Forever Red

by Carina Adams

  I’d kept my job at the diner, just to give me extra cash for next year. Neil hated that it took me away from him most Friday and Saturday nights. I hated that Mr. Knightly had decided to become a regular. Instead of playing whatever game he was playing, I would just smile and be polite when he, unfortunately, ended up in my section and ignore whatever words he whispered in my direction. I still hadn’t told Neil about him or about what had happened with Mike, but I couldn’t bring myself to ruin the streak of perfection we had going.

  I’d been beyond irritated when we’d walked into English Lit on the second day of school and were greeted by a smirking Mr. Knightly – or Craig as he insisted we all call him. I’d gripped Neil’s hand tighter as I hurried to a seat in the last row, holding Mike’s eyes as he and Jules slipped into the chairs in front of us. One of the best things about my relationship with Mike was that he knew what I was saying without me actually speaking a word. He had looked just as pissed off as I felt, but I knew it was for an entirely different reason.

  Mike had been very clear with me this summer; he thought that any adult – especially a teacher – that would sleep with an underage girl was a pedophile and needed to be put away, or down, so they couldn’t prey on anyone else. To him, Mr. Knightly was a monster no matter how old I’d been when it happened or that I had been the one to pursue him. “He’s a fucking adult, Lee,” he had told me angrily, “you’re a goddamn stupid kid that didn’t know any better. Someone needs to teach that disgusting prick a lesson.” I never told him that his beloved Coach Matthews could have made the same mistake.

  Mike tensed every time the teacher looked our way, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of how strongly he hated the man or because of the showdown at the diner. It did feel like Craig watched us closely, and he had a knowing smile whenever he saw Neil and me holding hands. No one else seemed to notice, and both Jules and Neil enjoyed the class so I let it go. Maybe I was just overreacting because I felt guilty keeping a secret from Neil.

  Whatever it was, whether it was me reading too much in to it or Mike actually having an issue, we never discussed it. We talked about almost everything else, and since he’d dropped Trig and picked up statistics, we had every single class together. Mr. Knightly was a topic that we silently agreed to ignore.

  We were in our psychology class Tuesday morning, a few weeks after school started, when the world stopped. Jules or Neil, sometimes both, were in the majority of our classes, but that early morning gem was just the two of us. We’d usually spend the first half chitchatting while the teacher walked aimlessly among us students, checking in. That morning, we’d been talking about schools.

  Mike had gotten another scholarship offer, this one from the University of Maine at Orono. They wanted him to join their football team and were willing to back it up with a full-ride. He’d received similar offers from better non-state schools, but he was worried about being away from Jules. She was adamant that she was just going to try the local community college and work at the nursing home and Mike was convinced that if he moved across the country, they’d never make it.

  “Really?” I stared at him, shocked. “This is your future. You have the chance to play college ball, maybe even more. You really wanna give it up because you’re afraid your girlfriend might leave you?”

  Mike sat back, tossing his pen onto his desk, and glowered at me. “You act as if Kelly wouldn’t do the same for you.”

  “He better not!” I scowled back. “We’re applying to some of the same schools, yeah, but I doubt we’ll both get in. If we don’t, we’ll each follow our dreams and see what happens. But I would never give up my dream school for him. And I’d be pissed and dump his ass if he did something that stupid for me.”

  “So, you’re just going to leave him? After he moved back here for you?”

  I didn’t have a chance to answer. The door flew open and an underclassman came running into the room. Looking around the room wildly, he found our teacher and rushed to her. Her face fell, but she nodded and he ran out of the room as fast as he came in.

  “Class, there seems to be something going on. I’m just going to step out of the room for a minute.”

  “Weird,” I mumbled, but Mike looked panicked.

  “What do you think’s going on?”

  We didn’t have to wait long. Not even a minute later, our teacher came back into the room. “There was a plane crash,” she explained, turning on the television. “A bad one.”

  We sat in silence, watching helplessly as our worlds exploded, and every inch of security we thought we had was peeled away. The bell rang, but no one moved. The hall remained eerily empty. When the second plane hit another tower, Mike’s hand entwined with mine. Together, we witnessed hell rain down on earth, and together, we prayed.

  Chapter Twenty

  ~ Nathaniel ~

  It was quiet, eerily so.

  Life had to move on. We all knew that. It was hard and we were in shock, but we had to keep pushing through. The quietness was what got me the most, though.

  Where there had been drama and the craziness of high school was now an uncomfortable silence. We went about our days in a dreamlike state, thankful we had the friends and family we did, trying to show the rest of the world that we were survivors.

  The adults in our lives seemed to forget that we weren’t children and that we were just as affected as they were. My parents, especially my mom, were talking all catawampus – one minute, she wanted me to pack up my truck and drive straight home; the next, she told me it was too dangerous and that she was going to drive up to get me. Then she’d say that she was going to pack up the entire family and move back here. Mostly, she just cried when she talked to me.

