I never thought I could feel this way. That someone like me was worthy of this feeling.”

  “You are so worthy.” She kisses me lightly. “This is more than perfect.” She gestures with her hand. “I’ve never had anyone care enough to do the things that you’ve done for me, Caleb.”

  “Because I more than just like you, Amber.” I smile, remembering the first time we both declared how we felt.

  “I love you, too, silly.”

  Amber

  That was hands down the best twenty-four hours of my life. My heart flutters in my chest as I think back to our night away. One night with Caleb will never be enough. By spending time with him, just the two of us, I see how he’s opened his heart to me. As we fuse together as one. It’s just a shame that reality calls and today I have to make my way back to school. For real this time.

  I can do this, I tell myself, over and over. I sit in the car, clutching the wheel, willing myself to do something. Anything. I finally turn the key in the ignition, starting the engine, and put the car in drive. I slowly set off, heading out of the parking lot, and get on route to the college. A route I’d taken a thousand times before. But this time is different. This time I fear the unknown. Caleb offered to drive me, but I know I have to do this alone. I have to face my demons head on. I also need a little breathing space and time to get my head around yesterday’s revelations. I’ve arranged to meet Josh in the parking lot. He wants to make sure I’m okay. I told him a thousand times it wasn’t necessary, but he insisted.

  Sure enough, as I pull in, I see him standing beside his car. I park in the space beside him. Stepping out of my vehicle, he immediately embraces me, rocking me from side to side. “I cannot believe he’s out,” he whispers.

  “Me either,” I say, pulling back and smiling sadly. “I’m just scared he might do something really stupid.” I haul my backpack strap over my shoulder, my hand shaking as I try to grip it.

  “He won’t. The bail was set high. If he did find the bail money somehow, he’s not going to risk losing it.”

  “I hope you’re right.” I rest my hand on his shoulder.

  “Of course I am,” he says loudly, throwing her arm out dramatically. “I spoke to Rose and she hasn’t heard from him and neither has his family. She was just as shocked as you to find out he’d managed to find the money.”

  I link my arm through his and we start walking toward the building, only to be greeted by the smiling face of Lily.

  “I don’t think I can do this,” I say, turning to him before we reach Lily.

  Once in front of her, I ask, “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Her nose scrunches up in response. “Well isn’t that nice,” she teases. “You’ve been ignoring my calls.”

  “Because I have nothing to say, Lily. You’ve hurt and disappointed me, and let’s be honest, it’s not the first time.”

  “I care, Amber. Please don’t be mad at me.” Lily gives me a lip curling mock pout.

  “I can’t do this now, Lily.”

  “But, please..” she stutters.

  But I just can’t bring myself to be around her. I step on my tiptoes, kissing Josh lightly on the cheek. “I got to get to my first class, Josh. Come by the café later. I’ll even let you have a coffee, on the house.”

  “I’m so there.” He smiles widely, waving to me as I step away from him, making my way inside.

  Lily tries to grab hold of my arm. I snap it away and start walking away from her, putting some distance between us.

  “Tell me why, Lily.” I come to a sudden stop, my anger getting the best of me. “Are you jealous? That I’ve found someone and I’m finally happy.”

  Narrowing her eyes at me, she slams her hands against her waist.

  “Why would you say that?” She asks, her mouth hung open a little as if she’s shocked.

  “Because you went out of your way to stir shit, Lily. That’s why,” I snap, my temper at its boiling point. “How many times are you going to hurt me and expect me to be alright with it? As if doubting the whole rape thing wasn’t bad enough.”

  “It’s not like that and you know it,” she snaps back, but her excuses just aren’t cutting it.

  “You know what, Lil, I just can’t do this now.” I turn away from her making my way to my first class. I’m hurting and need time to think. Time to digest everything that’s happened between us and decide if there’s a friendship that can be salvaged. Or whether too much had happened for me to ever be able to fully forgive her.

  I walk out of the building after class in my own daze, a thousand different thoughts run through my mind. I quickly check the time as I climb into the car, sliding into the driver’s seat, before throwing my purse onto the passenger’s seat. I have to go to work. Yet all I really want is to crawl into the arms of the man I love. The man I can’t stop thinking about. I rub the back of my neck, dreading this shift. As I start the engine, I look up, seeing Lily running frantically toward me. I just can’t deal with her now. Her comments. Her insensitivity. I know this is how she’s always been, and how I’d been until what happened, but I’m feeling emotionally delicate and not in the mood to deal with her. I drop my head, pretending I haven’t seen her as I speed out of the parking lot. Looking through the rear view mirror, I see her running come to an eventual stop, her arms slamming against her sides. I tap on the steering wheel, contemplating
whether to go in the direction of the café, or to go in the opposite direction and head back to the apartment.

