Cruel Temptation: An Age Gap Romance (Cruel Beauty Trilogy Book 1)

by C Standing

  Am I envious of them? Of course.

  I’m only human.

  As brash and bitchy as I may come across, I want what every woman wants—love, happiness, friends.

  I miss my best friends.

  As much as I don’t want to admit it, Joey’s right; I’ve closed myself off from reality.

  I tuned out of life so I could focus on the only thing that mattered, and now I don’t even have her.

  I’ve turned into the crazy cat lady thirty years too early and without all the cats.

  And it’s nobody’s fault but my own.

  I’m not deluded enough to go around blaming other people for my downfalls. I’m the one who shut everyone out. I’m the one who pushed everyone away. But I did what I had to do. And I own it.

  Blowing out a heavy breath, Joey runs a frustrated hand through her hair.

  “You’re taking this all the wrong way.”

  A resentful laugh bursts from me. “What other way am I meant to take it, Joey? You’re basically standing here, the day before you leave, telling me the life I’ve given you isn’t enough.”

  This time, she’s shooting daggers at me. “That is not what I’m saying, and you know it. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me—for us. Believe it or not, but I take notice of how hard you’ve always worked. Of how much you continue to sacrifice for me. I’m just saying that you don’t need to anymore.”

  The ice around my heart thaws a little. “I wish it was that easy.”

  “Isn’t it?” Joey counters. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks pretty damn simple.”

  The idea is ridiculous. She’s being ridiculous. “I can’t just up and leave, Joey. This is our home.”

  “We can have a home anywhere, Rive.”

  “My job is here,” I shoot back.

  Joey’s lips curl up in a knowing grin. “You freelance.”

  Fuck. Damn smartass.

  A dejected sigh leaves me as I run a hand along my forehead. “I... I can’t leave, Joe.”

  The smooth skin around her eyes wrinkles. “Why not?”

  “Because I can’t leave them!” Emotion clogs my throat. “If I move, it’ll be like I’m leaving them behind. Like I’m forgetting them.”

  I blink away the tears stinging my eyes.

  It’s been years since their death, but in some ways, it still feels like yesterday. How can I leave when the wound is still bleeding?

  A strangled sound emanates from my sister as she hauls me in for a tight hug. “We’ll never forget them, Rive. They’re a part of who we are.”

  Against my will, a tear slips free as I cling on to the only physical reminder I have of our parents. “I can’t leave them behind, Joey.”

  Holding me close, she smooths her palm down my hair. “You’re not leaving them behind, you’re just... taking them with you. Just like I’ll be taking them and you to college.” Pulling back, Joey combs her fingers through my strands. “They’d want you to be happy, River. It’s time to move on and make some new memories.”

  “I am happy,” I lie.

  “No, you’re not,” she replies softly. “You’re going through the motions, but you’re not happy. You’re not living.” My chest tightens as I let her words sink in.

  I chuckle through a sniffle. “When did you get so smart?”

  She lights up with pride. “I have this awesome big sister. She taught me everything I know.”

  “I can’t promise I’ll be throwing up a For Sale board anytime soon, but I do hear you. It’s just going to take me some time.”

  Joey brushes her thumb over the wet trail on my cheek. “That’s fine with me. As long as I know you aren’t completely shunning the idea, I’m happy. I want you smiling and laughing and living life to its full extent, because it’s what you deserve.”

  Reaching out, I grasp her shoulder and pull her into me. “You’re going to nail this college shit,” I tell her with a smile and ruffle her hair. “Watch out Duke, Josephine McKinley is kicking ass and taking names.”

  She rears back. “Since when do you call me Josephine?”

  “Since you started getting all Dr. Phil on me.”

  She chortles, raising a brow. “Dr. Phil is a talk show host, not a therapist.”

  I wave my hand. “Meh. Potato potahtoe. Come on, buzzkill. Let’s get this stuff in your car.”

  Before I can grab the box, Joey stops me. “One last thing.”

  I groan and roll my eyes. “What now?”

