Damaged and the Bulldog

by Bijou Hunter

  Winnie held my gaze. “I wanted to be with you for a long time and you’re better than I imagined. As much as I hate having people touch me, I crave being close to you. I know you’re special and maybe my only chance to be with a man. I really want us to work, but it’s not fair to lie to you. I can’t pretend the other night was some one in a million freak out. I can’t make you think with enough time and love that I’ll be normal. You need to know what you’re getting into. You deserve the truth even if it makes you stop wanting me.”

  The easiest thing would be to tell Winnie none of what she said affected me. Claim I wasn’t scared of upsetting her or seeing her suffer.

  Easy refused to be the answer. Winnie showed courage sharing with me about her medications and fear. I could see how shaky she remained. I suspected she feared I’d bullshit her then make a run for the door.

  No way was I taking the easy route.

  “I used to have a stalker-like crush on Lark,” I announced.

  Winnie’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything.

  “Since I was old enough to get a date, I had a thing for cold bitchy women. Even though I kept picking them, I’d get mad when they’d act like cold bitches. I was basically trying to date my fucking mom who hugged me with one arm because two armed hugs were for lovers.”

  After rolling my eyes at my mother’s logic, I quickly continued my story before Winnie decided I was a freak and asked me to leave.

  “Lark was gentle with me one fucking time and I decided she was the girl for me. I didn’t care that she saw me as a brother. I didn’t care when she fell for Aaron. I was an asshole and I can’t pretend I had a good reason. I just decided she was mine and that was fucking it.”

  Winnie stared at me like I was a stranger. I refused to let her fear stop me from finishing.

  “I’m telling you this because you think that you’re messed up and I’m not. Maybe I don’t have to take medicine or go to therapy. That doesn’t mean I’m a healthy guy falling for an unhealthy girl. It only means my sickness is harder to see.”

  I took Winnie’s hand in mine. “What I had with Lark was based on an idea. She was nice to me and I decided it was a sign. Nothing else mattered. With you, my feelings aren’t about a fantasy. They’re about you. The good and bad and scary and beautiful of you. Everything about you makes me happy and the dream I have is built around you. Lark was a lie I told myself, but you’re real.”

  “Lark is really pretty.”

  “Yeah, she’s my best looking sister.”

  Winnie smiled. “I really want to be jealous of Lark. She’s crazy about Aaron and having his twins, so I feel like jealousy might be dumb.”

  Pulling her closer, I inhaled the sweet scent of her clean skin. “I agree having the girl I love jealous of my sister would be a little dumb.”

  Winnie shuddered in my embrace. “I love you too. I wanted to love you last summer. I wanted you to be special because I liked you so much. I didn’t think what I saw was real or you wouldn’t want the real me. Except you’re better than I dreamed.”

  “Even with morning breath?” I asked, kissing her neck.

  Wiggling under my touch, she kissed my cheek then her lips moved to mine. I wanted to kiss the hell out of her, steal her breath and the pain of her past. I wanted everything, but I really needed to brush my teeth. I’d always been vain that way.

  Chapter Twenty One ~ Winnie

  As Dylan showered in my bathroom, I sat on my bed and struggled not to imagine him naked. My attempt failed.

  I kept thinking of him wet under the warm water. Soap covering his tanned muscled arms. Water streaming down his powerful back and chest. Perfect flesh only a door away from me.

  By the time the shower shut off, I crossed my arms to hide my hard nipples. I hated my arousal, yet also craved it. The past, present, and future wrapped me up into a ball of frustration. Finally, Dylan appeared dressed in his jeans and one of Dad’s shirts.

  His skin looked so good I reached for his bare arms. My fingers caressed the damp flesh from his wrists to under his tee. Dylan’s breathing caught and our gazes locked. His hands cupped my face while mine gripped his shirt. Our lips met and I didn’t care about my parents in the next room. I forgot they even existed.

  One of Dylan’s hands caressed my face while the other pressed against the small of my back. Snuggled in his strong arms, I moaned as the kiss deepened. His tongue tasted minty and I wanted more.

