Three good giants

by Franqois Rabelais

  "How, Prince?" asked Ponocrates, softly, coming out of his corner.

  "How, good Master? Why, by beginning our games over again."

  " Not so fast; not so fast, Prince. To-morrow Your Highness will begin with ME ! "

  CHAPTER XII.

  GARGANTUA IS DOSED BY PONOCRATES, AND FORGETS ALL THAT HOLOFERNES HAD TAUGHT HIM.

  WHILE the two hundred and fifteen games, taking up just that number of days, were being played, Master Ponocrates had not been at all idle. He had already consulted with Master Theodore — a wise physician of that time — and knew just what he was going to do when he had said: —

  " To-morrow Your Highness will begin with ME."

  The first thing was to dose Gargan-tua with a mysterious herb, which made him forget all that he had ever learned under his old teacher. This was not an original idea at all with either Theodore or Ponocrates, for Thimotes, the music-master of Miletus, had long before dosed, in the same way, such disciples of his as had been unlucky enough to have first learned their notes under other musicians. Gargantua, when asked by Ponocrates to meet certain scientific gentlemen of Paris who had been specially invited to inspire the royal Giant with love of knowledge, was so weak and pale after his dose that he could only bow his head, while wondering lazily to himself what all these heavy talks about Science had to do with the Latin, which his good old Father Grandgousier had been so anxious for him to learn.

  When he had been dosed enough to forget his old studies, and even to look up with a mild surprise when his dearly-loved Master Holofernes was mentioned, Gargantua was put through a course of study, in which he did not lose a single hour of the day. Only think how much he must have learned each day ! First, he was roused up, whether he wanted or not, at four o'clock every morning, when he said his prayers. While the attendants were rubbing his body down, a young page would read, in a loud voice, so as to be heard above the scrubbing, some extracts from a book of good doctrine. After this, being not more than half-dressed yet, his practice was to visit each of his companions in his room, and with a gentle " Get thee up, my boy ! get thee up !" awake the lazy fellow from his slumbers. Then he returned to his room, where he found Ponocrates always ready to explain what was doubtful in the chapters that had been read to him, and to ask him whether he had

  PONOCRATES DOSES GARGANTUA.

  noted, as he should, what signs the sun morning, and what moon would have was entering that aspect he thought the that night.

  It was only after this that his attendants began to dress him, to perfume him, to curl him, and to powder him — Gargantua all the while not once venturing to use that large, well-thumbed German comb of which he had once been so proud. While all this was going on, the same page would repeat the lesson of the day. Gargantua, thoroughly dosed and brought down to a most anxious desire for study, learned after two or three days to repeat the lessons by heart. Everybody looked glad at this — none more so than good Master Ponocrates himself— especially when the debate touched on such a question as the "Human State," which was made the special lesson for two or three hours. While Gargantua was still puzzling over the reading of the

  "Human State," and learning all around the best talk about it, the big clock would strike eleven; and then he would, with all his friends, walk soberly to the ground where they would play at the good old game of ball, exercising their bodies till all their muscles grew tired. From the field it was an easy way to the house, where Gargantua, being first rubbed down and after a change of shirt, would walk meekly, surrounded by his friends, towards the kitchen to ask if the dinner was ready. While waiting for the cook — now no longer in a stew, and

  GARGAXTUA AT HIS LESSONS

  therefore growing fatter and greasier than ever — to send up the meal, they would recite clearly and eloquently such sentences as had been retained from the morning-lecture. However, Mister Appetite is stronger than Knowledge ; and when dinner was ready, they soon dropped their wise talk and began to look with eyes as big as their stomachs towards the dining-room. Once seated at table some one would begin to read a pleasant history of ancient heroism, and continue reading until the wine was served. Then, if the party seemed in a mood for it, Ponocrates would set them to chatting merrily about the nature of all that they had before them on the table, the bread, the wine, the water, the salt, the meats, the fish, the fruits, herbs, roots, and the mode of preparing all these. Doing this every day, Gar-gantua soon learned all the passages relating to them to be found in old classic writers, who were as dry as they were wise. Sometimes, when the quotation did not run smooth, the old, musty, yellow parchment itself, with its nearly rubbed-out Gothic letters, would be brought in to settle the question; and the result was that, in a marvelously short time, no learned doctor was Gargantua's equal in all this — no, not by one-half.

  They would once more take up in an easy talk the lessons read during the morning, and, after finishing their dinner with some well-made marmalade of quinces, would clean their teeth with a twig of the mastic tree, and wash their hands and eyes with fresh water. Which being done, cards were brought, not to play with, but to teach a thousand fresh tricks and inventions which sprang directly, not only from Architecture, but from Geometry, Astronomy, and Music. After that, with a word from the good Master, Gargantua would make himself merry in singing w r ith his comrades some songs selected by himself, accompanied by such instruments as the lute, the spinet, the harp, the German nine-holed flute, the viol, and the sackbut, when would come three hours given to exercises in writing antique and Roman letters, and, lastly, to the main study, which would have made old Father Grandgousier's heart swell with gladness if he could only have known it.

  CHAPTER XIII.

