Love or Money?

by Carrie Stone

  Chapter Fifteen

  “But why can’t I have the marshmallow ones, Mummy?” Abbey whined, jumping up against the side of the shopping trolley.

  “Because I said so. You’ve already chosen the chocolate ones. We have enough treats at home anyway” Zara said sternly, reaching out to grip her daughters arm and pull her away from the trolley.

  “Ouch, you’re hurting me, Mummy” Abbey wailed dramatically, stamping her feet. “And we don’t have any treats at home because Daddy ate them all.”

  Zara felt the onset of tears behind her eyes and swallowed back a sob. She really didn’t need her six-year-old causing a scene for her. A well-dressed elderly woman with a basket on her arm looked at Abbey and tutted, muttering something under her breath.

  Feeling judged and embarrassed, Zara tried using a more authoritative tone with her daughter. “Abbey, I’m not going to tell you again. If you’re going to continue being naughty then as soon as we get home you can go to bed.”

  Abbey folded her arms across her chest and dropped her bottom lip. “I hate you, Mummy. You’re so mean to me. Daddy never puts me to bed early.” She stopped walking and looked at Zara tearfully. “That’s because Daddy loves me.”

  Her words stung. Zara took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. She knew that Abbey had no intention of hurting her; she was trying to get her own way. After all, she was just a child for pity’s sake! But lately, with her emotions all over the place and feeling both exhausted and unbalanced, every little drama felt amplified. She was at breaking point.

  Abandoning the half full trolley close to the aisle’s chocolate display, she took her daughter’s hand and untied her handbag from the handle.

  “Come on, we’re going home.”

  “But Mummy, you’re not finished. And what about the ducks?”

  “We will do it another time. Come on, let’s go.” Practically marching her daughter along, they quickly reached the automatic exit doors. Zara felt the cool autumn air prickle at her face as the doors slid open. She was relieved that her car was parked nearby; the tears were already starting to fall.

  It had been a mistake mentioning the idea of a weekend break to Steve. She’d been so happy at the prospect and Glenda’s proposal, she’d even prepared a special dinner and got the children to bed earlier than usual. Everything had gone exactly as she had hoped for; the children complied, the food tasted great, the table and fresh flowers had looked superb. But she hadn’t banked on Steve’s reaction. “And how do you propose we pay for this lavish weekend break you’re planning?” he’d asked sarcastically. Shocked by his attitude, Zara had looked at him hurt and confused. She hadn’t known then but it was only to be the start of a tirade of anger and outpour from her husband. She’d been so taken aback by his language and sudden change in personality that she hadn’t fully absorbed most of what he’d directed at her. It was only later, when he’d apologised after the children had awoken from the raised voices that she had time to reflect on what had been said.

  Steve wasn’t happy. Steve was overworked. Steve wanted time away to process his thoughts.

  “I’m sorry Mummy for upsetting you. I promise to be good. Please don’t cry.”

  Zara glanced at Abbey’s worried face and felt her heart soften. How could her little girl believe she was the cause of the heartache and bitterness she was feeling? She bent down and pulled Abbey close and kissed her on the nose.

  “Baby, I’m not upset because of you. Mummy doesn’t feel very well at the moment so it’s important we go home.” She was sorely tempted to add that it was because her father was a selfish, insensitive bastard. But she refrained. As much as Steve had mentioned needing time away, he had made it clear that the children would still be his priority. She couldn’t fault him as a father.

  They reached the car and she opened the back door, settling Abbey into her seat and fastening her seatbelt across. She was thankful that Steve had accompanied Lexi to her karate class and taken Daisy to watch. She rarely got to spend time alone with Abbey. Guilt riddled her. She’d promised Abbey that after the shopping trip she’d take her to feed the ducks. Swallowing back more tears, she got into the car and started the engine. She wasn’t going to let her daughter down. Besides, she didn’t want to get home early and run the risk of Steve seeing her teary-eyed and emotional.

