Worth The Fight (Hard To Love Book 1)

by T A. McKay

  I resist the urge to sit on my hands as I watch him approach, but I think maybe I should when I take in what he’s wearing. He has on black jeans that hug the top of his thighs that highlights the huge muscles and a simple white t-shirt, but the way it clings to his body is making it hard as fuck for me to think coherently. In this moment I realize one very important thing, I might not be gay, but I think I want Bryce, and I don’t know where I go from here. I smile as he sits next to me and our thighs brush against each other in the tight space.

  “Sorry I'm late. I got a little lost and some woman took me to a place called José’s. It was scary, and I don’t ever want to go there ever again.” His eyes widen and I can’t help but burst out laughing. I don’t even know the place she took him, there isn’t a place called José’s around here.

  “How did you escape?” He's about to answer when a waitress comes over to the table.

  “Hey, sexy. What can I get you to drink?” Her hands stroke Bryce’s arm as she speaks to him and I can’t help the feeling of jealousy that courses through me as I watch her hand. I want to reach out and remove her fingers from him to make sure she doesn’t touch him again. The feeling shocks me, I’ve never been possessive over anyone in my life, not even with the girls I sleep with. They can touch and sleep with all of the fighters for all I care. They’re just a place to warm my dick. So this feeling is strange, I have this need to take Bryce away from here and not let her look at him again.

  “I’ll have a water, thanks.” He turns to look at what I have in front of me and I pick up my glass and shake it towards him. He smiles at me before turning back to the waitress.

  “Oh, a guy like you needs something stronger than water. How about I bring you something I know you’ll like?” Pushy women don’t bother me, in fact the pushier the woman the more she gets my attention, but this one is starting to really annoy me.

  “He said he wants a fucking water. How about you go get him one and bring me another.” Her eyes widen and she walks away without saying another word. Bryce is frowning when he turns to look at me.

  “Are you okay? That was rather … abrupt.” I run my hands over my face and try to get a grip of myself.

  ‘Yeah, I'm fine. It’s been a long ass week and I think I'm tired.” I hope he accepts my excuse, it’s definitely not one I would believe.

  I look down at my watch and notice that I have been sitting here for nearly two straight hours talking to Bryce without realizing it. We’ve spoken about nothing important but it’s been great just getting to know the little things about him. Yesterday still hasn’t been mentioned and as much as I would love to end the night on good terms, I know we need to talk about it. I take a drink of water, wishing like fuck it was bourbon, and get ready to bring it up. I lean forward, resting my left elbow in the table in an attempt to keep the conversation for our ears only.

  “I completely hate to bring this up, and I don’t want it to ruin a great night. But … yesterday. I think we need to talk about it.” I feel his leg start to bounce against mine and I know he’s feeling as anxious as I am about this topic.

  “Which part? The part where I acted like a douche, or when I caught you in the changing room with the girl?” Well there’s nothing like getting straight down to it. I notice he doesn’t mention anything about me getting an erection while fighting with him, or how I watched him when I came. He’s totally brushed over everything I did wrong and I can’t believe that he thought he was the idiot in this scenario. I know it was me, and I own it completely.

  “I'm pretty sure I was the one being a dick. You were just trying to push me and I gave you nothing but attitude. That’s not the bit I meant though, I meant what happened after that, when I was in the shower.” His bouncing leg speeds up and it’s making me feel more nervous.

  “Look, Zeke. There is nothing to talk about, you were … let’s just say, getting relief and I should have left you to it.” I reach down and still his knee. I know I should remove my hand but I can’t. Instead, I tighten my grip around his thigh while moving it slightly higher as I lean in and talk directly into his ear.

  “I was speaking more about when you came in your shorts watching me.” I know that I’m taking a risk here and that there are a hundred different ways he could react but I don’t expect what he does. He shakes his head at me before jumping up from the table.

  “Fuck you, Zeke.” With those parting words he stalks towards the exit but I'm not about to let him leave this time. He's halfway to the door when I grab him by the arm and pull him sideways into the back hall that no one uses. I push him into it and lock the door behind us. There’s no way he’s escaping before we sort this out. I need to tell him how I feel, and I need to know if he's feeling it too.

  “What the fuck is your problem?” I can’t help the anger in my voice as I speak. I start pacing in front of him, my frustration making it impossible for me to keep still.

  “My problem? I thought that maybe you were a decent enough guy not to take the piss out of me for what happened. My body reacted like a teenage boy, I'm so fucking sorry. I can’t help it if …” His words stop and my pacing ceases. What the fuck was he about to say?

  “Don’t stop there. You know, you have this really annoying habit of only saying half a sentence. If it’s important enough to start it then fucking finish it.” His face contorts and he looks as if he's physically in pain. He reaches up and grabs his hair and it’s his turn to start pacing. The tension he's throwing off worries me. He suddenly stops moving as he comes to stand in front of me. His eyes meet mine with an intensity that I haven’t seen before. He takes a few deep breaths, obviously bracing himself.

