“Good.” He continued his conversation, his eyes still on mine. “I’ll check in with you later.” He hung up without preamble.
“Everything good?” I asked tentatively.
He nodded. “Axel.”
That made sense since Sophie would be worrying about me. I handed him his coffee, trying not to stare. I’d never wanted to be a plastic lid so badly until I watched as his luscious mouth sipped his coffee. His gaze met mine and I looked away quickly, embarrassed that he’d caught me ogling.
I gathered up the dress I’d brought for the funeral. “If it’s okay with you I’ll hop in the shower. Mason should be okay for a few minutes.”
“We’re good. Take your time,” he assured me as I busied myself with anything but looking at him.
The space suddenly felt too small, too warm, too… male.
I emerged a short time later dressed in a figure-hugging A-line black dress and black heels I rarely wore. I’d put my long dark hair up into a bun and applied a light amount of makeup. Lord knew I needed it to cover the circles under my eyes from lack of sleep.
“You look beautiful.” Cal’s appreciative murmur made my blush flare up yet again.
I moved anxiously around the room, packing us up since we wouldn’t be back following the funeral. “Thank you,” I replied, knowing I needed to say something despite feeling out of my depth. “I need to get Mason dressed,” I continued, wanting to push past the feeling of longing his words incited.
I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had told me I was beautiful.
He watched me intently from his seat on the edge of the bed where he held Mason in his lap. I noticed belatedly that he was more dressed up than usual. He wore black jeans rather than his standard blue, and a button-up shirt.
“You look nice, too,” I blurted.
He grinned. Whether it was from the blush staining my cheeks or my obvious discomfiture with his earlier compliment, I couldn’t tell.
“Ready?” he asked with a lifted brow once I zipped my suitcase and it was approaching the time for the funeral. I held Mason in my arms, dressed in sweet little baby slacks and a black polo shirt.
“No,” I murmured honestly, feeling tears prick the back of my eyes again. “But it’s time to go.”
He nodded, reaching for my hand. His grip was warm and firm as it enveloped mine.
I knew I could have done this alone. But I had to admit knowing he’d be there—that he’d sit beside me while I said good-bye to the one person who’d been my constant in a childhood full of volatility—it calmed something it me.
****
“I’ll follow you home,” Cal stated firmly.
It was later that evening as we stood in short-term parking of the Reno airport. It was a relief to be home. Mason was asleep in my arms after what could only be called a very long day. Hell, that didn’t even cover it.
After my Gran’s funeral, where my sister barely responded to me and wouldn’t let the kids spend more time with me, we’d caught an evening flight. I was an emotional, exhausted mess and if Cal kept being so damn supportive I was about to completely fall apart.
“You don’t have to do that,” I argued, despite knowing it was useless.
“Baby, stop being a pain in the ass,” he growled. “Let’s hit it.” He cocked his head toward my car.
I’d never known how stubborn I could be until Cal. The man made me want to stand in the parking lot for another twenty minutes just to be contrary. But I wouldn’t do that to Mason; my poor baby was wrung out.
“Fine,” I gritted out, opening the back door and putting Mason in his car seat. “Thank you again,” I managed, once he was strapped in. I was frustrated and tired, but Cal had been with us for two days straight and without him, I had to admit, I didn’t know how I would have gotten through.
He’d sat by my side, the picture of supportive stoicism, throughout Gran’s funeral. He’d held Mason without question when he got squirmy. He’s been a partner and a friend, something I’d never known until recent months when the Knights and their women had entered my life.
With Cal it was something different. Something special. Something I couldn’t explore just then.
“You’re welcome.” He nodded. “You feel okay to drive?”
“I’m fine,” I assured him. “Well, not fine,” I amended at the skeptical look in his eye. “But fine to drive. As for everything else, I will be.”
“Yeah, babe. You will,” he agreed.
His lone headlight shining in my rearview on the drive home was unnervingly reassuring.