  They had spent a week avoiding the subject of his outburst. A week spent mainly in silence aside from awkward, short pleasantries for the sake of the children. Every time she’d tried to raise the issues that needed addressing, Steve had made excuses. She gathered he didn’t want to have to talk about the relationship because then it might lead to her ‘discovering’ his cheating. It hurt her that he couldn’t just be honest. Rather than blame the situation on workload and stress of the new baby’s arrival, why not just tell her that he had found someone else? After all, that was likely to be the main reason why he wanted ‘time away’ – to spend it cosying up to his bit on the side.

  Did he truly think that she also wasn’t tired and stressed? Supermum Zara; the one always holding the fort and playing lynchpin for the whole family. Who was there for her? She realised that Steve hadn’t been for quite a while. Clearly, too busy playing happy families with his mystery woman.

  Driving the short distance to the park, she tried to change her mindset. It was no use feeling victimised and upset. She had the new baby to think of. It wasn’t the best situation to bring a child into a broken family but at least she’d ensure it would be a happy broken family. Switching on the radio, her mind wandered to Fee.

  She’d been so happy to receive her latest email. She’d read it eagerly hoping that her friend was enjoying Brisbane and having the time of her life. She hadn’t been expecting to discover that Fee was unhappy and contemplating returning to London sooner than planned. She’d sympathised with her friend’s predicament upon learning that Maurice had been diagnosed with cancer. But that wasn’t a reason for Fee to end her once in a lifetime trip! Replying with a stern command, she’d told Fee to try one final destination within Australia, even for a few days, before deciding whether to end her sabbatical. It had only been three weeks and although she hadn’t had much contact with her, the change in Felicity had been impressive. From the few photos and the small references in her emails, Zara had noticed that she had relaxed dramatically in her attitude to life.

  She was so happy for her. It was a blessing that she’d taken the trip in the first place. Even if Fee did resort to coming back earlier than planned, at least she’d be coming back with a new outlook.

  Pulling into the carpark, she switched off the engine and took a deep breath, turning around to look at Abbey in the back seat.

  “Ok, sweetie, we’re here. Let’s go and see if the ducks are hungry.” She opened the glove compartment and took out the carrier bag of stale bread crust she’d put aside for the trip.

  Abbey whooped in delight, unfastening her seatbelt and opening the car door. “I hope the brown duck is here with the white spot” she said skipping happily towards the pond.

  “Careful.” Zara walked slowly behind her daughter, feeling uplifted at seeing Abbey’s glee.

  “It’s here, Mummy!” Abbey pointed excitedly towards a smaller duck within the pond. “Can I have some bread please to feed it?”

  Zara passed her daughter the bag of bread and crouched beside Abbey.

  “Catherine said that it’s a baby one” Abbey explained, chucking bread towards the water.

  Zara looked at her daughter in confusion. Catherine? Who was Catherine?

  “Who said that, sweetie?” she asked, breaking some of the bread into smaller pieces.

  Abbey stopped throwing bread and turned to her, bottom lip quivering. “Daddy’s friend Catherine. She came to feed the ducks. But Daddy made me promise I wouldn’t tell you.”

  Zara felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Her throat closed up, making it difficult to breathe. She tried to swallow but she couldn’t.

  �
��Am I in trouble, Mummy?”

  Abbey stood directly in front of Zara looking wide-eyed and panicked. Zara reached out and hugged her daughter instinctively.

  “Of course not. You can always tell Mummy your secrets. Never be afraid to tell me anything” she said urgently. Her children were her life. She had grown up without supportive parents and it was the last thing she wanted her own girls to experience.

  Abbey looked pacified and relieved. She opened the bag of bread and began chucking pieces toward the water again.

  Zara plastered a fake smile across her face, whilst her insides danced with nerves. Her hands were shaking and tremors swept through her body. Catherine. Finally she had her proof.

  She felt anger suddenly burning up inside her. Not only had he been cheating but he’d let her be around their daughter. How dare he? How dare he tear apart their family and make his own little girl lie for him?