  “I was going to say, I can’t help it if you turn me on like no one ever has before. That when I see you I can’t help but get hard, and when you came I couldn’t control my body.” I stop breathing and I'm pretty sure my heart stops beating as well. Even after everything that’s happened between us I didn’t imagine that he would actually be attracted to me, let alone openly admit it. I refuse to break eye contact, but I don’t know what to say. How do you reply to a confession like that?

  “Shit, I knew this was a bad idea.” Bryce says as he moves to barge past me but I grab him and press him up against the wall.

  “Just give me a fucking minute, Bryce. This isn’t something I know anything about.” I need him to slow down, I need to think. His chest rises and falls quickly, his labored breathing matching mine.

  “I don’t know what to do next.” My confession is quiet, and I'm not sure if he can hear me over his breathing.

  “What do you want to do next, Zeke?” His eyes soften as he looks at me, almost like he’s pleading with me, but I'm not sure what for.

  “I want to kiss you.” I lean my forehead to his and listen to the groan that leaves him.

  “Zeke.” My name sounds like a prayer on his lips and it breaks the control I’ve been trying to hold onto. I press my body harder against his knowing that he can feel how fucking hard I am because of him, but I'm past caring. I can feel his breath against my lips and his tongue swipes over my lips, enticing me. I finally get the courage to make the move that will change my life forever. I slowly move my lips to his, taking my time so he can stop me if he needs to. When my lips connect with his the world stops, everything focused on the feel of his lips against mine. They feel larger, fuller, and when they move against mine I realize how much I’ve missed out on, the feel of his stubble against my face makes my skin tingle. I flick my tongue out, tasting his lips and I suddenly feel like I'm drowning. His tongue moves against mine, his taste exploding in my mouth as he lets me lead the way. I know he wants more, I can tell by the way he's grabbing the side of my shirt but he's letting me feel my way through this kiss. He’s being gentle, like he doesn’t want to scare me off. Little does he know that there is nowhere else I would rather be than here.

  Bryce

  I'm glad I have the wall behind me helping to hold me up. Of all the fantasies I’ve had
of Zeke over the last few days, this is one I never pictured. Zeke is kissing me like I'm his first. I'm trying to hold back, I don’t want him to feel I'm forcing this on him. I don’t ever want him to think he’s only doing this because I made him, this has to be all his own decision, something he wants to do. The crazy thing is, I think he really does want to do it.

  When he put his hand on my thigh and whispered in my ear that he knew I had come yesterday I’d panicked. I couldn’t let him know how much he turned me on with his words so I ran and I certainly didn’t expect him to chase after me.

  Now I have his lips against mine and I'm in heaven. His timid tongue is driving me insane and I just want to pin him to the wall and show him how to kiss me properly. His hard dick rubbing against mine is driving me to distraction and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to form a coherent thought again. I pull my lips from him, gasping as I fill my lungs with much needed air.

  “Zeke, you need to stop rubbing on me or I'm gonna embarrass myself again.” I feel his lips smile against mine as he kisses me again.

  “Does it feel okay?” I can’t believe he's actually asking me this, what part of my body language isn’t telling him that this the best thing ever.

  “If it feels any more okay, I'm gonna spontaneously combust.” This comment garners a laugh from him and I can feel the hair on my arms stand on end. How can even his laugh create a reaction in my body? The deep sexy rumble moving over me like a wave.

  “I really didn’t imagine you being so gentle, I just thought you would be all caveman. This is a side I didn’t think you had.” I have no idea why I'm talking so much. It’s like I'm trying to discourage him from putting his lips on me again.

  “What do you want, Bryce?” His lips kiss across my jaw and my head falls back against the wall to give him complete access to my neck. He takes full advantage of this and runs his tongue across my Adam’s apple that causing my dick to pulsate and him to groan.

  “I want to push you against that wall and kiss you so you never forget what it feels like.” He runs his nose up my neck completely distracting me from anything and everything When he reaches my ear, he flicks his tongue out and licks it before he speaks.

  “Then do it. Show me how this works. I’ve never been with a guy before, show me what I'm missing.” And like showing a red rag to a bull, I push against his chest, using my body weight to push him against the wall opposite us. He lets out a grunt as his back hits the wall and I use it to my advantage, attacking his mouth with mine. I kiss him with all the pent up frustration I’ve been feeling, with all the loneliness I’ve felt this last eighteen months, and with all the pain I want to leave behind. He opens to me, allowing my tongue to investigate his mouth, and to stroke over his tongue in the most erotic way.

  I grind against him, feeling the outline of his hardness and desperately wanting to see and touch it, but knowing that if I did I would probably push him too far. He pushes back against me, creating a delicious friction against the zip of my jeans. The groan that leaves me is totally beyond my control, the pleasure he's giving me making me lose my sanity. Zeke’s hand grabs the back of my hair, pulling my mouth closer to his as his other hand reaches down and cups my dick. If he wasn’t sucking my tongue at that point I'm pretty sure I would have swallowed it. He uses my hair to pull me back from his lips and the instant we part I feel lost. Fuck, what is this guy doing to me?

  “I don’t know how far I can go. I’ve never done this before with a guy. I’ve been attracted to men before, but nothing like it is with you, nothing I've ever acted on. It’s like I can’t keep my body under control around you.” I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing hormones. As much as I would love to take Zeke right here, right now, I know I need to slow down and let him take this at his own speed.