When we pulled up to my parking garage his bike continued rumbling off down the road. After everything we’d been through the last few days, his simple two-fingered salute felt painfully inadequate and yet wholly appropriate for the man he was.
I watched him go, trying to fight the urge to overthink everything. When it came to Cal it felt as though all I did was fight my instincts. But no amount of willpower could push back the question that haunted me as I got Mason and me inside, and for the rest of that night and even followed me into sleep.
When would I see him again?
Chapter 5
It was a few days later that I sat in my lawyer’s office, hoping for some good news for a change.
“We can’t find him, Jill.”
Well, that was the opposite of good news, now wasn’t it?
I stared at my lawyer, trying to process what he’d said, hoping like hell I’d heard him wrong. “What the hell do you mean you can’t find him?”
Patrick Lewis was a good lawyer and a decent man. He’d come highly recommended and I was sure that once Tim was remotely willing to cooperate, he’d be able to get my terms met. Tim, my bastard ex-husband, had been dodging paperwork for months, refusing to grant me my divorce. Now it sounded like he’d up and disappeared.
All I wanted in the world was to be free of him. To know my son was free of him.
Patrick was shaking his head in frustration. “It looks like he’s moved out of the apartment and resigned from his job. He’s a ghost.”
I slumped back in my chair, feeling numb. Tim wasn’t a ghost. He was the freaking devil.
“I’m concerned for your safety, Jill. From what you’ve told me he’s a volatile man, and I have a feeling I don’t have the whole story either.”
That was the damn truth.
“Is there someone you can stay with for a while? Until we can track him down?”
I winced, hating the idea of losing the bit of independence I’d fought to reclaim. “I’ll think about it. I would never risk Mason’s safety, but we’ve been in Hawthorne for a while now. He hasn’t tried to make contact.”
“I felt better about that when we could contact him in Texas or when his employer confirmed he was out of state.”
Tim used to travel constantly for work. It was one of the few reasons we’d lasted as long as we had.
I bit my lip. “I’ll think it over.”
He nodded, his gaze dropping to my arm. “You got your cast off.”
I offered him a small smile despite my tumultuous mood. “Yes, finally. I should be able to get back to work soon.”
“That’s great.” He nodded, rising as I shook his hand. “Apologies for the late meeting tonight and not having better news, but I wanted to talk to you about this in person. I’m sure you’re eager to pick up Mason. I’ll call you as soon as I hear anything.”
“Okay,” I replied, suddenly exhausted. I’d skipped dinner but my appetite had disappeared as suddenly as my ex. “Talk to you soon.”
“Drive safe.” He nodded.
****
I didn’t sleep. Not one wink.
My exhausted thoughts swung toward Tim anytime a car drove by, any time a creak sounded somewhere in the building, and my heart rate would accelerate.
I was afraid, and that pissed me right the hell off.
I swore when I left him after that last time, Tim would never make me feel afraid again. And yet
here I was, terrified, and he didn’t even have to be near me to cause it.
I was at my wits’ end by daybreak.
I’ll leave my house in 20. That work?
The text from Sophie came through early that morning. I’d already showered and had enough coffee to fuel a jet. We’d made plans for her to come by for breakfast with Maddox. I hadn’t seen her since my trip to New Mexico.
Sounds great.
I set to work making muffins, needing something to occupy my time while I waited. Baking had always been a love of mine and something special I’d shared with my Gran.
When Sophie arrived I was plating the muffins and flipping the omelets.
“It smells amazing in here!” Sophie moaned as I smiled, balancing Mason against my hip. “You’re going to make me fat,” she complained.
I laughed. “You’re pregnant. You need a good breakfast. And Bubs here will never turn down a good meal,” I added with a smile. “Or a good nap.” I looked at Mason as he babbled urgently, eager for breakfast.
“This I know.” She nodded with a smile, putting Maddox on the floor near the toys I had set up in the corner. “For once Mad slept like a champ.” She stood up, getting her first good look at me. “Unlike you,” she surmised.