  HOW GARGANTUA WAS MADE NOT TO LOSE ONE HOUR OF THE DAY.

  EVERYBODY knows that Giants are very queer people and require a great deal of care, even when they are the mildest, and Gargantua was such a Giant that the measures of all the Tailors of Paris at that time couldn't have told him how tall he was, and all the weights known in his day couldn't possibly have balanced his big body.

  Master Ponocrates, who had no idea of making the Prince's mind strong at the expense of his body, — being too good a teacher for that, — arranged it in such a way that, every day after the Latin lesson, Gargantua was allowed, after changing his clothes, to leave his hotel with his Squire Gymnaste, who had been chosen specially to teach him the noble art of horsemanship. Once on horseback, Gargantua would first give his steed full rein ; then make him leap high in air ; then jump a ditch ; then scale a fence; then turn quickly in one half of a circle, and back again around the other half, before one could count thirty seconds. Then calling for a lance — the keenest, the sharpest, and the strongest that could be had—he would ride full-tilt against the heaviest door or the stoutest oak, piercing the one through and through, or uprooting the other by sheer force with as much ease as a common man would tear up a sapling. As for the flourishes on horseback, no one could compete with Gargantua. The great acrobat of Ferrara was only a monkey in comparison with him. Gargantua was taught to leap from one horse to another while both were at full gallop, without touching the ground, or, with lance at rest, mounting each horse without stirrup or bridle, and guiding it as he pleased. As Ponocrates said, help to make a good soldier." only a trifle. Every fine day the Prince things would go mg. "all these

  Yet this was hunt-He would shine as brightly there as he had done in horsemanship. He would always be the first when the stag was brought to bay.

  He would be foremost in chasing the deer, the doe, the boar, the partridge, the pheasant, and the bustard.

  Next to hunting came swimming. Gargantua, being so bulky, never would strike a stroke unless he was in deep waters. He would play such tricks in the water as only good swimmers know — swimming on his back, or sideways, or with all his body, or sometimes with his feet only. He laughed at the idea of crossing the Seine. It was his daily pastime, holding a book with one hand high above the water, to reach
the other side without wetting a single page of it. One day, Gargantua, being praised for all this, was asked if he had any model. All he said was : —

  " Perhaps, Julius Csesar used to do something of the same kind."

  On coming out of the water, he would of course feel chilled through, and then to get well warmed he would run up a hill, and then rush down, taking the trees on the way, up which he would dart like a cat,

  GABGANTUA LEABNS TO SHOOT

  breaking the targets from be-then before him, leaping from one branch to the other like a squirrel, and breaking down great limbs to the right and left like Milo of old. He would next pay his attention to the houses which, with the aid of two steel poniards, he would climb, jumping down from them without ever being the worse for it. After this he would exercise with the bow, often strongest bows in drawing, shooting at low upwards, from above downwards, sideways, and at last behind him, like the Parthians.

  But there was something more. Every day after these feats were over, they would drop a big cable from some high tower to the ground. Gargantua would go hand over hand up this chain, and descend it with so sure a grip that, among the active men of Paris, there could not be found his equal. Then came what Ponocrates called strengthening his nerves. For this purpose, two great weights of lead had been specially made — each one weighing eight hundred and seventy thousand pounds — which Gargantua would take up, one in each hand, raise them above his head, and keep them there, without moving, three quarters of an hour and more. All who saw this great feat wondered, and swore that the like of it had not been seen in the world. Being still out in the

  GARGANTUA LEARNS TO CLIMB.

  ONE HOUR OF THE DAY.

  open air, he would exercise his throat and his lungs by shouting like a wild man. Why, he was one day heard calling Eudemon from the Gate of Saint Victor, by a man who was standing in the street at Montmartre, — any map of Paris will show you how far that is. Everybody has heard about Stentor and his great voice. Well,

  GARGANTUA STUDIES ASTRONOMY.

  Steutor never had such a voice at the siege of Troy as Gargantua had at the gate of St. Victor.

  When the weather was bright, he would play a game in which he would imitate Milo, the famous strong man, by standing on his feet, and daring any number of the strongest men to make him move. This was the last of the hard work for the day. He would be allowed to rest time enough to be bathed, rubbed down, and given clean clothes. He and his companions would return very slowly home, stopping on the way by certain fields or grassy plains, where they examined the trees and plants, consulting over them with the books of old-time greybeards who had written about them, their arms full of specimens which they would throw to the page Rhizotome, who was charged to take good care of them, together with the pickaxes, hoes, spades, scrapers, pruning-knives, and other implements which his master had used in the work.

  Of course this had brought them home, where they had to wait sometimes for supper. If they happened to wait, they would repeat certain passages from what had been read or spoken of at dinner. At the supper-table, they would continue their wise talk. After supper they used to sing musically, to play on harmonious instruments, and to pass the time away in those little games which wise men know how to play with cards, dice, and goblets. His companions never found these very interesting. No more did Gargantua.

