Worth The Fight (Hard To Love Book 1)

by T A. McKay

  “Why are you being so fucking nice?” She laughs and it just weirds me out even more. I mean I faked being in love with her, asked her to marry me and basically used her to get over the man I love, she shouldn’t be sitting here smiling. I know I wouldn’t, I’d be throwing everything in my reach at me right now.

  “Do you want me to scream and shout at you? Maybe I should come over there and beat your chest in anger. Will that help you feel better? I can’t say I'm happy about what happened but I can’t hate you for falling in love. Don’t get me wrong, if you had spoken to me the day after you confessed your feelings I probably would have cut you, but I've had time to think about it all. We were friends before we were anything else, so we will still be friends now.” I'm not used to people being nice to me, I'm used to anger and blame so this feels foreign to me. I think I have a deep down need for Asha to hate me, I think that’s why I say what I do next.

  “I slept with Bryce last night, I cheated on you.” Her eyes widen and I brace myself for her anger, maybe some crying that will make me feel like shit.

  “You saw him? Oh my god, where is he now?” Fuck, this isn’t working. I need her to yell at me, her being nice isn’t getting rid of my guilt, it’s adding to it.

  “God, will you stop being so fucking nice about it. I was an asshole and cheated on you … with a guy. I asked you to marry me when I’ve never loved you that way. Fucking hell woman, can you just show some emotion?” She gets up from her chair and walks over to me. When she stands in front of me, she pulls her hands back and before I know it she's slapped me across the face. My hand flies to my stinging cheek, mouth dropping open in shock.

  “Feel better? Is that what you wanted?” She has a cute little smile on her face and I can’t help but laugh at her. She does this stupid girly clapping thing before getting back to interrogating me again.

  “Okay, now that’s done tell me what happened. Are you getting back together?” I let my head collapse backwards until I'm looking at the ceiling. I wish it was that easy to explain about last night, but I'm not completely sure what happened between us myself. I know that everything we did felt right, being with Bryce and letting him touch where no one has been before was like heaven on earth.

  “You fucked it up again didn’t you?” I lift my head and look at her with a sad smile crossing my lips.

  “I don’t know, maybe, all I know is I woke up alone and I still don’t know where he lives. I think this was his way of telling me goodbye. It’s for the best really, my fighting has to take priority.” Asha looks at me with a sad expression on her face, with one hand she reaches out and caresses my cheek.

  “I want you to take a good look inside, Zeke. Can you tell me that you're happy, truly happy and that this is the life you pictured? I think if you were being honest with yourself you would see that it’s not. Since he left you don’t smile anymore. Maybe fighting isn’t everything to you now, maybe you have seen another way to live, one that makes you happy. If you can really say that you're happy then carry as you are, but if you have to think too long about it, then maybe it’s time to change some things. Will your championship belts love you when you're old, will they hold you on the cold nights?” She leans in and kisses me on the cheek before walking away. Just as she's about to leave the kitchen she looks over her shoulder. “And just so you know, I'm keeping the ring.” She winks at me and I let a small laugh out. I’d buy her a house right this second if she wanted one just for being here for me and accepting me. I walk to the hall and grab my gym bag from the cupboard, deciding that I would be better off working out than trying to answer the questions she just asked. If I do something energetic then my mind might switch off, thinking is not an option for me today.

  Bryce

  I feel arms working their way around my neck before lips connect with my cheek.

  “Hey, sexy.” The whispered words in my ear make my cheeks color. I'm used to Trey calling me this but today it just makes me feel guilty. After last night I feel like the lowest kind of person. I always swore I would never be the kind of guy that would cheat on someone, and then one call from Zeke and I'm slipping my dick into him without a second thought. Trey takes a seat next to me while Nathan sits across from us. I met the guys when I moved into my new apartment, they helped me up the stairs with my sofa and we just hit it off. I didn’t know anyone so it was nice to have some friends to talk to. It didn’t take long to realize that Trey was gay, especially after he cornered me in my closet and kissed me. I was shocked to begin with and almost pushed him away, but then I realized that I needed to move on and there was no better way to do it than with a new guy.