  Even sensing Dylan didn’t want to stop, he eased away. “Got rid of my morning breath,” he mumbled.

  Pressing my hands against his chest, I stroked the hard muscles hidden under his shirt.

  “I’ll feel better by this weekend. I want to spend the night at your apartment.”

  Dylan exhaled hard. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “I need to do it and get it out of the way.”

  “Out of the way?”

  “With my problems, the first time will be awkward. Farah said the key is to practice,” I murmured, staring into his eyes. “Don’t you want to practice being inside me?”

  Dylan’s breath caught. “Hell, Winnie. You’re killing me,” he muttered, adjusting himself. “I have to go talk to your parents and you’ve got me hard as a rock.”

  “I have some pills that might mellow you out.”

  Dylan frowned until he realized I was teasing. “I’ll wait as long as you want. If you want to spend the night, I’ll happily agree. Anything you want, I’ll do. I’m your slave, Winona Todds.”

  Covering my mouth, I giggled at the expression on his face. “I’ve never had a slave before. Does that mean I get to boss you around when we’re naked?”

  Dylan’s smile faded and he narrowed his eyes at me. “You are trying to get me worked up, aren’t you? Naughty girl.”

  “Power is fun,” I said, running my fingers down his chest.

  Licking his lips, Dylan nodded. “I’m going to need another shower.”

  “Sorry, but it’s time for breakfast. I really should keep my strength up for this weekend.”

  Dylan gave me a look that made me both proud and terrified. I had this gorgeous man wrapped around my finger. After months of hoping for such an outcome, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to take the next step.

  Chapter Twenty Two ~ Dylan

  My mind swam with thoughts of Winnie. During lunch, I sat in a corner at a small deli and listened to Journey with my earplugs. All the while, I imagined Winnie sitting next to me.

  I missed her like crazy. Too much really. How I could function long term feeling so overwhelmed by such need? Would the need lessen once we’d spent enough time together? Or would I learn to live with the all encompassing desire for Winnie?

  Walking back to Cooper’s office, I passed one of the two antique shops in Ellsberg. Evoking Memories was also the only place in town where my father could buy those stupid bear figurines he collected.

  I passed the store hundreds of times over the last few weeks without running into Larry or Margo. On this cold sunny day, my luck ran out.

  My father was a tall man. At sixty, he remained appealing to women. Despite his cold eyes, he possessed a head full of hair and a sizable bank account. His latest wife Margo somehow managed to create the lovely Lark and the beautifully bitchy Raven.

  “Dad. Margo,” I said, hoping to keep walking.

  Dad’s body language demanded I stop and talk. Likely out of habit, I obeyed.

  “Hello, Dylan,” Margo said from behind Dad.

  Giving her a quick nod, I hoped Dad made the lecture quick.

  “Hello, son. Glad to see you got rid of that ridiculous hairstyle of yours. I also heard your business was expanding too. Rumor even has it that you’re dating a preacher’s daughter. I thought my embarrassment of a son had finally cleaned up his act.”

  The sad part was this bullshit was the closest my father had gotten to complimenting me in years.

  “Unfortunately, I hear your business is helping the Johanssons,
making it likely a front for money laundering. Plus, that preacher is an ex-con thug.”

  Opening my mouth to put Larry in his place, I really wanted to slug him. Violence and cussing wouldn’t fix anything. Not with a guy like Larry. He’d have me arrested as another form of revenge for taking Lark’s side over his.

  Before I could make a move I’d likely regret, Dad focused behind me. I followed his gaze and found Judd staring at us behind mirrored glasses.

  “Have we met?” Larry asked in a gruff tone that made Margo flinch.

  “Naw, but I’ve seen you around. You’re the big city council guy, right?” Judd muttered, shaking his hand really hard based on my dad’s grimace.

  “Larry,” Dad said, tugging his hand away.

  “People call me The Ripper. I got that name in prison from this thing I’d did when people messed with me or my friends. See,” Judd said, stepping closer and lowering his voice, “I’d shove these two fingers…” Judd paused to show his index and middle finger. “Up a guy’s asshole and tear open that real tender spot between the hole and the balls. You know that spot, don’t you, Larry?”

