Damaged and the Bulldog

by Bijou Hunter

  “She really is,” Raven said.

  Tawny glared at them both. “Blondes.”

  “Yeah,” Maddy said, caressing her blonde locks. “We’re so awful that the rest of you look bad in comparison.”

  Bailey and Raven high-fived Maddy while Tawny switched seats to sit next to her sister. Watching their easy confidence, I felt lost in the conversation.

  Eventually, I daydreamed while they shared sex stories and in-jokes. During their louder moments, I decided my outing wouldn’t end with my pretty nails. Though I told Mom and Dad I would come home afterwards, I drove to Lark’s house.

  The dogs ran to the door when I arrived and followed me around until Lark woke from her nap.

  “Surprise,” I said, helping her out of bed. “Raven will be over later. First she wanted to be alone with Vaughn.”

  “Did you guys talk a lot about sex? That’ll get her worked up every time.”

  Nodding, I smiled while propping her feet up.

  “I will get you lunch then I’m going to do your nails.”

  Lark wiped her sleepy eyes and smiled brightly. “I want to be pretty just like all you cool kids.”

  “It won’t be long before you can go out and have fun again.”

  Lark rubbed her belly as I made her lunch. She was still caressing the bouncing bump when I returned.

  “They’re kicking like crazy,” she said, placing the plate on her stomach. “I don’t think they’re going to make it to my due date.”

  “It’ll be okay,” I said softly, though I worried too.

  Lark enjoyed her salad while watching Judge Judy. Once she finished eating, I sat on the table with her feet resting on the pillow on my lap. We decided on painting the nails on her left side blue and the ones on her right side pink.

  “When the babies come,” she said, smiling as I painted her toenails, “I’ll be in the hospital for a few days at least. My in-laws want to have us stay with them for a week or so afterwards. My OB says he only does C-sections for multiples, so I know I’ll be dealing with the pain of that. Anyway, while I’m on the mend, you can have a vacation.”

  “I can help if you want.”

  “Aaron and his family have everything planned, so I’m going to let them run things. Once I feel like me again, I’ll be the boss again,” she said, giving me a wink. “I’m sure I’ll be overwhelmed with two of them ganging up on me. So yeah, I’ll need your help once we’re home.”

  “I’m good with babies,” I said, blowing on her toes. “I freaked out when I had mine, but I’m not like that anymore. I watch babies at church all the time.”

  “You were just a kid when you had your baby,” Lark whispered. “I would have freaked out too.”

  “It’s hard to move around once the C-section starts to heal. I remember it hurt more the second day than the first. I also remember that people made a big deal out of me not getting constipated.”

  Lark laughed. “How romantic for Aaron to spend our first year worrying about my pooping.”

  I smiled. “He’s going to look so sexy holding a baby. I remember thinking Kirk was so scary even though he was always nice to me. Then I saw him carrying around Sawyer and he never seemed scary again. Big strong guys holding babies are really sexy.”

  Lark adjusted on the couch. “Don’t make me horny please. I have no outlet. Orgasms are off limits.”

  “Why?”

  “It can bring on labor.”

  “Oh. I didn’t learn much about pregnancy when I was pregnant. I just did what people told me to do. I never even felt like the baby was mine.”

  Lark placed her hands on a pillow while I painted her fingers.

  “Because you knew he was going to be adopted?”

  “No,” I said softly. “When I felt him moving around in me, back before I came to live in Ellsberg, I assumed he would die. A part of me kept thinking that even after he was born.”

  Blowing on her wet nails, I held her gaze. “I was messed up back then.”

  “It’ll be different when you’re ready. Hell, I wasn’t ready, but I had met the man of my dreams and was in love. Ready or not, we’re having our babies soon.”

  “Not too soon hopefully.”

  Lark sighed. “Soon.”

  We held each other’s gazes and I saw her worry. Soon though, she was cooing over her nails. She loved being pampered so much that we played with her hair next. By the time Aaron arrived home with dinner, his muse was a sexy round goddess.