  “Abbey, about what you said.” Zara took the bread from Abbey’s hands and told her daughter to listen to her carefully. “Let’s not tell Daddy that you told me about his friend Catherine. It’s better if he thinks you kept his promise, ok?”

  Abbey nodded solemnly. “Ok, Mummy.”

  Zara watched her daughter feed the ducks and made encouraging noises. Mentally, she was elsewhere. Images of Steve and the mysterious Catherine kept flashing into her mind taunting her. How long had it been going on for? What did she look like? Did he love her?

  She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting on the bench near the swings, but the sky had darkened. Abbey interrupted her thoughts.

  “Mummy, I’m finished feeding the ducks. Can we go home now?”

  Zara nodded sadly, taking her little girl’s hand and forcing herself to stand up. “Of course, baby. Let’s go.”

  But did they even have a ‘home’ any longer?

  Felicity stared at her laptop screen, re-reading Zara’s email. She was pleased she’d finally got a response from her friend but it was an exceptionally flat one. There was no sense of Zara’s bubbly personality coming through. What concerned Felicity was that Zara hadn’t referenced herself once throughout the email. It didn’t feel right. Felicity knew her friend well enough to ascertain that Zara was upset. Making a mental note to call her in a few hours – as soon as was possible given the time difference, she closed down her laptop. It made her uncomfortable thinking that something might be wrong. Zara was a good person, she of all people deserved only happiness. Felicity made a conscious decision to put her worries aside until she’d had a chance to speak to her friend. She was the other side of the world, realistically there wasn’t much she could do to help. She picked up her up handbag and headed out of her room.

  She’d agreed to meet Owen at South Bank Parkland, the man-made lagoon and park in the centre of Brisbane. She was surprised to find herself looking forward to seeing him again, especially after their dinner, which had been a truly pleasant and enchanting evening.

  In anticipation of being taken to a pizzeria or a casual type of cuisine the previous evening, she’d purposefully dressed in jeans and a blouse, opting for a lower heeled shoe and minimal make-up. Half of her had also been expecting Owen to arrive on a borrowed, clapped-out moped, wearing thong shoes and a pair of cut-offs.

  So it had come as a big surprise when he’d arrived in a new, flashy four-wheel-drive wearing trousers and a smart shirt, his usually dishevelled appearance a far cry from the exceptionally well-groomed man that presented himself to her. She’d suddenly felt ridiculously underdressed and very self-conscious. Still, he hadn’t seemed to notice, instead complementing her on looking naturally classic and beautiful. It was the way he said it, with such genuity, that she’d immediately felt at ease and reassured.

  The car journey together hadn’t been awkward or uncomfortable like she’d often found herself when anticipating being taken to a place that wasn’t really her ‘style’. Oddly, she’d felt high hopes for the evening ahead. Owen’s witty remarks as they drove into the city kept her amused and entertained.

  When they’d reached their final destination according to the GPS, she’d realised Owen had brought them very close to the Pier precinct. Talking and walking, he’d directed them into a discreet doorway where they were greeted by a host. Felicity hadn’t realised the venue was a restaurant until the host led them through another door into a wall-to-wall glass framed interior. The 180 degree glass walls offered them spectacular views of the Brisbane River and Stony Bridge. Seated within prime position to appreciate the back drop, Felicity had been stunned that he’d chosen a location so perfect.

  The food had been of an exceptionally high standard and the conversation had flowed between them. She’d found herself telling him small titbits of information that even her closest friends didn’t know. Something about Owen’s energy drew out her most inner thoughts and feelings.

  As she’d observed him over the course of the night, she’d found it perplexing that a man so at ease with the basics of life, could also fit so easily into an atmosphere so refined. It wasn’t at all how she’d envisaged the evening.

  Driving her back to Chasely Fields afterwards, she’d been confused about her feelings on the ‘date’. Had it even been a date? She was aware that he hadn’t made any flirtatious gestures or connotations. He’d simply acted as a friend would. Why anyway, was she bothered? He wasn’t the type of person she’d usually want to start something with. But as he’d pulled the car onto the drive of Chasely Fields, she’d found herself hoping that he’d kiss her, her stomach dancing at the thought.