“Unlike me,” I agreed with a sigh as I put Mason next to Maddox and moved back to the stove to finish preparing breakfast.
She sat at the bar, watching me intently. “What happened?”
I deliberated for a few moments, knowing if I shared the news about Tim she’d flip out.
“Jill,” she pressed.
I sighed in resignation. “My meeting with Patrick didn’t go well,” I explained vaguely.
She held a hand up. “Hold on, what do you mean?”
I set the knife I’d been holding down with a sigh and reluctantly met her eyes. “He can’t locate Tim.”
Her eyes bugged out. “What?”
I shrugged, my lack of sleep making me feel defeated. “He moved out of the apartment, left his job.”
“Damn,” she murmured. “Why didn’t you call me last night? You know the guys won’t like this. One in particular will be livid.” She eyed me knowingly.
I put her omelet and muffin in front of her, along with Maddox’s serving so she could feed him. “I didn’t purposely keep it to myself. I just needed some time to process everything.”
By everything she instinctively knew I meant more than just Tim.
“What happened with Cal? I can’t believe he was out in New Mexico with you.” Her tone was expectant, eyes wide.
I picked up Mason and put him in the high chair. “He was really helpful,” I explained, putting some food on Mason’s tray. His chubby little hands reached out, immediately shoving as much as he could in his mouth. “Honestly, I don’t know how I would have done it without him,” I admitted with a visible wince.
She glared at me, her fork pointed toward me. “I knew you needed help. Why in the hell are you always so stubborn?” she demanded.
“Um, sorry?” I tried meekly.
She rolled her eyes. “Likely story, and one I know I’ll be hearing again. Thank God Cal is smart enough to cut through all your bull. Now, did anything happen with you two? Have you told him about Tim being off the grid?”
I shrugged. “Why would I? It’s not like he’s my man. Plus, I haven’t even heard from him since we got back,” I replied defensively.
“Jill, the man has done everything short of outwardly claim you. When you broke your arm and were in the hospital, he slept on a bench outside of your room, for God’s sake.”
My eyes widened in shock. I’d known he’d been there but not that he’d spent the night.
“I thought you knew,” she murmured, seeing the shock register on my face.
I shook my head, completely overwhelmed.
She reached over and took my hand. “Jilly, he’s wanted you from day one. I know you see it. I also see the way you look at him. What’s stopping you?” she asked quietly.
The million-dollar question.
“I don’t know. Nothing? Everything?” I replied. “I guess I just feel sort of fragile after everything with Tim,” I explained when Sophie looked perplexed. “I’m determined to reclaim who I was before I met Tim.”
“You will, honey,” she murmured. “But what does that have to do with not letting Cal get close to you?”
I sighed. “Cal wouldn’t just get close. He’d consume. I don’t want to question where I end and he begins.”
She smiled knowingly. “I get what you’re saying. But honey, don’t think about where you end—focus on where you begin. I know you never had it good with Tim. So trust me when I tell you that with the right man you’ll never question who you are. The right man will embrace everything that’s you, flaws and all. You can do it on your own, don’t get me wrong. But there’s nothing wrong with letting someone walk beside you as you get there.”
I let her words sink in. “Maybe,” I allowed hesitantly. “I’m just not in a place to figure all that out right now,” I admitted.
“I get that. You’re tired and I’m sure you want to spend some time with Bubs, with everything that’s going on. Mad and I will get out of your hair. Plus, I’m already ready for a nap.” She sighed, rubbing her growing belly.
“I bet.” I nodded sympathetically. “Has Axel chilled out a bit?” I asked, despite knowing the answer.
When Sophie had been pregnant with Maddox, we’d been living in the same apartment complex in Texas. She’d kept the pregnancy a secret from Axel in order to try to protect him and the baby from threats she’d received from her father. As a result, Ax had missed the first six months of Mad’s life. With this pregnancy, he didn’t want to miss a second. It was both incredibly sweet and, at times, a bit stifling for my friend.