  I haven’t officially dated someone since Austin, what I had with Zeke was intense but it wasn’t dating. Dating doesn’t happen behind closed doors or in secret, and nothing we did was in public, the only time we had been seen together was to do with work. A hand on my thigh pulls me from my thoughts and I smile at Trey. His dark hair is down today, messy looking and I think it makes him look hotter than normal, more rugged. Usually it’s more styled, the sleek look working for him when he wears his suits to work. He’s a gay rights lawyer working in the local area, and from what I've worked out, he's a force to be reckoned with. He looks sexy as hell in his work suits, especially when he rolls his shirtsleeves up his forearms and his tattoos peek out. I don’t have tattoos myself but since all the guys I find attractive have them, it’s obviously my thing.

  “So how was your night? Did you get up to anything exciting without me?” He winks at me and I feel my stomach drop. I really want to be honest with him and tell him what happened last night, but here in front of Nathan isn’t the right time or place.

  “Are you feeling okay? You look kinda pale?” The look of concern on his face makes me feel even worse, and I quickly decide that I will tell him about Zeke, just not today. I lean forward and kiss him, my lips lingering longer than they probably should in public.

  “I'm fine. I didn’t sleep very well last night and I think it’s just catching up with me now.” He runs his thumb across my jaw as he smiles at me.

  “You need to have better respect for bedtime. Maybe tonight I can tuck you in?” I haven’t slept with Trey yet, I can’t bring myself to do it while I'm still so confused about Zeke. I always thought it would be like cheating on Trey, but I suppose that boat has sailed now. Shit. The thought makes me feel like crap, that not sleeping with him until was ready only gave me time to be with Zeke. Maybe if I give myself to him fully I’ll realize that I don’t need Zeke as much as I think I do. Maybe I’ll be able to move on.

  “I think that would be a great idea.” He raises his eyebrows and a smile creeps onto his face as his eyes light up. He leans forward and kisses me again before whispering against my lips.

  “Thank you.”

  “Oh my god, will you two get a room? We came here to eat lunch and I swear you're putting me off my food.” I turn and laugh at Nathan. I forgot he was there, PDA is something I wouldn’t normally do.

  “Jealousy is a terrible thing, Nathan. I've told you before, we don’t mind if you join in.” When Trey teases him, I can see he's lucky to have such a good friendship with Nathan. Most straight guys wouldn’t be able to handle being around gay guys, but he just takes it in his stride. He has never looked uncomfortable around us, and if Trey and me want to spend time together he just excuses himself. No hassle, no bother.

  As Nathan gives Trey the finger over the table, I pick up my menu and have a look. I know what I'm going to order, we’ve been here several times over the last few weeks, it’s Treys favorite place. As I listen to the two guys argue, I let them drift away as I think about last night. I need to check on Zeke and make sure he was okay this morning and not too sore. I know I shouldn’t, I know I need to just leave him be and let us both move on, but I can’t. I still have this deep need to make sure he isn’t hurting and alone.

  The waitress approaches the table and we all order, chatting about a big case that Trey’s working
on. Some company has fired Simon, one of their upper level managers, citing that he’d broken some company rules. However, Simon believes he was replaced because the bosses found out that he was gay. Trey’s sure that he will get a big settlement for his client, and he also has a position for Simon with another company when the case is over. I love watching Trey when he's talking about his work, he's so passionate about the job and you can see it shining through in his eyes. It’s like it lights him up from inside, the determination and drive making him almost unstoppable.

  Lunch is good,but it’s over before I know it and Trey has to go back to work. He kisses me passionately before telling me that he will be back after he finishes work and that he will bring food with him. I tell him to forget the food, to just hurry and get to my place, and it makes him smile before kissing me again. The thought of having sex with him makes my stomach flutter with nerves. I’ve seen him topless but nothing more than that, even that sight had my mouth watering. Trying to clear my head I grab my phone from my pocket. I open up the messages and my finger hovers over the buttons. I want to text Zeke, but I don’t want to at the same time. It’s probably healthier to just cut him out of my life completely but I know I’m not strong enough for that. I quickly type out a message and hit send before I can change my mind.