  “I'm sorry, I’ll slow down. You just … you drive me out of my mind.” I try to step away from him but he grabs my dick, making my legs shake with pleasure.

  “You didn’t let me finish. I don’t know how far I can go, but I know I want to feel you come. I want to know what it feels like to make you come.” And this is the point my brain short circuits because there’s no way that Zeke Raine, MMA fighter and future championship holder, is telling me he is going to make me come. I begin to believe his words when his fingers start to undo the zip on my jeans. Fuck, I'm so close already if he touches me I'm pretty sure I’ll explode. I still his hand, needing to control this.

  “As much as I want to feel your hand around my dick, and trust me, I really do. I don’t want it to happen here. I don’t want you to do this and then go home regretting it. Take the night and think about what you want. If we do this now and you regret it then there is a lot at risk. I like my job, I get to train this really hot fighter and I quite like to watch his arse when he runs.” He laughs at me, but I can see that he knows I'm making sense. He leans his head against mine and it takes everything in me not to just say ‘fuck it’ and give in to what we both want.

  “That makes sense. Can you do something for me though?” I put my hands on his face, lifting his head up until he's looking into my eyes.

  “Anything.” And I mean it, I would do anything for this guy and it scares me. I’ve only known him a few days but this is more than just instant attraction. There is just something about him, something that makes me want him more than anyone else I’ve met.

  “Can you be the one to walk away, I don’t think I can.” I kiss him on the forehead before stepping back.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Zeke. Don’t be late.” I wink at him before I unlock the door and leave the hall, and the man I want, behind.

  Chapter Eight

  Bryce

  I’m pretty sure I’ve been hard for the last twenty-four hours. I’ve tried every possible thing to relieve it, but as soon as I think it’s under control I see Zeke and I'm back to square one all over again. Today’s training was like an endurance test of the hardest variety. Being so close to him but not being able to touch him or talk to him about last night is driving me insane. At one point I was actually going to claim illness just to get some time away from him to give myself a minute to breathe. He’s all consuming and it’s a little unnerving, I haven’t been able to think of anything but him since the moment I met him.

  All the guys went out again tonight but I managed to avoid them until they’d left. My head is too messed up to go and pretend that everything’s okay. I need time to be by myself and think. So after they all left I locked the front door and hit the running machine. Now an hour later my body is exhausted but unfortunately, my mind isn’t. I was hoping that I could make it stop thinking for a little while by focusing on my stride, but apparently I'm not destined to get peace until I sort out this thing with Zeke.

  I lift my head and rinse the last of the shampoo from my hair. I wasn’t going to take a shower, but I couldn’t avoid it after sweating so much today. My mind has been racing all day, but since I came into the stall all I can think about is everything that’s happened in here. I seem to have had most of my ‘encounters’ with Zeke in these fucking showers, a fact that my dick apparently remembers all too well. I turn off the water and grab a towel, wrapping it around my waist as I walk to my locker. I need to start showering at home, or at a hotel, anywhere that isn’t here really. Too much has happened in this room for my mind not to go to places it really shouldn’t.

  I reach up to grab my deodorant from the top shelf of my locker and my towel slips from my hips a little. When I step back I meet a warm body and I let out a shocked cry. The body doesn’t move and a hand moves around to my stomach, making my muscles quiver under his touch. Warm breath meets my ear before his words do.

  “I haven’t been able to think about anything today except what you look like naked. I want to know if you’re as hard as I imagined.” My breath stutters at Zeke’s words, but his roaming hand has me panting like a damn dog. He runs his hand over my abs, his fingers moving and caressing the ridges. If I hadn’t been hard the instan
t I heard his voice in my ear then this would certainly have done the trick. Just feeling his hand investigating is making me light headed.

  “I swear you make me so fucking hard. I don’t know what it is about you but I need you. Mmm … I'm not used to such hard bodies, I'm used to soft curves, but you are perfection. I like how you feel. Fuck, Bryce, I want you so bad.” His lips move against my ear as he talks softly, making me push back into him and wish there wasn’t a towel between us. His hand moves lower, his little finger moving under the edge of my towel, making it come undone slightly.

  “I watched you all day, did you know that? I couldn’t keep my fucking eyes off you and spent most of the day with a hard on. I thought about what happened last night, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to make you come.” The groan that leaves me should be embarrassing but I just don’t care when he's talking to me like this and his hands are on me. He moves away from me slightly before tugging my towel. I feel it give way and pool around my feet. He immediately presses his body against me and his hardness pushes between my arse cheeks. I grind back, loving the feeling of him there but wanting so much more.

  “Shit, you feel so good against me. I could come from just feeling you there.” His words are quiet as his lips brush against my ear. I want to talk to him, tell him that he needs to touch me but I can’t seem to form words. All my blood rushes to my dick, making it difficult to think, or see, or do anything other than listen and feel. My legs start to shake and I lean into him more for support. His hand slides down and wraps around my dick with his fingers rubbing gently over the length of me.