  Chapter Twenty Four ~ Dylan

  The moment I saw Tad waiting on the street for me, I assumed my weekend with Winnie wasn’t happening. His expression was unreadable as he checked his phone and leaned against my SUV. When he noticed me, Tad gave me a big fake smile.

  “Can we talk?” he asked and I felt my stomach clench with dread.

  “Sure.”

  “Let’s grab a cup of coffee,” he said, already walking towards the shop down the street.

  Following him, I bought a small coffee since I was tense now. Tad ordered a large one, even though I sensed he was tense too. Once we sat at a table, he gave me another fake smile.

  “Winnie is spending the weekend at your place.”

  This wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.

  Tad ran his index finger over the seam in the cup. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I wasn’t giving up Winnie. I even found myself imagining us running away together. With a little money saved up, I could take her away and protect her whether her parents understood or not.

  “She has nightmares,” he finally said. “If she says, ‘I’m here’ then you need to tell her you see her. Also remind her of her name and where she lives.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “When we moved to Chattanooga a few years back, Winnie had trouble adjusting to the new house. She woke up scared every night and needed her Cookie Monster doll a lot. The doll isn’t really a comfort thing. It’s more like a focus object. Her second therapist taught her to focus on the doll and remember where she got it. Who bought it? How she’s free. She needs reminders when she’s scared.”

  “I’ll remember.”

  “I’m not blind. I know you and my daughter have something real. I also know she’s getting stronger because of you. She’s pushing herself and I want her to be happy. I don’t want you to be unprepared for the issues Winnie will have. Not just this weekend, but forever. She’ll get stronger, but life broke her years ago.”

  Tad tasted his hot coffee. “Not bruised, but broke. She won’t ever be free. I need you to understand that. You can be everything she needs, but she will always have problems. There’s no fixing the damage done to Winnie, but she’s learned to work around it. How to handle fear. Her phobias about people and touching. Her desire to hide away in the house rather than face the world. She pushes herself to work around those problems, but they won’t go away.”

  Tad glanced hard at a few loud guys walking past and I got a glimpse of the club guy underneath all the happy talk. He turned back to me and sighed.

  “Harlow wants to blame you for triggering things, but the reality is Winnie can’t cope like a normal person. Some people are fragile from the moment they’re born. Winnie was never going to take on the world and kick its ass. She would always be weak. Life stomped on someone gentle and left her barely functioning.”

  Tad’s dark gaze softened. “She can be happy though. You make her smile. Don’t forget that when she stops smiling. There are days when Winnie won’t smile. She’ll stop talking too. That’s not about what happened with the Devils or being with you. It’s just how she copes when things build up inside her. Her mom and I roll with her moods. We’ll leave for work when she’s staring at the wall, silent to the world. We’ll return to find her playing videogames with Jace. She always digs her way out. If you’re patient, she can be happy.”

  “I love her,” I said, thinking about how much she suffered. I also thought of how she smiled for me. How I made her laugh. Winnie had my number too and
could twist me up inside with an easy smile. “I don’t want anyone else.”

  Tad smiled softly. “She’s a good kid. I still remember the first time she laughed for me. I was always trying to get her to smile, but she would only watch me. I scared her. The only one who didn’t make her flinch was Kirk, if you can believe that. He found her and she followed him around like a puppy. The only reason she stayed with us that first night was because he told her to. She stared out the front window when he left and remained there, hoping he would come back. It took me a long time to become her dad, instead of a potential threat.”

  Tad drank more coffee. “I hadn’t wanted you two to date. Protective dad and all that, but Toni saw Winnie seeking you out like she never did other men. Even after the Devils grabbed the girls and Vaughn started coming around to see Harlow, Winnie wasn’t interested in him. She was the same way with Kirk’s sons. When they were around, she hid in her head. With you, she’s different. Toni forced me to back off. Trust me that I didn’t want to.”

  We shared a smile between two men willing to die to protect the same girl.