  How are you feeling?

  It only takes a few seconds for an answer to ping on my phone, like he was sitting on his phone just waiting for me to text him.

  I'm okay. A little tender but good.

  I smile as I read his answer, memories from the night before flood my mind and make me hard. Knowing that I was the first guy to do that with him, that he trusted me enough to let me take him, just blows my mind. Being inside him was something that I will never be able to explain. I don’t think anything will ever be that good, and I'm so fucking glad I got to experience it at least once. Now that it’s done I’ll have to be content with just the memory of the best sex of my life.

  Are you sure you're okay? I didn’t hurt you?

  I had taken him hard in the end. I had pounded into his body like it wasn’t his first time. I hadn’t meant to, I had wanted to keep control but as usual, Zeke made me lose my mind. The phone pings again in my hand and I read the message he sent back, laughing as I read his response.

  Again I’ll tell you, I'm fine. It does feel like I have sat on a fucking gate post, but it’s not an unpleasant feeling.

  This is why I fell for Zeke so badly, he has a way of making me feel settled, less worried. No matter what we’ve been through, I feel bad that we couldn’t remain friends, but I know that’s not possible with the feelings we have. I see a second message come in, one that has my steps faltering.

  Will you tell me where you live?

  I lock my phone and put it in my pocket. There’s no way I'm telling Zeke where I live, I need to make this break. I need to move on.

  Chapter Twenty

  Bryce

  I hear the front door open as I stir the tomato sauce that’s cooking on the stove. The sound is closely followed by Trey shouting out to tell me he's here.

  “I'm in the kitchen.” My apartment isn’t very small, so I don’t have to shout very loud. I had to be careful when I moved, money became an issue when I stopped working for Zeke, and my savings will only get me so far. I need to start looking for a new job soon but I hate the thought of training anyone else.

  I smile over my shoulder as I hear Trey’s footsteps hit my tiled floor. I turn around properly to see him enter and put a bottle of wine on the table. He walks over to me, taking my face between his hands and kissing my lips gently. He pulls me towards him as he continues to kiss me, my heart rate picking up with the passion in his lips. I drop the spoon onto the worktop before turning fully into his arms again, kissing him back just as passionately. I work my hands into his hair, pulling his mouth closer to mine as my tongue attacks his and the heat between us starts to rise. There has never been a lack of spark between us, when we come together it’s like we can’t get enough of each other, but I always stop us from going any further. I knew that there would be no emotions involved and it makes me feel like shit knowing that Trey feels a lot more for me than I do for him. I just need to get over Zeke, try and give Trey more. I need to try and find some happiness for myself, I never meant anything to Zeke and it’s time to move on.

  Trey rubs his erection against my own, making me groan into his mouth. I hear the sauce boiling behind me and I force myself to pull away from his lips.

  “I need to save the sauce if you want to eat tonight.” He doesn’t let me move, keeping me close to his body as he kisses me again. His tongue flicks out and caresses my lips. I close my eyes and sigh, loving the feeling of what he's doing.

  “There’s only one thing I want to eat tonight and that’s you, baby.” When he calls me ‘baby’ I feel my stomach somersault and guilt builds inside me when it reminds me of Zeke. He would always call me his baby, but only in private, it was never a name that he would use in front of anyone. As far as everyone else knew I was just his trainer and, maybe at a push, his friend. That’s why I need to put him to the back of my head and concentrate on Trey. Trey isn’t embarrassed to be seen with me, he wants a relationship with me privately and publically. He isn’t hiding me from the world, he wants everyone to know I’m his.

  I turn and stir the sauce, leaning back into his chest when he wraps his arms around my waist. This is what I've missed the most in a relationship. The closeness with someone, being held and loved, knowing someone is always there for you. Zeke showed me that I had been hiding from the world so I couldn’t get hurt again, but all I was doing was cutting myself off from the chance of feeling again.