  I stop at the intersection and shudder. My whole body is covered in goosebumps at the thought of going home. I hit the indicator and turn to make the short journey back to Caleb. Back to where I belong.

  I reach over for my purse, grabbing it and placing it on my lap. Opening it, I reach in, feeling for my phone. I look down for a second, trying to locate the phone I can’t quite find by touch. The second my eyes leave the road, in that split second, my whole body jolts forward. My lip hits the steering wheel I’m gripping on to. My purse falls into the foot well of the car.

  “What the fuck?” I say, reaching up to look in the mirror. I draw in my brows, trying to make out the car behind me. I grab tighter on to the steering wheel, desperately trying to pick up speed. The truck behind me is ridiculously close and I have to get some space between us. What the hell is his problem? Am I going too slow? I ask myself, checking the speedometer. I’m within the limit. I accelerate a little more, but the truck doesn’t let up. It speeds up, too, his bumper practically touching mine. My panic rises, desperate to get away from the vehicle behind me. My trembling hands dig into the leather steering wheel. I feel a trickle of something on my chin, so I lift my hand, realizing I split my lip when I made contact with the wheel.

  “Shit,” I cry. My breathing is all over the place as a sob rises in my throat. “It’s him,” I whisper to myself. “It has to be. Oh my god. Oh my god. What do I do?” I ask myself over and over. I have to get to my phone. I feel around with my foot, trying to find my purse. Got it. I keep driving, faster than I want, but needing to gain a distance from the truck. I hook my foot underneath my purse, lifting it up. I drop my shoulder, craning my neck so my eyes are still on the road, while trying to reach down. I can’t quite grab hold of it. And I don’t get another chance. The rear of my car is hit again, this time with a little more force. I scream, frantically trying to get both hands on the wheel. My car swerves as I try to regain control. I finally manage it, pulling the car back straight. I sit up, breathing heavily. I have to do something. Think, Amber. Think. There’s no way I can out run him. If I stop and pull over to call the police, there’s a chance he could pull out a gun or get to me before I even make the call. Shit.

  I’m all out of options.

  I drive. Focusing on the road in front of me, I try to stop my emotions from taking control. If I can make it back to the apartment, I can blast the horn. Someone will come. Caleb will come.

  I jump at the sound of the prolonged blaring of his horn. He suddenly speeds up, swinging out on to the wrong side of the road. I turn my head to the side. The blacked out window on the truck slowly lowers.

  I scream.

  I cry out.

  But no one can hear me.

  There are no other cars around.

  Inch by inch, he pulls his truck toward me. Closer.

  “No,” I yell, screaming until my lungs hurt. My chest heaves. My heart pounds. My fear spikes as I realize what I’d feared is true.

  Ryan.

  I speed up.

  But so does he.

  I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. He turns into me, hitting the side of my car. Once again, I’m battling with the wheel, trying to regain control. This time, my tire hits the curb and I barely manage to keep myself on the road. I’m sobbing loudly, my screams and cries echoing through the car. I look to the side, and he’s no longer beside me. He’s dropped back a little. I straighten up the wheel, but he hits the back end of my car again. My hands lose contact with the steering wheel all together, and I’m thrown from side to side, my head hitting the window.

  Glass breaks. My body is thrown toward the front of the car as I make impact with something, brining me to a halt. The airbag explodes and my blow is cushioned against it. I sit there for a second, unable to move. I see steam billowing from the front of the car, but everything is a blur.

  “I have to get out,” I croak, my hand reaching up to push the airbag away from my face. I scream as indescribable pain sears through me. I can’t locate the source of the pain, because it feels like it’s everywhere. I look out of the windshield, but the hood is up. I can’t make out anything beyond the steam.

  I reach for the door, but it doesn’t open. I try to unbuckle my seatbelt, but the pain is too much. My panic grows inside, nausea rising up my throat. He could still be out there. I need to get away.

  But I can’t.

  I can’t move.

  At all.

  The whole bottom half of my body is numb and I start to shake uncontrollably.

  “Ma’am,” I hear someone call.

  “Help,” I croak, tears rolling down my face. Looking over, I see a woman through the broken window.

  “Help is on its way.” She smiles, her face wrinkling when she does. “Are you okay, dear?”

  “I can’t move,” I cry out. “I can’t move. I just can’t move.”

  “It’s okay. Try to stay calm. Help is on its way.”