  My father gave a little nod and Judd stepped back.

  “Yeah, well, it was a thing I did back then and I’ve done it from time to time since. That’s why people call me The Ripper. Funny story, huh?”

  Larry struggled to hide his disgust, but his fear was clearly on display.

  “It was nice meeting you, Ripper,” he said, taking Margo by the elbow.

  “The Ripper,” Judd corrected.

  “Mister The Ripper. Have a good day.”

  “Right back at you, Larry.”

  My father hurried to his car and shoved Margo inside. I watched them speed away then frowned at Judd. He was eyeing leaves swirling around in the cold breeze.

  “I didn’t know you did time,” I said, instead of asking about that whole ass thing.

  “I didn’t,” Judd said, lifting his glasses to wink at me. “Vaughn bet me I couldn’t use the phrase ‘stuck my fingers up a guy’s ass’ in a threat. Now, he owes me a hundred bucks.”

  “I guess a guy like you can say he sticks his fingers up a guy’s ass and no one gives him shit. If I said that, well…”

  “You’re a candy ass? Is that what you’re saying?” When I shrugged, Judd punched me in the gut. I sensed he was teasing me, but it hurt anyway. “You attacked cold ass killers with a hammer. You also stepped up and helped Nick when his dad and those assholes showed up. I think your problem is you lead a soft life and you confuse that for being a soft man.”

  “My life is pretty soft.”

  Judd sized me up. “Wanna toughen it up, kid?”

  “How?” I asked, suspicious.

  “I like how you worry. Only a stupid fuck would trust a guy who rips out guys’ assholes,” Judd said, grinning. “You ever go paintballing?”

  “No.”

  “You know how to shoot?”

  “A little.”

  “Well,” Judd said, gesturing for me to follow him to his bike. “With Cooper taking over the business, Kirk wanted to have a get-together with some outside friends. You get how I can’t be more specific than that, right?”

  When I nodded, Judd continued, “So next spring, friends from Memphis are visiting Ellsberg to have a meet and greet. Part of that is going to be a paintball match or two. A lot of Kirk’s guys aren’t so fast on the draw anymore, so he’s looking to prep the younger guys.”

  “And you want me to prep with you?”

  “You and Winnie still getting along okay?”

  “Yeah, she’s my woman.”

  Judd nodded. “If she and you end up together for good, I see you being more than just crew material. Cooper needs loyal guys. Smart guys who aren’t only muscle. He’d like Nick to help out, but school boy doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. I get that, but I think you’d look good dirty.”

  I wasn’t sure what to make of Judd’s offer. Despite my uncertainty, no way would I give up a chance to paintball with guys like Judd.

  “Sounds good. What do I have to do?”

  “Just show up at Kirk’s place at nine on Saturday morning. We’ll gear up and create teams. Then it’s just the first of many practices. The guys from Memphis do this shit constantly. If we don’t get ourselves organized, they’ll destroy us. Cooper will be pissed if that happens.”

  “Saturday morning. Got it.”

  Judd glanced at where Larry had stood. “Your dad is a fuckwit. You’re lucky you don’t take after him.”

  Smirking, I watched Judd disappear down the road.

  My life had taken a lot of turns since I stood up to my dad. My business was more successful. I had friends who wouldn’t ditch me on my dad’s orders. I’d found a woman I imagined building a life with too. As long as I refused to step back into my father’s way of thinking, the good times could continue.

  Chapter Twenty Three ~ Winnie

  My first trip out of the house after my freak out was to get a manicure and pedicure with the girls. We met at the beauty salon and sat in a line with our feet out. Harlow refused to come along though I suspected her fingers needed pampering more than anyone’s.

  “What do you know about sexy sex?” Raven asked from a few chairs down from me.

  “Isn’t it like regular sex?”

  “No. For one thing, it feels good.”

  Feeling awkward now, I nodded.

  “There are sexy phrases that turn guys on,” Raven continued.