  I watch as Trey reaches around me to turn the flame off from under the pot before taking the spoon and laying it on the rim of the pot. His lips brush over my neck before settling next to my ear.

  “I don’t want you to feel any pressure, I will wait as long as you need. But I just want to let you know how much I want you. You are the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen and I swear just thinking of you makes me hard.” He presses his erection into my arse, making me lean my head back against his shoulder. “I can’t stop thinking about what you’ll feel like and what you’ll look like naked. Fuck, I want to taste you.” If I had any doubts about my attraction to Trey, they all vanish when he whispers in my ear. My heart rate spikes when his hand travels down my abs and over my jeans. He cups my aching balls, causing a groan to leave my chest on its own accord.

  I concentrate on the movement of his hand and the way he brushes over the front of my zip before he slowly lowers it. He’s taking his time, letting me stop him if I need to. Moving his fingers up to the buttons of my jeans he stops, silently asking my permission to carry on. I answer his unasked question by grinding my arse back into him, loving the feel of his sudden labored breathing against my neck. The button pops and his hand immediately moves inside my boxers, his fingers brushing over my head, rubbing in the pre-cum that’s leaking from me. He's turning me on more than I imaged he would be able to, and his fingers feel so good against my skin. I'm concentrating so much on the feel of his fingers that it takes me a few moments to realize that my jeans and underwear are down around my knees. With the first few strokes of his hand over my dick I forget about anything else other than what he's doing. The only thing I care about is thrusting into his fist.

  “You feel so fucking amazing, Bryce. So much better than I imagined. I want to make you come, I want you to explode in my mouth.” His dirty words make my skin tingle, and I want nothing more than to come in his mouth. The need for release is taking over and I can’t focus on anything. I reach behind me and my fingers work on opening the buttons on his pants, quickly pushing them down his legs. I groan as I feel his dick hit my arse as it’s released and I grasp his erection in my hand. He’s hot and heavy in my hand, and I want to feel him inside me more than anything.

  “Fuck, baby. Can I have you, please?” It’s like he’s read
ing my mind but I'm beyond speaking at this point to give him an answer. The sensations running through my body cumulate in my balls and I need to stop him before I come over his hand. I try to tell him that he needs to slow down but my words come out on a stuttered pant and I'm not sure if he hears me.

  “Trey … oh god … Trey … I’m gonna … fuck … Trey.” I know I don’t make any sense but he must understand because he slows his movements. I remove both of my hands from his body and use them to support myself against the worktop in front of me. I take some deep breaths, trying to get control of myself. I think it’s working because the tightness in my balls relaxes slightly, but Trey isn’t in the mood to play fair. He moves in close behind me until his hard dick pushes in between my arse cheeks. He rubs his entire length over me, squeezing my cheeks together for more pressure.

  “Tell me if I need to stop, Bryce. I will if you need me to, but if you don’t answer me I'm gonna fuck you right here, right now. I'm going to bend you over and slip inside your body, fucking you hard against this work top.” I always thought that Trey would be sweet and our first time together would be gentle and romantic. This side of him surprises me, and turns me on more than I thought it would. I always thought I’d be with a quiet guy who would let me lead the way, but I'm beginning to think that my type is the complete opposite. I'm starting to see a trend with the guys I’ve been attracted to recently. The stronger the man, the more he pushes my limits and takes control, the more I want him. I never thought of myself as a bottom, preferring to be in control, but I seem to be learning a lot of things about myself.

  Trey must take my lack of response as acceptance because I feel his hand on the centre of my back, pushing me down until my chest is flush against the worktop next to the cooker. I'm breathing so hard that I'm starting to feel a little light headed, and I try to calm myself down. I can’t believe he has me so worked up, the anticipation of him slipping into my body is making me lose all coherent thought. My body shudders as I hear a condom wrapper ripping, my arse clenching in anticipation. I feel something cold drip onto my arse and I jump slightly. I would make a joke about him being prepared but I can’t get the words out my mouth as his finger brushes over my opening. He pushes it into me and I feel my hole clench around him.