She snorted as she finished the last of her breakfast. “The term isn’t part of his vocabulary. He’s been extremely overprotective, more so than usual. But he’s also been so helpful with Mad and has taken such good care of me. I can’t complain. It’s really special to experience this with him.” She sighed blissfully.
“I’m happy for you, Soph,” I murmured. “You found a good man. You deserve nothing less.”
She looked up at me, her eyes full of sincerity. “So do you. Think about what I said, Jill, please.”
“I will,” I promised.
“Call me if you need me. I mean it, Jill,” she added sternly.
“I will, thank you.” I smiled, waving as she walked through the door.
I turned to Mason, smiling at seeing his face covered in fruit. “Well, Bubs, it’s just you and me today. Let’s party.”
Chapter 6
By the time I got Mason into bed that evening I was dead on my feet. I changed for bed, donning my standard sleep shorts and tank. I was throwing my long dark hair into a bun, preparing to wash my face, when a firm knock sounded on the front door.
My pulse skyrocketed as I cautiously walked over and peered through the peephole, and took an immediate step back.
Cal.
My pulse continued its frantic rhythm for a different reason entirely as I fought for calm.
“Open the door, darlin’,” his deep voice commanded.
I blushed, embarrassed that he obviously knew I was standing like a fool gaping at my door.
“Jill.” His voice came again, the gravelly bite to it making my knees weak.
I fought for calm as I slid the dead bolt back and opened the door.
When he smiled, the lines around his eyes made him all the more striking.
But he wasn’t smiling now.
He stepped into my apartment, his large frame towering over me as I realized the clothing I wore didn’t cover much.
“What are you doing here?” I managed, wrapping my arms around my chest.
His hand went through his dark-blond hair, the gray at his temples accentuating his blue eyes as he stared down at me intently.
The tension crackled between
us like a live wire.
Without a word he removed his leather cut and placed it around my shoulders. The soft weight of it was immeasurably comforting and I fought the urge to breathe in deep, wanting to wrap the smell of him around me that much more.
The removal of his cut revealed the white t-shirt he wore underneath. It clung to his muscles like a second skin and I forced my gaze upwards, away from the ridges in his stomach and bulge of his arms.
“Thanks,” I murmured, knowing a deep blush colored my cheeks.
“He asleep?” he asked, his head cocked to the closet door.
I nodded. “You still haven’t answered my question,” I added quietly.
“Why I’m here?” he asked with a tilt of his head.
I nodded, biting my lip.
He stepped closer, his hand tipping my chin up. “Darlin’, I’m here for the same reason I flew out to New Mexico when I heard about your gran. For the reason I nearly lost my fucking mind when you got into the accident with Piper and Connie and broke your arm. I’m here for the same reason I slept at the hospital instead of in my own goddamn bed. For the reason I’ve given you space rather than taking what I want.”
I swayed slightly on my feet as his words sent my balance off-kilter.
His head dipped lower and I thought for a second that he might actually kiss me. “But you know that, don’t you?” his deep voice inquired softly.
My head was swimming as I found the nerve to nod slightly. Cal and I had a chemistry there was no denying, but admitting that out loud was a different thing altogether.
That didn’t change the fact that I’d been in an abusive relationship for half a decade. Hell, I was still married. I was in no position to date, and I had a feeling you didn’t just date a man like Cal.
“You also know that I’ll kill any motherfucker who dares lay a hand on your head or on that boy in there.” His gaze moved to where Mason slept before returning to mine. “Don’t you?” he pressed.
After a moment I found the nerve to nod again. I hadn’t allowed myself to explore much beyond that.
He took a step back and I felt myself nearly whimper in relief at the break in intensity.
He stared at his boots for a moment before his electric-blue eyes rose to meet mine. “You may not be ready for me, but baby, I’m ready for you. I’ve been ready. And I’ll be here when you come around to my way of thinkin’.”
Cal (The Ride Series Book 5) Page 4