  “Promise me you’ll get back in contact with the girls. I think it would do you a world of good.”

  “Fine, I promise. Anything else, or can we get going? I’m starving.” On cue, my stomach rumbles in protest. “See?”

  “Actually, yes.” She beams, looking a little too proud of herself. “You have to promise you’ll start dating again.”

  Fuck my fucking life.

  “You’re pushing your luck.”

  Unperturbed, Joey picks up the last box and winks. “Yep, but you love me anyway.”

  “Ass-kisser,” I joke, making her laugh. “I’ll reach out to Mali and Lydia, but I’m not promising anything regarding the dating.”

  Pursing her lips together, she tilts her head. “You win some, you lose some.”

  “Now, what do you say we get the rest of these boxes in your car and go grab that lunch before my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut?”

  Her face lights up. “I say that sounds like a plan.” Joey heads out to her car. “I call Chinese!”

  Lingering by her bed, I gnaw on my lip, trying to ignore the niggling feeling that maybe she’s right.

  Maybe it is time to finally move on.

  “I’m so jealous.” Lydia pouts as we meander into a cute little ice cream shop overlooking Matunuck Beach. “I can’t believe you guys are going to live so close to each other.”

  Yep, I finally bit the proverbial bullet.

  In the last few months, my life’s gone from one extreme to the other.

  Instead of spending my nights alone and drowning in misery, the two lunatics I’m lucky enough to call my best friends, have been talking my ear off nonstop into the early hours of the morning via Zoom and WhatsApp, catching me up on the last sixteen years.

  It wasn’t easy at first.

  I was still incredibly cautious and on the fence. But I swallowed my pride, listened to my sister, and here we are a couple of months later.

  Talking and bitching like the past sixteen years never happened.

  I’m a different person to the fresh-faced, naïve eighteen-year-old they knew back in high school. Hell, I knew there would be every chance they wouldn’t like the person I am now: raw, hardened, and pissed at the world.

  But they seem to love me for me.

  They know I’ve been through hell, and they understand.

  Every night, we’d video call each other, and I was more than grateful for it. The silence and loneliness can get a little claustrophobic. Despite all my bullshit and front, I needed to know there were people out there who cared.

  Anyway, somehow, they caught wind of my potential move (thanks, Joey) and made it their mission convincing me to move closer to them—well, closer to Mali.

  When I say convincing—I mean, they full-on bitched my ear off until it reached the point where I wanted to drown in a pool of my own tears.

  Mali harped on about how much she loves living in Rhode Island, and how they even get snow during winter—which, I hate to admit, piqued my interest.

  Can you blame me? I’m used to scorching hot temperatures and sweating my ass off every time I walk out the front door.

  After a lot—lot—of persuading from the girls, I finally caved, and started looking for houses to buy outside of Orange Cove.

  When they’d finished inundating my WhatsApp with housing listings, I reluctantly took a look, you know, out of curiosity, and sent the ones I didn’t hate to Joey.

  I knew she wouldn’t mind either way—she just wanted me to be happ
y. But it’s important to me she has a say in this as well because, at the end of the day, it’ll be her home too.

  When my sister eventually stopped trying to burst my eardrums with her high-pitched shrieks of excitement, we managed to narrow it down to two contenders.

  Although I was nervous as hell, I wasn’t willing to let it get the best of me, so before I could back out, I’d called the realtor and scheduled two viewings to coincide with Joey’s fall break.

  I’d flown down to Duke, and together we’d jumped on a plane to New York, where we’d met up with Lydia and Mali. From there, all four of us hopped into Mali’s fancy-ass jeep and drove the several remaining miles to Charlestown. All of us together for the first time in over a decade made for a pretty fucking epic road trip.

  The first house we viewed was a straight-up no. It needed too much work and I didn’t have the patience or inclination for that shit.

  The last house, though? That threw me for a loop in the best way.

  The second I laid eyes on the two-story, colonial-style house, it felt like coming home. As strange as it sounds, the minute I crossed the threshold, all the stress and anxiety that had been building inside me for over a decade just faded away.