  The Jacksons were just as bad. Suddenly, Mr. Jackson canceled all his business trips, telling his office to fire him if they had a problem with it, and Ally and I had curfews for the first time ever. In fact, he didn’t want either of us going anywhere alone and insisted that Lia come over to their house instead of me going to hers. He – as he reminded me numerous times – had enough guns in the house to keep us all safe.

  Coach didn’t know what to do. He wanted to win states, but he was too worried about us to push us the way he needed to. Before the game that Friday night, he ordered a moment of silence before the national anthem played. I’d never seen so many people cry.

  Our teachers spent hours discussing current events with us. Some of them felt that we needed to know what was going on and have a say because we were the next world leaders. Others wanted to protect us, sheltering us from a world that we’d never known. The school started having bomb drills and practicing for lockdowns. We were stuck between the blissful ignorance of childhood and the cold, hard truth of adulthood.

  The change in Lia was the worst of all. It fucking terrified me. I could deal with sobbing moms, clueless teachers, and out-for-revenge father figures. What I didn’t know how to handle was my talkative and sassy girlfriend going suddenly quiet. It wasn’t as if she was non-verbal because she still talked all the time. The spunk that I loved so much, that fire that filled her eyes, had disappeared.

  I knew it wasn’t me. It wasn’t even the War on Terror. It was her dad. And the lack of communication she’d had with him in the days and then weeks that followed the horrific attack.

  I wasn’t the only one concerned. Carson and Jules watched her constantly, checking on her often. Her mom pulled me aside and told me she was scared. When Red stared out the window into nothingness and didn’t respond in class, the teachers turned their worried eyes to me in question. There was nothing I could do. I’d tried everything I could think of. Mike tried everything else. I wanted to find her dad and punch him in his fucking throat.

  One Thursday in late September, I dragged myself home after a late and brutal practice. Coach was taking it easy on us, but as Captains, Carson and I were making sure that the boys were going to be ready for the Panthers game on Saturday. Everyone in this community needed something to look for
ward to and the two of us planned on bringing them a state champion trophy.

  I didn’t even bother with a shower; weeks of worrying about Red mixed with handling my mom and dealing with shit I wasn’t mature enough to handle added to school and ball, and I was too fucking exhausted to do anything more than collapse. As soon as I landed in bed, I grabbed my cell. It didn’t matter how tired I was, I needed to hear her voice before I could sleep.

  She didn’t answer. Not the first time I called. Or the fifth. Or the tenth. Thinking that maybe she’d fallen asleep in the living room, I dialed her mom. She answered on the first ring.

  “I’m sorry to call so late, Ms. Merrill, but Lia didn’t answer her phone.”

  “She’s not with you?” The panic in her voice made my stomach sour.

  “No. I had practice and she had work.”

  “I haven’t seen her. Maybe Mikey…” She trailed off.

  Carson had left practice the same time I had and headed home to crash. But I didn’t want to cause any more worry if I didn’t have to. “Yeah, maybe. I’ve been so busy they probably told me and I forgot. I’ll call him.”

  “Okay. Thanks, Neil.”

  I rolled out of bed, slammed my feet into my K-Swiss sneakers, and hurried down the stairs, grabbing my keys off the holder. I was almost at the door when a quiet voice stopped me. “Where are you headed this time of night?”

  I turned back to Mrs. Jackson, knowing she’d be pissed that I was about to blow curfew. “Lia didn’t answer her phone so I called her mom. She hasn’t been home all night. I’m going to look for her.”

  “Did you try her mobile?”

  I shook my head. “She doesn’t have a cell phone.”

  Mrs. Jackson glanced up the stairs and then looked back at me, giving me a hard look. “I know you want to help her, but maybe she just wants to be alone for a few minutes. Have you been watching the news?”

  I shook my head again. I hadn’t watched it because I didn’t want to know.

  “That girl is scared out of her mind right now, and no matter how much you want to help her, you need to let her do this herself. Why don’t you—”

  I cut her off, knowing that she was going to send me to bed. “No offense, but you don’t know Lia. She’s nothing like Ally so you really don’t know what she needs.”

  The older woman put one hand on her hip and raised the other, pointing a finger at me. “I may not know Lia, young man, but I know exactly what she’s going through. You see that picture?”

  I turned around, glancing at a black and white portrait of a young man in an army uniform, smiling at the camera.

  “That’s my dad.” Her voice softened. “He fought in Vietnam. Every day he was gone, I prayed for him to come home safe. Every day we heard about the mass casualties and I was terrified that I’d never get to see him again. No one understood. My mom was scared and sad and locked away in her own world. My sister was little and just missed the man that would give her piggyback rides. My friends thought he was a murderer. And my teachers? Well, let’s just say I was old enough to understand what was going on and know the hatred that was spewed at soldiers.

  “You might not know this, but Lia’s been through this before. She was just a little thing then, nine or ten, but her dad fought in Desert Storm. They lost contact with his unit for a while and when they told his family, they told his wife – not Lia or her mom. They found out when a local reporter called for an interview. When his unit was found, no one thought to tell his daughter he was okay for days.