  “The first time I saw Winnie,” I said, “she was hiding behind Harlow. I understood she wasn’t like any other girl I was ever interested in. Even knowing that, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.”

  “You sitting out in the car made Toni worry about you. I understood though. After Toni and I first went out, she gave me mixed signals. She was torn between her safe life and the bad boy she wanted. She ran hot and cold. For me, it was simple and I only ran hot.”

  Tad again glanced at the loud guys outside before returning to his story. “More than once, I hung outside her apartment. I wanted to force her to admit she wanted the same thing I did. A lot of nights I got close to knocking on her door, but I gave her space. Eventually, she knocked on my door. Patience is the hardest fucking thing in the world.”

  “I’m not sure Winnie’s ready to spend the weekend at my place, but I can’t tell her no.”

  “I can’t either. I really want to. Instead, I can only warn you about problems she might have.”

  “If she has any problems, I’ll call you. I’m not too proud to ask for help, if it’ll ease Winnie’s fears.”

  “Good,” Tad said, finishing his coffee. “I know you didn’t have a great family. Don’t know about your mom, but Dad looks like a son of a bitch. Bad parents will screw up a person, but good parents don’t ensure anything either. Look at me. I had the kind of parents that treat their kids like gifts from God. My brother and sister turned out to be superstars. I got in trouble early and kept doing it until prison. Even now, I’d run wild if not for Toni cracking the whip and Kirk keeping me on a leash. Some people need a lot of hand holding. Winnie and I are like that. You seem more self-sufficient like Toni. Opposites attract, I guess.”

  “If I can have with Winnie what you have with your wife, I’ll be a happy man.”

  Tad gave me a little grin. “Heard Judd roped you into the paintball match this weekend.”

  “I’ve been craving more physical shit in my life.”

  “Harlow is doing it too. The girl needs endless physical shit in her life. She has so much anger built up from years of feeling powerless.”

  “I assume she’ll shoot me,” I said, grinning. “Even if we’re on the same team.”

  “Likely. Just remember it’s not personal. If Harlow didn’t like you, you’d be dead. I have no doubt she could do it too.”

  Despite worrying over Harlow’s anger, I appreciated how many people wanted to protect Winnie. She deserved the concern after those earlier in her life showed so little.

  Chapter Twenty Five ~ Winnie

  Dylan’s apartment was a blank slate. No pictures on the walls, no rugs on the floor, nothing personal anywhere. I suspected growing up with his parents always moving into a new house and creating new families left him unable to build a real home.

  “Do you like the walls bare?” I asked, pinching my wrist.

  Dylan studied me with his dark eyes. Tonight, we would have sex. When he picked me up, I reminded him of my plans. I wanted sex and he was giving it to me. Normally, a guy would be thrilled to get laid, but Dylan looked nervous as we stood in his living room.

  “I have no idea what to do with this place. When I renovate houses, I hire someone to decorate. You know, pick paint and stuff.”

  “When I move out of my parents’ house, I want a house that is warm like theirs. Would you like that?”

  “To live in your house?” he asked, giving me a grin.

  “Yes. I might let you rent a room, if you promise to walk around with your shirt off.”

  “Oh, I can make that promise.”

  Sharing a smile, we sat quietly for a minute then Dylan asked if I wanted to watch TV.

  “I think we should have sex soon.”

  “Okay,” he said, losing his smile.

  “When I used the bathroom earlier, I took a mild sedative to make sure I didn’t freak out during sex.”

  Dylan frowned. “You’re drugged up?”

  “I’m not out of it, just relaxed. Like drinking a beer kind of relaxed.”

  “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t stop if you want,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “I don’t want to stop.”

  “You don’t know how you’ll feel once we’re…you know…together.”

  Running my fingers down his chest, I shivered. “I want to know what it feels like to be with you. That doesn’t mean I won’t get weird about it.” I paused then poked his chest. “Don’t make me feel bad for getting weird.”