  It’s as if my soul had crack opened a cold one, kicked back in a chaise lounge, and said, “I’m home.”

  I mean, shit, the place even had a pool.

  Although the lush amenities and ridiculous number of bedrooms were nice, they weren’t what had me signing on the dotted line. It was the fact I could see my mom in every subliminal detail.

  The lavender growing alongside the house, the Victorian-style fireplace in the main room, and the butterflies flying in the stained-glass windows framing the front door.

  It was almost as if she was right beside me, holding my hand and letting me know I can move on.

  “Is it my fault you have a husband who’s married to his job and won’t move closer?” Mali sasses, cocking a come at me brow.

  “He’s not that bad,” Lydia mutters defensively.

  Mali stops mid-browse through the menu. “I call bullshit on that. Who was it the other week calling me at stupid o’clock because her husband wouldn’t put out?”

  Shrugging out of my coat, I lay it beside me, and try not to wince at the reminder of how much I’ve missed out on.

  Mali must notice because she nudges my arm. “Turn that frown upside-down, bestie. Just because we haven’t spoken or seen each other in a while doesn’t mean we don’t love you.”

  Lydia smiles and leans across the table, holding up her pinkie finger. “Friends forever.”

  Mali does the same. “Hoes before bros.”

  Chuckling, I hook my pinkie with theirs. “Chicks before dicks.”

  “Atta girl.” Mali flashes me a toothy grin before shooting a stern look at Lydia. “Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook, baby doll. You need to give that man of yours a kick up the ass.”

  Groaning, Lydia visibly shrinks into herself. “He’s just going through a rough time.”

  Mali rolls her eyes. “If he thinks he’s going through a rough time now, he’ll be going through hell by the time I’m finished with him.”

  “You’re still with that guy from high school?” I ask Lydia.

  A giddy smile curls across her face. “Camden, yes.”

  Damn, that’s pretty impressive.

  “So, what’s the problem?”

  Any guy I know would bend over backward for some action, but her man won’t take it when it’s wide-open and spread out on a silver platter? Something’s up, and it’s not his dick.

  The waitress comes over and jots our order down on her pad before giving us a complimentary coffee each. Spinning around, the bubbly blonde takes off toward the kitchen.

  Lydia sighs long and deep. “Things are just tough right now. He’s exhausted, and we’ve got a lot going on at the moment. He’s going for the Sheriff’s position at the station, and the added responsibility of the role is taking its toll. Plus, we’ve been trying to conceive for over a year now… and nothing. He’s just finding it hard to get… motivated.”

  I pride myself on being a straight-shooter—I’ve never sugar-coated shit, and I don’t intend to start now. “I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship, but if he’s good enough to even consider going for Sheriff, I’d say he’s already got the promotion in the bag. The guy needs to stop focusing all his attention on stuff he can’t control and concentrate on the things he can, i.e., you.” I squeeze her hand. “I don’t want to judge the man, because we’ve all got our shortcomings, but you’re fucking gorgeous. You should be all the motivation he needs. I love you, Lyds, and I don’t want to hurt you, but it sounds like he’s taking advantage of your love for him by constantly putting you second. He needs to take his head out of his ass before he loses the only thing worth fighting for.”

  “Well, shit, McKinley,” Mali says, pretending to sniffle, swiping a fake tear from her eye. “That was fucking beautiful.”

  Sending a playful glare toward my overly dramatic friend, I flip her the bird. “Fuck you.” I turn my attention back to Lydia. “Change isn’t easy, Lyds. Fuck, if anyone knows that it’s me. But sometimes, it’s unavoidable.”

  The past few months have been prime examples.

  Watching my sister embark on this new part of her life and my moving away from the only place I’ve known as home have all been a little overwhelming. But as weird as it sounds, I wouldn’t change any of it, because it’s opening my eyes to a whole new world.

  Am I nervous about starting this new phase of my life? Jesus, I’m absolutely terrified. I hate not knowing what’s going to happen. I’m venturing into the unknown, doing something I’ve never done before, and the thought of what lies ahead scares the shit out of me.