  But I can’t stay calm. The black dots in my eyes are growing and I’m struggling to focus.

  The darkness grows.

  I cry out.

  One last time.

  “Caleb.”

  I can no longer see anything.

  I can no longer hear anything.

  Darkness finally comes to claim me.

  Caleb

  I stand there, Josh beside me. My heart pounds in my chest and I feel like it’s about to explode. I shift uncomfortably in the black suit he picked out for me, fighting back the emotion and tears, sure to follow on a day like this.

  Never did I imagine I would be doing this.

  Amber’s few friends and colleagues are here and I have to make sure it’s the best day possible for her.

  “Stop fidgeting, man.” Josh widens his eyes in annoyance.

  Freezing at the sound of the music, I turn to see her standing there. Today is the day I marry the woman I almost lost. I can’t tear my eyes away from her. Part of me actually wondered if she would show. But she has, and my heart beats so fiercely that there’s no mistaking her presence. My eyes break from the sight of her as she reaches down and takes the hand of the man who will give her away. He turns his head to her, his cute smile wider than anything I’ve ever seen. He looks at me and I smile, lifting my hand to give him a small wave.

  “Ready?” he asks, tugging on her hand.

  “Ready,” she replies as they start their short walk down the makeshift aisle, sand beneath their feet. I swallow the huge fucking lump in my throat as I realize this is the moment that we will be joined together as one. Josh’s hand rests on my shoulder and I step out a little to join her. It’s been five years since the accident and the damage is still evident when she walks.

  “Daddy,” Finn shouts. I kneel down as he runs straight into my arms, letting me scoop him up. “Did I do a good job?” he asks.

  “Sure, buddy. You were amazing.” I smile reassuring. “High five?” I suggest, holding up my hand. He slaps my hand loudly and I shake it, pretending the contact hurt. He laughs, and so do all the guests.

  “Hey, buddy. Take these and go stand with Uncle Josh, okay?” Amber says. He nods, taking the tied flowers before walking over to him.

  I reach out, taking her hands in mine as she turns to face me. “Wow,” I mouth to her as I take her in, pride filling me. The stunning white dress clings to every delicious curve of her body. I can’t quite believe this is happening. That this beautiful woman is standing here in front of me today. That she is mine. My eyes land on her face, and I’m transfixed, unable to break my gaze. I hear the hum of the registrar’s voice. I answer when needed, but all I can think in this moment is how lucky I am.

  Five years ago, after the accident, I thought I’d lost her. She was in a serious condition and the damage to her spine meant that she might never be able to walk again. The recovery was slow and eventually her body did heal. But that wasn’t t
he worst battle she faced. For the first year or so, it’s what was in her head. The fear she carried around with her every day after the accident. During the trial against Ryan, that’s when it hit her the hardest. But she never gave up. She made sure that sick fucker was sent down for what he did to her.

  He was given a thirty-year sentence, with no chance of parole.

  Sure, she pulled herself together. She gave evidence in court for all to hear, but behind closed doors, she was a shadow of her former self. Lacking confidence. Scared to be alone. Terrified she would never be the dance teacher she’d dreamed of for so long. And what hurt the most was that in those dark times, no matter what I did or said, nothing seemed to make a difference.

  Until our little boy was born. Then the fire inside Amber shone bright again.

  Soon after the accident, I placed my finest pieces into the art exhibition. Particularly one I’d drawn of Amber that day at the studio. I didn’t attend the event, my priority on being with Amber. I refused to leave her, wanting and needing to be by her side at all times.

  Selling that piece wasn’t something I’d ever considered until the calls came pouring in. At first, I rejected the offers, knowing this piece was special. Not only to me, but for Amber as well. But the offer of a lifetime was placed on the table, and it was too good to turn down. The money was enough to buy a house by the beach, to get her far enough away from the memories, and the evil. In fact, all of my pieces sold that day, but this one was by far the most sought after, and brought in the most money. After explaining to Amber the offer we had received, she was in total agreement that selling this was the lifeline we both needed.

  We haven’t looked back since. Living on the coast is exactly what we needed to piece our lives back together. It gave us the money and the options to change our future for the better. It didn’t take us long to settle. And month by month, Amber grew stronger – not just physically, but mentally as well.

  To add to the perfection of our life by the beach was the surprise news of Finn, our now three-year-old boy. When Finn was born, something triggered inside of Amber. Finn wasn’t planned, but he wasn’t unwanted either. Looking back, he came at the perfect time, just when Amber needed that extra kick, that extra push to be her true self once more.