  Bailey snorted. “This isn’t going to be your ‘your cock is the key that opens my treasure chest,’ is it? I tried that on Nick and he laughed. Not in a horny way either. He thought I was drunk on cold meds.”

  “You probably said it wrong.”

  Tawny smirked. “There’s no real way to say that right, Raven. It’s dumb.”

  “Did you even try it?”

  “No, but I did tell Judd about it, so he’d feel superior to Vaughn. It totally worked and he fucked me spectacularly as a thank you. Hey, maybe that’s how it needs to be used.”

  Raven glared at Tawny. “It works. Trust me that Vaughn loves that stuff.”

  “He’s a horny freak,” Bailey muttered. “Doesn’t everything get him ready?”

  Raven flipped them off then turned back to me. “Did you mention that thing I taught you? The one where you talk about him being inside you? Guys like the idea of exploring new territory.”

  “Like Lewis and Clark,” Farah said, playing with her phone.

  When everyone laughed, I did too. Yet I was nervous about remembering their advice.

  “Lick your lips a lot,” Bailey suggested.

  Maddy shook her head. “That’ll get him thinking about blowjobs. Don’t bend over too much either because then he’ll think of butt action.”

  “Wow, now I know way too much information about how my brother fucks you,” Bailey grunted. “Today is a real learning experience.”

  Tawny pushed Raven back and leaned over her to see me. “Dylan has more experience than you. Let him take charge and learn what you like. All this sexy line crap is stupid. He already wants you and I’m sure any green light will get him ready to go.”

  “Now I’m focusing on my brother getting laid,” Raven complained. “Huh, I guess I should have seen that coming.”

  Bailey rolled her eyes. “Tucker’s been my brother longer, so my whine is more sympathetic.”

  “Not really,” Raven said, slapping Bailey’s arm.

  Eyes narrowing, Bailey hissed. “Bring it.”

  “I’m getting the water bottle out,” Farah warned, setting aside her phone. “Let’s stop talking about Winnie and Dylan having sex. It’s freaking her out.”

  When they all looked at me, I faked as if I didn’t feel put on the spot. Based on their expressions, I wasn’t successful.

  “The first time is always awkward,” Farah said.

  Now everyone looked at her and she faked a casual expression. “Isn’t it?”

  Tawny s
hook her head. “My first time was really hot, but it was with Judd.”

  Her sister glared at her, but Tawny only smiled.

  Raven grinned. “Vaughn went down on me as soon as we got into his apartment. I was immediately a fan of his moves.”

  “He’s whipped,” Bailey said, shaking her head. “What a girly bitch you have there.” When Raven smacked her again, Bailey growled, “Bitch, it’s coming.”

  “Ooh, I’m terrified, princess.”

  “How about you, Maddy?” I asked, ignoring Raven and Bailey’s staring contest.

  “It was great,” she said with a little smile. “I mean, I think it was. I don’t really know. We were pretty drunk, but I remember thinking he looked so hot naked. Yeah, it was great.”

  “So the only one who can’t fuck correctly is Cooper,” Bailey announced. “More info about my brother’s dongs that I didn’t need.”

  “If you don’t want to hear about your brothers plowing their wives, stop hanging out with us,” Maddy muttered, opening a magazine. “I’m not interested in you telling us about getting porked either, but I keep my mouth shut.”

  Bailey sighed. “Nick sure porks me good.”

  Everyone laughed since Bailey was completely serious.

  “I can’t wait until Lark has her litter,” Bailey said once the laughter died down. “That way, she can have fun with us.”

  Farah rubbed her growing bump. “I suspect she’ll be busy caring for her litter.”

  “We’ll ditch Raven with the babies while Lark has fun with us. She’s the better sister anyway.”

  Raven leaned over to Bailey and whispered, “Lark talks shit about you when you’re not around.”

  “Don’t buy it,” Bailey said, waving her off. “Lark is a sweet pixy with eyes like stars. You’re the rotten skank version of her.”

  “Why are you two fighting so much?” Tawny grumbled.

  “We’re not fighting,” Bailey balked. “You’re too sensitive, Tawny. I mean that in a nice way because of how I’m a nice person.”