  Dylan cupped my face and kissed me softly. Once my hands gripped his shirt, the kiss deepened and his tongue found mine. My first instinct was to pull away. Ignoring the urge, I wrapped my arms around his waist.

  Dylan’s lips sucked at my jaw then my neck. By the time he nipped my ear, I wanted to get started.

  “Let me get undressed,” I said, easing away.

  Dylan scratched at his chest scar. “We should go slower.”

  “Don’t you want to feel inside me?”

  Dylan shuddered. “Stop talking like that.”

  “I want you to touch me and make me come.”

  Dylan narrowed his eyes. “Did someone coach you to say these things?”

  “No,” I lied, inching back towards his bedroom. “I need to do this soon.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s like when I was in line for the Ferris wheel. I knew I would hate it, so I got scared, but the wait made it worse. I need to get this over with.”

  Dylan’s jaw tensed and those dark eyes focused hard on my face. “I hate thinking of us being together as something you need to endure.”

  The sexy talk Raven and the others suggested had backfired. Or maybe I was too honest. Either way, Dylan looked less interested in sex than when we arrived.

  “When you touch me, I get excited. That excitement makes me remember ugly times. Once we’ve been together, the excitement will make me remember being with you. So even though it’ll be crappy the first time, I’ll be stronger afterwards. Strong enough for the next million times to be great.”

  “Million times?” Dylan asked, giving me a naughty grin. He tugged off his shirt and tossed it on the couch. “I see a real future for us, Winnie, so I think you’re low-balling that number.”

  Smiling, I glanced at his bedroom. “I’m getting naked and hiding under the covers. I can’t see you naked and I don’t want you to see me naked. I’ll freak out. I want to feel you, not see you.”

  “I’ve never felt hotter,” he said, leaning on the couch. “I trust you know what’s best.”

  “Trust is good,” I mumbled, inching towards his bedroom. “Give me a few minutes to get ready. Then come in and have sex with me.”

  Laughing, Dylan rubbed his jaw. “Have sex with me. This feels weird.”

  I peeked out from the door and held his gaze. “Once I get the hang of being naked around you, I’m kissing every
inch of your body. I’ll claim you too. Once you’re mine, I won’t let you go. I’m not kidding either. If you think you have stalker tendencies, you ought to see me in action.”

  Dylan expression shifted from awkward to a kind of male curiosity that both scared and excited me.

  Leaving him to wonder what Stalker Winnie might be like, I shut the door. I stripped my clothes off, looked in the mirror while avoiding seeing myself from the neck down, and finally climbed into his bed. The sheets smelled clean, but I preferred Dylan’s cologne to the scent of mountain spring.

  I thought to spread out my hair on the pillow. Posing felt gross though. Everything felt gross when I thought about it too much. Struggling against the urge to pinch my hands, I closed my eyes and imagined Dylan’s half smile.

  When he entered the room, I kept my eyes shut. Instead, I focused on the first time I saw Dylan with his shirt off. Where I once felt shame about my lust, I now embraced the warm feelings.

  The bed shifted and Dylan climbed under the covers, causing me to flinch. A part of me remembered the way the bed moved when one of the Vandals climbed on top of me. Feeling the past returning, I reached for Dylan.

  His skin was hot under my fingertips. As his lips found mine in the dark room, I slid my body under his and spread my legs.

  “My name is Winnie,” I whispered. “I live in Ellsberg.”

  “My name is Dylan,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re my woman and I love you.”

  Opening my eyes, I smiled at him. “I love you too. I’m scared, but I trust you completely.”

  Dylan’s lips smiled against mine as he kissed me again. I ran my fingers slowly over his chest, relishing the feel of every hair and hard muscle. Placing my palm over the scar, I felt his heart racing.

  Dylan sucked at my earlobe, licked at my throat. He moved lower, tasting and teasing my shoulders and collarbone.

  His lips returned to mine and tested my resolve. I hungrily returned his affection. Even terrified, I was unwilling to stop.