  “You might not be watching the news, but I guarantee she is. There are a lot of people that don’t want this war and they are using whatever scare tactic they can to make sure others join their cause. They say it’s a suicide mission and that anyone that fights will die. People like that make it even harder for soldiers’ families.”

  I was stunned silent as she spoke, waiting for her to continue.

  She sighed. “I was going to say – before you interrupted me – why don’t you go look for her in the places you know she loves. Maybe a special place she shared with her dad. Just remember that she needs you to let her have a few minutes. Support her but don’t pry.”

  I just stared at her. I’d never really understood why someone as obviously intelligent as she was would want to give up her life to stay home and cook and clean. I might never understand, but it made a little more sense now. Her family was her life, so she saw things differently than those that had other priorities.

  She smiled at me then, a bittersweet smile that one would offer a grieving spouse at a funeral. “Go. I’ll wait up just to make sure you get home safe. Find Lia before it gets any later and her mother has a panic attack.”

  It wasn’t until I’d done my second sweep through town that I realized I didn’t have a freaking clue where to look. We never talked about her dad so I didn’t know if they shared a special place. She’d told me she had a ride home, but if she’d lied, she’d be walking. Turning around, I headed back to the restaurant. It was closed now, but using it as a starting point, I headed to her house. I was almost to Two Lanes when my cell rang.

  Seeing Lia’s number pop up, my heart started to pound. It could be her mom with horrible news… or it could be Red. Praying it was the latter, I picked up. “Babe?”

  “Hi.”

  I sighed in relief. “I’ve been driving around looking for you. You okay?”

  “Yeah.” She swallowed into the phone hard enough I could hear it. “Sorry I worried you. My mom’s wicked pissed right now, but she said you’d called and I wanted to let you know I’m fine.”

  “Where were you?”

  “I walked to the cemetery. I needed the quiet and to talk to my Grammy.”

  I had never heard her so sad, like she’d start crying at any minute.

  “I love you, Red.” I was trying to offer comfort, give her something to hold on to.

  My words had the opposite effect than what I’d hoped because as soon as I said it, she started sobbing. “I love you, too, Neil.”

  I didn’t want to push her, thinking about what Mrs. Jackson had said, but this was my Lia. She wouldn’t supply any information unless I asked, even if she needed to talk about it. I needed to pry with her. “Have you talked to him?”

  She sniffed. “No. I sent another email, but he still hasn’t written back. I called today, but the step-monster said he’s really busy and can’t be bothered. She said he’d email me back when he has the chance.” She was sobbing again and I could barely understand her words. “I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m his kid. Why wouldn’t he want to say goodbye to me?”

  My hands tightened on the steering wheel. Screw punching him in the throat. I wanted to beat that cock-sucking pig-fucker bloody. I slowed, turning my truck into the trailer park, took a deep breath, and told her what she needed to hear. “He does want to talk to you, babe. He’s probably just as upset and worried about you as you are him. You said he’d been promoted so he’s probably in strategy meetings and getting his unit ready for travel. He’ll call when he can.”

  Lia swallowed loudly again. “That’s what my mom said.”

  I smiled. “Then it must be true because she and I never agree on anything.” A small giggle came from the other end of the line and my heart instantly felt five times lighter. I pulled up in front of the trailer next to hers, a perfect spot to see her window. “I’m right around the corner. Do you want me to come over?”

  “No. It’s late. You’re exhausted and I’m a train wreck. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry.”

  “See you in the morning?”

  “Can’t wait.”

  I sat there long after we ended the call, staring at the shadows I could see moving behind the blinds. I needed to make sure she was really okay, and not going to run again. When her lights turned off, I waited another ten minutes and then headed home.

  Mrs. Jackson, as promised, was waiting up for me when I got back. “Is Lia okay?”

  “S
he will be.” I paused only a second before I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around her. She jerked in surprise, but I squeezed once before letting her go. “Thank you.” It was all that needed to be said and I knew she understood.

  I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling long after I heard Mrs. Jackson lock up and go to bed. It was times like this when I missed my mom. Hell, I missed my entire family. I wanted to drive to Red’s, pack her shit in the truck, and move her to the farm. At least there, she’d be surrounded by family and she’d never have to wonder why her father ignored her. I could shelter and protect her there. One day.

  When I picked her up the next morning, all I could focus on were the black smudges of exhaustion under her eyes and how noticeable it was that she’d dropped a few pounds – weight she didn’t have to lose to begin with – making her clothes look a few sizes too big. I smiled at her, doing my best to ignore the change in her appearance, and reached for her hand. I didn’t know how to save her, but I would figure it out.

  I walked her all the way to first period, giving Carson a knowing look as I handed her over to him. I could tell he was just as worried about her as I was, but we were all doing whatever we could to hide it. I held up my phone as soon as her back was turned and he nodded in understanding. He had eyes on her; if he needed me, he’d call.

  My Government and Policies class was in the library so we could do research for an upcoming paper. At least, that was the intent. Instead, we sat at tables with our friends and pretended to look shit up while we talked. I sat with a few guys from the team, but Ally and Missy grabbed the last two seats before I could stop them.