  When bed-time came, Gargantua used to walk with Ponocrates as far as the lodge, looking upon the open street, whence they could better see the face of the sky. There he watched the comet — there happened to be one then — and the figure, situation and aspect, opposition and conjunction of the stars. Then, with his good teacher, he would briefly sum up in the way of the Pythagoreans all that he had read, seen, known, thought, and done in the course of the day.

  Then the tired young Giant, tucking his bedclothes lazily around him, would commend himself to Heaven, and stretch his big limbs out on a bed that I am afraid was rather short for him.

  CHAPTER XIV.

  HOW THE AWFUL WAR BETWEEN THE BUNMAKERS OF LERNE AND GARGANTUA'S COUNTRY WAS BEGUN.

  WHILE Gargantua, studying day after day, was finding out that the tasks he had at first thought to be so hard were so easy that they became more a pastime than anything else, and while he was growing to be a skilful soldier and a most learned gentleman, his old father, King Grandgousier, without his knowing it, had got into a terrible muss with certain Bunmakers of Lerne. This is how it happened. It was vintage-time, when the great purple grapes, bursting with their ripeness, were to be gathered, and when the Shepherds of Grandgousier's kingdom used to watch the vines like hawks to prevent the starlings from pecking at the juicy clusters. This vintage-time always made business for the Bunmakers of Lerne. Even when in the best of humor, however, they were always a peppery-touch-nie-if-you-dare sort of fellows. They brought their buns to market along the great highway, in ten or eleven big carts, which filled the air around them with the sweetest odors. Of course, trudging along through the white dust of the road, they were sure to meet King Grandgousier's Shepherds watching their vines, who always made it a rule to step out politely to the edge of the highway, hats in hand, to beg the Bun-makers to give them some of their fine, smoking buns in exchange for their money.

  I dare say the Shepherds knew what they were doing. Never were there such buns as the Bunmakers of Lerne had the fame, all around that region, of making. Taken at breakfast with ripe grapes they were a dish fit for a King's table !

  By ill luck, this year above all other years, the Bunmakers chose to show how hot and peppery they could be. Being asked by the Shepherds in the usual polite way to sell their buns, they not only refused outright, but they began to call the honest Shepherds all the bad names they could think of. There was one Shepherd named Forgier, — a good man, and a gay one besides, — who, stepping forward, said in a mild voice to the Bunmakers : —

  "Friends, this is not acting like neighbors. Haven't you always come by the highway?

  THE EUXMAKERS OF LEKXE.

  Haven't you always found us ready to give you good silver and copper for your buns ? And haven't you always had from us in return our fine cheeses, which give their richness to your buns ? "

  It is an old saying that oil will make troubled waters still. But old sayings are not always true. This particular saying proved false, for, when the Bunmakers received Forgier's oil, it only set their water on fire. "Come here, sirrah!" shouted Marquet, the chief Bun-maker, to Forgier, "and will give you your buns."

  Forgier, being a very worthy, unsuspecting fellow, came near with his money in his hand, like an honest man, thinking all the time that Marquet really would let him have the buns, in spite of his rough voice and sneering tones. What did Marquet do but, with his long whip, cut the good Forgier about his body and legs so as to make him

  THE ANGEK OF PICROCHOLE

  dance more nimbly than he had ever danced before ! After that, Marquet got a little frightened and wanted to slip away ; but Forgier, while he was bawling for everybody to come to his rescue, took from under his arm a big cudgel, with which he hit the bad Bunmaker such a blow on his head as to make him fall from his horse more like a dead man than a living one.

  But this was not the end. The good Shepherds, hearing Forgier's cries for help, rushed from their

  grape-vines to the white, dusty road, holding their poles in their hands ready to avenge their comrade. The Bunmakers, peppery as they might be, were just then trying to get off as fast as their horses could carry their carts away; but they were not fast enough to prevent the Shepherds from taking from them four or five dozen delicious buns, for which they offered, like honest men, to pay the usual price. But the Bunmakers were in too great a hurry for that. They laughed angrily at all these offers, and bore Marquet's body, in a dead faint, away with them.

  And this was how the great and bloody war between the Bun-makers of Lerne and Gargantua's country began.

  The first thing the Bunmakers did, on getting safe home at Lerne,
even before taking a bit of food or a sup of wine, was to hasten to the palace, where, bowing low before their King Picrochole, they spread out their broken baskets, torn robes, crushed buns, and, at last, with a grand flourish, displayed Marquet himself all covered with dry blood, and groaning dreadfully.

  "Who has dared do this?" shouted King Picrochole, getting very red in the face.

  'The Shepherds and vine-watchers of that old Giant Grand-gousier, may it please Your Majesty," answered the Bunmakers.

  " Oh ! oh ! oh ! " roared Picrochole furiously.

  Without asking for further information or a single proof, Picrochole ordered the drum to be beat around his city, commanding everybody, under pain of the halter, to appear at broad noon in the great square. Then he went to dinner. While he was dining, he gave out his commissions to his officers in the army, which, when gathered together, was found to consist of sixteen thousand and fourteen bowmen, and thirty thousand and eleven infantry. To the great Equerry Toque-dillon was given the command of the artillery, which, when mustered, numbered nine hundred and fourteen great brass cannon, culverins, catapults, and other pieces of artillery.