  He hadn’t. Instead, he’d thanked her for accompanying him to dinner and asked if she’d be interested in meeting him for coffee the next day. He had a project he wanted to run past her. Dismayed at his lack of action and with muddled emotions, she’d agreed to meet him.

  Getting out of the car without so much as a kiss on the cheek, she’d spent the remainder of the evening trying to assimilate her baffled thoughts. She’d never met a man like Owen. He was odd, for lack of a better word.

  Darlene was waiting for her as she made her way towards the front door. Sitting in a winged back chair reading a magazine, she looked up in excitement as Felicity approached.

  “Well, here she is. Something you’d like to share with me this morning, luvvie?” she teased, raising an eyebrow.

  “Did I miss something? What am I supposed to be sharing?” Felicity asked, puzzled.

  “Owen! I saw you two together, looking very cosy indeed in that big expensive car. You kept that one quiet. I thought he’d left for Cairns days ago.”

  Felicity laughed. Nothing got past Darlene.

  “I bumped into him a couple of days ago. He took on a project locally, so he didn’t leave Brisbane after all. He’s a nice person. We’re just friends.”

  Darlene let out a loud huff.

  “Friends! You might be able to fool yourself, luvvie, but you can’t fool me. You’ve got that look in your eye. And I saw the way you were looking at him in that car last night.”

  Felicity bristled. She didn’t care for being spied on. Darlene was harmless but she needed to know boundaries.

  “I’d appreciate if you kept your opinions to yourself, Darlene. What I do with Owen is my business.”

  Darlene looked crushed and Felicity immediately regretted her outburst. She swiftly opened the front door before Darlene had a chance to respond and make her feel even guiltier. Relieved to be out of the house, she walked quickly to the train station. The last twenty-four hours had provided such distraction, she’d almost managed to forget her predicament. Was she going to stay in Australia? She smiled as she thought of Owen. Maybe he could help her decide?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Sylvia glanced once again at the dark blue line on the pregnancy stick she’d been holding in her hand for twenty minutes. It had said she’d needed to wait at least two minutes before a positive confirmation line would appear in the display window. It had taken less than thirty seconds. She was remarkably c
alm given the circumstances. Perhaps a little unnaturally so.

  “Shit.” Throwing the stick angrily in the bin, she stood up from the toilet and glanced at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her skin was breaking out uncharacteristically in acne. Even her own make-up techniques hadn’t managed to cover it effectively. Wasn’t pregnancy supposed to make a woman ‘glow’? She looked like a bloated, pimply mess. To top it all, Phillip was still acting coolly towards her.

  She felt her heart plummet into her stomach as the realisation of her situation sank in. She was pregnant. And she had no idea who the father was. A sickening feeling swept through her. How was she going to break it to Phillip? She wasn’t even sure if he wanted children. Christ, she wasn’t even sure if he wanted her! And then there was Dan. Dan the ‘one night’ mistake. It couldn’t possibly be Dan’s baby - could it?

  Walking into the kitchen, she half-heartedly prepared herself an avocado and tuna salad, her appetite waning as she set down the plate of food in front of her. It was impossible to go about her usual routine. Everything had just been changed for her. Her life had become a complicated mess in the space of twelve hours. She didn’t know where to turn.

  The doorbell rang as she stared in silence contemplating her options. It was Sunday and she wasn’t expecting visitors. Phillip had told her he was spending the afternoon at a charity football event. Getting up reluctantly, she walked into the hallway and looked through the spyhole of the street door. Phillip was stood waiting on the doorstep. Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose to stop herself from becoming hysterical. She needed time to think, she wasn’t prepared to face him. Why wasn’t he at his event?

  “Darling? Open up then” he said moving closer to the door.

  Her heart sank. He’d heard her. She had no choice but to let him in. She fixed a smile to her face and opened the door.

  “Brrr. Cold out there today. Winter’s definitely on its way” Phillip said, walking into the hallway and rubbing his hands together. Sylvia noted his sports bag on his arm.