  But I think that’s a good thing.

  Fear lets you know you’re alive.

  And fears can be conquered.

  It’ll be hard leaving Mom and Dad, but deep down, I think it’s for the best. I can’t keep living in their shadows, I need to start making a life of my own. I won’t deny the crippling sense of guilt I’ve felt over leaving hasn’t kept me awake at night. It’s eating me alive. But I feel like I have to do this—they’d want me to do this.

  Change can be the devil incarnate, but it can also be the start of something incredible.

  “Change is a necessary evil,” I tell Lydia. “More often than not, the bitch bites and she bites fucking hard. You just have to sharpen your incisors and sink those bad boys into that motherfucker with everything you’ve got—show it who’s the boss.”

  Mali throws an arm around me. “Look at you getting all philosophical. My baby’s all grown up.”

  I bite back a laugh and shrug her off. “I’m going to throw you out into the water in a minute. Let the sharks deal with your clingy ass.”

  “You love it.” She beams, and she isn’t wrong.

  I do love it. I’ve missed the banter and camaraderie that’s always flowed so effortlessly between all of us.

  Swallowing my pride and reaching out to them wasn’t easy, especially after all these years, but holy shit, am I glad I did.

  Just don’t tell Joey, I’d never live it down.

  Lydia gnaws at her lip. “What do you think I should do?”

  “Have you told him how you feel?”

  Sheepish eyes find mine as she shakes her head. “I’m terrified. What if he doesn’t find me attractive anymore?”

  Mali scoffs loudly, making no qualms about what she thinks about that. “Girl, have you seen you? You’re a ten, baby doll. Trust me, he’s still getting major boners over you.”

  A light blush tints her cheeks and I nudge her arm. “She’s right. I’m no love expert.” Far fucking from it. “But I’d wager that cop of yours is feeling just as low and unsure as you are.”

  Tears well in her eyes and her chin trembles. “I just love him so much; I don’t want to feel this way.”

  Mali leans over
the table to hand her a tissue. “Baby doll, I love you, but go home and sort things out with Robocop. I came here to have fun, and you’re seriously killing my vibe.”

  Laughing through a sniffle, Lydia uses the tissue to dab at her cheeks. “Love you too, slut.” She turns to look at me, a grateful smile on her face. “Thank you, Rive.” Her lip wobbles, and I can tell she’s on the verge of crying again. “You may have just saved my marriage.”

  I lift a shoulder in a casual shrug. “You can repay me in kind when my marriage goes down the crapper.”

  The soon-to-be fish bait beside me lets out a boisterous laugh. “Yeah, right. Who'd be fucking stupid enough to marry our crazy asses?”

  We laugh in unison.

  “I’ve missed this.” This comes from Lydia.

  Mali nods in agreement. “Hoe is right. Our shenanigans haven’t been the same without you, bestie.”

  My iced heart cracks at their words, and I lift my coffee for a toast. “Hoes before bros,” I declare, holding my mug mid-air.

  Lydia clinks my cup with hers. “A-men to that.”

  Mali’s next. “Hell yes, bitches. Chicks before motherfucking dicks.”

  I can definitely drink to that.

  Joey: I’m proud of you x

  Moisture builds behind my eyes as I scan my sister’s message, reading every word twice and committing each letter to memory. I hate crying. Hell, I hate showing any kind of emotion. Nine times out of ten, I manage to keep that shit locked up tight, but over the last few months, I’ve been failing miserably. I may be a hardass ninety-nine percent of the time, but let’s face it, life has made me that way.

  As my thumb brushes over the screen, an unfamiliar warmth settles in my chest.

  I’m not going to lie, I’m not used to feeling good about myself. I’m usually riddled with tension and stressed as hell. I’m not used to be on the receiving end of compliments, but they get a little easier to hear when they come from someone you love.

  Me: Love you. Go, kick ass x

  I type back because I just wanted to say it.

  I want her to know she has my full support, and I’m proud as hell of the path she’s taken.